Leo is the asshole that would totally take advantage of new campers’ naivety by setting himself on fire and screaming his head off and the new campers are like ???? Somebody help him?? And Piper of course is used to this and just sprays him with the hose before smacking him on the back of the head and dragging him away and the campers are just??? So confused????
124. During the quest to take the parthenos back to camp, they stopped shortly in London. There they were attacked by monsters not hidden by the mist, but before they could react, a knife sailed forward and stabbed one through the throat. The person who threw it was a 15yr male who went by the name Ashoka and, when asked if he was a demigod, he smirked and invited them to his house. Before they left, he kissed Nico on the cheek, saying death was his power. Reyna swore to not talk about it when Nico began dating Will.
Given the way his day has been going, he’s come to the
conclusion that it’s “National Yell at Percy Day.” And if it’s not, it might as
well be! Today has just been constant yelling. First with Percy screaming at
the goddamn duck alarm—he’s going to
kill the Stolls later, mark his words. He’s going to kill them and dump their
bodies upstate. Grover will totally help him do it—followed by Grover screaming
because Percy fucking bitch-slapped him with his fucking phone. Then, his coach
was yelling because “blah, blah, blah, you’re supposed to be team captain,
Jackson. Blah, blah, blah responsibility.” After that it was the pretty girl
down by the river—but that was less yelling at him and more
you-could-have-killed-me-asshole berating. And, of course, Chiron wasn’t really
happy with him being almost fifteen minutes late to work, but he didn’t
(Percy would have
preferred him yelling over the disappointed sigh and light reprimand.)
And then—then he
finally checked his phone. He’s settled in the shop. It was quiet. All was
well. And then he noticed a voicemail from Juniper. And against his better
judgment he listened to it.
He did not know
that Juniper could scream that loudly or
that she could use the word “fuck” six times in one sentence. He was also
highly impressed with—and also very, very disturbed by—the amount of ways she
could castrate him. Juniper is fucking scary as shit and he is never going to
piss her off again.
Why are all the
women in his life so damn terrifying? Like, his mom is all sweet, but she also
may or may not be responsible for the disappearance of his former step-father—Percy’s
afraid to ask what really happened seven years ago and she sure as hell isn’t
telling him anything. Thalia is a black belt and he’s seen her flip a man over
her head. Katie and Juniper are those super innocent looking people that could
totally kill you. That girl by the river looked like she could snap his arm in
half if she wanted, and that’s only a handful of the women in his life.
Anyway, the women in his life are all terrifying as fuck and
everyone’s been yelling at him today even though he’s done absolutely nothing
wrong. Nope, not a thing. He’s just Percy being Percy and everyone is pissed.
Like, the difficult customer he’s been dealing with for ten minutes now. Ten. Freaking. Minutes.
If it wasn’t cold as fuck outside the ice cream would have melted by now.
That’s kind of what Percy would like to do. Just melt into a giant blue puddle
on the floor that someone else would have to clean up. Well, Travis would have
to clean it up, considering he’s the only other person here at the moment. It’s
only fair, considering it’s partly Travis’s fault he’s having a shitty day.
Percy wakes up to a motherfucking satanic goose and Travis gets
to clean up a Percy sized puddle on the floor. Sounds fair.
Unfortunately, he can’t just melt into a puddle. Therefore,
he does need to deal with this insufferable customer that can’t make up their
damn mind and won’t listen to a word he says. What the fuck, is he talking to
himself here? Are his lips flapping with no sound coming out? Do he
accidentally press his own mute button? Hah! See, that’s funny because he
doesn’t have a mute button!
Sometimes his friend’s wish he did, though.
Percy holds back a sigh as the younger boy—yeah don’t try to hide it kid, Percy
knows he’s cutting class—shakes his head for the fiftieth time and
purses his lips. If Percy smiles any longer, his face is going to be stuck in
his customer service smile for the
rest of his life.
“I’m sorry, dude,” the kid says. “I’m allergic to
blueberries.” He shrugs half-heartedly, making a face at the cone of blue ice
cream. The kid squints, looking at him like Percy’s asked him to eat a large, smelly boot instead of freaking
vanilla ass ice cream—you know, what
the kid fucking ordered.
Don’t call me dude,
you’re like twelve, is what he wants to say. Actually there are a lot of
things he wants to say, but none of them are appropriate for him to say to
minors. Or customers. Or anyone really. His mom would wash his mouth with soap
if she knew what he really wanted to
Instead, he says, “This isn’t blueberry.” He gives the kid a
tense smile, repeating himself for the tenth damn time since he got the kid’s
order. “It’s vanilla.” He’s only mostly lying. It’s not exactly vanilla, but
it’s certainly not fucking blueberry. Who the hell would make blueberry ice
Not for the first time, Percy curses Ben and Jerry.
1. loyal friend 2. can’t read/spell very well at all 3. just wants to find his mom 4. will fight people for u 5. doesn’t actually talk that often 6. prone to shoveling people upside the head when they disrespect him