Everyone’s bi where I’m from. It’s all about the pleasure thing, you know? We’ve evolved beyond paranoid notions of gender identity. I mean, procreation is only the functional aspect of sexual congress, right? The human race is fairly advanced but most males still act like a cornered tiger if you imply they like ‘smoking the bone’ and let’s face it they probably do. Look at single sex, empirical institutions, boarding schools, prisons, pirate ships, places where the choice has been removed, everyone’s banging everyone else and there isn’t a whiff of sociocultural angst. Get out into the real world and guys are getting smacked in the chops for wearing pink socks. You think you’re so sophisticated because you can distinguish yourself from your own reflection but ultimately you’re part of a deeply neurotic species and you’d all be a lot better off if you stopped worrying and learned to love the bum.
—  Paul, Paul (Script)
This is the point, right now. This conversation. That tree, your next cheeseburger. Life is a miracle. People spend so much time focusing on rescuing the princess, they forget how much fun it is to fight the dragon.
—  Graeme Willy, Paul (script)

RUTH: Papa said the Lord would fix it. Guess that’s not gonna happen, seeing as we’re living in a gigantic godless universe, with no hope of salvation.

PAUL: Hey, I don’t know categorically that it’s godless. I just said ‘probably’.

RUTH: Oh, that’s a relief.

PAUL: Look, the way you’re feeling now, that’s why religion appeared in the first place. It’s like existential Prozac. Imagine being five year old and having no adults around to tell you why it snows or what trees are for. That’s how it is for much
of humanity. Faith is a nightlight. It illuminates the scary corners, fills the gaps, makes the universe easier to comprehend. Thing is, it’s okay not to know everything. I mean, who knows what’s really out there? Did you know astrophysicists recently identified the equation for the creation of matter?

RUTH: Yes.

PAUL: Oh. Well, then you get it, right? If they have the theory, who’s to
say at some point in the future they won’t put it into practice and who’s to say someone else didn’t do that 13.5 Billion years ago and that’s how the universe came to be? Course, then we get the eternal problem of who created the creator but that’s a whole other car park. I think Shakespeare said it best. “There’s more in Heaven and earth than is dreamt of in your philosophy Horatio”.

RUTH: What did you call me?

PAUL: Horatio. It’s from Hamlet. You know, the Prince of Denmark?

RUTH: Denmark has a municipal population of 508,691.

PAUL blinks.

- Paul (script, by Simon Pegg & Nick Frost)