For my Theatre class we had to pick a scene from a movie and change the genre. Like romance to action, drama to comedy. So I kinda…

Setting: Elf-King’s Hall

Thranduil: *sees Guards approaching with Thorin Oakenshield* Well, look what the trolls dragged in!

Thorin: You know, it’s not very nice to call your guards trolls - even if it is true.

Guard 1: *goes for sword but is stopped by Guard 2*

Thranduil: Now, now, let’s play nice. All I want to know is what you dwarrow kids were doing on my lawn.

Thorin: Oh, just the usual… Getting lost, getting high on poisonous air, being attacked by spiders…

Thranduil: Spiders! So that’s why you’re covered in cobweb. I though maybe it’d been so long since you last had a date that you were literally collecting dust.

Thorin: You blonde bimbo! I’ll have you know that I’m currently dating a very attractive hobbit! I’m just not sure where he is right now… Anyway, that’s not the point. What the hell is wrong with your forest? Did you get a new gardener or something?

Thranduil: No, there’s just some evil junk going on. I don’t what to do about it, and everytime I bring it up to Elrond he just tells me to piss off. All because of what happened at that one rave…

Thorin: And we’re veering into the TMI zone. I swear you elves must be high all the time. Now could you and your fellow leaf-munchers let me and my company go?

Thranduil: Why? So you can go piss off Smaug and set a dragon loose on the land? No thank you!

Thorin: You know, we wouldn’t have this problem if you could have gotten down off your high-elk and helped my people out a century ago.

Thranduil: You hairy little shit! As if I don’t know what facing a dragon is like. I was whooping dragon ass when you great-great-grandfather was in diapers. Just look at this scar! *reveals scar*

Thorin: EW! It looks like burnt bacon!

Thranduil: That’s right, and unless you too want bacon face, you’d better take some of my elf homies with you.

Thorin: Hell. No. There is no room in my company for anyone who takes three hours to brush their hair in the morning.

Thranduil: As if you people can talk with all those stupid braids you wear! That’s it - to the dungeon with you!

Guards: *start to take Thorin away*

Thranduil: And by the way! I do hope you enjoy your dinner of…VEGETABLES!


(I think I’ll get an A)