You ended up back in your apartment, closing the door behind you weakly before you fell to the floor with your back against the door as you leaned against it – why was it getting so hard to breathe? You rubbed your face, shaking your head, your voice cracking, “No no no! You’re over him! You’re not letting him do this to you!” Your voice was muffled but you couldn’t help but let the tears ruin your strong image, your back pressing hard against the wooden door behind you as you tried to halt the tears.
As if your tears could be stopped just like that.
That’s right, they couldn’t.
They flowed down your cheeks even though your face was covered, your eyes closed where suddenly images of him flashed up. From the moment you met him – he was wearing that cute red snapback backwards, that red plaid shirt over his white tank top, the denim jeans that soon became his favorite thing to wear whenever he saw you because he knew when you lied down on it, you had this sudden urge to just lie on his lap forever – in which he loved. That time when he showed up late for a date but he had a rose in his jacket to make it up to you. Or that one time when he said he was going to be late, so you came late as well – only to see that he was actually much earlier than you were; setting up the restaurant with balloons, candles, petals of roses as he had rented a special room just for your one year anniversary – everything…
Everything was so perfect.
You tried to open your eyes but they were kept shut, still shaking your head as you suddenly heard a door knocking on the other end.
“H-Hey?” A voice was nervous on the other end, but you knew it wasn’t Chanyeol. This was a bit too high compared to Chanyeol’s deep voice.
You whimpered quietly, shaking on the floor, “N-No…”
A few more knocks came knocking, “H-Hey! I know you’re in there! A-Are you crying? Open up!”
You sniffed, your body trembling as you tried to raise your voice but your voice was still so soft… “Go away!”
“I’m coming in there!” He announced, causing you to press your back harder against the door the moment he twisted the door knob open. Baekhyun gasped upon managing to poke his head through the door, seeing that even though you were struggling to keep the door shut, all you needed was someone to comfort you – and he knew just about why you were crying already. He forced the door open, “Move away from the door! I don’t want to get you hurt!”
You didn’t move away, you were too stubborn – too hurt. “I’m already hurt!”
“Then don’t make me hurt you even more! Move from the door!” His voice raised at you louder as he struggled but he saw it was no use when you successfully moved away, the tears still streaming down as you shifted away from the door just to let him gain access to your apartment. Baekhyun threw his jacket off to somewhere he didn’t know, placing his things he brought onto the floor as he slammed the door behind him, kneeling down beside you where he immediately brought you into his embrace.
This was the friend who sacrificed his happiness for his best friend – this was the guy who gave you up just for Chanyeol. This was the guy who got hurt just so Chanyeol wouldn’t get hurt.
But it didn’t do the universe justice when Baekhyun was now comforting you – because it only hurt him more just seeing you like this.
No doubt that Baekhyun has a girlfriend; and he loves her very, very much but you and Baekhyun go way back. You two have been friends since God knows when. Maybe, since the two of you could walk? Being neighbors with Baekhyun was the best thing that you could ever ask for and unknowingly, you became his first love – and he almost became yours.
Until, Chanyeol showed up.
Chanyeol showed up and everything changed. Baekhyun could see how much you liked him, that he numbed his own feelings just for you to work out with Chanyeol – his best friend. Seeing you happy made him happy, and it urged him to find his happiness, too. Once he found it, he felt everything was into place – he felt like this couldn’t get any better. His first love who was now his best friend found her love, and he finally found his.
But Chanyeol just had to fuck things up by breaking up with you – it left Baekhyun pissed, mad even as he barged over to Chanyeol’s house only to get punched in the face for standing up for you. Needless to say, Baekhyun gave a piece of his mind to Chanyeol, making Chanyeol realize that day after day, ever since he had let you go, he literally threw his happiness away.
He had thrown the most price possession he had ever had.
“Shh…” Baekhyun hushed you, hugging you tighter when you tried to push him away, “L-Leave me alone, I’ll be fine.”
Baekhyun hushed you further, silencing you up when he knew you shouldn’t be talking. His arms got tighter, making you hug him back with a quiet sigh, shaking your head in his chest as he held onto you. He was prepared for this – he really was the moment he saw Chanyeol walking into the restaurant you were supposed to have lunch with him. You had plans with Baekhyun but the moment Baekhyun saw Chanyeol pacing back and forth in front of the shop, how fidgety he got when he saw your figure, how Chanyeol’s heart couldn’t stop beating so fast when he saw you up close – Baekhyun only confirmed one thing.
His old, dumb friend was back.
His friend… fell back in love with you.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Baekhyun asked, your head on his lap as you had stared at the ceiling for almost an hour now after crying your heart out. The redness and puffiness in your eyes couldn’t be avoided even if you tried – Baekhyun’s heart stung as he saw you like this.
A knock could be heard, “H-Hey? I-Is it alright for me to come in?”
“Y-Yes, honeybee. The door is unlocked.”
The twisting of the door knob could be heard but you still remained stagnant. You heard a soft gasp – it was Baekhyun’s girlfriend…
But you were too numb, too pained to move.
“How is she?” Her voice was so hushed, as if she was afraid that you’d burst into tears again but to be completely truthful, you were. You were on that edge again, so close… “I… I’m not sure. But I have somewhere to be right now, could you keep her company until I get back?”
His girlfriend nodded – you felt bad for Baekhyun and his girlfriend, you hated bothering them.
Before she could even try to hold onto you, before Baekhyun could make you sit up, you had gotten up on your own, trying to step away from them as you turned around to face them. She gasped, shooting up to her feet as she knelt down beside you earlier. You blinked at her, she saw how much sadness that contained in your eyes – she saw how hurt you were but you were trying to hold onto this strong image inside of you.
She could see you were breaking, too.
“I-I’ll be fine. Baek, go back with your girlfriend. I’ll be alright.”
His girlfriend was the first one to shake her head, “No you’re not.”
You looked away from her, “I am. And I will be. Just go home.”
She took a step forward – she wanted to be there for you like how you did with making things alright between her and Baekhyun. She remembered the promise you two had made once about helping one another, being there for each other because that’s what, best friends are for. She had become one of your closest friends because of Baekhyun – and she became Baekhyun’s girlfriend because of you.
She would not be able to sleep with an easy heart if you just pushed away her concern for you like this.
She might as well go up to Chanyeol on her own if that would help, but she knew Chanyeol wouldn’t listen to her.
“We made a promise – you promised me you’d allow me to be a part of your life, to care for you like how Baekhyun can. You’re breaking that promise.”
You looked back at her with your breathing getting shallower by the second, she could see how rapidly you were blinking away from her, how you were trembling that she came towards you to hug you tight – it never felt so painful to feel a hug from a best friend before.
Baekhyun gripped onto his phone tight, immediately storming out of the apartment when he saw how you were crying in his girlfriend’s arms – he saw that connection you had with his girlfriend as girls; he saw how pained you truly were to the point where his girlfriend could feel your pain.
Baekhyun slammed the apartment door, his phone already dialing a number.
It wasn’t a few seconds when…
“B-Baek? Is that really you calling?” Chanyeol’s voice sounded so shaky, but there was no lying he was partially glad.
But all Baekhyun gave was a simple sentence. “The restaurant you were in earlier today – be there in five minutes.”
“B-Baek, I’m so glad to see yo-“ Chanyeol’s voice trailed off when he saw how furious Baekhyun was. How Baekhyun’s fists were clenched as he immediately walked into the restaurant without saying anything to Chanyeol. Chanyeol gulped – he knew he was in for it now as he followed Baekhyun quietly to the corner of the restaurant, far away from ‘your table’ with Chanyeol.
Baekhyun took a seat, causing Chanyeol to take one opposite Baekhyun.
The waitress had come within a few seconds, causing Baekhyun to turn where he gave her a slight smile, “Two cups of coffee, please. Nothing else.”
The waitress gave a nod, jotting it down before she walked away without handing the menu.
Chanyeol swallowed hard, eyes staring at Baekhyun nervously.
Chanyeol swore he could get a heart attack when Baekhyun snapped a glare at Chanyeol, his voice nearly spitting venoms just by saying, “You have a fucking explanation to do.”
“I’ll really be fine, thanks for staying over.”
Baekhyun smiled at you, reaching over to pat your head with his girlfriend frowning at this – not because Baekhyun was patting your head; because you were lying. You still needed the both of them but after of the persuasion you made them fall for, you had managed to get them out of the house, standing by the doorstep.
Baekhyun retreated his hand, frowning with his girlfriend, “You’re a horrible liar.”
You shrugged lifelessly, a weak chuckle escaping your lips as you were trying to be happy – at least you were trying. “At least I’m trying.”
Baekhyun gave a nod, “That’s better than nothing…”
“We’ll see you soon, okay? Maybe not me because Baekhyun has a better shot at making you feel better compared to me.”
You shook your head at her – you were closer to Baekhyun but that doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate the things she’s done so far.
“Don’t say it like that…”
She leaned closer, giving you a light hug, “I’m only saying the truth – you don’t have to mask that.”
She leaned away, lightly patting your shoulder, “I’ll bake your favorite real soon.”
You managed to snort a little, “Double chip cookies?”
“Extra chips.” She winked at you, causing you to shake your head at her as you turned to look at Baekhyun, “If you don’t marry her, I swear I’ll chop your head off.”
Baekhyun grinned, an arm around his girlfriend’s waist, “I’m not letting this one go.”
You smiled at them, giving them a nod before you took a step back, “Go home. It’s almost late now.”
She frowned, “Make sure you’ll call us when you’re ready to go out again?”
You managed to give her another convincing nod, “It’s a promise.”
“Let’s go.” Baekhyun spoke up, turning his girlfriend’s body when he could see that you didn’t want to pretend anymore; Baekhyun saw through it all and he knew you just wanted to rest for now. The two of them had been so loving to you, so kind to stay over since last night up until tonight. It was almost 8.30p.m. but you wanted them to just get home and rest as well.
There was nothing much for you to do now, you just wanted to sleep.
You closed the door with a smile when they left, your eyes staring at the door before you wanted to lock it but there was a knock on the door.
Shaking your head, you opened the door with your voice trying to sound as happy as possible, “I told you I’ll call you if I-“ Your voice cut off on its own, your mind shut off as you saw this face.
It brought back the stings that jolted your heart, making it almost harder to breathe with him in front of you.
You took a step back, hand this close to slamming the door but his hand had raised up, “Wait!”
You tried forcing the door close, “Get lost!”
He shook his head, trying to force his way in like how Baekhyun did yesterday but he was much stronger – he was holding back. He didn’t want to hurt you as well.
“B-Baby please! Just listen to me!”
You shook your head with the tears streaming down already – you never knew you’d start crying this fast at the sight of him. Who could blame you? He was someone so precious to you, someone you loved with all your heart, someone you thought would never break your heart, someone who promised you everything you ever wanted.
Someone who threw you away as if you were nothing.
His presence alone broke you down to pieces after all the months of struggling to be strong.
How did he do it?
How dare he?
“I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say! I can’t!” You tried harder to close it but he wouldn’t stop trying to get in; he was fighting for you now.
“I need you to hear me! Please!” He tried pushing the door with a bit more force, causing you to fall back on the floor on your bottom. He gasped when he saw you falling down, his heart nearly fell as he slammed the door behind him, crouching down before you, “B-Baby…”
You shifted back on the floor, flinching as you were trapped with the wall behind you, “S-Stay away!”
He licked his lips nervously, frowning at you with the tears also welling up in his eyes; you were hurting him too.
“I have something to say.”
Your hands shot up to close your ears, “I don’t want to hear it – I won’t hear it.”
He came closer, “You’re making this hard for me…”
You finally had the courage to look at him, your lips parted as you looked at him. This made everything harder based on how your tears trickled down – each teardrop left a scar in his heart; he promised to never make you cry. Look what he’s doing now.
“I’m making it hard for you?” You blinked at him in disbelief, your voice cracking in between, allowing him to sense that amount of pain and agony you’ve been enduring all this while.
He wanted to seal that up so badly…
“I didn’t mean it in that way.”
You scoffed at him, wiping your tears hurriedly as you leaned away from the wall just to show that you were not going to let him see you this weak – that you were going to be stronger now. Even if that means getting back up slowly, it was better than nothing.
“Then what do you mean? Are you actually going to mean what you’re about to say now?”
He closed his eyes for a brief moment, his lips quivering as he didn’t want to say the wrong things – he had everything planned out but you had ruined it all. He lost it when he saw you crying, his heart broke into pieces again after sealing it up last night, bottling up the courage he had to do this but with you just crying, with you treating him this way, it all went down the drain.
He was so vulnerable. He was at your mercy.
“Can you please, just listen to me?” You heard how strained his voice was, how his eyes snapped open to greet yours sadly – you could finally notice how he too, had cried…
What the hell was going on?
You licked your lips nervously, keeping quiet before your lips formed a thin line; a silent permission that was granted for him to continue speaking.
He inhaled and exhaled deeply, his knees bringing himself closer where his skin brushed against with yours, his hands gripping onto yours where you could see him gulping – he was definitely nervous. You felt how cold his hands were, but the moment he held onto yours, it was warm again. It felt… it felt just like how it was months ago.
When he still loved you.
That was how it felt like…
“I know. The amount of apologies that I make will never make up to the number of times I’ve made you cry. I know because I’ve tried. I know that showing up by your door, would not make things fine just by standing there without a word because, you’ve slammed the door in my face three times in a row ever since I let you go.”
His grip tightened on your hands.
“But I want a chance again. I want a second chance to make things right – to fix the cracks in your heart that I’ve made; I want… I need…” His eyes opened, staring into your eyes with such sincerity that made your heart ache. Why was it so hard to accept him again?
“I need you.”
You shot up from the floor, making him go wide-eyed just staring at you as you trembled, you were so close to falling down but you tried to stand up as long as you could. Your hand shot up to the door, “Get out.”
Chanyeol gasped, his eyes getting watery as he didn’t see this coming.
You… still didn’t want him back?
He stood up from the floor, shaking his head, “I’m not leaving, I know you still love m-“
“You know nothing!” You raised your voice at him, your finger pointing at him as your tears streamed down again. You pressed your lips together, inhaling deeply where you took a step back, finding it hard to breathe in here again – you didn’t want to breathe if it was possible; you wanted everything to disappear. The pain, the agony – everything!
“You didn’t know how tormenting it was to see you with another girl. You don’t know about the nights I’ve cried alone. You don’t know a single thing!”
“Then tell me!” He raised his voice, shutting you up as he loomed over you with his height. His hands wanting to hold onto you but he’s thankful being able to stand this close with you that he held himself back first. His voice grew softer, “Tell me so I know how to change; so I know how to make it up to you – to the woman I love.”
“No no no,” You breathed out, finding the strength to walk around him where you said in one breath, “You can’t just come back here and decide to take me back in after the way you threw me away like that.” You spun around to glare at him, the tears still rolling down your damp cheeks – he wanted to kiss them away… “You can’t do that, Yeol. Stop doing this to me…”
Seeing that you didn’t believe him, he was more than eager to prove it to you. He raked a hand through his hair, taking one step towards you.
“I fell out in love with you, to be reminded why I fell in love with you in the first place. And within these months without you, I haven’t been able to let you out of my mind since. Do you want proof? I have them, follow me.” He managed to come closer again, gripping onto your wrist.
“I don’t want to.” You pulled back, shaking your head at him. You managed to get your hand back, but he spun around this time, his eyes filled with seriousness as he looked down on you.
“You’re lying to me, baby girl.”
“N-No! I’m not! A-And stop calling me that!” Your hand shot up to cover your ears again – why was he being so convincing?
He came so close, you felt like he was invading your personal space – but this time you didn’t do anything to stop him. “One, you always stammer and you blink while looking away from me when you lie. You can’t bear to face me when you lie because you know if I look you in the eye like this,” One of his hands cupped your chin, tilting your face back to face him, locking gazes with him, “You blurt out the truth immediately.”
He dipped down this time, “And two, you love it whenever I call you that.”
You gulped, backing away with your eyes looking away, still, “What do y-you want from me?”
He had the heart to chuckle. He saw that you were slowly opening up to him, “Nothing, I want you to come with me.”
“And for what?”
“Just come with me.” He gripped onto your hand, almost giving you no chance to protest as he dragged you out of your house. You hissed at him, trying to get him to let go of your hand but you knew he wouldn’t – his grip was too strong. Your heart told you to go, but the other half kept reminding you, “What if this was just a game?”
“What if he was going to hurt you again?”
“Toy with you, tell his friends what a sorry person you are for believing him again.”
You couldn’t take it – you wanted to run again. You looked over your shoulder, yanking him back a little, “You left my door open!”
He stopped, gaping as he looked over his shoulder to give a nod. “I-I’ll go back and clo-No!” He ended up shouting at you, chasing after you as the moment he let go of your hand to go close your door, you had taken the leap to make a run for it. He was chasing after you as fast as he can but you being a runner last time had given you the advantage to reach in your house first, slamming the door and locking the door this time. Everything happened so quick…
From one moment he had you, the next he was staring at the door, hopelessly knocking again – this was his final chance. He knew you would isolate yourself from him from this day onwards – he had to make this work.
“No!” He cursed, banging the door when you had slammed the door shut, your back against it. You were afraid.
You didn’t want to get hurt anymore.
At least… not by him…
Not by Chanyeol.
Your heart couldn’t take it anymore if this was another sick game – your heart was too fragile for that.
He knocked a few times on the door, banging on it to be exact, “Baby please! Open up!”
You held your hands on your mouth, shaking your head where you didn’t know how to respond to this – this was all too sudden. You never thought this was happening. You never thought that you could feel the sincerity from Chanyeol you’ve been wanting to feel for a while now. Those nights of wishing he’d come back, finally became a reality. Those times in wishing he had a change of heart had you praying day and night – it finally came true.
He was here…
“I’ve learnt my mistake,” His voice spoke up as his knocks got weaker – he didn’t have the energy to keep knocking anymore; his heart was slowly deflating at how you were pushing him away, even though he deserved it.
“I… I want to hug you so badly now. I want to wake up every morning to your face – to your beauty again. I want to know how it feels like to eat your meals whenever I’m away from home too long; I want to have you in my arms when I’m afraid – to have you in my arms in general, regardless of anything at all. I want… and… I need you back.”
You sniffed, and it seems like he heard that.
He kept going, because he had to fight for you.
He needed to.
“I know, I screwed up big time – I broke your heart, and I’ve let you go but I broke my heart after letting you go, as well. I cried, so much knowing I could never get you back but when I saw you sitting by our table, when I saw how you looked out of the window at that exact spot we used to sit by, I was praying and hoping you’d fall back in love with me. I’ll admit, I left you for another girl – but she never got my heart in the first place. Every night ever since I left that other girl, you were the only one for me. Every day, I write a letter about you, each and every one of them containing my feelings for you. They were so heartbreaking to write because I knew, I… I had messed up so badly.” His voice was getting softer and softer, as if he was having difficulties in breathing. Your eyes widened, back leaning away from the door as you managed to hear his last sentence before you spoke instead.
“I was too blind to see that you had my heart all along and… I just…”
You gulped, looking over your shoulder to look at the door, as if you could see him, “I… I don’t know, Yeol…”
He sighed, shaking his head, “Please just open up – I need to see you, I-“ He cut his own voice off the moment the door creaked open. You could see that he shot up from the ground, wiping his tears away as if he was never crying but it was too late. The tears on the ground confirmed that he… he was really sincere. You knew that girls should never accept a guy again if he breaks it off with you but, everyone deserves a second chance.
And this is Chanyeol’s second chance.
In an instant, he had lunged forward towards you, his arms around your body where he brought you into his embrace. You gasped upon feeling how tight he hugged you, the warmth that radiated around you felt like a thousand kisses on your skin – this was that feeling that was missing.
The feeling that brought you back to when you and Chanyeol first fell in love.
It had that same effect.
He… was back.
But that doesn’t mean you can go easy, he did break your heart, after all.
“I… I still didn’t forgive you…” You croaked out unsurely, your arms still not hugging him back.
“I’ll work harder every day to get back your trust,” His arms around you were locked so tight - you wondered how you could still breathe. “I’ll keep the promises I once made with you, I’ll make things right.”
“What if this is another lie?” You whispered, making him lean away to look down on you with a small grin.
“Baek said he’d really kill me by then,” He had his hand up, to poke your nose where you scrunched your nose at him, “I think he’s one step ahead of you, baby girl.”
“I hate you so much…” Your arms found its way around his waist, causing him to kiss the side of your head possessively, his lips inching down to whisper in that voice that definitely answered the questions of uncertainty in your heart. It washed off, just like that with his words.