People with PTSD continue to cycle through rounds of distress. Memories of the trauma remain stored in the amygdala and the hypothalamus - the primitive, instinctual parts of the brain that are concerned with survival. These areas of the brain (also called the ‘old’ brain) can only react; they are not able to think, reason, plan, or compare.
—  The Courage To Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse (Bass, Davis)
Dear Friends of PTSD kids,

Please don’t freak out when I have panic attacks. It doesn’t help.

Please hold me in your arms for a while. Just hug me as tight as you can. I’ll struggle, but just keep hugging me. It helps.

Please remind me that you, and everyone I love is okay. And that whatever I’m picturing isn’t real.

Please tell me you love me, and that you’re here.

Please remember not to put me down for being afraid.

Please remember there are things I can’t handle.

Please know that I appreciate you.

That was what stress did. It made you ill, physically and mentally. And if you kept encountering stressful situations day after day, broken up by periods of tedium, of hanging around playing games, or eating, or catching some rack, or writing the compulsory monthly card home to let your nearest and dearest know that you weren’t dead yet, with no end in sight because your deployment kept being extended, then your neurons became so polluted that they couldn’t recover, and your brain began to rewire itself, altering its modes of operation. The nerve cell extensions in the hippocampus, which deals with learning and long-term memory, started to rot. The response capacity of the amygdala, which governs social behavior and emotional memory, changed. The medial prefrontal cortex, which is involved in establishing feelings of fear and remorse, and enables us to interpret what is real and unreal, altered…and it wasn’t your fault, because you hadn’t done anything wrong. You’d simply done your duty.
—  The Whisperers, John Connolly
For those who have been OFFICIALLY diagnosed with PTSD

For those of you who have PTSD (been officially diagnosed), what process did you go through to achieve that? I’m giving serious thought to my own history with things and when I take the online quizzes that are sponsored by mental health organizations, all of them say I have a very high probability of it….so I really wanna see if there’s a way to get an official diagnosis or not.

Before things come pouring into my inbox, I was stalked by my ex boyfriend and have only recently (it happened ~3 years ago) coming to terms with the fact that I may still have lingering mental health issues because of it.

Aces tend to go through most of their lives believing they are straight…wrenching themselves into places they do not fit, tending to fill in or make their minds jump over gaps that suggest that they are not experiencing the world the same as the rest of the world.

Noticing that you are NOT noticing something is hard, especially if you never even knew you were missing out on something or that there was another option for you.

Because they don’t know fundamental information about themselves, many aros and aces feel a sense of loss, a sense of brokenness that makes them susceptible to abusers. They are more open to physical, emotional, sexual, and psychological abuse.

Even aros and aces that DO know they are of a non-attraction orientation are told they are broken, less than human, and worthless and are exposed to corrective rape, deemed childish, and have their independence threatened so they are unable to freely make their own decisions in life and so on.

If you feel that something is wrong with you and continue to try to “fix” yourself when you don’t even realize what you’re trying to fix, you are liable to believe many bad things about yourself.

Believing you are inherently bad not only opens you up to abuse but also sinks you into mental illness, such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

That’s why visibility and safe spaces are extremely important for aros and aces.

Denying visibility is disallowing aros and aces to discover themselves and repair broken identifies and self worth.

In short, ace/arophobia is violence and not some “cool kid opinion”.

Ace/arophobic people are actively violent.

Poem: Tales of a Sick Planet

NEW BLOG UPDATE==> Poem: Tales of A Sick Planet (About social exclusion and freedom)

“Dangerous streets

Rough neighbourhoods

Police sirens

Shattered windows

Born in the worst environment

Destined to be shamed by the Establishment

Drugged heroes

Neglected children

Exploited wanderers

Underestimated ladies

These are some of the people excluded by the system

Lost humans that do anything for subsistence

Abusive past

Traumatic wars

Unwanted present

Misunderstood jobs

Always…

View On WordPress

My abusers were all female. The ringleaders, the manipulators, and the people who laid hands on me.

All female.

And they all got passes because “they’re women, how badly could they have hurt you?”

I dunno, why don’t you ask the multiple diagnoses of PTSD? Maybe that can tell you.

I shouldn’t be ashamed to admit women abused me, shouldn’t think I’m pathetic, and shouldn’t be overlooked, but I am.

Men are not the problem.

4

If you took a map of Chicago and put down a tack for each person shot last year, you’d need nearly 3,000 tacks.

Of those, 101 would be clustered in the neighborhood of East Garfield Park. That’s where 15-year-old Jim Courtney-Clarks lives.

“To be honest, I really don’t like it,” Courtney-Clarks says. “Every time you look up somebody else is getting killed, and I never know if it’s me or somebody I am really close to.”

For kids in some Chicago neighborhoods, walking up and down the same street where there was a beating or a shooting or a body is just part of life — one that isn’t always talked about.

That’s something the Urban Warriors program is trying to change. The YMCA of Metro Chicago project connects kids like Courtney-Clarks, who live in high-violence neighborhoods, with veterans who have served in Iraq or Afghanistan and who might understand what they’re going through.

The program is built on the idea that these kids are experiencing trauma and need to process it, and that witnessing or experiencing violence can affect how they behave at home, react at school, or lead them to commit violence themselves.

Chicago Teens And Combat Veterans Join Forces To Process Trauma

Photos: Alyssa Schukar for NPR

Childhood Trauma and How it Affects John, Mycroft, and Sherlock.

Let’s talk about trauma.  Specifically, some patterns of behavior shown by all three of these characters.

Children who are deeply traumatized blame themselves. That’s how children work. They are inherently self-centered. This is how they survive, from an evolutionary standpoint. But this means that if something horrible happens–be it one huge event or a quiet onslaught of small issues that spell one huge trauma–children blame themselves.  They have an overly developed sense of control and responsibility and this feeds into some very telltale behaviors later on in life. 

Children also rewrite their trauma. They may forget the trauma or call it by other names. They may make it a person or animal or seemingly unrelated trigger. Children have a poor sense of time and their brains are not yet structured to interpret things as they truly happened.

John

It may seem odd that John immediately jumped to “it’s my fault” during the Watson’s Have a Domestic scene in HLV. But really it’s just heart-wrenching. Something deeply rooted causes John to continue behavior that should have been left behind in childhood. Given that he has a sister who abused alcohol, my theory is that one or both of their parents was an alcoholic. This can absolutely cause PTSD, just not the kind most people assume and stereotype.

Repeated childhood trauma, including a constant feeling of loss of control and having to take care of someone who really should be taking care of the child, left untreated, will easily give someone an over-developed sense of self-blame and trust issues. It very well can cause symptoms similar to those John experiences. Mycroft was wrong in his diagnosis, but Mycroft is a) not a mental health professional, b) saying what he needs to say to accomplish a goal, and that’s not always the truth, and c) pretty damn messed up, himself.

Also, Moftiss have shown a tremendous ability to create vividly realistic characters who defy stereotypes. They truly held themselves to a higher standard. Just as they have not portrayed gay and lesbian people, bisexual people, women, or anyone else in this show as flat stereotypes, they have portrayed a complex, little-known and poorly understood subtype of PTSD with remarkable poise, realism, and respect for the person suffering from it. Mental health is an incredibly complex issue for which they have shown tremendous sensitivity. I don’t know who in their lives has complex, deeply-seated childhood trauma, but I’m betting SOMEONE does. Otherwise I just don’t know how they do this so well.

Mycroft and Sherlock

Back to Mycroft. Redbeard may be theory-bait, but BOTH Mycroft and Sherlock display some extreme coping mechanisms, and they’re very childish, like John’s. You don’t attempt to shut down all emotion unless you have some serious unprocessed issues. Children can easily reason that feeling hurt…well, HURTS, so they’re going to do whatever they can to stop feeling. I would expect this of children who had been in an extreme situation in which they have no control. Cutting out all emotion gives a facsimile of control.

Meanwhile, Sherlock rewrote his own history, similarly to Henry Knight did in THOB.  Kids do that.  Their brains are so plastic, they will twist themselves into whatever mental knots necessary to make the Bad Thing make sense.  This is yet another method of trying to establish control in an uncontrollable situation, whatever that situation was.  

And it’s not just whether YOU had no control over yourself that can establish childhood trauma. Witnessing a sibling go through something traumatic can be just as damaging. Loss of control is loss of control. Seeing a beloved person go through something terrible and having no control as a child is just as likely as if you went through it yourself to cause lasting harm to your mental health. And when you’re both going through it together…each person’s maladaptive coping mechanisms can compound the other’s.

Adults who are traumatized as adults are more nuanced and will probably understand that denying a huge swath of what makes you human is probably a Bad Idea. Adults who did that as children–specifically Mycroft, who deeply influenced the younger brother who idolized him, are not going to be so nuanced. Very subconsciously, they MAY get it, but not really realize it. Instead, they’re likely to be so defensive about this dent in their armor that they’re going to build themselves up as superior for being able to do what others cannot, not really grasping the fact that they’re actually weaker.

An intense person like Sherlock could very well turn to drugs to soothe the extreme dissonance between his core belief (“emotion is bad”) and his nature (intensely emotional). He’s a pressure cooker of a person. Core beliefs don’t like to be challenged. Look what happened in THoB: Sherlock was profoundly mentally, physically, and psychologically affected when a core belief of his was directly challenged. It’s because of the structure of that core belief, its probable origin, and the nature of his response throughout the whole episode, that I am starting to strongly suspect that at least Sherlock, if not Mycroft too, also has PTSD.

Core beliefs can really only be replaced by another core belief that starts out relatively unthreatening or in line with a person’s nature, and then is strengthened by hard evidence. (Read: Sherlock will not truly believe on all levels that he is lovable, much less loved by John, his ideal man, until his core beliefs about his worthlessness and about emotion in general, are supplanted by better beliefs supported by tons of evidence. And that may not happen until YEARS after they’re together. He’ll believe it to an extent, but not completely. Core beliefs take serious time and effort to change, and yes you can be in a healthy relationship even when you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself, you just have to be able to live with some very complex psychology and have a nature that is resilient enough to withstand your poisonous core beliefs.) Distractions are about the only other way you can survive such complex and dissonant psychology. Sherlock WILL find distractions because otherwise, his mind cannot live with itself. But Mycroft probably can’t, either. How else did someone so young get to be so powerful?

Look at Mycroft’s reactions to Sherlock’s antics. Overprotective, much? He’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Textbook PTSD. He KIDNAPPED someone to find out if he’d be a good influence on his brother. He had a flashback to Sherlock’s childhood as he was nearly shot at Appledore–that is something more akin to a parent’s reaction. Look at Mycroft’s face each time Sherlock has relapsed. Mycroft said it was all his fault on the plane in TAB. He strongly parallels John in some key ways, he’s just even more in denial than John about his issues because of his childish belief in his ability to control himself by locking down all emotion.

How do I know this stuff?

So, how do I know all this? I’ve lived it and I’ve learned from my therapists. I was a child who suffered repeated trauma and witnessed a siblng experience similar repeated trauma. I have PTSD, but it looks a hell of a lot closer to John’s and Sherlock’s and Mycroft’s than anything else I’ve seen on tv. I utilize many techniques in my therapy including cognitive behavioral therapy, core beliefs, relational frame theory, radical acceptance, ACT, and more. My life is nowhere near perfect and in fact the past year has been one of a lot of growth (which is both painful and necessary to feel better). But it’s a hell of a lot better had I not pursued therapy. I’m not a psychologist but I’ve spent a ton of time and resources to not just survive, but live. And I love this show because I think Moftiss get that in their own way and portray it on tv in a profoundly respectful representation.

Kylo Ren: A Psychological Diagnosis

Name: Ben “Kylo Ren” Organa-Solo

Case No.: 2187

Date of Evaluation: January 29, 2016

Date of Report: January 30, 2016

Disclaimer: This is a budding psychologist’s diagnostic impression and is not meant to be taken seriously. After I get my license, maybe. Thank you also for the photos and gifs, I don’t take credit for them. If the source prefers to be credited, let me know.

Originally posted by weepingangelqueen

I. Purpose for Evaluation

Ben “Kylo Ren” Organa-Solo is a thirty year-old human Commander of the First Order. Patient is being diagnosed for acts of murder, genocide, kidnapping, and destruction of property.

II. Assessment Procedures

Watching the movie thrice, with fandom observations, interpretations, and analysis of character. Plus GIFs.

III. Background Information

Ben Organa-Solo is the son of war hero Captain Han Solo and Princess-General Leia Organa, also the commanding general of the Resistance. On his mother’s side, his grandfather is Anakin “Darth Vader” Skywalker, and his grandmother is Queen-Senator Padmé Amidala.

Ben also has an uncle, Luke Skywalker, the last remaining Jedi warrior. Uncle Luke trained young Ben in the ways of the Force. His mother also reports influence on Ben by Supreme Leader Snoke, and her efforts to distance Ben’s father from him. This may have been unwise.

Ben, renaming himself Kylo Ren, lead the Knights of Ren to eliminate every last one of his fellow Jedi students. He became a commander of the First Order, aka space Nazis, who has successfully destroyed the Republic with the Starkiller.

Recently, Kylo Ren has been searching his uncle in order to kill him. He ordered the annihilation of a village on the planet Jakku, razed Maz Kanata’s castle to the ground, and kidnapped a scavenger woman named Rey. He has, appallingly, stabbed his father to death.

Originally posted by use-the-force-rey

However, a droid name BB-8, an ex-stormtrooper named Finn, and the scavenger Rey has thwarted his plans. The Resistance, under the command of his mother, has also destroyed the Starkiller. He expresses deep displeasure at how many in the universe have demonstrated delight that a scavenger ‘kicked his ass’.

IV. Mental Status Observation

Results of examination reveal a turbulent individual. He has trouble maintaining an even tone of voice. The patient is dressed in heavy, dark clothing. Eye contact is intense, even intrusive, which the patient breaks at intermittent moments. Speech functions have fluctuating volume and tone, with sudden stops and bursts at the ends of sentences. His vocabulary and grammar skills reveal highly intelligent functioning. The patient often clenches his fists and walks with a threatening gait.

Originally posted by lady-escape

His attitude is distrustful and turbulent. His mood is irate. Affect is constantly inappropriate and shows a range limited to anger or threat. While memory functions are intact, his thought process is irregular and sporadic, frequently bursting out upon an idea he finds displeasing. Thought content reveals disturbing evidence of self-hatred, delusions of grandeur, paranoia, and homicidal ideation. His level of personal insight appear to be misconstrued, as he believes he is functional, and is in fact, pleased to hear he may be narcissistic. He also seeks to become more powerful than his grandfather, a Sith Lord, and rule the universe with the power of the Dark Side. Patient shows dangerous social judgment, evident by his unimpeded kidnapping of women and children, destruction of property, and the horrifying number of people he has directly and indirectly murdered.

Originally posted by plaincut

V. Results of Examination

1. First, the most prominent seems to be Dissociative Disorder.

Patient shows identity disturbance due to intensive coercive persuasion (Supreme Leader Snoke’s brainwashing), that lead to changes in, and conscious questioning of, Ben Solo’s identity. 

As a young child, Ben Solo started doubting himself, whom he saw as a human of the Light Side and Weak in the Force. He developed sheer hatred of Ben Solo. His renaming himself as Kylo Ren is a realization of his dissociation with Ben Solo.

2. Second, Kylo Ren presents Conduct Disorder, worsened by Intermittent Explosive Disorder. He has symptoms of (1) Physical Aggression to People and (2) Destruction of Property. (Have you seen the movie?)

3. Third, he shows signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, with symptoms including (a) arrogant behavior, (b) lack of empathy, (c.) sense of uniqueness, (d) fantasies of power, (e) sense of entitlement, (f) interpersonal exploitation, and (g) requiring admiration:

a. Arrogant, haughty behaviors, not only expressed in his words like “I’ll show you the Dark Side”, “I will fulfill our destiny,” and “For your sake, I suggest you get it.”, but also he destroys First Order property like he owns it all.

b. He lacks empathy, obvious when he annihilated the village on Jakku.

Originally posted by kylorenspenis

c. Kylo Ren believes he is ‘special’ and unique and can only be understood, or should associate with, other special or high status institutions. He destroyed the Jedi order that Luke tried to rebuild, because he did not want to be associated with it. He joined the First Order with Snoke. It is likely he may seek association with other high status groups such as establishing his own gang.

Originally posted by villainquoteoftheday

Originally posted by birdyandthebees

d. He is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, as he asked the memory of Darth Vader to show him the power of the dark side of the Force.

Originally posted by kreativekailee

e. He has a sense of entitlement, or ‘unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment and compliance to expectations’. He reportedly expected Rey to feel ‘grateful’ after he spared her life and kidnapped her, and thus believes he is entitled to her.

f. He is interpersonally exploitative. He intruded into a resistance pilot Poe’s and the scavenger Rey’s mind in order to obtain the information he needs. Rey fascinated Kylo, and so he did not only take information from her, but also a part of who she was.

g. He requires excessive admiration, especially from Snoke. Kylo Ren long for identification and approval from Snoke, his father figure.

Originally posted by skywlkzrs

4. Fourth, Kylo Ren manifests symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). While PTSD may result from exposure to death, serious injury, or sexual violation, it may also be diagnosed in the presence of (a) Arousal Symptoms, (b) Negative Mood, (c.) Intrusion Symptoms, and (d) Avoidance Symptoms.

a. First, he shows Arousal Symptoms: with reckless or self-destructive behavior, irritable behavior, and angry outbursts, expressed through physical aggression towards people or objects. Kylo Ren is synonymous with destruction. Adam Driver also said that if one word described Kylo Ren, it would be ‘reckless’.

Originally posted by use-the-force-rey

He may also be hypervigilant - he senses everything around him is a threat. Other Arousal symptoms that may manifest in future include problems with concentration, exaggerated startle response (being jumpy), and sleep disturbance (restless sleep). 

b. Second, he displays negative alterations in cognitions and mood associated with the traumatic event, with the following manifestations:

i. Kylo Ren is unable to experience positive emotions, such as happiness or loving feelings.

ii. He has a persistent negative emotional state, with pronounced and constant anger…

Originally posted by asongofmanyfandoms

- as well as fear of being cast aside, especially by his father figure, Supreme Leader Snoke. Based on the novelization, once Snoke realized Rey had greater strength in the Force, Snoke tempted Rey to kill Kylo Ren. This may be why Kylo Ren clings to his Force powers, because he knows it’s what Snoke wants from him. 

iii. He is detached and estranged from others, especially family.

iv. He shows persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world. He asked Rey about Finn and Han, “You mean the traitors, murderers, and thieves you call friends?” Kylo Ren seems to expect that Finn, whom the First Order kidnapped as a child, will perform loyally as a Stormtrooper.


v. He also manifests persistent, distorted cognitions about the cause or consequences of the traumatic event. The traumatic event being Ben Solo, Kylo Ren calls Ben ‘Weak’ and ‘Foolish’ like his father, so he ‘destroyed him’. 


c. Lord Kylo shows Intrusion Symptoms, which are intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to the event. Kylo Ren feels ‘the pull of the light’. Since the Light Side is associated with the weakness of Ben Solo, this is traumatic for him. For him, the Light is similar to a PTSD victims’ flashback of the devastating event.

Kylo Ren also has marked physiological reactions to external cues that resemble the traumatic event. He reacts violently to anything that reminds him of weakness, foolishness, and lack of Force. He lashed out when the First Order couldn’t capture BB-8, when Rey escaped, and reacted violently at Finn, a traitor.

d. Avoidance Symptoms, which is avoiding distressing memories, thoughts, feelings with the traumatic event, are also exhibited by Lord Ren. He looks at Darth Vader’s mask, a symbol of the Dark Side, to strengthen himself against ‘the pull of the light’.

He also avoids people, places, and situations that arouse those distressing memories. Kylo Ren feels pain towards anything that reminds him of Ben Solo, especially his father. Killing Han Solo helps Kylo Ren ‘kill’ Ben Solo.

V. Summary/Recommendations:

Results of psychological evaluation reveal key themes an extended history of persuasive coercion by a false father figure, leading to extreme self-hatred and a desire to destroy the self. This has led to evident symptoms of Dissociative Disorder (DD).

Kylo Ren also committed acts of murder, genocide, kidnapping, and destruction of property. This may be explained by Conduct Disorder (CD) worsened by Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).

The patient also showed signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) through (a) arrogant behavior, (b) lack of empathy, (c.) sense of uniqueness, (d) fantasies of power, (e) sense of entitlement, (f) interpersonal exploitation, and (g) requiring admiration.

Finally, Kylo Ren manifests evidence of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) with (a) Arousal Symptoms, (b) Negative Mood, (c.) Intrusion Symptoms, and (d) Avoidance Symptoms.

In other words, Kylo Ren hates himself, rages at everything, thinks he’s the best human being in the universe, and was traumatized beyond hope.

Originally posted by skylorennn

It is urgently recommended for the patient be admitted to the best psychiatric institution in the universe, with completely restricted Force powers and absolute freedom from Gollum.

The patient also needs anti-depressants such as fluoxetine (Prozac) and paroxetine (Paxil).

Patient may also respond well with Cognitive-Behavioral Psychotherapy, especially with Unconditional Positive Regard. Exposure Therapy, specifically to powerlessness, is highly recommended. Kylo Ren needs to see that with or without the Force, Ben Solo is good and whole.

All Right [Chapter 1]

Word count: 1,328
Rating: G
Summary: “Pillows stacked upon one another spanned across the living room of the Mystery Shack, making up what Mabel referred to as the ‘Grunkle Ford Protection Chamber’. It was only after Mabel had discovered the truth behind Stanford’s crippling post-traumatic stress disorder that she began to truly shower her newest family member in affection and care, much to his own surprise at the sudden bouts of attention from his niece. The fort was built for Ford as a loving gift (and maybe a place Mabel made force him spend time with the kids), but nobody expected it to become such an essential space to his own well-being.”

A/N: (this is a collaboration between me and @villyre. yesterday we shared headcanons we r crying our eyes out at this b/c it’s so pure and heart wrenching at the same time….and it developed into a fic (which this is) and a comic which she is working on…..boy i die)


Heavy midnight rain pattered on the roof of the wooden shack, rousing Mabel from her deep sleep. When her eyelids cracked open just a bit, she realized something wasn’t normal. The electricity lighting her side of the attic had fused. It was dark—too dark. The only exception was Dipper’s blinding booklight that ran on batteries. And who knows how long they would last anyway? Though Dipper had his novel grasped in his hands, it was seeming to slip as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

“Hey, Dipster,” Mabel quietly spoke. “Did the power blow out or something?”
Dipper awakened at Mabels voice. He seemed out of it for a few seconds, trying to decipher what she said.
“Wh- Oh! The power. Yeah, the storm outside stole the lights. It’s no big deal though; it’ll be back in the morning.”
“Welp, guess we’re living Amish-style for a few hours.” Mabel laughed.

Clunk. “Wait Dipper, did you hear that?”
Another clunk. “Yeah, and I probably know what it is. It’s probably Great Uncle Ford in the kitchen. He has a hard time sleeping.”
Mabel gasped, and then wore a smile. Dipper knew that smile. It was the smile she had when a brilliant idea came to her crazy mind.
“You know what this means, right?” she smirked at her brother. “You’re going to make him milk and oven-baked cookies?” he guessed. Mabel tsked at Dipper. “Think again bro. This is Operation ‘We’re Going To The Pillow Fort’!”

The wooded stairs creaked as the twins tiptoed down to the first floor, trying their hardest not to make a racket. Out of the corner of their eyes the twins saw a mysterious light emiting from the kitchen.
“Dipper, you said the power was out.” Mabel whispered. Dipper shrugged. “Maybe that light is running on batteries?” he whispered back.
It seemed the creature in the kitchen heard their intangible whispering, as the light shone straight out of the kitchen doorway and into the dark hall. They heard footsteps accompanying the light probing for trespassers. And a voice. A familiar one. “Who’s there?” it quietly spoke with a shaken, gruff tone.
“Grunkle Ford!” the twins coined the name, both realizing who the creature in the kitchen was simultaneously.
Ford peeked his head around the corner, eyes wide like he had just seen something horrifying. “Kids…” he breathed.

“Grunkle Ford,” Mabel approached him first, trying to be as nonthreatening as possible. “What are you doing up?”
Ford looked back at his niece’s sympathetic face. “I… it’s nothing to worry about. I should be asking you two the same question.”
“The power went out and we heard you in the kitchen.” Dipper added. “We wanted to investigate.”
“Yeah! Grunkle Ford, you need to sleep. You almost look like you’ve risen from the dead.” Mabel gestured to Ford’s baggy eyelids.
“Mabel, I’m not sure you underst-” Ford was about to dismiss, but was cut off by Mabel taking him by the arm, leading him to the pillow-infested living room.
“I know you’re an owl but it’s time to hit the hay already!” Mabel said. “Now climb in! We’ve got chocolate, flashlights, candy wrappers that Dipper forgot to pick up…”
“I take no responsibility for those whatsoever.” Dipper interjected. “…And best of all—time with your favorite niece and nephew.” she concluded.

Pillows stacked upon one another spanned across the living room of the Mystery Shack, making up what Mabel referred to as the ‘Grunkle Ford Protection Chamber’. It was only after Mabel had discovered the truth behind Stanford’s crippling post-traumatic stress disorder that she began to truly shower her newest family member in affection and care, much to his own surprise at the sudden bouts of attention from his niece. The fort was built for Ford as a loving gift (and maybe a place Mabel made force him spend time with the kids), but nobody expected it to become such an essential space to his own well-being.

Ford couldn’t object. Next thing he knew he was pressed into the couch, surrounded by pillow walls, wrapped in a blanket with his two favorite children settled down close next to him. This whole moment was… very loving. He wasn’t used to this. For once he felt a wave of tranquility and safety wash over his entire body, refreshing his cluttered mind.
He closed his eyes, hearing the twins talk about something along the lines of Ducktective’s season premiere, the sound of wrappers and chocolate bars being bitten into. Within moments, he felt himself become lighter and drift off into rarely-visited slumber.
“Psst. Dipper, I think Grunkle Ford is actually asleep.” Mabel whispered to her brother, elated.
“Yeah, you’re right. Looks to be that way! But don’t forget… Ford has nightmares often. I’ve heard him wake up from one of them before while I was up reading. It actually kinda frightened me.” Dipper replied.
“Whenever that was, I was out cold. What happened?” Mabel asked him, a worried expression on her face.
“I wasn’t there with him, but I could hear a yell and a few slurred words coming from downstairs. Almost like a panic attack. So we have to be here next to him to comfort him no matter what.” Dipper replied to Mabel, looking at Ford’s peacefully sleeping face. Mabel nodded.

About thirty minutes had passed. The twins laid next to Ford, watching him breathe slowly as their tired eyes tried to fight off sleep that beckoned them. But then, they were awakened fully by the sound of a strained grunt from their uncle.
“Dipper, is he okay? Should we wake him up?” Mabel nervously asked.
“Don’t shake him awake, whatever you do.” Dipper strictly replied. “It could make whatever he is dreaming about worse. If he has a nightmare, he’ll wake up on his own.”
Stanford tossed and turned, sweat trickling down his face. His eyes were tightly shut, and his bared his teeth. Suddenly, he let out a yell and bolted in an upright position on the couch, breathing frantically and soaked in sweat.
“Ford!” Dipper’s voice cracked and he immediately sat by his uncle’s side. “Are you okay?”

He wasn’t able to answer Dipper’s question—he couldn’t even hear what his nephew had to say over the sound of his heart thumping in his ears. His eyes darted across the walls of the fort, trying to see what his surroundings were; where he was. What was going on? It was barely noticable in the dark, but Ford had light tears leaking from his eyes and down his cheeks. He covered his mouth after realizing how loud he screamed from being awoken by fright.
Mabel clung to Ford’s side like vel-cro, rubbing his back. “Grunkle Ford, we’re here. It’s us. Nobody is going to eat you. Just take deep breaths.” She gently wiped the tears from his eyes with her thumb.
“You’re not in danger. You can see us, right? We didn’t leave you.” Dipper added as well, snuggling as close to Ford as he physically could. That nightmare must have been something quite horrible; Dipper could easily feel Ford’s body trembling and his heart flipping in his chest. “Mabel, get him some water quickly.” Dipper nervously pleaded.
Mabel didn’t hesitate to dart out of the fort and fill up a glass of cold water. She arrived back with the water within seconds. Dipper took the cup and put it to his uncle’s lips. Ford seemed to be coming back to his senses. He took the cup in his own two hands and drank from it, then handed it back to Mabel.

He took a deep, quivering breath. “Kids… I… I’m so sorry about this—I-I didn’t mean to shock you two.” Ford apologized, his eyes still glossed over with moisture from tearing up.
“Don’t worry about us! You’re more important here.” Mabel pointed at Ford.
He sat in silence for a few more seconds, collecting his breaths and readjusting his focus on the world.

“All right.”

I’m Dying and I Need Money

The important information here is that my wife and I need money, for food and for meds, and that you can donate either through the donate button on my blog  (which Paypal takes a cut from for using their button), or else by sending money directly through Paypal to mrsmctanuki@gmail.com

The less important details are that I am a physically and mentally disabled trans former sex worker with a terminal illness (it’s complicated, but in short: my brain strokes out very easily). I have a whole host of brain disorders, a broken back, and a bunch of other physical maladies. I’m severely agoraphobic and I can hardly walk. I get $124 from disability each month from the state, and about $150 in food stamps. This has to go to cover everything - food, bills, medications, soap, toilet paper - everything. I have Medicaid, but they specifically do not cover HRT meds or Schedule 1 medications, such as the ones I take to keep myself from stroking out again. Last year, I was bashed by the local police. You can read the full story of my assault and subsequent treatment at the hospital here.

My wife is also disabled. We don’t get our money again until the 1st, and food stamps don’t come until the 7th. We need donations, from you, the person reading this. A dollar, 10 cents, whatever you can spare, it’s a literal life-saver.