anonymous asked:

Ok bviously you're good at doing things that are good for you too but don't you think it's stupid when people ignore the hard aspects of self care and are just doing the easy things like yay let's take a bath?

Let me tell you a story about me and baths.

So I’m currently a huge fan of baths. I try to take one every week, I splurge on bath bombs, all that basic tumblr jazz. And it all probably sounds like nice cutesy fluffy self care lite, but two years ago when I’d just been abducted and raped, it was anything but easy. I physically couldn’t be naked for the first three months. That post I made about self care when you can’t shower that got so many notes? I didn’t just make that because I have fibro. I made that because for the longest time I had to take sink showers and shower in my bathing suit because being naked gave me such bad flashbacks that I would end up hurting myself.

I was eventually hospitalized and then continued therapy (which I’m still doing), and I worked really really hard at grounding and processing and CBT and a bunch of other skills until finally I was able to take a quick five minute shower with no clothes on. And with a LOT of work, that became a ten minute shower, and one day my therapist suggested I take a bath and with a bit of trial and error I finally managed to do it. My mom was so proud that she cried

Now I have worked really hard and gotten so much better, and at this point in my recovery I enjoy baths and showers most of the time. But even now there are sometimes days when I get triggered, and when taking a bath seems like the hardest thing in the world. It’s about so much more than just relaxing. It’s about learning how to reclaim my body and think of it as something other than the site of a trauma. It’s about applying grounding techniques and mindfulness and coping skills. It’s so much more than just something I’m doing to #treatmyself.

I don’t think people should categorize self care in sweeping generalizations, because especially when mental illness is involved, even seemingly easy things can be unbelievably complex and difficult. And even if it isn’t anything more than a neurotypical person taking a bath for fun just to chill, it can still be valuable. Self care is fundamentally and by definition personal, and I personally don’t feel equipped to judge anyone’s other than my own.

Dissociative Disorder Problem #88

Introduce yourself to someone new!
"omg, were doing it, were interacting with someone in a normal way, yes!"

Realize suddenly during the conversation that an alter must have already introduced you to this person a week ago using a different name, because of the degree of familiarity they’re using.  

*Break out in a cold sweat, clam up like a clam.
Refrain from asking too many questions that might have already been asked. Stand around awkwardly. Wonder how cool people stand- possibly your cool alter who evidently already met this person last week, goddamnit.

*escape and need a full day to recover.
try to remember why avoiding people isn’t the right solution.

the fact that there are girls in the world who have been raped but don’t think of the event as a rape and don’t feel like the person who raped them is a rapist but are still experiencing ptsd from being raped and try to excuse their rapists just because there’s a honeymoon phase makes me so deeply sad and so disappointed in our culture.

rape is being sexually assaulted, rape is when someone enters any orifice of your body with any part of theirs without your prior knowledge or consent, rape is when someone does something sexual to you while you were already messing around that you weren’t expecting and didn’t like. rape is rape is rape. don’t defend or excuse your rapists. don’t defend or excuse any rapists.

My mum "saw" me

I normally only have massive flashbacks when I’ve been a station I feel venerable in, but today it just started because I was having a huge panic attack (crying on the kitchen floor circled up in a ball unable to move) but then something flicked, I don’t know what it was, but it turned into a full blown flashback. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, begging someone to help me and call the police because I was so convinced that “he” was there. My mum helped to calm me down, but it was so horrible for her. To see me in the seven year old girl state really upset her. I feel awful that she has to deal with me, it’s not fair on her. It’s just not fair.

I want to make a project where I’ll go into a school and have an assembly to educate about mental illnesses and how mental health is important. I’d have everyone go into a private booth where they could write down if they experience or have experienced mental illness and write a short description of it on a piece of paper. Or what they think of it. It would all be anonymous and be hung on a wall for everyone’s eyes to to see how everyone will react to it.