<b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>me:</b> look into my eyes<p/><b>my crush:</b> ... okay<p/><b>me:</b> as I suspected, your pupils dilated to 45%<p/><b>me:</b> thus you must be attracted to me<p/><b>my crush:</b> ...<p/><b>my crush:</b> you can't just-<p/><b>me:</b> I just did<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
7 Childhood Issues that Affect our Later Relationships
1. Threats and fear of abandonment. These can lead to jealousy and feelings of insecurity.
2. Lack of emotional nurturing. This can lead to feelings of emotional deprivation – which can feel like a bottomless pit to fill.
3. Growing up with feelings of entitlement. This can lead to feeling as if you don’t have to live by the same rules as others – as you are special, and a bit superior.
4. Being told that you’re inferior or inadequate. This causes you feel like you’re never good enough.
5. The demand to be perfect, and to always get things right. This can leading to being driven – and incredibly high standards.
6. Being betrayed by those you trusted – so you won’t trust now, and you can’t get close to others, or let them get close to you.
7. Being raised is a way that your needs were denied, not allowed, disregarded, trivialised or ignored. This can lead to a doormat type of personality where other people matter – and your needs never count.
Empathy isn’t just something that happens to us—a meteor shower of synapses firing across the brain—it’s also a choice we make: to pay attention, to extend ourselves. It’s made of exertion, that dowdier cousin of impulse. Sometimes we care for another because we know we should, or because it’s asked for, but this doesn’t make our caring hollow. The act of choosing simply means we’ve committed ourselves to a set of behaviors greater than the sum of our individual inclinations: I will listen to his sadness, even when I’m deep in my own. To say “going through the motions”—this isn’t reduction so much as acknowledgment of the effort—the labor, the motions, the dance—of getting inside another person’s state of heart or mind. This confession of effort chafes against the notion that empathy should always arise unbidden, that genuine means the same thing as unwilled, that intentionality is the enemy of love. But I believe in intention and I believe in work. I believe in waking up in the middle of the night and packing our bags and leaving our worst selves for our better ones.