Soft Derek

this one’s for you charlie @halerogers love you lots xx here’s some soft derek because you deserve it 

“Der?” Stiles called out as he made his way into the pack house.

“Upstairs,” he heard Derek call out.

Stiles threw his jacket on the couch and made his way up to Derek’s room.

“Whoa,” Stiles exclaimed as he looked around the room. “Did you buy an entire clothing store or something dude?”

Derek’s room was covered in clothes, in what looked like semi-organized piles.

“Very funny. No, I finally got everything from my storage unit in New York shipped over here and I’m deciding what I want to keep and what gets donated,” Derek said without looking up, staying focused on matching a drawer full of odd socks.

“Can I help?” Stiles asked, weirdly intrigued with the contents of Derek’s closet.

“You can put all the donate piles into boxes and label them for me,” Derek said, gesturing to a pile of flat unmade boxes and a permanent marker.

Stiles hummed to himself as he got to work putting the boxes together.

“So, what goes in this first box?” he asked.

“All those dark jeans,” Derek said, pointing to what Stiles for sure thought was part of the ‘keep’ pile.

Derek must have sensed this because he spoke up.

“I’m keeping a few pairs but I really have no need for 10 pairs of identical pants.”

“Yeah but they make your ass look good,” Stiles said as he smirked. He loved being Derek’s boyfriend now because he could stay stuff like that without the fear that Derek might actually tear him apart.

“Just put them in the box,” Derek said with a fondness to his voice.

An hour later, majority of Derek’s closet was packed into boxes, labeled and ready to drop off at the charity store.

“So what’s with the wardrobe change?” Stiles asked.

“What do you mean?” Derek asked.

“I mean, you now own more sweatpants than sinfully tight jeans and I counted 12 sweaters and only 3 leather jackets. You’re turning into a softie.”

Derek mumbled something under his breath that Stiles didn’t quite catch.

“What?” he asked.

“It reminds me that I’m safe,” Derek said, as if that was a totally detailed explanation.

“Explain,” Stiles said, moving off the floor to join Derek on the bed.

“When I was in constant danger and on the run, I had to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice, and it was more practical to be wearing outdoor clothes. But now I’m at a point in my life where I feel safe and calm and my favorite part of the day is getting to lounge around in sweatpants whenever I’m not at work.”

Stiles took a minute to absorb all of that before linking his hand with Derek’s and squeezing tight.

“I love you Der. Plus, the cozy clothes make for more comfortable cuddling so I approve.”

Derek snorted, only pulling Stiles in closer to his side.

“Well anything to make you more comfortable,” Derek laughed.

Stiles would never get tired of hearing Derek laugh. And if you told him 5 years ago that his favorite outfit on Derek was loosely hung sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, and not his tight jeans and leather jacket, Stiles would have never believed it.

Derek deserved everything soft and safe and Stiles vowed in that moment to make sure he gave that to Derek every day for the rest of their lives.  

Mom doesn’t wish to see you(Batboys imagine)

Requested: Yes
Request: can I request the bat boys finding out Bruce cheated on batmom? 
Summary: Not only do you find out that you’ve been cheated on, but so do the boys.
Word count: 860
Warning(s): cheating

You were sad, not angry, not furious, just utterly sad. You felt like deep down you knew it was going to come to this, but you hoped for the best. But then you went by his office, uninvited…your first mistake. He was pushing his secretary up against the wall, having a rather intense lip battle apparently.

You couldn’t cry, you were unable to feel any emotion to be completely honest, you managed to leave the building unseen and drive yourself home like a madman.

Getting there your only goal was to get to you room as quick as possible, from point A to point B in the least possible time.

You storm up the stairs in front of the manor, quickly getting inside, slamming the door behind you. The boys were having dinner already so they obviously heard you coming in, they knew something was off.

You say nothing, running up the wooden staircase with all of your outdoors clothing still on, not bothering to take it off when you have to put it all back on very soon.

Closing your bedroom door, you slide down it, finally letting your sadness pour out. The boys knew something was very, very wrong when you didn’t say anything coming in, that had not once happened before, so they all gather behind your door, listening intently.

Your sobs were clear as day to them, but soon they also heard shuffling that gave them a horrible gut feeling. The shuffling was you piling all the things you own into a large bag, because you knew you needed to run, you needed to leave before Bruce was anywhere near home.

Your heart clenches when you hear Damians voice behind the door,a powerful sob traveling through you. “Ummi, are you alright?”

“I’m fine baby,” You answer, not even trying to hide the sadness in your voice, “Ma, we know something's wrong,” Jason says, you could hear the slight panic in his unsure voice. “Yeah mom, please talk to us,” Dick tries to coax, Tim joining in, “Yeah mom, please.”

The shuffling stops, and the door opens, revealing your red and swollen face. “It’s probably irresponsible of me to tell you, but we’re all adults, or think like them…”You say, taking a deep breath. “Your father cheated on me and I don’t think I can remain here for the time being.” You say looking at the floor in shame.

That ass hole, I’ll kill him,”Jason yells in anger, ready to take of. “NO NO NO! Please don’t, I was actually wondering if I could crash in your apartment until I find another place.”You ask him. “I can write up the divorce papers, to make sure you get custody of us,” Tim offers, all the boys humming in agreement, to which you nod. He quickly goes to work. “Ummi what can I do?” Damian asks, sad for his dad’s inadequacy.

You sigh going back to the room, continuing to pack your things, “Could you get all my things from that draw,” You point at the last drawer you haven’t yet had the chance to empty. “I’ll go get the car ready,” Dick says.

Soon all your things were packed and thrown in the trunk of the car, all the boys getting in. “Were gonna be with you tonight,” Tim informs, holding a folder of paper. 

Arriving at the apartment, the boys carry all your things inside, Jason emptying his bed for you. “I can sleep on the couch, darling.” 

“No ma of mine is sleeping on no couch!” Jason proclaims, causing you to chuckle for the first time tonight. 

While you were getting settled in and starting a movie night, Bruce finally came home, greeted by silence, apart from Alfred of course. But Alfred seemed uneasy, even a bit angry. “Where is everybody?” He finally asks the butler. “They got in a car and left” the older man calmly states.

Why?Where?” He asks.

Something about you seeing other women, and I didn’t ask, I thought it’s best If I didn’t know.” Alfred says leaving Bruce’s side. Bruce was internally panicking, he never meant for you to find out, you were his wife for god’s sake, and he threw it all away for a moment of lust.

He immediately started searching for you, quickly figuring out that you were at Jason’s place. He knew his chances were slim to none, but he hoped you could forgive him.

Knocking on the door he anxiously awaits a reply. Soon Dick comes to the door. “What the fuck are you doing here Bruce?” He angrily questions, loud enough that everyone knew of his presence. “I’m here to see MY WIFE.” He replies, “Well mom doesn’t wish to see you.” Dick truthfully tells him.

Bruce sees you in the doorway a bit further back behind Dick, looking the saddest he’s ever seen you. “y/n please,” Bruce attempts to plead. “Dick’s right, I don’t want to see you, now and never,” You sigh, handing him the stack of signed paper Tim had given you. Dick closes the door in his face, Bruce knew that he had lost the only thing he still dearly loved.


With love,

Mom doesn't wish to see you [Part 2] (Batboys imagine)

[Part 1]

Requested: Yes
Request:  Can you do a part two on Mom doesn’t wish to see you? Where like you start dating other men and like all the batboys are supportive. Except Damian because he still has hope that his parents will end up together?
Summary: Not only do you find out that you’ve been cheated on, but so do the boys, and the aftermath. 
Word count: 588
Warning(s): cheating, divorce

You were rushing up the stairs of your apartment building for your weekly dinner with your sons. You made sure that the bond between all of you stayed as strong as ever. Since you had to work full time and you had joint custody over the kids with Bruce, meaning that they still lived in the manor, meant that this was the only time in the week you’d have completely dedicated to them.

I’m here!” you yell at the door, quickly shrugging off your outdoor clothes and throwing your keys in the bowl near the door with a clank. All of the boys were already there since they had their own keys.

Delicious smells were coming from the kitchen where Dick and Jason were finishing your meal and Tim was pulling out a batch of warm chocolate chip cookies. “hello, ummi!” Damian said giving you a hug before pulling out your chair at the table.

Everyone gathered around the table, the atmosphere light and homey. “You look fancy ma!” Jason says, being the last one to get seated. “Well I just came from a date!” you happily chuckle as the boys start spewing questions your way.

What was he like?”

“Did he treat you well ma?”

“Does he have a job?”

“Is he financially stable?” 

“Did you check his dating history?”

So many questions were thrown your way you had no idea the boys were so interested, well everyone but Damian. Damian hadn’t said a single word, his gaze was fixated on the plate in front of him as he slowly ate. It stung your heart and you weren’t sure what was wrong.

For the rest of the diner he didn’t say a word while everyone else was having a lighthearted conversation. Luckily Dami was staying the night so you could find out what was bothering him.

After the dishes were done and the table cleaned all the boys said their goodbyes and left, leaving you and Damian alone. He was sitting on the couch when you timidly sat next to him. 

What’s wrong, Dami?” You asked.

Nothing,” He answers dully.

I know you’re lying, please tell me! You were in a good mood before dinner, and now it’s like night and day,” You try to get him to speak.

Are you and father never getting back together again?” He asks sadly. You take his hand in yours, playing with his fingers to comfort him. If you were anyone else you would probably be killed by now.

I don’t see that happening baby, I’m sorry.” You sigh sadly.

Why not ummi,” He asks, causing you to grab him into a warm loving hug. “Bruce hurt me Dami, I can’t trust him again. But that doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop loving you, you’re still my son as much as his and I’ll always be here,” You truthfully tell him, he takes a moment to think before finally saying, “I love you Ummi.” 

That night you went to sleep with a heavy heart. It’s hard knowing that your youngest still hoped for a reconciliation, that you knew would never happen. You didn’t know how hard the separation actually was for Damian since he was so emotionally isolated, even though he trusted you the most in the world, he just didn’t know how to talk about things. All you could do as a parent was try and restore the natural dynamic of the mother-son relationship you had before the divorce and try to always be there for him as best you could.


With love,

The Least I Can Do

Originally posted by cherrybomb124

Request: Hi!! Love your writing. Can I request a fic where Jensen goes to the big Victoria Secret Fashion Show that happens every year. And the reader is a model who’s in the show. He falls for her right away and then when they meet, he gets all nervous and cute?

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 1,200ish

Warnings: none

A/N: First actor x reader piece. Be gentle with it. Also didn’t tag anyone since I wasn’t sure if you guys are into actor fics…

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anonymous asked:

Okay, so I've always wanted to read a fic where Isak learns about how schizophrenia runs in families, so he has a chance of developing the disorder later in life. So i just want him to freak out about and Even to be super sweet and comforting and help him calm down

Be Brave For You; 2.1k

Even had no idea why Isak had gone white as a ghost and practically ran out of the café, but he was rushing after him anyway.  His shift had almost been over anyway; no one was going to notice him leaving three minutes early.

He hoped.

“Isak, Isak, hey!” Even managed to catch Isak’s wrist and pull him back, but his face fell when he saw the state Isak was in.  His chest was rising and falling faster than could possibly be comfortable, and his panicked eyes were brimming with tears.

“Baby, what happened?” Even pulled Isak closer to him until Isak’s back was pressed against his chest.  “Here, breathe with me.” Even whispered in Isak’s ear as he splayed a hand lightly over Isak’s chest.  He kept his breathing slow and steady and even in Isak’s ear, feeling Isak’s heart hammering painfully under his hand.

It took a few minutes, but slowly Isak’s breathing regulated and he slumped back against Even.

“Let’s get you home.” Even pressed a kiss to Isak’s cold tear-damp cheek and wrapped Isak’s jacket tighter around him before he started guiding Isak down the street.  Thankfully the café wasn’t that far from the flat and they made it home soon enough.

It probably would have been faster if Even had just scooped Isak up and carried him, but he could tell that Isak was feeling embarrassed enough about having a panic attack so publicly.  He wasn’t going to add to that embarrassment by swooping in and carrying him bridal-style through the streets.

They didn’t say anything as they walked, and when they crossed the threshold of their flat Isak seemed in a complete daze.  Taking initiative, Even slowly got Isak out of his outdoor clothes and into the softest pyjamas they owned.  He threw the duvet back and Isak – showing the first signs of being present since they left the café – walked over to the bed and crumpled onto the mattress.

Even pulled the duvet over him and stroked his curls gently. He was just about to turn to go make Isak some tea when Isak covered his hand with his own.

“Don’t go.” Isak’s voice broke, which in turn broke Even’s heart.

“I was going to make you some tea?  Warm you up a bit?” Even rubbed up and down Isak’s arm through the duvet to emphasise how cold Isak was.

“Stay.” Isak shook his head.  He looked so exhausted; how could Even deny him anything when he looked like he’d just been put through a wringer?

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Starling: Chapter Twenty-Nine

«First Next>

Kenna pulled over on the shoulder somewhere more dust than sidewalk. She killed the ignition and half-leaned, half-crawled into the back seat to stare at Roy’s screen. Elliott and Alex had both abandoned their sulks to look too, which totaled three enormous people craning into his space, reading and rereading Laura’s message over his shoulder.

“What does that mean, rescue will be complete by dawn?” said Kenna, jabbing a claw at the phrase in question.

“Before sunrise,” Roy rephrased, unsure if that was what she was really asking, but unable to understand anything more complex about it himself. His voice sounded flat and distant even to him.

“Did something happen?” demanded Elliott.

Kenna withdrew to the front to fiddle with her own comp for a moment. "Nothing in the news,” she reported.

Roy sank slowly in his seat and let the conversation flow over his head.

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RFA coming home to a napping MC

Y’alls are not exaggerating when it comes to 707′s route. Get all misty every chat and VN. THIS IS MY ONLY SOLACE FROM THE EMOTIONS.


  • he had been studying in the library for hours
    • who knew a socket on a bone could have a thousand terms to it???
  • sOOOOOO tired T_T
  • the last hour all he could think about was you so he decided he was done studying for the day
  • couldn’t wait to come home to you and just watch TV while eating take-out
  • comes home to find you sprawled out on the couch with an armada of pillows around you
  • it looks like you were playing your DS but dozed off
  • Lisa is sitting on your head to look at Yoosung >->
  • he thinks it’s the cutest thing ever
  • sits on the floor by you while he gushes how adorable you are on the chat
  • “Yes we get it, she’s cute af” 
  • “No you DON’T understand how cute she is now”
  • takes a picture and makes it his screensaver 
    • wants the picture all to himself ^^


  • her workload was surprisingly light while Jumin was out of town
  • she had extra time during her lunch break so why not head home for a bit 
  • and grab lunch with her main squeeze ^^
  • when she comes home you aren’t on the couch or in the kitchen
  • but she can hear you snore in the other room
  • >.>
  • and there you are on the bed
  • lying on your stomach in your outdoor clothes, feet dangling off the ends and your arms to your sides
  • wow you must have been pretty tired
  • when were the roles reversed???
  • her initial thought is to wake you
  • but you just look so peaceful
    • probably dreaming of katsudon or chocolate cake like the little sweetheart you are 
  • so she buys a bento box for you heads off to work
  • when you wake up you see the tray of food and a loving note from Jaehee (•‾⌣‾•)و ̑̑♡


  • after a long day of rehearsal, all he wants is for you to be home to greet him
  • and a hot shower (maybe with you if you wanted)
  • opens the door and you’re not there
  • !!!???
  • not in the bathroom or kitchen
  • goes into the bedroom and you’re just laying on the bed
    • on his side no less!
  • Zen says something but you don’t respond
  • approaches you to find that you are knocked out
  • you’re lying on your back, head facing the wall, hand on your stomach and the other on your side
  • he plans to be your prince charming and kiss you to wake you up
  •  but you have a river of drool spilling out of your mouth
    • man you must be OUT
  • so he settles for a kiss on the forehead
    • yeah no you aren’t getting up anytime soon
  • starts taking selfies with you
    • which is of him looking beautiful as ever and you looking like a dumpy potato


  • he was at work pretty early in the morning
  • sitting in on a bunch of meetings until 5
    • at that point, he was so done so he left early
    • and Jaehee couldn’t T_T
  • he texted you that he was going to be home but you didn’t answer >.>
    • ???
  • when he comes home Elizabeth 3rd trots over to greet him but where were you?
  • he heads straight for the bedroom and luckily you’re there
  • you’re all curled up in a thick blanket up to your nose
  • you look so comfortable and he thought you were CUTE AF
  • spams the messenger with blurry pictures of you
    • “Is that a hermit crab???”
    • “How DARE you.”
  • sits next to you just stroking your hair until he knocks out
    • donut was just as tired as you are


  • he never leaves the house so he was so focused on his work
  • you tried talking to him but he wasn’t listening
  • so it was “you” time
  • for hours he never left his spot
  • poor jellybean’s brain was overloading, smoke was coming out of his ears
  • he decides to take a much-needed break to recharge his batteries
    • which is eating HB chips and cuddling with you
  • looks all over his house for you but couldn’t find you
  • at first, he panics and heads to his computer to check the camera feeds to see if you left
  • scans through hours of footage of you just reading a book, texting on your phone, eating–wait
  • he swivels his chair around
    • it turns out you never even left the couch
  • you’re passed out, cuddling your plushie cat
  • oh gosh you were so adorable
  • Seven slips the plushie out of your hands and slides into your arms
  • you don’t wake up but your body wraps around his
  • you two spend an hour like this, all cuddles and sweet dreams
New brother (Bruce Wayne Imagine)

Requested: Yes
Request:  Can I have a Batfam fic where the reader is like 30 something and has a 15 year old adopted son and since she and Bruce are dating she brings him over to meet his kids and at first they don’t get along but for the sake of yheir parents they learn to try to be decent to each other
Summary: the batboys meet your son for the first time.
Word count: 621
Warning(s): none 

The kids had to meet at some point for this relationship to work out. All the kids were aware of  their parents going out, but Bruce thought it was best to keep the kids out of it as long as possible, which you firmly agreed to. Bruce also knew how brutal his son’s could be and just didn’t want them to be rude to your son and make you run away.

But after months of talk throughs and contemplation, you both came to a conclusion that it’s either now or never. The plan was to get the batboys out of their element to possibly soften the blow for both sides. You were just halfway through cooking dinner when the doorbell rang. 

I’ll get it, mom!” Your son yells, as you place the final plates on the table and bring food to the kitchen. “Hi!” Bruce says, coming into the cramped space, his son’s behind him, “You must be y/n’s son, I’m Bruce, these are my sons Damian, Tim, Jason and Dick.” He warmly smiles introducing all of the boys. “Nice to meat you, come in, mom set the table already,” The boy said, gesturing to where the dining table was, stepping away for the family to take off their outdoor clothing.

How can they live in such a match box,” Damian mumbles, Bruce giving him an immediate glare, and your son turning around on his heel. “What did you say?” He asks angrily, while you come up behind him putting a hand on his shoulder. “Not everyone has luxuries like you, so you better be grateful you little twat,” Your son seethes at the 10 year old, before going to the dinner table and taking a seat with a huff. You and Bruce share a look, Bruce can see the worry in your eyes, and quickly lays a comforting hand around your waist, giving all of his sons a menacing glare, “If you do not behave tonight, there will be dire consequences.” You smile lightly, “Come to the table, I made dinner.” 

The boys were obviously hungry and quickly began piling food onto their plates. There was high tension between Bruce’s sons and yours, but noting was said by them, probably in the fear of Bruce’s wrath. On the other hand you and Bruce were having a great time, having a lighthearted conversation. The batboys saw Bruce genuinely smile for the first time in a long time and your son saw you happy for the first time since his dad left. The boys knew they couldn’t ruin this for the both of you.

When dinner was over, you quickly started picking up all the plates. “That was a excellent meal,” Damian says. “I agree with the twat, dinner was great mom!” 

I also enjoyed it ma’am” Jason says smiling, giving you his plate. “I agree,” Dick and Tim say in unison, giving you their plates as well. As you leave towards the kitchen, Bruce joins you, “I’ll help you clean up,” He smiles, pecking your cheek softly.

As you two vanish behind the kitchen walls, the boys glare at one another. “Look,” Your son finally piped up. “I understand that y’all don’t like me, but look at how happy our parent’s are, we can’t ruin it for them,” He sighs, earning nods from the others.

I haven’t seen mom this happy since before dad left,” You son smiles.

I didn’t even think the old man was capable of happyness,” Jason chuckles, earning a loud laughter from everyone. 

What’s so funny?” You ask coming back, Bruce in tow. “Nothing, but we might just have a new brother,” Damian says, earning cheers from the other boys and a wide smile from your son.


With love,


Trump tweeted to “Buy L.L.Bean,” #BoycottLLBean trended instead

  • On Thursday morning, Trump tweeted out to his 19.6 million followers in support of buying stuff from outdoors clothing company L.L.Bean.
  • The tweet appears to be in response to Linda Bean, the granddaughter of L.L.Bean’s founder, decrying anti-Trump protesters on Fox News
  • Over on Twitter, Trump’s call to “Buy L.L.Bean” already seems to be having a reverse effect. 
  • Almost immediately, people announced that they’d never buy from the company again. In fact, they plan to #BoycottLLBean.“ 
  • In a statement, L.L.Bean insisted that Linda Bean doesn’t speak on behalf of the entire company.
  • The post ended with: "L.L.Bean does not endorse political candidates, take positions on political matters, or make political contributions. Simply put, we stay out of politics." Read more

I’m Finally Home; 1840 words
Isak and Even watch Lito’s speech at pride and Isak gets reflective

When Isak gets home from work he’s dead on his feet.  All he wants is to strip off his clothes and crawl into bed with Even and sleep for at least 12 hours.

So when he stumbles into their room and finds Even on his laptop wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his hoody, Isak’s heart sinks through the floor.

“Baby?” He drops his bag without a second thought and crosses the room quickly. “What’s wrong?” Isak asks as he crawls up the bed to his sniffling boyfriend.

“No, no, it’s- I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m just watching something.” Even shakes his head, laughing tearfully and wiping at his eyes some more and relief has Isak flopping into the mattress with a groan.

“You had me worried for a second.” Isak mumbles, his voice muffled into the duvet.

“Sorry.” Even gives him a comforting rub between the shoulder blades and Isak melts even further into the mattress.  He’s pretty sure he could fall asleep like this.  Even if he is still in his outdoor clothes.

“I think you should watch it, actually.” Even says casually, rubbing Isak’s back slowly. Isak’s definitely going to fall asleep if Even keeps doing that.

“Nooooo, Even, I’m too tired to start a new show.” Isak shakes his head, still face down on the bed.

“No, not the whole show, but I think you should watch this scene.” Even persists.

“How long is it?” Isak peaks across at Even, reluctant to move.

“Not even five minutes.” Even says after a few seconds of scrolling along the timeline at the bottom of his Netflix screen.

“Okay, okay.” Isak concedes.  “But I gotta change first.” He heaves himself up into a sitting position with a groan and Even gives him a sympathetic smile as he looks around for his sweats.

“Hey, I got it.” Even says, and before Isak can ask what he means Even has sprung into action.  He moves his laptop from his lap and leans over to Isak.  Even unbuttons Isak’s work shirt with nimble fingers and pushes it from Isak’s shoulders, leaving him in just his undershirt, before pushing Isak down gently so he can get his jeans off.

Isak smiles weakly, too tired to fight this babying, and allows Even to strip him of his jeans and slide his sweats up in their place.

“There.” Even drops a warm kiss to the tip of Isak’s nose and then sits back up against the wall of pillows he had clearly spent the evening perfecting.

“Thanks.” Isak mumbles as he gets himself under the duvet and cuddles up next to Even, peering at the screen curiously.  “What show are we watching?”

“It’s called Sense8.” Even replies.  “You ready for Lito’s big moment?” Isak nods, curious to see what on screen magic brought his boyfriend to tears this time.  Even hits the space bar and Isak settles in for the next five minutes.

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good morning seventeen; vocal unit

Originally posted by dearhoshi

mornings are filled with cuddles, whines and the occasional kiss

jeonghan: “Hannie..” you whispered in his ear, nudging him. “It’s time to wake up..” You heard the smallest groan come from your boyfriend, whose face was currently stuffed in the pillow. “Come back to bed,” he mumbled, and flipped over on his back. 

Already having had enough, you scoffed and climbed on top, straddling him. Jeonghan’s eyes peered open, and he smiled. “Ooh, I like this,” he yawned and placed his hands on your hips. “buuut it’ll have to wait for later,” he finished and shoved you over, switching to now lying on his side. “Yoon Jeonghan, I swear..” you mumbled, scooting some of his messy bedhead away from his eyes. He draped the covers over you, and pulled you closer. “Five more minutes couldn’t hurt..” He muttered and pecked your lips lightly. “Good morning.”

joshua: Stretching, he groaned. “Morning!” He yelled cheerfully. You chuckled, looking up from the TV. “It’s 11 am, you dork.” Joshua plopped down on the couch next to you. “Still morning, right? You certainly woke up early, hm?” You shook your head. “Woke up an hour ago, but I figured I should let you sleep, so I slept in the guest room instead.” He whined. “Don’t do that, I’d rather have you next to me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Besides, where are you goin’?” Joshua asked, rubbing his eyes. “You’re all dressed up. Can I come with?” Turning off the TV, you propped one of your legs onto his. “Who else would I be going with? Go get changed and we’ll go out for breakfast right now.” He eagerly jumped off the couch, and you laughed at his sudden enthusiasm.

woozi: You sighed as you saw a small figure turn back and forth on the living room couch. Jihoon slept peacefully on the couch, still in his outdoor clothes, no less. His laptop sat open on the coffee table in front of him, most likely dead from not having been charged. You ruffled his hair lightly and went to go get a blanket to put over him.

Upon returning, he sat upright on the couch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, most likely. He turned to look at you, and gave a small smile when he saw your figure standing. “Good morning,” he responded, yawning in between. Approaching him, you removed the jacket he wore and helped him remove his shoes. “Did you want to continue sleeping here or did you want the bed?” He licked his lips. “Bed, please,” he sleepily muttered, and replied with a small “thank you, I love you” when his head hit the pillow.

dokyeom: The only moments your boyfriend was ever quiet was in the mornings, when he slept safely and soundly in the comfort of his bed. Sunlight peeked in through the curtains. He whined as some of the sunlight hit his eyes and woke him up. He blinked a few times before covering his eyes with his hand and getting up to go close the curtains.

Thankfully enough, you were still sound asleep on the bed as he closed the shutters, and when Seokmin slipped back into bed, your cold hand caused him to yelp as it touched his bare thigh, making you giggle. He scratched the back of his head and chuckled as you blinked your eyes open. “Good morning, Seok.”

seungkwan: Sleep, or ‘beauty rest’ as he playfully described it, wasn’t something Seungkwan ever thought he’d skip out on, but spending an hour staring at his beautiful partner wasn’t something he minded doing. You might even be more good looking than he was, he thought.

Seungkwan wasn’t a master at cooking, but he eventually found the motivation to get up and make you two pieces of decent looking toast and eggs, even if the eggs might have been a little over salted. Hey, it’s the thought that counts, right? Walking back into your shared bedroom, he grinned at your awake figure. “Morning, beautiful,” he happily cheered. “Time for breakfast!”

Guilt and Forgiveness in Outlander

The Nettles

It’s one of the more famous––or infamous––scenes in Dragonfly in Amber and one that the show largely avoided: the nettles scene. While the show kept a bit of the difficult reunion and reconciliation between Jamie and Claire, mostly in the form of some of the dialogue, they chose not to depict the more problematic scene in which Claire asks Jamie to physically punish her for sleeping with Louis in order to gain Jamie’s release from the Bastille. Personally, I am in the camp that it’s more than a little unsettling that Claire would ask Jamie to beat her with nettles when she made such a (justifiable) fuss over the strapping he gave her in the previous book. But I can largely overlook this because of the emotional underpinnings of what’s going on as Jamie and Claire find their way back to each other in the wake of the betrayals and loss surrounding Jamie’s duel with BJR and Claire’s miscarriage. 

As I discussed a little in my last Guilt and Forgiveness post (and in response to quite a few anons and asks that followed), Claire at least partially blames Jamie and his duel for the loss of Faith and elements of that blame play a role in her seeking the audience with Louis and acceptance of the price he’ll charge for Jamie’s freedom. But in some of those moments when the blame she projects onto Jamie is articulated, she also expresses guilt for her role in that loss; she blames herself for going to the woods when she knew there was likely nothing she could do and when she knew that her pregnancy was becoming difficult and dangerous. Following Fergus’ revelation about what had provoked Jamie into taking action against BJR, Claire begins to forgive Jamie though she remains outwardly harsh when he first returns and confronts her in the garden at Fontainebleau. 

I would argue that Claire’s initial lie to Jamie about what happened when she went to Versailles and met with Louis is the point at which she has fully forgiven Jamie; that her lie is not because she doesn’t trust him or can’t forgive him but because she has yet to completely forgive herself. When the scene shifts to Jamie and Claire bonding alone together outdoors (stripped of their clothes as they work on stripping away the barriers that their grief and miscommunications have built between them), Jamie has also already forgiven Claire without yet forgiving himself for what he has done. It can seem like a lot of this scene plays into Claire needing Jamie to forgive her for transgressing against him in sleeping with another man––and with good reason since that’s the language Claire relies on in expressing herself and the guilt she feels––but this last time I read through the scene, it struck me that it’s not sleeping with Louis Claire feels guilty about; it’s the anger and especially her desire to hurt Jamie by sleeping with Louis she has yet to forgive herself for (it’s a desire which isn’t the main reason she sleeps with Louis so that is still a case of rape). What hurts Jamie and Claire most is seeing the other hurt (physically and/or emotionally); the guilt that stems from being the one to inflict that hurt is, consequently, one of the greatest they feel and so those acts become the hardest for them to forgive themselves for committing. 

When she first confesses after Jamie admits he knows she’s lying, she emphasizes: 

“If I told you that I had let Louis… you would have asked about it. I thought you couldn’t forget… maybe you could forgive me, but you’d never forget, and it would always be there between us[…] I was afraid…[…] Afraid I’d tell you why I did it[…] But then… and afterward… I half-hoped someone would tell you, that you’d find out. I was so angry, Jamie[…] I wanted to do something to drive you away, to make sure I never saw you again. I did it… partly… because I wanted to hurt you

So much of their relationship rests on the trust they place in one another. While the physical act of sleeping with the king is something Claire sees as forgivable, the betrayal of trust––her desire to hurt Jamie through her actions––is something she’s afraid he won’t be able to forget, that the trust he had placed in her is gone. 

Jamie’s response to her lie is similarly rooted in his fears that he has lost her trust. He had given her his word that he would wait to confront BJR and broke his word. He feels the weight of everything that might have stemmed from that action and is terrified that she won’t be able to forget his betrayal; while he didn’t want to hurt her with his actions and could not have foreseen the full extent of what would happen (the miscarriage and Claire having to go to Louis to secure his freedom), he did know that fighting BJR would cause her pain (the possible loss of Frank, the danger to himself) and he did it anyway. So when he realizes that she lied to him, he worries that, while she may have forgiven him for the duel and understand that he was protecting/avenging Fergus, she won’t be able to forget the breach of trust. He looks at the parallels between her encounter with Louis and his own ordeal at the hands of BJR because he knows the shame, the humiliation, the emotional turmoil that go with being in that situation (and he blames himself for her having to experience any degree of what he did in Wentworth). 

“You took me to your breast and cherished me. You healed me, instead. You loved me, in spite of it[…] I thought, maybe, that I could bring myself to do that for you, as you did it for me. And that is why I came to Fontainebleau, at last[…] Then when ye told me that nothing had happened––for a bit, I believed you, because I wanted to so much. But then… I could tell, Claire. I couldna hide it from myself, and I knew you had lied to me. I thought you wouldna trust me to love you, or… that you had wanted him, and were afraid to let me see it[…] Ye said you wanted to hurt me. Well, the thought of you lying with the King hurt[…] But the knowledge that ye thought ye couldna trust me to love you is like waking from the hangman’s noose to feel the gutting knife sunk in my belly”

The “betrayal” that the other superficially seeks forgiveness for is painful for them to contemplate––Claire in bed with Louis, Jamie dueling BJR––but the deeper pain is the fear of trust lost, especially trust lost due to their own actions, due to intentionally (and unintentionally) causing the other pain. Though Jamie and Claire have a relatively easy time forgiving the other for physical and emotional transgressions committed against themselves, they both have a much harder time forgiving themselves for the emotional transgressions they see themselves as having committed against the other, especially when those transgressions threaten the trust they share. (I really hope that last sentence makes sense).

Going back to the nettles scene, despite the fact that the nettles are textually linked to unfaithful wives, Claire’s desire for punishment at the hands of Jamie stems not from Jamie needing to beat her in order to be even/to forgive her but because she still hasn’t forgiven herself for wanting to hurt him. It’s clear from the scene as it unfolds that neither of them is quite sure how to forgive themselves but they do seem to know that it requires involving the other. 

I wished desperately for some way to break the silence that parted us; some act that could restore the lost truth between us[…] Better violence, I thought, than silence.

The violence Claire seeks in the above quote shifts from the proposed beating to physically aggressive lovemaking where the participation of both is much more equal. Jamie is able to put it into words as they find their way towards healing and that self-forgiveness:

“Open your eyes. Look at me. For that is your punishment, as it is mine. See what you have done to me, as I know what I have done to you. Look at me.”

And I looked, held prisoner, bound to him. Looked, as he dropped the last of his masks, and showed me the depths of himself, and the wounds of his soul. I would have wept for his hurt, and for mine, had I been able. […]

And I voyaged into him, as he into me, sot that when the last storms of love began to shake me, he cried out, and we rode the waves together as one flesh, and saw ourselves in each other’s eyes.

The proposed punishment with the nettles would have been an externalized punishment one inflicted on the other; the final punishment they each endure is an internalized one wherein they see the pain they have caused and must confront it. The pain of their punishment is bearing witness to the other’s pain knowing they caused it and forgiving themselves for it with the knowledge that the other shares exactly the same pain and same guilt. In becoming one flesh and uniting their pain and their guilt, they also unite their forgiveness; having already forgiven the other, they are able to forgive themselves.

In the course of the scene, while no beating takes place, both Jamie and Claire are touched with the nettles and exhibit the resultant painful skin reactions––they share the same physical manifestation of pain––and after their lovemaking, they take turns applying the same topical relief to their nettles burns so that they heal those wounds to one another as well.