People always ask me why I do so many drugs. I never know exactly what to tell them but drugs actually make me feel. Without them everything is bland and seemingly pointless. On xanax I feel like everything’s okay, nothing bad could possibly go wrong. On Adderall I feel like I can accomplish anything and like I’m on top of the world. Pain pills make me feel warm and loved and like I’m capable of loving. I hate being sober. I cant stand this anymore.
Worry that you’ve taken too much and you’re really really high and then pray to the drug gods that your high goes away and you’ll end up okay in the morning… do you ever reflect on your choices and kick yourself for pushing your limits and causing this state of high anxiety and possibly putting yourself in danger?
Cause I do. And then I wake up in the next morning, in tact, thank the gods for my safety and then proceed to not give a shit and go fix myself some more doses of my drugs.
Fuck this life honestly. I wish I didn’t have to do this.