astrologicalasshat  asked:

Hey Peter! Does Craig have any bad habits as far as being a roommate? Like leaving his underwear in weird places or piling glasses up on his nightstand, anything like that?

PETER: Nah, he’s pretty cool.
PETER: He does leave shirts kind of everywhere, but it’s on his side of the bedroom, so no fault.
PETER: If anything I’m messier than he is!
PETER: I leave like, wrappers and dishes all over.
PETER: I haven’t seen Craig really… eat much of anything, in front of me? So if he ever even does, he’s really clean about it.
PETER: The only time he’s ever really here to do anything is when he comes home at night?
PETER: Man, there was this one time! He was so out of it, he passed out on my bed. It was hilarious.
PETER: He told me I was his best friend. It was so sweet, I was like guy, I’ll just sleep on the couch.
PETER: So no, he’s a good roomie.

Stroke [m]

Summary: Your boyfriend Baekhyun is on tour and missing you very much, so he sends you a very “touching” video.

Rating: M

Warnings: Graphic detail, mutual masturbation, exhibitionism, and scarf kink. (Yes, seriously, scarf kink. I think I’m just making up new kinks now. *facepalm*) Read at your own risk! 

You were lying across your bed in your fuzzy cat pajamas, listening to Exo and doing some homework when you got a text from your boyfriend, Baekhyun. You smiled to yourself, figuring it was one of his usual good night messages. He always sent you a text right before bed, wishing you to sleep well and saying that he loved you. However, he had been texting you even more frequently ever since he left for a short tour overseas.

He kept saying that he missed you. This didn’t surprise you, since Baekhyun was a really thoughtful guy. You considered meeting him to be the best thing that had ever happened to you. He was so loving and sweet, truly an angel on Earth. He shared everything with you, so even though you had only been together for a few months so far, you felt like you had known him forever.

After a string of bad boyfriends who had clearly only wanted sex from you, Baekhyun was like a breath of fresh air. He had single-handedly restored your faith in the male gender by never ogling your body but always being the one to look after your heart with such tender love and care. 

In fact, you realized that he had never even mentioned sex to you once. You were sure that he had no such thoughts about you. You were totally fine with that, since you didn’t have interest in such things at all. After all, true love was pure and innocent, right? Of course! That was what made it so romantic and exciting! 

You squealed to yourself gleefully, hugging the Baekhyun-shaped pillow on your bed (which he had given to you) with both arms, then you picked up your phone to check his message.

Upon clicking it, a video started to download and you noticed the words “video message” which you had missed before entirely in your excitement. 

This seemed even more interesting to you, since seeing Baekhyun was always the best option, but what would he be doing in this video? You figured he would probably sing. He sometimes sent you videos of him singing, either because he just felt like it, or because he wanted to sing you to sleep.

After loading, the video launched and the face of your beloved filled the screen of your phone. You squealed and fanned your face because, as always, he was incredibly handsome and it made you feel like your heart would leap out of your chest and sail out of your throat, exiting your body entirely and thus killing you instantaneously. It was an overwhelming and exhausting sensation, sure, but such was the feeling of dating Byun Baekhyun.

“Jagiya, annyeong!” he sang adorably, making finger hearts at you and causing you to squeal some more. He then began to just talk to you comfortably, filming himself with his phone as he walked around his hotel room. Apparently he was getting ready for bed.

“So I’m stuck in this hotel room right now and it’s so boring. I’d much rather be there with you, but I can’t.” he pouted dramatically, and you grinned at your phone. “So I thought I would send you a special message. Are you ready? Okay, let’s start!”

You bounced up and down happily, looking forward to what you were sure would be endless aegyo and a cuddly heart-to-heart chat about his feelings for you and his hopes for your eternal future together.

Keep reading

Do you need a service in the area of love? Look below and maybe you’ll find something you’re looking for!

⇨ ???? | Seokjin

⇨ ???? | Yoongi

⇨ ???? | Hoseok

⇨ ???? | Namjoon

Heartbreak Insurance | Jimin
With affordable and comprehensible solutions, we are committed to meet your needs today! We cover and care for you in your most vulnerable times, offering paid time off, therapy sessions and care packages. Because heartbreak is pain too.

Rent-a-Boyfriend™ | Taehyung
Are YOU lonely? Need someone to cuddle at night? Do you want love? If you said ‘yes’ to any of the questions previously mentioned then we have a service for you! RENT-A-BOYFRIEND TODAY!

⇨ ???? | Jungkook

Minor league hockey is quite fun.

So is coming home to my mom and her husband gushing about how wonderful my daughter was😍

Five powerful adoption finalizations this week. Such a privilege to work with these incredible families (much like yourselves, dear Tumblr friends.)

Two days post awful flu and feeling amazing!

Massage ahead of me and another night out with friends, what is this?! Loaning Lou to my sister for beauty and the beast.

Best puppy dog ever at my feet.

Completed a huge report today- good news for one of my families and got to share it in person.

Some weeks start rough but oh has it ended well.

myrtlewilson replied to your post: gilmore girls was truly one of the most brutal…

literally why i stopped watching golden girls when my GG obsessed roommate moved out. like after she told me paris wasn’t gay i just last straw man

i was initially watching it with three straight co-workers (like, it was our go-to lunch entertainment of choice, because they were all obsessed with it), and at one point OH during the bangles episode where paris is like, “you know, rory, i think this is the best night i’ve ever had” i was like “wow so paris is a lesbian” and they were like, “???????????????????????????????????? no she’s not why would you say that” and i just rewound the bit where paris says that line and they were all like, “okay but… but… but she’s not though” and then i had to just keep watching it with them for another season and a half pretending my soul wasn’t dying

Six movies I can watch any time

was tagged by the most fabulous @soldatka thx sweet cheeks!!

1. Dirty Dancing—- I mean its Patrick Swayze!!

Originally posted by moviemadnesss

2. Rocky Horror Picture Show—- that Sweet Transvestite has me like

Originally posted by justartsythingsuniverse

3. Independence Day—- Will Smith and Aliens, can’t go wrong and one of the best Presidential speeches ever!!!

Originally posted by theplaylistfilm

4. Saturday Night Fever—- John Travolta and dancing. Hell yes!!

Originally posted by foreverdosed

5. EVERY HARRY POTTER MOVIE—-I mean of course its Harry Potter!!

Originally posted by fanasticlypotter

Originally posted by percyjaksonfanfiction

6. EVERY CAPTAIN AMERICA, THE AVENGERS, AND THOR MOVIES—- you know this is what I live for!!

Originally posted by theavengers

Originally posted by lokitty

Originally posted by there-and-always-back-again

Originally posted by there-and-always-back-again

Originally posted by robertsdowneystark

Originally posted by fallen-angel-potterhead

Originally posted by itsawkwardfangirl

I tag @caplanbuckybarnes @iamteambucky @meleedamage @girliegirltm @steverogersnotebook @thatawkwardtinyperson and whoever wants to do this!!

Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.
—  Gillian Anderson

“My father was on strike one Christmas. I think I was six years old. And whenever the union was on strike, we’d go without. So there weren’t many presents under the tree that year. Dad explained to us that he was standing up for everybody, and that he needed our help. He promised us that he’d get us more presents once he got back to work. Then the night before Christmas, somebody broke into our house. They slit the screen on one of the windows and stole everything. I woke up to my mom screaming. All our presents were gone. But that ended up being the best Christmas we ever had. Because a few hours later, six guys from the union showed up, and they were carrying bags and bags of presents.”


I?? I haven’t drawn them in so long ??? Here’s a random batch of ONS doodles from last night to make up for my unannounced hiatus…!!

(I hope everyone is doing v well and i appreciate you all for sticking around, even with my inconsistent updates!! /hearts/)

I think love needs time to grow. Maybe that’s why taking it slow is best. Because it’s supposed to capture you without you ever knowing. It’s supposed to grip you and slip into your bones in the night. One day you know. Until then, you live, and wait, work and play.
—  B. E. Barnes

I would bet cash money that at some point, as a joke, either ransom, holster, or shitty acquire a card board cut out of jack for the haus. None of them will at to doing it, all anyone knows is that one day it appeared in the kitchen and nearly gave a sleep deprived bitty a heart attack. It’s simultaneously the best decision they ever made but also the most hated.

It normally stays in the living room or kitchen (sometimes being moved to the basement when someone gets really sick of it) but it has been placed in everyone’s room at least once in the dead of night. Somehow, despite being regarded as hella creepy by some and hilarious by others, it becomes a fixture™ of the haus

They’ve put numerous jerseys on the cut out, namely whoever won the game winning goal (or chowder’s if he gets a shut out or just had a particularly good game), and lardo has a bad habit of putting flower crowns on it when her and shitty get high. They decorate it for each of the holidays, with hearts, shamrocks, and during Hanukkah they stuck candles to him for each night.

Chowder has been known to talk to it as part of his pregame ritual when he is feeling particularly nervous, and the others would be put off by this if he didn’t already do that with some of the posters in his room. The next year (Bitty’s senior year) nursey and dex tell the incoming frogs/tadpoles that the cut out has been blessed with magical powers and that chowder is paying tribute for a good game (a surprising number of them actually believe them too).

When bitty graduates they try to make him take it with them but jack adamantly refuses.

after some reflection I decided that year 2 of Night Vale supplied us with the best lines ever:

  • “Did he say something?!?!?! …Was it cute??????”
  • “He is holding a cat.”

  • “Oh,” I said again, but softer, sadder – which is when he leaned forward and kissed me. Just once. Just…gently. Just before slipping out of the car and into the lab.” 

  • “Hello? Hello? I’m Cecil! Cecil Gershwin Palmer! And you cannot scare me! You cannot! You canno –…Hello?” (this was great because we found out Cecil’s actual full name)

  • “Did you know there’s a Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your home? It’s true! She’s there now. She’s always there, just out of your sight. Always just out of your sight.” (the first mention of the FOW!)

  • “Ahh ahh, I see. The sun is going out. Yes. A black tumor of darkness, of absence, is on the face of the brightness. The brightness is dimming. The source of all life is going, is joining the rest of us in taking today to do nothing.That’s probably not good.We should probably do something about that.But…it’s like…well, anyway. At least I got to see how Breaking Bad ended.”

  • Listeners, the only thing more terrifying than seeing the devil is no longer being able to see the devil!

  • “Trees,” she said sadly. “They are us,” she added, waving her hand lazily in the air, as if to shoo away a very slow bee.

  • “We’re getting more updates about those doors. In fact, I have a very important scientist on the phone right now. He’s at the very top of his field, a really handsome scientist!” 

  • “Sad is not the land that has no hero. Sad is the land that needs a hero.” 

  • “Not one citizen outside of Tamika and her band of brilliant, brave, children stood up to tyranny today! We all chose to stand down, and hope change would be won for us, and not by us! By someone else, we believed. A hero, we believed.But belief is only step one. Action is step two. Fighting for what you believe is step two. Solidarity is step two. Unity is step two. We did not take step two today, Night Vale!And now there will be no step three!”

  • “I’ve got guests in my studio. I don’t know how they undid my secret barricade made of cardboard signs that said “KEEP OUT!” and “SECRET ROOM!” in all caps with an exclamation point “ 

  • I’m not a hero. I’m a scientist! 
  • A scientist is always fine.

  •  Cecil, hey. Um, it’s Carlos.
  • I– I– I hate that I got your voicemail, but listen, I figured it out.


~Guys, guuuys...

I’ve just learnt that Ben Affleck:

- has taught himself Arabic

- speaks Spanish and French too

- is so good at doing impressions that when he did one to Morgan Freeman, it was so accurate Freeman told him, “You ever do that again, I’ll kill you”

- won $356,000 by winning the California State Poker Championships in June 2004 - defeating some of the best poker players in the world in the process

- filmed four movies simultaneously in 2001: Pearl Harbor, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Changing Lanes, and The Sum of All Fears 

- began an intense two-hour a day workout regime the day after he was cast as Batman

- received a lifetime ban from playing blackjack at the Las Vegas’ Hard Rock Casino due to his ‘counting cards’ skills

Which tells me:

1. He’s fucking smart. I mean, he can pick up/learn languages pretty well (one of which is Arabic, Damian are you listening and he majored in Middle Eastern Affairs in college) and he is a boss at poker/blackjack.

2. He’s a workaholic. Look, I’ve never made a film (or even a short video) in my entire life, but he did 4 in one year at the same time and I bet he’s done similar workloads throughout his career. Also, see: two-hour a day workout regime for more evidence.

3. He can do good enough impressions to freak the fuck out of God™.


= Ben Affleck is well on his way to being Ultimate Batman

All Hail the mighty Bat!

Originally posted by ageofsuperheroes

(edit: someone didn’t like my previous gif-use due to literal-Superman-bashing, and I agreed. Sorry, I didn’t see Supes little face on the wee gif-screen. Here’s some batfleck just being the best Bat he can)

ignore me creepy internet researching the fuck out of him to get my hands on this info. i needed it to defend myself from absolutely no one. fucking fight me

For some context...

There are 40 songs that have charted in the UK for One Direction. Only 7 have made it to #1 or #2.

What Makes You Beautiful (#1), Little Things (#1), One Way or Another (#1), Best Song Ever (#2), Story of My Life (#2), Drag Me Down (#1), Perfect (#2)

This means that Louis’ debut solo single - Just Hold On (#2 debut) - has done better than these 1D songs: 

Gotta Be You (3), One Thing (9), Live While We’re Young (3), Kiss You (9), Steal My Girl (3), Night Changes (7), and History (6), which all peaked in of the top 10 spots. This Town peaked at 9. Steve has never been in the UK top 10. 


beauty and the beast sentence meme

feel free to change the starters and things to fit your muse!

  • “who could ever learn to love a beast?”
  • “well, it’s my favorite! far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise!”
  • “here’s where she meets prince charming. but she won’t discover that it’s him ‘til chapter three.”
  • “my father is not crazy! he’s a genius!”
  • “i’m not really sure i fit in here. there’s no one i can really talk to.”
  • “oh _____, have a heart!”
  • “you know, there’s not a girl in town who wouldn’t love to be in your shoes.”
  • “is he gone?”
  • “for once, it might be grand to have someone understand. i want so much more than they’ve got planned.”
  • “______, there’s a girl in the castle!”
  • “take me instead.”
  • “please spare my daughter! please!”
  • “told you she was pretty, _____. didn’t i?”
  • “cheer up, child. it’ll turn out alright in the end, you’ll see.”
  • “try to be patient. the girl has lost her father and her freedom all in one day.”
  • “it’s no use. she’s so beautiful and I’m…well, look at me!”
  • “please attempt to be a gentleman.”
  • “i don’t wanna get to know him! i don’t wanna have anything to do with him!”
  • “she’ll never see me as anything but a monster.”
  • “promise or no promise, i can’t stay here another minute!”
  • “by the way, thank you for saving my life.”
  • “true, that he’s no prince charming. but there’s something in him that i simply didn’t see.”
  • “i’ll tell you when you’re older.”
  • “could you read it again?”
  • “you don’t have time to be timid!”
  • “and when the moment is right, you confess your love!”
  • “are you happy here with me?”
  • “you mean…i’m free?”
  • “after all this time, he’s finally learned to love.”
  • “______, why’d you go away? don’t you like us anymore?”
  • “if it’s a fight they want, we’ll be ready for them!”
  • “what’s the matter, ______? too kind and gentle to fight back?”
  • “at least i got to see you one last time.”
  • “are they gonna live happily ever after, ______?”

what she says: i’m fine
what she means: sirius black was never allowed by his family to be himself as a kid , he never got to be free, sirius spent years fighting evil, first at home and then in war, before he was imprisoned for a crime he stood on the other side off and he was labeled as one of them even though all he ever wanted was to not be one of them. sirius spent 12 years imprisoned and alone knowing two of his best friends were murdered by his other best friend who turns out not to love him as much as he loved him. all this while his last best friend, the only person he had left, thought he, sirius, had killed their three best friends. sirius lost all the people he loved in one night and was left alone for 12 years thinking about this. sirius got so skinny he could slip through the bars of his cell. sirius looked after his best friends son even while he thought sirius was a murderer and the reason his parents, sirius´ best friends, were dead. sirius later finally got his godson and one of his best friends back but the rest of the world still thought he was a vicious madman and he again had to be imprisoned but this time in his old family home that he ran away from when he was only 16 and he was again reminded of how he never fit in. sirius got little glimpses of happiness before he was killed by his cousin at only 36 years old and during those 36 years sirius black never experienced what it was like to truly be a free man

A bit late but HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Imagine them all sitting back at the entrance to enjoy the fireworks display. Its been one heck of a year. Ready to greet the new year with a blank slate and a light heart!

“that is the moon and stars, my friend” sans answers. “and those are fireworks”

“Golly, they look like magic flowers!”
“Yes, my child. They are beautiful, are they not?”

“T-this is the m-most magical night e-ever!”
“NGAAAH! Spending time with my neat pals is the best! This is exactly how anime characters celebrate new years too!”

“My, how time flies fast. I wish I brought tea for everyone to enjoy this”

*Enjoying the view at the closing of the year and the opening to another, you look at everyone having a great time. Knowing that they will be with you to face whatever comes in the uncertain future….

It fills you with determination.