What's it like to live with a misandrist?
“I’ll let you know when I live with one.” HA HA HA I’m so funny just like you.
On a more serious note: people who have used the internet and BBSes as long as I have usually know full well not to feed the trolls. My wife would probably just delete your message because she, frankly, doesn’t have time for this kind of bullshit. However, I feel like this is an unusual chance. Usually cowardly misogynists choose female targets, but you’ve made the interesting choice to engage with a man. So because I am a man, perhaps you, or others like you, might actually listen, maybe even subconsciously to a fraction of what I have to say. Also, I’m on lunch right now after just having eaten delicious leftover tri-tip roast, so I feel pretty energized.
To put it bluntly, my wife is no misandrist. To make such a claim means one of two things: either you don’t understand what misandry is, or you haven’t read the sort of things she posts. Misandry, according to the dictionary, is a fundamental hatred for men and belief that they are, as a group, inferior just for being men. In common use it also refers to the ridiculous notion of women somehow oppressing men–and if you think that is actually happening, you may be beyond the help of whatever wisdom I can provide.
Neither of these concepts of misandry apply to my wife. Reading any substantial amount of her writing makes it clear that it’s the actions of a person that matter, not their gender, sexuality or whatever. She creates an open space where all are welcome so long as they respect that space. Oh, perhaps you’re referring to a recent post where she said, “I’m not interested in watching something primarily about dudes.” Sorry, but that’s not misandry, that’s an entertainment consumption choice. It’s very similar to how many men are saying right now, “I’m not interested in watching something primarily about chicks like the new Ghostbusters.” Would you call them misogynists? (Even if you answer yes, you’re still wrong. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to watch movies that you feel you can more closely relate to. The misogyny around that particular movie comes from the belief that just because the leads in the new Ghostbusters movie are female, that the movie is inherently unfunny, inferior and worthy of ridicule.)
So, are you ignorant about what misandry is or just too lazy to find out anything about the person you’re attacking? Either one is a fine excuse, and exactly the sort of thing I would expect from the kind of person sending anonymous hate mail to someone’s spouse. But neither of them makes you correct.
I think in explaining your lack of comprehension around the concept of misandry (and perhaps my wife’s thoughts on the matter), the late Maggie Estep summed it up best in her song “Hey Baby”:
“Whatsa matta, baby, you got somethin’ against men?” he asks
“No,” I say, “I don’t have anything against men… Just stupid men.”