EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

SIDE-SEAT DRIVER.  OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN BICKERING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE WHILE THE ACTUAL SPOUSE IS OVER THERE LIKE “REALLY, YOU GUYS?”

T  H  E  I  R     F  A  C  E  S

The Clone Wars Visual Guide (2008) by Jason Fry | Legends/non-canon

BLOODY ESCAPE

SUMMARY: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Asajj Ventress barely escape with their lives after a dangerous encounter with Darth Maul and Savage Opress. Trapped together in a small shuttle, these one-time enemies must put their differences aside in order to find their way back to civilization. Things get complicated when Ventress realizes Kenobi has been gravely wounded. Will he survive the long journey or will his blood be on her hands?

Takes place during season 4 of The Clone Wars immediately after episode 22, “Revenge.”

“Are you dying?” she asked flatly, just a hint of amusement coloring her words.

“Not yet, ” he smirked without opening his eyes. “Sorry to disappoint you, my dear.”

She stepped around his seat so that she was right in front of him. “What’s wrong?”

He swallowed thickly and took another steadying breath before opening his eyes and looking up at her. “It’s lovely to know you care, but I’m fine.”

RATED MATURE ON AO3 FOR GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE AND INJURY

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Revenge is one of my absolute favorite Clone Wars episodes. I’ve always been interested in what happens between Obi-Wan and Ventress after they escape from Maul. This fic is my attempt at satisfying a guilty pleasure.

Just a warning, it wouldn’t be a proper Most Things Kenobi fic if Obi-Wan doesn’t suffer some kind of horrible injury LOL! Sorry not sorry. But if you are squeamish about blood and/or injuries, this may not be the fic for you. If you like whump, this is definitely the fic for you ;)

Hope you enjoy.

BLOODY ESCAPE

“That was cutting it a little close,” Ventress said as she lithely moved across the darkened cockpit.

“You do know it’s not over,” Kenobi muttered, still furiously punching coordinates into the nav computer.

“I know.”

“They’ll be after us both now.” He could feel her come up behind him, standing silently near his right shoulder. He paused a moment, taking stock of the unexpected turn of events; his nemesis had just rescued him and now they were trapped together in a small compartment for god knows how long. Fleetingly Obi-Wan wondered if she was going to try to kill him, but his heart softened as he remembered how she had handed him one of her precious lightsabers.

I want that back!

That’s fine. Red’s not my color.

Obi-Wan winced as he shifted his weight; pain seared across his right lung and his ribs felt tender. Who knows what might have happened if Ventress hadn’t come along. Maul could have dragged him off to the outer rim’s far edges and tortured him for months. The thought sent a shiver up Kenobi’s spine. Turning in his seat he looked at Asajj. She was a little bruised around the edges but otherwise seemed her usual ornery self. “Are you all right?”

Her brow arched severely at his absurd presumption. “I’m fine,” she scoffed. “Nothing I can’t handle.” She placed a hand on her hip and pointed a slender finger at him. “You should worry about yourself. Looks like those boys were trying to rearrange your face.”

Obi-Wan touched his aching right eye, already bruised and swollen. “They nearly succeeded.”

Ventress casually flicked her hand and rolled her eyes. “Any change would be an improvement.” She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the bulkhead. “So what’s next, Kenobi?”

The Jedi spun back to the computer and consulted the readouts. “Looks like we have enough fuel to reach this space station in the sixth quadrant.” He illuminated the location on the holoprojector and Ventress stepped forward to inspect it. “We’ll be able to switch ships there, possibly even…”

Kenobi suddenly winced, his entire body tensing as he gave a painful, wet cough. Asajj recoiled in surprise, her senses instantly tingling with concern though she made no move to help him. She watched his jaw clench as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back. All the sinews in Obi-Wan’s neck strained while he breathed through his discomfort, his chest rising and falling tightly.

“Are you dying?” she asked flatly, just a hint of amusement coloring her words.

“Not yet, ” he smirked without opening his eyes. “Sorry to disappoint you, my dear.”

She stepped around his seat so that she was right in front of him. “What’s wrong?”

He swallowed thickly and took another steadying breath before opening his eyes and looking up at her. “It’s lovely to know you care, but I’m fine.”

“I don’t care. I just don’t want the Jedi to blame me for your death.” Her mouth turned down at the corners with distain. “Can you imagine the headache that would cause me?”

“I’m sure you’d manage to get through it,” he said darkly.

“You’re clearly not fine,” Ventress said, ignoring his snide remark. She stared down at Kenobi’s battered face; the sclera of his right eyes was bloody and his cheekbone was darkening into a ghastly purple bruise. “You look like hell,” she said dispassionately. “What happened to your face?”

Obi-Wan snorted. “I vaguely remember Maul smashing it through a packing crate.”

“You’re lucky he smashed only half your head.” Ventress could not suppress a crooked smile that, despite her amusement, still managed to look caustic. She reached out and gently flicked Kenobi’s forelock. “And still not a hair out of place. How do you manage it?”

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anonymous asked:

I know that canonically Obi Wan would never do this, but hypothetically, how do you think Anakin would react if he found out that Obi Wan was in a secret relationship? I know you said that if he found another Jedi in one, he wouldn’t turn them in and would keep their secret, but what about his former Master? I don’t think he’d turn him either, but do you think he might feel betrayed, and it might cause more friction between them (because of the Padmé thing?) Or do you think he’d be ok with it?

Something similar to this happened in the EU and the answer is not well.

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ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS ADORABLE.

OBI-WAN’S OBJECTIONS TO FLYING ARE THAT IT’S EITHER TOO EXCITING OR TOO BORING.

AND YOU KNOW HE COMPLAINED ABOUT ALL THE TINKERING JUST SO ANAKIN COULD SAY, “I’LL DO IT, MASTER.” BECAUSE ANAKIN ENJOYED IT AND OBI-WAN ENJOYED WATCHING ANAKIN TINKER WITH THINGS INSTEAD.

R4 WAS DAMAGED IN AN INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT SO ANAKIN REBUILT IT.

R4 PATIENTLY EXPLAINS ABOUT ITS USUAL TOP TO ANYONE WHO GOES OVER TO ASK.

The Clone Wars Visual Guide (2008) by Jason Fry | Legends/non-canon

loverofcake  asked:

Regarding the "Pilgrims of Jedha" section of thing you just posted: Do you think the 'Brotherhood of the Beautific Countenance" are people who met Anakin once and now worship him as a deity? 😂

I LAUGHED OUT LOUD FOR FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT AFTER READING THIS, BECAUSE IT IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

LOOK AT THIS GUY’S FACE, NOT ONLY IS HE THE CHOSEN ONE, LOOK AT HIS FACE:

BUT IT’S NOT JUST THAT GUY.  YOU KNOW THEY ALSO MET THIS GUY:

AND WERE LIKE “WHOA, HOT”.

You know they were on Jedha at some point during The Clone Wars and accidentally got roped into being the latest incarnations of the Beautific Countenance, which Obi-Wan thought was HILARIOUS when they looked at Anakin and immediately declared him a deity and swarmed him, UNTIL ANAKIN WAS LIKE, “HEY, HAVE YOU MET MY FRIEND, THE VERY HANDSOME MAN STANDING NEXT TO ME?” like the rat bastard that he is.  And then it was Anakin’s turn to laugh as they swarmed over Obi-Wan and went WHOOOOAAA THE GODS HAVE BLESSED US, TWO DEITIES COME TO BLESS US!!! SO MANY BLESSINGS!!!  BLESS!!! and Obi-Wan was very stoic in the face of it, but Anakin could see how much he wanted to sigh and scrub a hand over his face.