So, idk where to start, but yesterday I was hating the world and myself, thinking of the desire of ending my life.
And it’s absolutely incredible how fast things can change.
Today I woke up and felt completely normal, inclusive I fought with my mom. I was in my kitchen opening the fridge, when I fainted. I fainted two times in less than five minutes.
I got to the hospital after I almost passed away in the car, and now I’m at my home, with a diagnostic of a cardiac disease. But I’m not really thinking about this. The only thing I’ve got in my mind is the memory of my mom in the hospital room saying “I’ve lost her”. Her face, you know. I’ve never saw my mom like that. And I just feel so selfish. So selfish of thinking about leaving her, for thinking about giving up, for thinking about this was the best.
So please don’t kill yourself, don’t even wonder how it could be. Don’t talk about it like if it’s simple stuff. Don’t joke with it. Please. You have a family that loves you, maybe a pet, your friends (even if they’re one or ten), your teachers, your classmates, your neighbor, the guy that smiles you at the bus stop every morning, even you can be the crush of someone.
Think about your parents, about your siblings, your closest aunt/uncle. Imagine the reaction in their faces knowing that you’re not there any more. They will be so sad. And it’s normal to fight, and it’s normal to say things that you don’t mean under that circumstances.
It’s okay trying to end with your pain, but you’re going to make it worst. More depressed people, more tears, more sadness in the world. And it would be for you. Because you’ll be gone. Please don’t be selfish. And remember, there is always a way out, maybe you’re not seeing it.
Today I learnt it, and not by the best way.
Life is too short for ending it by yourself.
Just live it. Try everyday to be more and more happy.