OKAY OKAY OKAY THERE ARE SO MANY REASONS WHY I LOVE THIS QUOTE SO MUCH

I normally choose to post Mashima’s artwork here, and nothing more. This blog was not made for any purpose but to share Mashima-senshi’s art, I have had no intentions of speaking out, or spreading any word. However, I was greeted with this in the mailbox and this is not okay

Here are the reasons as to why:
1. Anon hate is never okay. It shows that you are a coward who do not have the guts to speak out with your identity attached, likely because you’re afraid of the repercussions. If you do not have the guts to speak out openly about your apparent disgust, you do not have the right to speak out at all, especially not a blog where his work is being shared and loved. That being said, hate in general is not okay. 

2. If you would like to word your dislike for a well-known artist, kindly structure your distaste clearly. We Do Not Type like this in a normal setting. I assume you were attempting to state your opinion of “Hey, do you know that Hiro Mashima’s drawings are disgusting? I hope someone will fucking kill him one day. He is not a great artist at all in Fairy Tail. Story is horrible!!!” At least, that was my inference, I had a little trouble at the end. 

3. Let’s break down point 2, shall we? Firstly, we do not need to know that you find Hiro Mashima’s drawings disgusting. What are you doing on a blog that does nothing but post Hiro Mashima’s artwork if you find it disgusting? It seems you may have a problem. If you find something disgusting, I suggest that you stay away from it. Perhaps you can try a blacklist function, it is easily found with a quick google search. Going to a blog that posts nothing but something you find disgusting may mean that you have an issue, please see a doctor if it persists, it is not healthy for you to continually visit something that contains things you find disgusting.

4. Secondly, hoping that someone will be killed simply because you dislike their drawings is a very dark thought. It is extremely unhealthy to channel so much hate over drawings that does not belong to you, and can be avoided if you take the steps suggested in point 3. Mashima-sensei has done nothing wrong to you, it is not as though he has threatened your family, or harmed you in any manner; such hate is unwarranted, especially if your only beef is with his drawings. If you phrase this in another manner, it can be taken as a death threat, and you may and can be reported for that. That will get you in a whole lot of trouble, as the police may be involved. 

5. Thirdly, we have established that you find Mashima’s artwork disgusting, and in your opinion, lacking. However, do note that the term ‘great’ is a subjective term. For example, you may think that you’re being oh so very great when you send an anon hate ask like this to a Hiro Mashima artwork blog, but in my personal opinion, I think such an action is quite the opposite of great. On the other hand, I’m sure many others following this blog for his artwork would agree that his artwork is rather great in their opinion. As this is a subjective determination, I will leave this as such.

6. Based on inference, it seems that you were attempting to tell me that his art in Fairy Tail is not great. Please be gently reminded that Fairy Tail belongs to him. He created the manga, and the style, and the art for the characters. Be mindful that the canon appearance, art style, literally everything, belongs to him. You may think that it’s not great artwork, but in Fairy Tail, it’s as canon as it is, which technically makes it the greatest, especially if you’re measuring upon the likeliness of artwork with canon. 

7. If you find that the story is horrible, you may choose to drop Fairy Tail like I know many have done. What is the issue here? I find it hard to understand why you continue to apparently torment yourself with art and story that you do not like and find horrible. Like previously mentioned, Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima, What he chooses to do with it, and what he ultimately does with it, is his own choice. You have no right to dictate his actions or decisions. If you dislike it so much, please leave the fandom. No one is stopping you.

8. Lastly, I just want to say that I do not advocate hate in any forms. If you dislike something, the smart move is to unfollow, blacklist, and avoid. Going forward to send messages like such to a blog that enjoys what you do not is honestly not the action you should be taking. You take the fun and happiness out of others because you dislike something. One can not expect everyone to like the same thing, and on the same note, one cannot expect everyone to dislike the same thing. You would not like it if I came up to you and said horrible things about the things you like, you would not like it if I came up to you and said that someone you like, and I quote “I wish someone will fucking kill him one day.” Even if you can not enjoy something, you should not take that enjoyment away from others. It is never okay to hope for someone’s death, especially over such a small thing as artwork or manga that would not be detrimental to your life. 

People who come to this blog came here for Hiro Mashima’s artwork. If you do not have that intention, or like them, please just leave. There is no place for your hate here. This is a place for people who enjoy Hiro Mashima’s artwork to unite and connect. 

If any word is spread in this post, let it be this.

HATE IS NOT OKAY.

Hired by BigHit: Bittersweet- Part 8 [END]

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Summary: You’ve always had respect for Min Yoongi’s musical talent. As one of BigHit’s new producers, you now get to experience both the bitter and sweet sides of him.

Parts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 [END] // Epilogue (fake text)

Hired by BigHit Series: Taehyung // Hoseok // Yoongi // Seokjin // Namjoon // Jungkook // Jimin


Keep reading

Ode To Sleep -
If he starts to close his eyes and sleep his thoughts will start to get to him, he needs to stay awake even though he hasn’t stone anything wrong.

Holding On To You -
Okay fuck this ones going to be long. I actually really fucking love this song so much. He is finally taking control of his mind and he is doing what he wants to do and he doesn’t care what happens, he even explains to you to take control of your mind if you need to, but no matter what he will always be holding on to you.
Also what the fuck are these nonsense lyrics I hear people singing, we were gifted with thought for a reason (that’s what the lean with it, rock with it, when are we gonna stop with it? Lyrics are about)

Migraine -
The migraine actually represents a deeper problem in his head that he just needs to get rid of, and he thinks he is alone but he actually is not.

House Of Gold -
IMMA TAKE CARE OF YOU MOM FOREVER AND EVER. Also dreams never come fucking true so fuck trying to dream.

Car Radio -
This actually has no deeper meaning the song is literally saying what it means. Somebody stole his car radio so now he sits in silence and you need to be alive.

Semi-Automatic -
Tyler is sadistic and never likes how he is. But no matter what he goes through he is going to survive. Also his prayers are fucking weird.

Screen -
Tyler is trying to be someone he isn’t but he realized you can see right through him so he can’t lie. We are all broken, we’re broken people, so excuse us while we sing to the sky.

The Run And Go -
TYLER FUCKING KILLED SOMEONE, HE NEEDS TO BE IN JAIL BUT HE IS ON THE RUN AND GO (like what I did there)

Fake You Out -
He will never be what you want him to be. He will just fake you out with all these problems he has and he will take advantage of you. He is afraid of what you think. He has done so much and teens are just so suicidal. Also our brains are sick but that’s okay.

Guns For Hands -
The rate of teen suicide is rising, and it just scares tyler to think about how many people are like that and how many people just could kill them in a instant because their hand always has their gun in it ready to pull the trigger to their head, so it would just be better if we all could just make fists instead.

Trees -
I’ve actually never thought about how deep this song is. Tyler is just standing silently in the woods and he can just feel that god is there and he wants to just finally meet his maker, and that’s why he says he can feel his death because well suicide.

Truce -
You are going to die eventually but please just please stay alive for me, don’t do it.

—  Dakota’s thoughts on Vessel

reasons why shadow from american gods is the Ideal Male Protagonist:

-not white. “coffee colored skin”. black hair. not white
-VERY TALL AND STRONG
-his name is shadow moon
-his response to like everything is “okay” like someone actually straight up says “dont fuck with me or I will kill you” and he says “okay I wont fuck with you”
-“you need to hang from this tree for nine days” “okay”
-actually extremely intelligent in many ways. reads and comprehends Herodotus. QUOTES Herodotus. MULTIPLE TIMES
-hes so polite constantly even when hes punching ppl
-a blusher. he blushes. multiple times. noticeably. people comment on this enormous man’s blushing
-the guy has, like, a blushing problem
-fell in love with his wife like instantly and loved her forever after that
-literally his nickname is “puppy” pls love this man as much as I do

anonymous asked:

Alex, before John wakes up and when/after he finds out about the tattoo, the constellations aligned

Can do! x

*

When Alex is high, he sleeps like a dead thing. When’s he’s drunk-drunk, he wakes up every hour or so and then immediately falls back to sleep. When he’s tipsy, he drifts in and out of sleep, never going all the way under until he’s sobered up. When he’s in an unfamiliar bed, he can never quite allow himself to give entirely into sleep.

Tipsy and high, post-orgasm, in von Steuben’s library, he seems to be falling somewhere in the middle. He drifts for a while and then sits up straight, wide awake, and then falls back into his half-sleep when he decides not to get out of bed. It’s a few hours into the night when he gives up and props himself up in the bed, hoping maybe he can sober up entirely and then at least nap until it’s time to go home.

Next to him, John sleeps on, undisturbed. He’s on his stomach, his hair a riotous mess of tangled curls that’s mostly up off of his neck and back, bare in the cool air of the room. Alex shivers—John is beautiful, this ethereal being that he’s somehow allowed to touch, something otherworldly and precious.

He would blame the affection on the lingering alcohol and marijuana sluggishly crawling through his system, but he tries not to lie to himself—this is how he always feels about John, deep down inside.

Keep reading

Celebrity Crush - A Eric Nam Imagine

Thanks to the wonderful anon who requested this! You didn’t state whether or not you were a girl or boy, but I assumed you were female. If not I apologize! Also, sorry that it’s a little on the lengthy side, especially when it comes to imagines, and sorry that it’s a little rushed. I hope it’s close to what you wanted! 

Oh, and I’m still taking request if anyone would like to leave me one! 

Request:  Can you do an Eric Nam imagine where you are a solo guest on asc and you are his celebrity crush?

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     “She’s beautiful, she’s talented, and she’s one of the biggest female solo artist in the industry. Please welcome to our stage, for the 3rd time this year, the always amazing and wonderful, Y/N!” Eric Nam shouted, his smile lighting up the ‘After School Club’ studio as he, and the two other MC’s, Jimin and Kevin, welcomed you on stage.

There was lots of cheering as you made your way onto the stage, goofily dancing along the MC’s to your new song ‘Crash Into You’. You couldn’t help but feel giddy as the familiar feeling of being there washed over you, happiness filling every pore of you body. 

“Hey!” You smiled happily, hugging Jimin, Kevin, and eventually Eric, who’s hug lasted noticeably longer than the others.

You always loved coming to the ASC studio. Not only were you from the same company as Jimin, who was one of your best friends, but Kevin and Eric were incredibly fun to be around. Kevin was always so happy and charming, while Eric was hilarious, incredibly sweet and all around easy to talk to. And you had to admit, even though you’d never say it out loud, you had a little bit of a crush on Eric. He was just so….likable.

“Yay! My best friend is here!” Jimin shouted, wrapping her arms around you in a mock hug, almost as if she was using you as a shield. “Please save me from these crazy people!”

You couldn’t help but let a smile spread across your face as you gave her fake sentiment, patting her shoulder comfortably.

“Hey, don’t take Y/N for yourself! You have to share!” Kevin said jokingly, pulling you away from from her and into his side.

“Hey, now…”Eric said, breaking up the fake fight between Jimin and Kevin. “Let’s all be civilized adults here and come to terms with the fact that we can’t call dibs on people.” Eric smiled, looking into the camera with double meaning as he slyly gave his message to all fan boys and fan girls around the world.

“Thank you, Eric.” You smiled, brushing yourself off in a joking manner.

“I got you.” He smiled as he gave you a wink, a small blush creeping onto your cheeks in return. 

“Anyway,” Eric continued, “This is the 3rd time Y/N has been here this year and we’re all extremely excited to have her back! It’s always a fun time in the studio when she’s here!”

“That’s right!” Jimin chimed in, “And if you think we’re happy to have her back, you should see the fans! We’ve been getting tweets sent to our page since we announced you’d be on the show a week ago! Literally, THOUSANDS of tweets! You have some amazing fans, Y/N”

“I sure do!” You smiled, your heart beating faster as happiness took over your body.” I love you guys!” You said, blowing a kiss to the camera and doing a little bit of aegyo.

“Speaking of fans, since we have SO many tweets being sent to us we’re just gonna go ahead and start looking at them so we can try to answer as many of your questions as possible!” Kevin announced, motioning everyone to the giant screen with the twitter homepage.

Letting out a squeak, you almost had to keep yourself from jumping as you made your way to the screen. Talking to your fans was always one of your favorite things to do, and since you had an extremely busy schedule you didn’t always have time to sit down and do so. That’s another reason you loved being on ASC so much.

“Okay…”Eric started, sliding his finger down the screen as he looked for a question, “Ah! Here’s a good one! Bethany from California wants to know who your favorite American artists is and why.”

“Hmm….” You said, singers and bands from different languages racing through your mind as you tried to think of your favorite. Since you were fluent in both English and Korean you always had to stop and think which artists sang in which language. You knew it was strange, but with the wide variety of music you listened to, it was easy to get them mixed up. “I’d have to say my favorite American artist not only at the moment, but of all time, would definitely have to be a band called Y/F/B . I’ve always enjoyed their music and I grew up listening to them. They are amazing song writers and are very similar to me when it comes to the mix of the pop genre and rock genre. They’re one of my biggest inspirations. 

“Very cool!” Jimin commented as she took over the screen and started scrolling, “Oh! I like this one! This question is for Eric, from Olivia, and she says, and I quote, ‘Eric just needs to get married already!”” Jimin looked away from the screen and to the camera, giving it a wink since the girl used her legendary catch phrase. “Anyway, she continues by saying ‘ Lol, JK. But seriously Eric, who’s your celebrity crush?’”.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the look on Eric’s face. He was completely shocked and had no idea what to say. “Oh, come on guys! Don’t ask me questions! I’m here every week! Ask Y/N!” He stammered, trying to get out of the question.

“No,” you intervened, “It’s okay. Ask anyone anything you want, you guys! They’re all a part of the show too! I’m just a guest!” You laughed, trying to act kind and play it off when in actuality you really wanted to know Eric’s answer. Eric was always so quite when it came to girls that you honestly had no idea what his type was. You were kind of curious.

Eric stood there, completely silent with no idea what to do. He looked conflicted and you could tell, just by his expression, that while he was taken aback by the question and was almost too shy to answer it, he would have to, because he was an awful liar and pretty much had no choice in the matter, especially with Jimin around.

“Come on, Eric! Just answer! We have fans waiting!” Kevin edged on, his voice playfully demanding and a smirk plastered on his face, almost as if he already knew the answer.

“Fine.” Eric stuttered, “ My celebrity crush is actually Y/N/.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, the oxygen no longer going into your lungs. You hadn’t expected that as his answer. You hadn’t expected that at all. Eric Nam, your crush Eric Nam, the Eric Nam who could have any girl he wanted within seconds had a crush on you? 

 You were sure you hadn’t heard him correctly. Maybe it was just your mind playing tricks on you or wishful thinking. But as you looked around and seen all eyes on you, you knew it hadn’t been in your head.

“Wow, okay!” Jimin pipped in, her cheery voice fulling your ears. “What do you have to say about that, Y/N?”

All of a sudden a new found confidence washed over you. Eric Nam had a crush on you and you had a crush on Eric. And even though you always told yourself you’d never tell a soul about your feelings toward him, you no longer had anything to lose. If he could confess his feelings for you without a second thought, so you could you.

“Actually,” You said, looking Eric directly in the eye and giving him a small smile, “It’s kind of funny that you said that Eric, because you’re kind of my celebrity crush too.”

Chance -Part 4

*I know that’s not Cody as Theo,but this picture is so cute,soooo*


A/N:I got a bit carried away lol,but I hope you like it and more parts coming!!There will be lots of drama too *smirks*

Also Happy Thanksgiving,you lovely people!!


Word Count:2.2 K

Pairing:Liam Dunbar x Reader,Theo Raeken x Reader


Part 1  , Part 2  , Part 3


*three months later*

Y/n’s POV

“Theo,stop!”I laughed when he continued to tickle me.

“I hate you,go away”,I laughed.

“Oh no you don’t,you can’t”,Theo pouted.

“Okay,please please…stop…bwahahaha”,I tried to say in between my laughs.

“Okay,okay”,he chuckled.

I shook my head and looked around the books scattered on Theo’s coffee table.He tutors me chemistry,he’s really good at it.But like usual we get bored after some time and as a result less studying is done.At first we studied in the library then he invited me to his home and after that,we studied either at his place or mine,mostly his.We have a lot in common,we became very good friends within these past few months.He really changed and I absolutely adore his new side.

“I better get going now,”I said beginning to get up from the couch,

“Oh,you’re leaving already?Can’t you stay a little longer though?”He asked.

“As much as I would love that,it’s already late so it’s better if I go now,”I sighed.

“Understandable,”Theo nodded and begin walking outside to his car leading me.

The car rides with Theo are my absolute favourite.I smiled fondly remembering all the memories with him in this very car,the crazy singing,the gossips,the comfortable silence and those small talks.

“Why are you smiling?”Theo asked me curiously.

“Just  reminiscing old memories,”I shrugged.

“Remember our first car ride?’He chuckled,shaking his head.

“Oh yea,the time when my car broke down and you showed up,I legit thought you were stalking me,”I laughed.

“You hated my guts”,he said.

“That time you just recently moved to Beacon Hills,and–please can we just forget it”,I replied,not wanting to think about past.

“Yeah,but the second time was the best,”he said happily.

“Yeah that ‘Cheap Thrills’ singing session,”I chuckled,air-quoting the song’s name.

He nodded and pulled over in front of my house.

“Thanks Theo!”

“Anytime,see you at school tomorrow.”He said and hugged me.

“Tomorrow”,I hugged him back and said.


*next day*

Liam’s POV

I sighed in frustration and sat on the dressing room.Everyone left so I was alone.The coach really makes me lose temper,he said I’m not fit to be team’s captain.But I was partially upset about this fact.Y/N and I barely talked these past few weeks,because she’s always hanging out with that Raeken.I still don’t trust that guy.

I miss Y/N,now that I think about it she must’ve also felt the same when I cancelled our weekly movie nights and all.I miss my best friend and seeing her with Theo makes me jealous because he’s also become her best friend.I’m pretty sure she likes him more than me.

I heard the door open and I looked up to see Hayden.

“Hey,”she said softly.

“Hi,”I sighed.

“What’s wrong?”She asked worriedly.

“Just lacrosse stuff nothing serious,”I assured her.

“Alright,so my sister and I are going out of town to visit my grandma,I will leave tomorrow and will be back by Monday,”she stated.

“Do you have to go?I will miss you”,I pouted.

“I have to go baby,I’m sorry,I’ll be back before you know it,”she tried to lighten the mood.

“Okay,”I said not wanting to argue.

She kissed me softly,for some reason I didn’t feel spark like I used to feel before,maybe just because I’m too tired after today’s practice.


Y/N’s POV

“Y/N,wait!”I heard Stiles call me as I was heading towards my next class.

“What’s up Stlinski?”I asked as he caught up my pace and walked beside me.

“Scott and I were thinking of having a pack movie night,which is on tonight,”Stiles said,”you’re coming right?”

“Hell yeah,it’s been ages since we last had a movie night,”I said excitedly.

“I know right,so see ya tonight!”Stiles said beginning to walk towards the library.

“Looking forward to it,”I replied and went inside my class.


*after school*

“Finally this week’s been over,ever since the working days,Mondays,start I look forward to Fridays ,”Theo chuckled.

“Don’t we all?’I laughed.

“So..um… the pack’s having a movie night,I suppose?Stiles invited me,”he said smiling.

“He did?!Yeah,I’m so excited,”I said.

“Me too,so do you want to go to the woods?”He asked.

“Sure thing,”I said and he started driving towards the wood.

After Theo and I became close friends it became an unsaid rule to always hangout on the woods after school on Fridays.I really feel comfortable with him and the presence of him makes me happy,nonetheless the place.I feel attracted towards him,this new feeling makes me nervous,I try my best to hide it so he doesn’t catch on what’s up.I’m just afraid that if I tell him what I feel towards him,I might scare him off.He doesn’t seem like he’s interested in any commitment now.So I don’t want to risk the friendship.

I sighed and put my head on his shoulder.

“You alright?”Theo asked quietly.

“Yes,”I mumbled.

He nodded and began to gently play with my fingers.God,the things he does to me.



Theo’s POV

Everything’s been going great so far.Almost everyone in the pack fully accepted me,and Y/N and I’ve become really good friends.I always had a thing for her,but previously when I was working with the Dread Doctors,I didn’t do anything about my feeling because I was scared that she might end up in trouble if the Doctors knew.Now that I was having a complete new start of life,I spent many days thinking about her,about us and what we could have.

However,I didn’t have enough courage.I was scared that she might not like me back because I knew she had a crush on Liam Dunbar.Good thing that he’s with Hayden so for now I don’t have any competition,I suppose.Every time I’m with her my heart beats so fast that I can’t really focus on anything rather than trying to calm myself down.

I looked down at her,she’s beautiful,absolutely mesmerizing.

I took a deep breath,I wasn’t planning to confess my feelings now but now seems to be a perfect time.

“Y/N,there’s something I need to tell yo-”I was cut off by her phone ringing.I caught a glance at the caller id seeing it was Malia,aka werecoyote-with-horrible-timing.

“Hey Malia!”She said.

I heard the werecoyote asking her to be there asap so Y/N stood up and motioning me to do the same and we walked towards my car.

What a way to ruin my mood.Thanks to Malia.

“I’ll be there soon,”Y/N chuckled and hung up.

Once we got in the car,Y/N suddenly asked me,”You were saying something,Theo?”

“Don’t worry about it,I don’t want to talk about it now,”I mumbled.I was pissed off.The moment I almost was going to admit my feelings a fucking-phone call ruined it.

I have no idea when I’ll feel the confidence as I felt earlier again.I pulled up in front of Scott’s home.Y/N tried to open the car door when I snapped.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to open the goddamn car door?”

“Jeez,Theo,why are you acting like this?”Y/N asked slightly shocked by my sudden outburst.

I know it was not her fault,but if something pissed me off I take out my anger on people I love the most.



Y/N’s POV

“I swear,Theo’s mood swings more than a pregnant woman,”I mumbled,filling a bowl with chips.

“He’s been acting weird ever since you both got here,”Lydia pointed out,pouring herself a glass of coke.

“Yeah,”Malia nodded,who was sitting on the kitchen counter and shoved a handful of popcorn in her mouth.

“Maybe something’s bothering him,why don’t you talk to him about it?”Kira suggested,taking out cans of soda from the refrigerator.

“I will once he gets in a better mood,”I shrugged.

“Did you guys choose a movie yet?”Lydia said entering the living room,us girls following her behind.

“Yup,we will see Forest Gump tonight,it’s been ages since we last saw it,”Mason said happily.

“Good choice Mase,”Corey said taking the bowl of chips from me and sitting on the carpeted floor.

“I was thinking Star Wars,but Forest Gump sounds great too,”Stiles said sitting beside Malia.

I sat beside Theo on the couch.He smiled at me,so that means he’s back to normal self again.I decided not to ask him about before,I don’t want to ruin his mood again.

“You okay?”I asked him,handing him a can of soda.

“Yes,”he said and took the can of soda from me.

“Where’s Liam?”Scott asked from his spot beside Kira on another couch.

At that exact moment the doorbell rang,signalling it was Liam.I rushed to open the door to greet him,I frowned once I saw how sad he looked.

“Liam,you okay?”I asked him and and hugged him from side.

“Yeah Y/N,”he mumbled.

He took a seat on the couch,I sat in the middle of him and Theo.Mason mentioned earlier that Hayden went to visit his grandma and something was wrong with Liam,something was bothering him but every time Mason asked him,Liam changed the topic.

I observed him the whole night,he was very distant the whole time.He was quite the entire time not really paying attention to the movie playing.He wasn’t like his general self tonight.I was sure it was not about Hayden,I know Liam like I know the back of my hand.

The movie ended the closing credits was beginning to fill the television screen.Almost everyone dozed off.Theo and I made a small talk.Liam suddenly stood up and began to go upstairs towards the balcony,I know.

I stood up to follow him when Theo stopped me.

“Theo,I have to go,he’s been acting so weird all night,”I said to Theo.

“He might want to be alone for some time,give him some space,”Theo said,he almost seemed nervous.

“NO!I already feel I’m a shitty best friend,he’s been going through a sad phase,something I don’t know the reason why,I have to talk to him,”I whisper-yelled at him.

Theo opened his mouth to say something,then decided against it and let me go.

“Okay,whatever,”he scoffed.

I rushed upstairs and just like I thought he was there looking up at the sky in the balcony.

“Liam,”I said softly and walked towards him.

He sighed and looked at me,he then looked up at the sky again and didn’t say anything.

“What’s wrong,huh?You can tell me anything you know that right?”I asked him,gently rubbing his arm.

“Everything’s been going bad Y/N,I’m failing my tests,coach is giving me hard time and I miss the company of my best friend”,he said quietly.

I felt guilty,I cleared my throat,”Liam,I’m sorry okay?But I also felt that way when you initially started dating Hayden,”I shrugged.

“I’m so sorry,I realized it too but you forgive me right?”He asked sincerely.

“Ofcourse,I’m sorry too,”I shrugged.

He laughed and hugged me,we were looking up the sky.

“I love you,Y/N,”Liam said smiling.

“I love you too,Dumbar,”I poked him.

“Heeeyyy,it’s Dunbar!”He pouted.

We always said I love you’s just as best friends,at first I wanted it to be more but now I’m glad no feelings were involved.

“So you’re happy now?”I asked him.

“Yeah,but let’s promise we’ll give each other more time and hang out like old times,”he smiled.

“YES PLEASE,I missed you!”I hugged him tighter.

“Me too,”he mumbled. 


I heard someone gasp and I looked to see Theo watching us,he was upset and looked furious.Before I could call him he rushed downstairs.

“Shit,Liam I have to go,”I said hurriedly.

“Okay,do you want me to come with you?”

“No,thanks I’ll call you,bye,”I said already running downstairs.

By the time I reached downstairs I saw him taking his jacket and going towards the door.

“Theo,wait!”I said,he looked at me briefly then exited.

I followed him and called after him repeatedly.He stopped abruptly,I collided with him and made him turn around.

“What happened?”I asked,trying to catch my breath.

“What happened?Oh I don’t know maybe you just confessed your feelings to your Liam,I thought he was dating Hayden?”He scoffed.

“Wait,what?”I asked confused.

Then it clicked he was jealous and he must’ve heard us when we said friendly “I love you’s” like we did always before but he might’ve got the wrong idea.I smiled looking at him,he was jealous so that means he likes me?

“Why the fuck are you smiling?”He asked gritting his teeth.

“You thought I confessed my feelings to Liam?God,no we were just saying it as best friends,we always did before,”I said looking at him,he clenched his fist.

“Oh please,you always had a thing for him,”Theo said angrily.

“I used to but now I like someone else,someone with whom I’m talking to now actually,”I said rolling my eyes yet smiling.

“Yeah okay,but-WHAT?”He said.

“You heard me,”I said shyly.

“You lik-like me?”He stuttered.

“Well,I’m surprised you didn’t get the hint yet but yea,I understand if you don’t feel the same,I shouldn’t have said anyth-,”I was interrupted by Theo smashing his lips into mine.

I was slightly taken aback then once recovered I kissed him with equal passion.

“I like you too,a lot actually,”Theo said shyly.

I had the biggest grin on my face,he hugged me and mumbled,”you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this moment.”

“Me too,”I sighed contently.

** SUBMISSION TO ME FROM fresharold**

okay so i’ve been keeping this for a while now simply because i don’t think we need proofs at this point to know that larry is real. i just simply didn’t think people would care about this and tbh i was afraid on getting into trouble. however lately i see people sharing their stories that i do believe are real in some cases so i thought why not sharing this cute one i thought it wasn’t that relevant.

okay so on 13th of july the boys came to my country for the wwa tour and what happened was told to me by my godfather (let’s call him O because im lazy to write this word). i’m not going to go too much into detail about his job not only because i don’t know much about it (he doesn’t share it because of professional reasons) but also because i don’t think it’d be right for me to expose such things. but basically he is the driver of an important person related to the the stadium where the concert happened. he drives him to places, he does errands and all those things that tbh i don’t understand but don’t really matter for this.

so that day O had to drive his boss there and he lives in the capital (not where the concert happened that day) so i didn’t even know he was going to be there. only the next day he had called me because even though we live far away from each other we are close to each other. the year before (for the tmh tour) he had gave me and my friend a place to sleep and then had driven us to the arena. so he has this little knowledge of the boys and how i like them. (details details). 

so he asked me how it was the concert and proceed to tell me that he had to go to the stadium because of his boss. when he told me he was actually in the same room as the boys i freaked out oKAY. he started by telling me that the boys are really loud but funny and nice, like i believe he might have met them when they were backstage going for the meet and greet for the make a wish organisation (which consequently made the boys get late to the actual concert). so they were probably just chilling before going to meet the fans (i don’t really know and he didn’t get into the detail so whatever DETAILS). 

O isn’t really that good in english but i’ve heard him talking and i feel like he knows the basics and understands most of it. he told me that “one guy kind of blonde i believe niall” (he said his name really weirdly) said hi to him and they started talking about football (predictable) and then “one really tall with a thing in his head” (harry) (he didn’t have long hair back in that time) came to shake his hand and introduced himself (he forgot his name right away, nice) 

so after that he asked me if i knew that he (harry) was in a relationship with other guy from the band. i was sooooo confused so i explained to him that there’s fans who believe harry an louis are together. he immediately recognised harry’s name when i said it by being the tall guy with a thing in his head and he said that it was louis who he met too because he had told him how to actually pronounce his name. (also predictable) (he also said that louis had cool tattoos on his right arm)

okay this was a year ago so i can’t quote the exact words he said to me but i never forgot the stuff he had noticed. he was having trouble with understanding what harry was saying to him and louis went to their side because he was finding funny what was happening. 

O said that he is 99% sure that louis called harry ‘love’ between all the words he said when approached them, which he asked me if it was normal for friends to treat other friends by that term. I immediately said that it wasn’t usual. he continued by telling me that louis tried to make him comfortable with the fact he couldn’t understand english 100% AND I REMEMBER HIM TELLING ME “i noticed that harry had his arm around louis’ waist, which i normally do with my wife and not with my friends” MY EYES WATERED BECAUSE YES O YOU UNDERSTAND ME !!! 

he said that then harry was mostly quiet and every time louis was talking he was looking at him “in a cute way i must say” (this was so weird to hear O saying). so it’s not like this proves they’re in a relationship so i asked him if it was that that make him think they were together so he told me (im gonna use “” but be aware these aren’t his exact words obviously) 

“we were mostly talking about my job and when i say i’m from lisbon louis says that he and harry wanted to explore it better when they were there last year but there was no time for that. i found interesting that he said just harry and not their other friends so i ask if they got along better together than with the others. harry is the one answering this time saying that he and louis have a special relationship. louis says something that i didn’t understand and believe it was meant just for the two of them to listen to. he then looks at me and says that he and harry are inseparable. i started suspecting what was going on there but obviously didn’t ask. i believe that then louis said to me to think whatever i wanted in respect of those words and i decided to tell them what it’s worth seeing in lisbon if they even thought about going there, not pressing the subject”

this is the important stuff summarised okay keep in mind that O found weird the fact i said to him then that they’re supposed to be on the closet since they were so open about it with a stranger, who could immediately make a homophobic comment or even expose everything “which is what i’m doign here when i’m telling you this.”  especially when they seemed to be so proud and delighted next to each other.

he said that for him what happened behind his eyes was the enough to think they were really together. I WAS TRYING SO HARD NOT TO CRY U CANT IMAGINE at the end i thanked him so many times for telling me this that he thought i was crazy,

AND a month ago (?) i went to his place and he talked to me saying that he saw on the news that harry was dating sara sampaio (she is a portuguese model reason why it was said on TV) and found weird the fact they haven’t come out yet but wasn’t suprised that things like that was said on the media if it’s meant for them not to come out to their fans “they probably think that the fact they’re together would affect the girls that think they’ll marry them” (funny)

Fuck, Holster


A mess of a letter that Ransom writes on his laptop

Fuck. Fuck, Holster. I have an exam tomorrow and I can’t focus. Not because I’m panicking over the exam- which, shit, I am- but because, fuck man, you just…UGH

Fuck. I keep fucking this up. I thought if I wrote it down I could be done with it and study, but I can’t seem to write it down. I guess that’s just your effect on me, eh?

Alright damn it, here, okay okay I can just start with this: you brought me my planner. That’s not an odd thing for you to do, I know, but it was different this time. This time I didn’t tell you to get it. This time I knew you also have an exam tomorrow (good luck btw) so I didn’t mention mine to you. You’d know I’d have a hard time and you’d focus all your attention on helping me, which isn’t good for you. So I didn’t bring it up.

But you knew anyway. You said, and I quote, “You always curl up in a ball like that when you’re stressed. Exam tomorrow?”

Insignificant right? Right?

Keep reading

wooden floors, walls, and window sills

a purely fluffy philkas ‘first time’ fic (no smut sorry yall maybe one day)

try and say the bolded 5 times fast lmao

based off one of my favorite quotes ever:

“the boy may lose the boy but at least he had the chance to be with him.”


Lukas Waldenbeck isn’t an idiot, no matter how much he might pretend to be. He knows that when it all inevitably comes out, when everyone finds out about him and Philip, a lot of people won’t be okay with it. His father probably won’t be okay with it. He knows it could all be ripped away from him.

But at least he was able to love him while he could.

He’s been thinking about that word a lot since he told Helen the truth. Love.

He’s only ever been able to attach it to a few people. A long time ago, his father. His mother.

But loving Philip is different. Maybe that’s why he didn’t recognize it for what it was.

Sometimes loving Philip tastes like asphalt and feels like ash, because he’s so scared he’s going to lose him he can’t think straight. Sometimes loving Philip tastes like freedom and feels like it, too. Sometimes it’s both those things, and more, more, so much more. Loving Philip is the biggest thing his heart has ever seen.

Keep reading

The Librarians sentence meme
  • "I was supposed to die."
  • "I don't believe in fate."
  • "She will die for you. No matter how much you don't want her to. Never forget that."
  • "I want that now!"
  • "I choose to save the world."
  • "If I met myself, would I explode?"
  • "I need a pen."
  • "Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no!"
  • "Mosquito tone. It's a high pitched sound that only young people can hear. No offense."
  • "You stayed to run the family company. That's a good reason."
  • "It's an excuse."
  • "Okay, I see enough psychedelic visions on my own. So, no thank you."
  • "UFOs do not exist."
  • "Says the guy with the teleporting door."
  • "You're planning on selling out the human race, aren't you?"
  • "This is exactly the point in the movie where the guy in the audience says, 'get the hell out!'"
  • "You're very weird librarians."
  • "It's a very weird library."
  • "This is me ignoring you. Get used to it."
  • "Who are you people?"
  • "Librarians. We're the Librarians."
  • "Do not fear the villain. Fear the hero."
  • "And trust me, if you don't learn how to win the war instead of just fighting the battles, none of us will survive."
  • "Magic's real?"
  • "Magic's real."
  • "Someone turned a magic spell into an app."
  • "Reality. It's the shared narrative we agree to believe."
  • "That is more than I ever wanted to see of any elected official."
  • "Okay. So we have to get a sample and a picture... and not die."
  • "Do not antagonize the local law enforcement."
  • "But it's so much fun!"
  • "Little criticism. Since I've been back, the librarians seem kind of evil."
  • "It's smarter to be lucky than lucky to be smart."
  • "Do you have any idea what's down there?"
  • "Nope. That's the best part."
  • "I love this job."
  • "A giant winged fire-breathing dragon is coming here?!"
  • "Somebody jacked Santa's ride."
  • "Architecture is just art we live in. Why doesn't anybody get that?"
  • "Mrs. Clause is real?!"
  • "Oh, shiny balls, yes!"
  • "Christmas is cancelled."
  • "Well maybe the term you're looking for, is 'partners.'"
  • "So, annoying or cryptic. Those are your two speeds, huh?"
  • "Good luck finding 14 virgins these days."
  • "We found something weird too."
  • "I found a room full of really old art."
  • "We found a room full of human skulls!"
  • "What do you mean, human skulls?"
  • "How many ways can I mean human skulls?!"
  • "Okay, new rule. How about we not refer to the tumor that will one day kill me as a 'brain-grape.'"
  • "I'm here to do science and math; and sometimes, hallucinate."
  • "I'm offering you a life of mystery, of misery, of loneliness, and adventure. More than that, I'm offering you the opportunity to make a difference and to save the world every week. Twice before Friday. Are you in?"
  • "Oh, impossible - pipsyposh, pipsyposh! People keep saying that as though we don't eat the impossible for breakfast every day."
  • "I was really expecting a better secret door."
  • "I'm gonna be dead tomorrow."
  • "So, how would they want you to spend your last day?"
  • "They'd want me to save the world one last time."
  • "Your brain is a weapon, and a tool, and a library all wrapped in one."
  • "Vampires are real. But Dracula is not. Because I killed him."
  • "There ain't nothin' amateur about my bar fighting, sweetheart."
  • "When I do math, I smell things. Mostly breakfast."
  • "You call Excalibur, 'Cal'?"
  • "We're friends. Best friends. Besties, really."
  • "How did you know all that?"
  • "I'm the Librarian."
Moonlight love
(photo creds: @the-ogoc)

Chapter 4
Word count: 1,425

You were shocked at what he just said.  

“So you were cheating on her with me?” You said
“No we were off we weren’t talking”
“When you say ‘weren’t talking’ do you mean broken up? or you mean just a argument” You voice rising with anger
“(y/n) I really really like you a lot! I want this to work-“ He said but you didn’t let him finish what he was about to say
“If you wanted this to work you wouldn’t have lied to me” You spat
“(y/n)….” He said with his face low
“Get out Derek” You commanded

He got up and exited your room.  

You felt bad for yelling at him.  All he wanted was a second chance.  But i mean he shouldn’t have lied.  You didn’t deserve to be lied to, you were honest to him.  You were willing to give him a second chance but he better drop that girl.  *flips hair w/ sass*

You drove to Derek’s house and knocked on the door.  Nate answered and let you in.  You greeted Nate and went to Derek’s room.  It was quiet so you opened the door.  You gasped at the sight you saw before you.  Derek and that girl from this morning supposedly who was his ‘ex’ were what seemed like there about to do it.  

“Oh yea ‘(y/n) I really really like you a lot'” You quoted what he said from this morning
“You wanna know whats funny? Derek?” You said
“I came here to work through this with you! I wanted to be with you” You went on

You walked out of the room and slammed his door.  You walked down the stairs.

“Are you okay?” Nate asked with a worried face
“Yea” You said and walked out of the house

I mean I did say for him to leave me alone and not to talk to me.  But I didn’t expect for him to just fuck the first person he saw.  

You were interrupted from thinking by someone grabbing your arm.

“Don’t go” You turned to see Derek

Do I still act mad or do I forgive him?

“Uhhh well if you want me you need to show me why I should forgive you” You smirked
He smirked back

Derek looked deep into your eyes and kissed you.  You pulled away.
“You better get rid of her before I do” You rolled your eyes

You and Derek walked back into the house.  You went to the living room where Nate was and sat down.  Derek went upstairs to get rid of the pest.  (lol)

“See thats how you get a guy to get rid of all his hoes for you” You said to Nate and laughed
“You’re crazy!” He laughed

You heard the front door slam and Derek came and sat beside you.  

I feel bad for that girl.  I would die if Derek dropped me for someone else.  But too bad.  

You guys watched of movies and talked about life.  And of course Nate smoked a couple blunts.  It was time for you to go home but you wanted to stay in Derek’s arms forever.  

Derek walked you to your car.  

“Today was weird but I really do like you” He smirked
“Yea it was pretty crazy but I like you too Derek” You smiled
“Thats good” He smirked and brought your body closer to his

Nothing could ruin this moment.  He is so cute.  

“Yea it is” Your faces close as can be

“(y/n)!!!! you forgot your phone on the couch!!” Nate yelled making you and Derek turn your head

Man I will get you back Nate Maloley!

You rolled your eyes at him as you went up to the door and got your phone.  
“Why you so salty lil mama?” Nate pouted
“No reason” You said sarcastically

“Well I got to go” You smiled at Derek
“Yea see you” He smiled

You got in your car and drove to your house.  You went to bed and that was pretty much the whole night.  

-Monday Morning-

You woke up from the sound of your alarm clock.  You dragged your self out of bed and went to your closet to pick out some clothes.  You got dressed washed your face, Brush your teeth and ate.  

You drove to school.  

Ugh back here again!

You walked to your locker to see a beautiful brown haired boy standing in front of it.  

“Well hello there” You smirked
“Hello, wonderful morning” Derek said draping his arm over your shoulder
“How about Mr. “(y/n) you forgot your phone on the couch” You chuckled
“Oh yea I was waiting for that kiss..You know you owe me one” He smirked
You rolled eyes and said “People always want stuff they cant have”
“But I can have you….I already have you” Derek said
“Sure you do” You said and blushed

Derek walked you to class and went to his.  

-Lunch time-

You met up with Lyssa Derek and Jack at lunch.  

“Theres this party on Wednesday who’s coming” Lyssa said
“Uhh I guess I can go but I don’t know if I want to” You said
“Well I will go if (y/n) goes” Derek said

Man I love this kid!

“I can go I had a blast last time” Jack said
“Yea and we all know why” You chuckled and looked at Jack
He looked back and said “Hey I need to talk to you alone when you get a chance”
“Ok” You replied

-After School-

You got a texted

Nate: Hey wassup?

Y/N: nun just got out of school wbu?

Nate: Nothing and great I wanna hang w/ u

Y/N: Okay cool i’ll be at your house in like 20

Nate: K c u

You went outside of the school and found Jack.  

“You wanted to talk?” You said looking up at him
“Yea I wanna talk about Derek?” He said
“Okay?” You said confused

Why would he want to talk about Derek.  They didn’t have a fight or anything?

“I don’t like him” He said

Your facial expression dropped

“What do you mean you don’t like him he hasn’t done anything to you Jack stop being so childish- There was so many girls I didn’t like but I didn’t say anything” You said and rolled your eyes

“(y/n) listen he’s a good guy but I want you…I’ve had these feelings for you for a while now” Jack said putting his hand no your shoulder

“Jack no i’m sorry but you should have said something before” You bluntly said and walked away

Boys are so complicated.  What was I suppose to do pick Jack and leave Derek?
Derek was the first guy in forever I have liked since Jack and that was in middle school.
 

You walked to your car and saw Derek leaning on it waiting for you.  You stopped in your tracks and just wanted to run.  

“Whats wrong baby?” He asked
“Nothing” You said in a mad tone
“Did I do something” He asked
“No”
“(y/n) tell me I want to know” He said and grabbed your wrist

You put your face on his chest and started to cry.

“(y/n) its okay..You’ll be fine” He said as he rubbed your back
“I love you” He said

Wait what did he just say? We just met….But I mean I feel so much for him too…Do I love him?

“You don’t have to say it back but I do You’re just an awesome girl” Derek said
“I love you too but lets move slow Derek” You said looking up at him and smiling
“I’m glad you feel a little better I don’t wanna ever see you cry (y/n)” Derek said
“I want you to be happy and live life with no worries” He went on

He is such a sweet heart

Your phone started to ring.  
“Wait a sec.” You said answering the phone it was Nate

Oh gosh I forgot about going to his house…

“Hey i’m sorry but something happened I will be there soon” You said
“It’s okay take as long as you want (y/n)….I was just checking if you were okay” He said
“Thank you see you soon” You said and hung up

“Who is that?” Derek asked
“It was Nate I was suppose to be going to the house” You said
“Okay meet you there” He said an walked to his car


Authors note:  Srry I did not post on Sunday I was out of town and it was a surprise but I hope you like the chapter ! I do like feedback or ideas/suggestions thank you for reading and hope u liked it -i 

Master list

Masterlist (moonlight love)

"I love you...Goodbye"

A/N: After watching the episode Barry’s attempt at sacrificing himself became more about a lame ‘team’ moment than it was about him actually doing anything. For the sake of this drabble, however, I’m going to pretend as if Guggenheim and Co. spent as half as much effort building the supsense about Barry’s fate as they did making sure they had the spacing right on their big superhero group shot. 

**First few lines of dialogue are lifted from the episode**


“This isn’t up for debate…it’s not even a close call.“ Barry says firmly as he takes in the group standing before him, “turn myself over to the Dominators and the leave the rest of the world alone. It’s simple.”

“No, it’s not simple.” Felicity snaps.

“Barry, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done,” Diggle adds calmly, “you can’t do this.”

Barry smiled slightly before saying, “It’s been an honor to know all of you, to fight along side you. Now it’s up to you to keep our world safe.”

He nodded his head slightly in deference to the band of superhero misfits he helped to gather in a bid to save the world. He gave one last small salute before turning on his heel and marching resolutely towards the doors of the hangar.  His steps only faltered slightly when he heard Oliver yell out, “I’m not going to let you do this Barry!”. He appreciated the sentiment but he had to do what he had to do. He couldn’t stand any more blood on his hands, he already had enough to last him a lifetime.

Once he stepped outside the doors he thought that fresh air would be a relief from the stuffiness of the hangar but instead it felt as an elephant suddenly sat on his chest. His confident stride slowed and the full gravity of what he was about to do hit him like a sledgehammer. Best case scenario he was turning himself over to aliens that would keep him captive millions of miles away from everyone and everything he loved. Worst case scenario they would kill him. No, torture him relentlessly and then kill him. Either way he was screwed and life as he knew it was over, but as terrifying as that was he knew it was the right thing to do. He was saving the world…he was saving her.

Keep reading

I’m Gonna Talk About My Anxiety Now.

I apologize for the wall of text in advance. Sorry kitty girls. (I learned that phrase from RuPaul’s Drag Race. I’m trying it out. I don’t know how it feels. I don’t think it suits me, but I had to try. When April reads this, she will probably punch me.)

I’m pretty candid about having clinical anxiety. I know a lot of people who follow me, my career, and “Spring Awakening” also suffer from it. People would talk to me at the stage door about it all the time. I get a lot of questions about it in my ask box in regards to how I deal with it, especially as an actor. The concept of standing in front of thousands of people every night and singing is the absolute WOOOOORST. So I get it. I’m an interesting person to talk to about it. But I want to make it clear that just because I can perform in front of people, and can pretend like I’ve got it all figured out, doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with this bitch of a mental illness every single day. I don’t feel like I should be the person writing about this, but I have a small following, and I want to try and help anyone who listens. 

FYI- If you said something to me at the stage door about it, or said something to me in my ask box about it, know that I think you are very brave. Also know that (in my experience, anyway) talking about it is the first step towards feeling better. 

I want to preface all of this by stating that I am in NO WAY A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. If you have anxiety, depression, or anything like that, and you cannot manage it on your own, PLEASE SEEK HELP FROM A PROFESSIONAL. DON’T FOLLOW THE ADVICE OF A YOUNG ACTOR ON TUMBLR FOR GOD’S SAKE. DON’T DO IT GUYS, OKAY?

Moving along.

I had my first experience with anxiety when I was a junior in high school. I think I was 17. Of course, at the time, I had no idea what anxiety disorder was. I remember being in the lunch room, feeling a weird chest pain, having everything go blurry, and then totally blacking out. When I regained my composure I was terrified, sweating like I just ran a mile, was confused, and was convinced that I was going to die. I was immediately sent to the nurse’s office. No one could understand why my heart rate was going insane. Before long, I found myself in a doctor’s office hooked up to a bunch of scary looking machines. The doctor told me that I was totally fine, so I left his office feeling confused and totally on edge. In fact, he told me that I could “go play a game of soccer.” I include that quote because it was weird as fuck, and I’ll never forget it. Like. Why would you say THAT? Of ALL THINGS.

Anyway.

These weird experiences (panic attacks, as I would eventually learn they were called) happened pretty regularly over the next year, and continued through senior year. I sort of just dealt with them, thinking that there was no solution for me. I was tired as hell. Every day I would wake up, go to school, leave school, and go to sleep for as long as I could until I had to go to band practice, or rehearsal for the school musical. It felt like my body was attacking me.

I would sleep as much as I could but I was an honor student, was figuring out college, was the class president (lol, I know, right?), one of the editors of the yearbook, was having my heart broken by a girl who I was completely in love with, was in a band that played shows throughout the NY/NJ area, and was the lead of the school musical. I had no time to deal with it properly. (If you read all of that again, you’ll see that it was basically a recipe for anxiety. Even as I type it and look at it, it makes a lot of sense.)

The really weird thing is that one day, the attacks just stopped. Completely stopped. Everything felt normal, and I just assumed everything was okay. And everything was okay for five years. I managed to get through all of college without a single major panic attack. I felt no anxiety, and everything was totally okay. To this day, I’ll never understand how I made it through college happily, without panic, without major anxiety, and without feeling like I needed to jump off of a very high cliff to escape it.

After I graduated from college, I immediately went on tour with Green Day’s “American Idiot” and I continued to feel normal, happy, and healthy. I got through that entire tour feeling like a million bucks. I was happy, I had a great time, and felt like everything was going to be awesome.

A few months later, tour ended. I was in “21 Chump Street” (which was the coolest week ever), and soon jumped back into the world of frequently auditioning.

And then one day, I felt a stabbing pain in my stomach. And then the next day I felt a stabbing pain in my stomach. And the day after. And the day after. And the day after. And the day after. And then one day, I had a complete nervous breakdown as a result.

I remember it vividly. I was out to dinner with my girlfriend April, and her wonderful family. We were sitting at the dinner table, and much like junior year of high school, everything went black. When I regained composure, I realized that I was in the bathroom of the restaurant, crying, with my head between my legs. I had, apparently, excused myself from dinner, ran away, and went to the bathroom. I didn’t remember any of it.

Upon my request, April went to the nearest Urgent Care with me. They told me that I was totally fine. Which pissed me off. How could I be fine? How could I feel like this and be medically “fine?”

I went home to New Jersey to spend some time with my family, and completely lost my shit. I’ll spare you the details, but it was similar to the restaurant episode. My dad took me to the emergency room, where I was told I was having an “anxiety attack.”

I didn’t believe the doctor. Everything sucked. I felt like I could faint any second. My stomach was on fire. My head hurt. My chest felt like it had a jackhammer in it. A week later, I was back in the same emergency room. 

I had every test imaginable performed on me, only to be told that I was completely fine. The doctor was stumped, especially because I was completely insistent that I was dying of something. 

Therapy had been recommended. 

I’m going to skip a huge amount of time now, because the details don’t matter, I don’t want to bore you with them, and honestly, I don’t feel like typing them. But therapy helped a lot.

The important thing is that I struggle every single day, like so many people in the world do, and like so many of YOU do.

Every single day is a new challenge. Sometimes I convince myself I’m dying of something. Sometimes I get dizzy. Sometimes I get scared. Sometimes I look like a bus is about to hit me. Sometimes I look like a bus has hit me. For no reason. Sometimes I literally get anxiety about getting anxiety. It’s weird. But I’ve made a commitment to myself to never, ever again let myself be completely defeated by this disease.

And it IS a disease. Mental health is difficult, and it’s tricky to talk about, and it can be embarrassing. But the fact of the matter is that my brain produces too much adrenaline sometimes, which makes me really scared, and my brain isn’t so great at processing what is a real threat and what isn’t real sometimes. But that’s totally fine, because I’ve worked very hard to find out how to continue with my day. I hope anyone suffering with this will talk to a PROFESSIONAL and find out the best steps for them.

Lastly: PERFORMING.

How can I be a performer while dealing with all of this weirdness? 

Honestly it’s the thing that makes the most sense. I love sharing parts of myself with people. I love talking. I love making stuff. I love singing. I love acting. I love auditioning! I love playing guitar. I love being a professional. I love working with other artists to find the best way to tell a story. I love getting in front of people and creating a shared experience. Performing has always been the one thing that makes me feel completely at ease. When I’m in a rehearsal, a songwriting session, a performance, or whatever. It is the one place and time that I have always felt completely in control of myself and the world around me. Nothing can ever take that from me. Ever.

I hope that anyone also suffering from anxiety can also find their “thing!” Maybe it will be programming, or writing, or dancing, or being a politician, or doing people’s taxes, or petting dogs, or running, or cooking, or teaching.

Whatever it is, it can be found, and I think every single one of you rocks.


Now that that’s out of the way, please feel free to fill my ask box with questions about poop and stuff.

Supposition

There’s definitely a way you’re supposed to Christian blog. 

I’ve done it for 4 years, I know how it goes. You’re supposed to have a screen-name that contains “grace”, “mercy”, “love”, or a fun combo of the three. You’re supposed to either a) blog and reblog exclusively Jesus things or b) not blog and reblog exclusively Jesus things and feel weird and ashamed that you posted a sick meme one too many times and now must compensate with reblogging the first 4 Christian typographical pieces that you can find in a row, just to be safe. You’re supposed to make your blog posts flowery and beautiful and metaphorical and tied into real life somehow and end it with “blessings!” and try your best to sound genuine and authentic, even when it sometimes feels like nothing more than plastic. 

But wait! What’s not genuine about the Christian blogging experience? 

We’re supposed to reblog quotes about radical love. We’re supposed to automatically favorite passages from C.S. Lewis or Francis Chan. As readers, we’re supposed to ask Christian bloggers who answer questions on their blog literally every question we may ever have in our Christian walk. And if they err a little theologically, we’re supposed to go on anonymous in their inbox and correct them- sometimes tied up with love, sometimes stabbed with malice. 

We’re supposed to. 

And to be fair, the supposed to of Christian blogging is subtle. It’s subtle, and it’s not dangerous, and I really think it probably does more good than harm. 

Most of the time. 

Some of the time, the supposed to Christian culture chokes. The supposed to Christian culture, a culture that emphatically tries its best to shy away from legalism and douses us with grace, stifles. It makes you feel like you’re supposed to want to “wait on God’s timing!!! <3″ when you’re 29 and still single, unmarried, a virgin, and ready to say screw it to it all. 

It makes you feel like you’re supposed to accept people’s prayers with glee when you’ve just written an incredibly personal post about how you’re scathing mad at God, complete with many expletives and a whole lot of heartache and not a lot of trust, and you post it and all you want is people to listen but all you get is what feels like a lousy prayer- a lousy prayer of “Don’t worry! He’s in control :)” that’s supposed to make the pain go away. 

So if it’s not the fact that we’re supposed to give up our human inclination to want to go out and have a good time without feeling guilty, it’s the fact that we’re supposed to feel ashamed every time we have a crush on a boy before God’s timing.

If it’s not the fact that we’re supposed to listen for an answer from God before moving forward with a life decision, it’s the fact that we’re supposed to love to try to keep “loving on” the really rude girl who doesn’t seem to want anything to do with God or grace or you. 

We’re supposed to live the model Christian life- the model Christian life of the perfectly imperfect model Christian life- the model Christian life of the “oh, hahaha, I’m so silly! I need so much grace today because I {insert totally human reaction to any negative situation ever}! wow, thank God for His blood! I’m such a wretched sinner! so dirty! so undeserving! by the way, love the sinner, hate the sin!!”- the model Christian life of “hey instagram! i’m addicted to my Bible and coffee!!”- the model Christian life of “so happy to turn 20 and marry the love of my life and travel the world and spread Jesus!”. 

It’s not said but we’re supposed to. It’s not spoken, but we are supposed to live out these things as our dues as Christian girl. The supposed to is a tax- the supposed to keeps us “daughters of the one true King!” in line. 

‘Cause we have to typography, we have to grace, we have to Christian music, we have to speak softly, we have to apologize unnecessarily, we have to self-flagellate every time we get the slightest bit of upset with the guy who stole our parking spot at Target, we have to marry young and baby young and Jesus and coffee and wanderlust and Bible verses and twitter bio of “wife. mommy. lover of Jesus” and we’re just supposed to want that. 

We’re supposed to. 

I don’t know exactly why I wrote this (or if people will even see this) but if I can say one thing that I’ve learned in the past few months of wrestling with God is that sometimes it’s okay to not do the supposed to

Sometimes it’s okay to take down our perfectly messy buns and remove our perfectly H & M meets Free People wardrobe and push aside our perfectly caffeinated latte (lol my only flaw is that i’m addicted to coffee! lol quirky!) and close our perfectly highlighted Bible and lock ourselves in our bathrooms and cry. 

(I think we owe it to ourselves to at least do that. Shed the supposed and let yourself be as naked and as ugly as you were upon your exit from that good ole’ womb…)

Now, I just wrote a paragraph about how if you do any or all of the things above, I’m not trying to criticize or condemn you and that you deserve the right to live your life however you want. I wrote that paragraph because I was supposed to make sure I didn’t offend anybody or call out anybody on their bullshit too much or even use the word bullshit in a Christian blog piece. 

I deleted that paragraph. 

By all means, be a cutesy Christian. Use pinterest too much, never swear, only admit to sins that make you seem as bad as Bambi’s Mother. I get it. No fault. No worries. Do you. 

But this post is for the girls who allow themselves to grow past the supposed to’s. This post is for the girls who allow themselves to be content with the fact that sometimes, God’s timing really, really seems like it sucks. This post is for the girls who are sick of random people coming into their personal tumblr inboxes and typing out reasons upon reasons as to why they are not behaving in a Christ-like manner, but it’s okay because “I’ll pray for you! <3.” This post is for the girls who don’t really like typography all that much and for the girls will sometimes say lmao even though it technically contains a swear word and for the girls who are fed up with the facade of it all. 

I don’t want to divide women. I don’t want people to pick sides; I don’t want there to be a war between the supposed to’s and the not’s. And I certainly don’t want it to come across as me being arrogant or pretentious or ~too cool for u mainstream Christian peasants~. 

But I do want there to be a fair dialogue. An ability to talk about things that matter without being silenced with Bible verses. An ability to express anger and frustration about the Church, about its members, and even about God. An ability to allow ourselves to not be the model Christian girls we so believe that we must be. 

Somewhere this year, in between being frustrated with Christian blogging and mad at God and annoyed with myself and hateful toward the world and my circumstances, I gave up on the the idol of the supposed

And I’ve honestly, truly never felt more free. 

- Akua 

Are You Sure? : A Dr. Spencer Reid Imagine

A/N: Howdy! So, I got a really nice request from an Anne-Nonny, who asked for where Reid x Y/N are together, but Reid starts to feel as if Y/N is in it for pity etc. I improvised on the names, like “Mark” etc. I’LL ALSO BE MAKING SOME OUTFITS ON POLYVORE AND STARTING IMAGINES WITH OUTFITS INVOLVED :) 

Rating: 14A

 Warnings: Well, sad Reid.. And Y/N brings up some sad stuff from their history to make a point to him. 

Imagine… 

You adored his vests, his dress shirts, his ties. You adored every style of his hair, and believe you, there were quite a few. However, you were partial to his purple or blue outfits, and his short-ish hair with the tussled top. 

This morning, on your way into work, you had looked over at him and smiled brilliantly at just that, and you couldn’t have been more happy than when he caught you peeking, and, with a startled look, asked you rather impatiently to “Keep your eyes on the road for the sake of the world!”. 

You had responded, “Yea, for the sake of MY world” and he had had a rather strange reaction. He had winced, then turned away and resumed looking out the window at the city roads passing by. 

You had wondered if maybe your comeback had been taken in the wrong context, but it bothered you the rest of the way to work, and continued to bother you as you sat on the bench. 

Watching the next person file in through the door, you stretch, and bring yourself to ramble on the same speech that you just had said about 20 minutes ago. 

“Hi, my name is Y/F/N Y/L/N, and I’m here to supervise your testing. Basically, what I want you to do is show me that you can un-holster, load, fire, and holster your weapon with accuracy, precision and speed. The last thing any agent needs in the field is an error with their gun that could end lives. 

If you could please follow me, we’re going to sit down at my desk, and I’m gonna get you to go over your paperwork and then we can officially begin. It should take 30-45 minutes, and the other supervisor, Mark, has another student in the next firing range over, so it may be bothersome, but you’re here to show me that you can focus”. 

The obviously nervous young woman nods her head, and you gesture to your desk. You were a trainer, supervisor and certified special agent of the FBI, but currently you were working as a supervisor with the new batch of students coming in to work their way up to agent status. 

Your job was to make sure their personal information was correct, and to make sure that, with confidence and security, you could advance them on. You needed to make sure that they knew their way around a gun, and could use one properly. 

“What’s your name?” you stare at her, and she starts to clear her throat before every answer, as if there’s a bundle of nerves caught. You knew the feeling, you had that feeling when you did your testing. 

“Vanesia Flox, 24 years old, from Tampa, Florida. I have 16 years of gun experience, as a hunter and target shooter”. She does a room sweep, stands up confidently, and un-holsters her gun. 

Instantly you spot a red flag, she drew it with no idea of where to aim. There was very clearly a large, red target to the back of you and yet she points it at you, yourself. 

You were in this situation more than once over your history as a trainer and supervisor, but you remember the day that that situation was almost deadly.

It was last year, and you had a student who was just passing the bar. You noted some aggression problems in your initial interview, and when he drew his gun, he had pointed it at you. 

When you had calmly said, “You drew it with ease, but you’re pointing it at me, which tells me that you weren’t set on the appropriate target. Doing that could lead to excess time trying to aim it and calibrate your surroundings again, and that could give the unsub time that they need to end your life, or make their move”. 

He had become angry, and fast, and the next thing you remembered was knowing what it was like to be shot. 

He had pulled the trigger at whatever he was aimed at, which happened to be your right shoulder. After months of intense physiotherapy and three operations, you still had trouble. 

Thinking of that, you set down your pen and smile, so does she. “Now Vanesia, you did that with clarity and precision, however you’re currently aimed at me. Can you see why that would be a problem?”. 

Forty minutes later, with an impressive passing result, she exited the room alongside you so that you could get some lunch, and turn in her paperwork.

You hand it to her, signed and sealed, and shake her hand. That’s when you spot Reid at your usual table, buried in a book and his lunch off to the side. You sling your bag around your good shoulder, and join him, kissing him gently on the cheek, as to not disturb him, before sitting down. 

“How was your morning?” you ask, opening your lunch, and he shrugs. “It was okay. JJ and Hotch are trying to decide over our next case”. He’s very to the point, and never looks up from the book. 

Your brow furrows, and you nod. “I was aimed at again this morning, but she recovered beautifully. I’m sure she’ll end up in the BAU as soon as she possibly can”. 

He nods, and you can just see the top of his head over the pages. You start to worry, what if you really upset him this morning? But even if you did, this wasn’t okay. 

When you had been shot, he had been the first on scene, and the last one in the hospital that night. You had talked to one another, and eventually, in physiotherapy one morning, he had stumbled over his words. 

He was spotting you, basically watching your work to assure that you were okay, and that you weren’t pushing yourself too hard. You had been on the rowing machine, trying to get a wider range of movement back in your shoulder, and he had said, 

“You know Ernest Hemingway once said, "You are so brave and quiet, I forget you are suffering”“. You had faltered in your row, and let it go, so that you could rest. 

"Did he? That’s a beautiful quote.. What brought that up?”. His face had flushed a beautiful red, and he had looked at his feet, his hair falling to cover his face. “I relate it to you. You don’t look like you’re in pain, or that you’re hurting.. You just keep going”. 

You had smiled, “Awe, thank you Spence. Wanna know what quote I relate to you?”. He had stayed silent for a few, fleeting moments, before mumbling a “Sure”. 

“It’s another Ernest Hemingway one, he says, "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know”. You want to know why I think that? Because you are the most wondrous person, your mind is incredible, and yet I struggle to find the supreme happiness in you". 

He had looked up, and smirked at you, a genuine smirk. “You know, I see you being happy a lot, but I live for that true, radiant happiness that come every once in a blue moon and takes over your face. Your eyes light up, you cheeks show that amazing smile, and you just glow. I live for that day, because I love it Spencer”. 

By that night, you were a couple. It was quick, but it was real, and yet now, as you sit across from him, he seems to have lost the reality. 

“Please Spence, tell me what’s wrong” you long for the truth, and he’s slow to give it to you. He sets down the novel, and you know that he was done it before you had even walked up and kissed him, but now you can actually see him. 

You see the bags under his eyes, and the slight pale tint that hides in his facial features. 

“Are you with me because of pity?” he says it without flinching, his eyes on your fingers, which were playing an invisible piano moments before but had now stopped dead. 

“Pardon me?” you stutter, and he shakes his head, his hair even more tossed about. “I want to know if you’re only with me because you pity me. You pity the geek who goes through books like food, you pity the lost little boy who has Mum issues, and has trouble finding exactly where he fits in. You pity me, everything about me”. 

You set down your water, and slide your hand closer to his. He pulls back, and you’re stuck, thinking about the moment this morning where he flinched. He thought you had been teasing him. 

“Reid.. How could you think that?” you feel hurt, and yet you know exactly how he feels at the same time. 

“Just tell me the truth” he replies, tentatively touching your outstretched hand. “Of course I don’t pity you” you answer. 

“If I pitied you, I would have told you the moment you said your Hemingway bit. All of those things you said? Your books, your intelligence, your Mum, fitting in.. I love you because of those things. 

Your books? You can show me worlds I would have never known through the books that you read. You can tell me all of those things, because you’ve taken yourself there. When you let me sit on your knee and you play with my hair and talk about the most recent novel you’ve read. I live for those days. 

Your intelligence? You can tell me so many things, and you can help me understand what I can’t. When I’m lost, I look to you to help me, because somewhere in that never-ending amount of brilliance there is something that will bring me back from the edge. When you hold me tight just by what you know. I live for those days

Your Mum? The fact that you had the strength to do what you did is part of the reason I love you so much. I know that you persevere, and yet despite what happened, you still love her and treat her with so much kindness and understanding that it shows me who you really are deep down, and that’s just like you are on the top. When you talk to me about how it all makes you feel, your worries and your strong points. I live for those days. 

Fitting in? Well for the love of all that is holy, I have pride in the fact that the love of my life doesn’t fit in. If you really wanted to, of course you could, but the beautiful thing is that you don’t. The moments when you look at me with such curiosity, and ask me how I make it so easy, is when I look back and tell you that it’s not worth making it easy. I live or those days. 

And you know what, I’ve changed my favourite Hemingway quote that makes me think of you. It’s now "And you’ll always love me, won’t you? Yes. And the rain won’t make any difference? No.” because no matter what happens, I will always love you, and there is not one ounce of pity in that love, except maybe when you struggle to explain a book, or when you struggle to understand your feelings, and if I were to ever pity you more than anything, it would be the day you decided to fit in. I promise you, I love you for the reality of us". 

He looks as if he’s been struck by lightning, and his hand closes around your own, and you slide over to join him. 

“Pity isn’t for the lion, nor is it for the lamb”

I wanted to beg you to stay
When you left and went away from me
When I love I love with all completely, irrevocably, for as long as I am allotted
When you love you love when it’s convenient when its easy when theres no struggle involved

So I’m just spossed let it go and move a long
Oh I’m just spossed to pretend I’m okay too and be strong
Its never this simple when hearts are involved

A girl like me sits in a corner thoughts running all along saying
I should have been more careful with this
Baby Now I know
Now I know

I find that boxes are an easy way to put all the past away
Youve got this big box with your name engraved
I thought if I put all the photos and letters away
Somehow it’d be easier to go our separate ways
Well I was fooling no one but myself
So you were put away but the memories were still giving me hell
And now Im just spossed let it go and move a long
Oh I’m just spossed to pretend I’m okay too and be strong
Its never this simple when hearts are involved
Especially when boys like you get all that you want
You got exactly what you want

Now Ive heard a thousand I told you so’s and you should have knowns
And what hurts is they were all right and I was-
no you were wrong
You were wrong for doing this to me
a young innocent girl who gave you everything
at sixteen

But Im just spossed let it go and move a long
Oh I’m just spossed to pretend I’m okay too and be strong
Its never this simple when hearts are involved
Especially when one gives a part and the other gives all
You gave me a part
And I gave you all

I feel like the punch line of your joke that somehow twisted my heart
I feel like a mouse caught in a trap and you’re a cat who played it smart
I should have waited patiently instead of jumping right off of the plane
I may have stuck the landing but it brought me so much pain
I should have looked past your mask you played it like a Prince Charming and you charmed
but monsters always come out to play when it gets dark
I’ve got tears all along my heart and I’ve tried so hard to sew myself together
But there are so many strings that I’ve left untethered
Give me a reason why you think that this was right

Im just spossed let it go and move a long
Oh I’m just spossed to pretend I’m okay too and be strong
Its never this simple when hearts are involved
Especially when you’ve been completely torn apart
Baby you tore me apart
You tore me apart

Only time will tell

A Bellarke post

[DECLAIMER: Gif are not mine, credits go to makers!]


I was VERY worried about making this post, I was so not looking for the ship troubles BUT there is nothing like giving me shit, pissing me off to convince me to do exactly what you told me not to.

I got a hate-ish anon about Bellarke a while ago. So you know who to blame for this, my friends.


There are many things to say about Bellarke, people are very passionate about this as it always happens for ships that are standing first and most importantly on the crazy chemistry of the actors (Bob Morely and Eliza Taylor in our case).

So what I will give you is just MY point of view, what I think makes this ship a possibility that would be great for the show.

I have two points to express, not the usual shipper meta but I hope a more detached and neutral approach just to show you that people are not getting crazy for nothing.

THE POINTS:

1-The thopos: It started right away (or why this ship makes sense, even if you don’t like it)
2-The camera choices: it’s not an hallucination (see for youself)

The thopos: IT STARTED RIGHT AWAY.

I don’t know you but for me, I was sold the moment Clarke stopped Bellamy to open the dropship. I loved how she was immediately the girl that thinks she is right and he was the boy that looks like the worst but could just be the best.

Then in the second episode Jason thought it was a good idea to have Clarke walk to Bellamy and say: “I’m here for you”, and really, REALLY, how was I supposed to look at that?

You see, this is something that has nothing to do with the show because honestly this scene meant nothing in a romantic sense. Not on the surface.

Do you know why this scene created immediately a fan base for the couple? Because they are a thopos. If you are a bit familiar to literary critic you know that a thopos (Greek term, by the way literally means ‘place-situation’) is a particular typical situation or theme that is often used and rewritten in its fundamental figures.

Now, keeping this is mind let’s analyze Bellarke: we have a girl born and risen in a wealthy (considered the possibilities) and cultured environment, she is the Princess in every sense.

Then we have a boy who stands on the opposite side of society. Low class, orphan, since he was a child forced to take responsibility for his family to survive.
Clarke is the individual that the system created, she is protected by it and wants to preserve it, she believes in it. Bellamy is the result of what the system can spare, he fights to have a place that can grant him a little dignity and survival, he is trying to survive the system, he doesn’t believe in it but knows that the only way to survive it is to obey.
Or to be really quite and really smart in disobeying.

Does this remind you of a certain Griffin engineer who was kind of executed for treason after he tried to share the information about the Ark imminent death? No? Must be just me.

This was how they were born and how they thought they would have lived their life. Clarke was gonna be a doctor, proud of her parents’ legacy. Bellamy was gonna be a perfect model in the system, a guard, and make sure to protect with this shield his family.

But then something happened: the system betrayed Clarke and Bellamy underestimated the system…and they both lost their family.

We all know how they arrived on the ground and from here it’s story…

This my friends, he’s such a Classic.

We literally have the thopos of The Princess and The Rebel.
You want examples? Sure.

In the legend: Tristan and Isolde (she princess, he knight, we know how it went).

In the folklore –maybe even the story-: Robin Hood and Lady Marian (she the cousin of the King, he an outlaw…after Kevin Kostner and Russel Crowe you cannot tell me you don’t know the story).

In the recent literature: This Broken Stars, sci-fi YA book, cute one really (she is not noble by blood but read it and you’ll see my point).

In the classic literature: Ivanhoe by Walter Scott (Rowena and Ivanhoe…he was disowned so my point stands).

Finally, a cult of the pop culture that even Jason Rothemberg has quoted as a perfect comparison: Star Wars (Leia and Han).

I can’t even.


You see what I mean? The details may wary but the thopos, the idea, the core is the same.

She is noble in the sense she represent the status quo, she is at the highest of the society and regardless of where he started out, when the story ensues he is at the bottom of society or even outside of it. They are standing on opposite barricades but somehow get pushed together and IT WORKS. They work perfectly together this is the core of it.

There is an unexpected affinity and people are drown to it.
This two different child of the world, raised to believe that the other is incompatible with what they are, with everything they believe in, find out that reality is different. They understand that there are some things that unite all human beings such as pity, mercy, Justice, trust, forgiveness…
They understand that different people can coexist and actually they can help each other to make better decision because together they see more because they see differently.

Why did I put all this effort in making this point? Because I want to say this: the Bellarke is a ship, it is not canon as regards the romantic aspect and there is nothing to make us think that we are getting there for sure…but it is not a collective hallucination either!

People are responding to an archetype of storytelling, something that appeals to a sphere of our sensibility: we like those stories that tell us about a couple that finds a connection and despite everything at the end will find happiness in each other.

Bellarke is NOT canon, it is NOT happening in the sense of being in the clear intention of our show runner BUT it is a concrete possibility for the story because we have all the necessary elements for it to work.
If the authors want is to happen and the show gets enough seasons (since it is the definition of slowburn for how it’s been built till now.).

Okay? Okay.

Plus I don’t know if you noticed but Jason sure likes to release sneak peek quite peculiar…just saying.

THE CAMERA CHOICES: coincidence? I believe NOT!

Let’s talk about how the director decided to show us things. Let’s talk about takes and acting…let’s talk about what we have all SEEN.

I’m not gonna lose myself in speculation because my purpose here is to show you that the thing objectively makes sense, so I’m just gonna describe some scenes with you.

Episode 1, S1: introduction of the characters.Do you remember the moment we first saw Bellamy? I’m kidding of course you remember

We have the reunion with Octavia and then he tries to open the dropship but Clarke stops him.

Now think about this: we saw Clarke interact with three characters in this first episode, not counting her mother. Three males actually: Wess, Finn and Bellamy in this order.
Wess, who to me always had some lingering feelings for Clarke that were not just friendship related so here the first.

Finn was so clearly intended to become her love interest, I knew it from the start.

Then we have Bellamy.

So, if we can say, Wess is safe zone since they are childhood friends, we are left with two other characters that we all know were: main in the cast, very attractive and both immediately had a connection plot wise to the protagonist, Clarke.

Now, I’m no expert but I do read lots of books and watch way too much ANYTHING and I think I’m reasonably right when I say: this is the typical way you introduce, in a plot, the romantic core-group. We have the girl and the choice, that is the two boys.

One, she clicks, he seems nice and funny and they have this sweet moment in which everything is bright and easy. He supports her, follows her…seems perfect right? Then you learn he had a girlfriend that he didn’t mention oops. The other it’s not a Prince Charming: they can of collide, but don’t break, he challenges her, defends his own ideas and shows a strong character that she can find irritating but in the end…she kind of trust him? She still looks for him? She definitely acknowledges his strength.

How many TV shows have this in the pilot three-pattern? Let’s make examples: The Vampire Diaries, Hart of Dixies, Reign, Haven, Outlander, The Musketeers…do you really want me to continue? Because I can.

The details may vary but the core is that: one seems perfect, the other she can’t shake of even if he looks so wrong to her. Then chaos ensues.

Episode 2, S1: the one who saves her

The pit scene, my friends. Now let’s talk about how it was filmed. They are walking and we now know that Bellamy has a secret agenda, that he is not here as Clarke ally because he is worried for poor Jasper and he kind of said he could cut her arm to take away her wristband.
Nice, right?

Okay, no romance AT ALL. Like nothing, mate.
Then what does Jason do?

There are traps, and of course Clarke falls in the one pit full of spears.
But Bellamy catches her. Now the sequence is this, more or less.
We get a good take of both Clarke and Bellamy’s face and then we go to the wristband.

The message here is clear plot wise.

Is Bellamy really that cruel and cold? He could have let her go but his instinct was to save her…wristband be damn.

That would have been enough but we have the close up on the faces and the whole pace of the scene.
Clarke is aware of the choice Bellamy made: she looks at him wide eyed not just for the adrenaline and their eyes locks. We have a moment in which the whole take of the camera is this: high tension situation and intense exchange of the two who are now clearly the main characters of the show.

It took a long time to Murphy, Finn and Wess to jump in and help Bellamy out, because the director wanted us to fix on the scene.

Now, I’m not gonna be here and tell you “it’s meant to beeee~” I don’t want to convince you, remember? What I want you to say is that if Finn had saved her with this same camera choices we would have all seen some kind of emotional implication.

I’m not saying this is romantic, just that it’s not strange that people saw this, liked the chemistry of the scene and saw potential.

Episode 3, S1: when he heard her sing a lullaby

The Atom scene, my friends. Now, forgive me but I need a moment to weep because I loved him so much * cries *

However! That scene my friends. We had the whole Jasper deal at the beginning of the episode and we closed the circle here: Clarke does what she needs to for Atom and shows Bellamy that she has guts…but that doesn’t mean she has no hope!

Now, it’s all very tragic, Bellamy here is fragile and we see that despite the situation with Octavia he really did care for Atom and now seeing him like this he knows what he should do: end his sufferings. But because he cares it’s hard to kill his friend and he is there, kneeling next to him, holding the knife in his hand.

Then Clarke gets there, he turns and sees her and she immediately understands the situation, she looks at Bellamy and signals him that there is really nothing to do.
The face of Bellamy says it all, his jaw thigh and the pain, the regret for losing someone like that.

That’s the moment she takes the knife and cut his carotid and then…sings a lullaby.

The scene was done, the meaning there, we didn’t need want followed for the plot. But the director got it.
We have a close up to Bellamy LOOKING AT CLARKE. He could have been watching at Atom, grieving or in the distance to not witness his friend passing…but he looks at her, the girl singing to a dead man, comforting a stranger.

This is an emotional situation my friends, let’s just agree on this.
It’s a moment filled with humanity and compassion, that is what I’m saying and it was decided to be between Clarke and Bellamy. Okay? Okay.

Episode 4, S1: that time she said WE

I have made a post eviscerating this episode, all on Bellarke and I won’t repeat myself, the article is title Lost and Found (Her way to Him), check it out if you like! :)

I will consider here just one scene, the ending one: Charlotte is dead and Clarke and Bellamy are back to camp to tell the Hundred about Murphy’s banishment.

They stand next to each other, in front of the fire. We can’t hear every word because what really matters is what we see. After the speech, so, what did we see? Clarke looking at Bellamy, offering him a smile…to comfort him.

They lost the girl and Clarke understood that she meant something to Bellamy so at this point, she offers him kindness because that’s all she can. They are just allies, at this point.
Again this is a moment filled with compassion between this two.

Let’s think about another guy she comforts? Finn. Yea, she sleeps with him, I know, but she is in love with him so it’s legit, right?

Yes, people, don’t be shocked. I’m a bellarke fun and yet I am convinced and would defend this convince ion in front of anyone that Clarke loved Finn from this point on till his death and still loves him. I watch the show and I respect the canon!

(I’m actually a very productive girl and have an article about this two Here)

Episode 5, S1: that time she knew him better that he knew himself

Just gonna quote:

‘You always did what you had to do to protect your sister, THAT’S WHO YOU ARE.’

We have this and then… Close up to their faces. Bellamy looks, raw in front of how clearly she saw him and yet not ready to accept the forgiveness or at least the justification she is offering him and Clarke looks, eyes wide open and searching: we clearly see her eyes scanning Bellamy’s whole face, looking for something.
Human connection.
That’s all I’m saying.

Man, I could keep going till the end of the season (I’m just gonna say…EPISODE 8 SEASON 1)

…but I’m gonna stop because this is page six on Word and yeah, I have one last thing to say.


It’s true that fans can manipulate a scene and find a million different explanations for a fragment of imagine that maybe was not that important for the director, but that is why I chose only major scenes here.

This were focal moments in the plot, in the character development of the whole crew.
I’m not giving you meta, this is practically a sum up on scenes that you all saw if you watched the show (and if you noticed I didn’t pick those scenes you usually think when talking about Bellarke, like the shooying stars, to give an example).

Now listen to this: every single scene put in the episodes was chosen among a lot of other options.

Every single expression of the actors was chosen by them and by the writers who prepared the scripts.
ù

They don’t just go on set, film the scene and put in the final montage the first try. They do and redo the scene until the director is satisfied. The montage means that every single peace is carefully taken into consideration, the order of every take…there is a project behind all of it, it’s a difficult project and it’s all intended!

Yes, sometime you can give more than one interpretation but you cannot change the sequence of the events, you can’t change the words that where spoken or the looks that were exchanged.

This whole thing with Bellamy and Clarke, you DON’T HAVE TO READ IT AS A BUILDING UP FOR A ROMANTIC OUTCOME, but…YOU CAN READ IT LIKE THIS!

That’s the point. I got an Anon saying to me this: I don’t understand you bellarke, you are just looking for something to ship and making shit up.

Well, I’m not okay with that.
First this was rude so, please go ask someone to teach you manners or never talk to me again, thank you very much.

Second, if you really don’t understand, here you go something to help you to. If you paid attention maybe things are now a bit clearer. Of course, this requires to people to actually WANT to understand.


I will say it one last time:

I don’t want to convince anybody. You can still not ship or even don’t like Bellarke, but honestly, don’t come here and tell me that it makes no sense. To you it may not be obvious but this is a tv show, we are only halfway through S2 and anything could happen, people are hoping for possible storylines and they have the right to do so, they are supporting the show we all love so be respecful at the very least. 

Maybe it will never be canon on the show, but the Bellarke fandom is not a collective hallucination, it’s just a ship.

Thank you for reading this I hope you enjoyed it and if you don’t agree and want to discuss it with me please send me an ask and we’ll talk, with respect for our repsective opinions and as persons.

bye!


[I repeat: GIF ARE NOT MINE! They belong to their wonderful makers, I’m not a gif maker and take no credit for it! Thank you very much for your awesome work, in fact]

goldevstars  asked:

taLK TO ME ABOUT REALLY GAY HISTORICAL FIGURES BECAUSE MY MIND IS NUMB AND G A Y OKAY GO LEYLA

IM NOT SURE IF YOU MEAN JUST ALEX AND JOHN BUT IM GOING TO DO MORE BC IM A NERD AND QUEER HISTORY IS MY JAM

• okay, so obviously let’s start with alex and john
• they were super gay
• (well i mean alexander was bisexual and laurens was gay, but you know what i mEAN)
• like, just look at their letters:
• “cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, i wish, my dear laurens, it might be in my power, by actions rather than words, to convince you that i love you.”
• i typed that from memory welp
• also alex invited john to a threesome with his wife on their wedding night + described himself as a jealous lover when john didn’t answer his letters
• “in short, laurens, i am disgusted with everything in this world but yourself.”
• “so your impatience to have me married is misplaced; a strange cure, by the way, as if after matrimony i was to be less devoted than i am now.”
• their letters had to be censored, bc they were way too gay
• like look at the letters ive shown you so far. they’re clearly v gay. now, my one true regret is that i do not have a time machine with which to stop hamilton’s son from censoring their letters. like, cmon fam, w h y
• the last letter alexander ever sent to john was signed ’yrs. forever.’
• fun fact!! john laurens most likely did not live to read this letter, bc he was killed in battle!!!
• I CRY SO MUCH

okie moving on to other non-heteros in history:

• baron von steuben!!!
• holy wow!!! this dude was gay!!!
• so he helped whip the american army into shape, and is basically the reason there is an america
• okay so he was rumored to have “affections for members of the same sex” and was actually labeled as a sodomite, if im not mistaken
like im at least 90% sure he got kicked out of both prussia and france for being gay yikes
• (i find it hilarious that the homophobes get mad at obama for appointing a gay man to lead our army like pICK UP A HISTORY BOOK PLS)

+

• ALEXANDER THE GREAT
• okie so in his time period the main goal was basically to have a wife and produce an heir and nobody really cared who you brought into your bed (ham would have had a hoot)
• in fact!!! alexander the great’s dad had a male lover!! this was a common thing bless
• now hephaestion (did i spell that correctly) was alexander’s close childhood friend- and most likely his lover, as well
• their tutor- aristotle!!- described their intense closeness as “one soul abiding in two bodies”
• their gayness isn’t mentioned in history books bc most accounts were written 300 years after their death, during a time period where homosexuality was indecent :(
• they were written as best friends
• ~~~~best friends~~~~~~
• here’s a quote from an article that i have saved but can’t source bc mobile:
• “According to Arrian, Alexander and Hephaestion publicly identified with Achilles and Patroclus, each laying a wreath on their tombs. Both Plato and Aeschylus acknowledged that the Achilles and Patroclus were lovers, so this wreath laying ceremony would have been seen as a very public declaration of their love.”
• oh!!! also Alexander the Great had a boy toy named bagoas, that was given to him by some persian nobleman

+

• leonardo da vinci was accused of sodomy TWICE when he was caught with several young companions ;)))
• there were no witnesses and the charges were dropped
• the dude never married and kept many beautiful male protégés
• he wrote in his notebook that hetero sex disgusted him
• (same leo saaaaame)

+

• um some more things;
• oscar wilde was gay and involved with the son of sir john sholto douglas. he was actually convicted bc of this.
• one of our presidents, james buchanan, is believed to be gay. here’s an excerpt from one of his letters to william rufus king:
• “I am now solitary and alone, having no companion in the house with me. I have gone a wooing to several gentlemen, but have not succeeded with any one of them. I feel that it is not good for man to be alone; and should not be astonished to find myself married to some old maid who can nurse me when I am sick provide good dinners for me when I am well, and not expect from me any very ardent or romantic affection.”
• eleanor roosevelt had a very intimate friendship with an openly lesbian reporter named lorena hicks
• “Gee! What wouldn’t I give to talk to you & hear you now, oh, dear one,” said a letter from eleanor. “It is all the little things, tones in your voice, the feel of your hair, gestures, these are the things I think about & long for.”

+

there’s probably tons more!!! go look up queer historical figures on google and you’ll find tons!!! there is so much gay in our history, and schools just. ignore it. it’s honestly infuriating.

(im on mobile, which is why nothing is sourced- so, if you happen to be able to add links to websites that provide us with this information i would appreciate it greatly!!

also, there may be errors, bc most of this was done from memory; send me an ask if i have anything wrong and I’ll fix it!!)