OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I MADE

No matter what you’re given, even if on paper it looks ridiculous and you think ‘oh my God, this is never going to work, everyone is going to shit all over this’, you know what, you have to try. No matter what Ric Flair was given, he made it his and he made it amazing and good TV. A perfect example if you remember the mental institution scene in WCW when he was committed, it’s not a great storyline, but Ric Flair made that scene amazing and memorable. He threw everything into it, over the top as his character always was, and he made it work. It could have been a disaster, but it was ‘oh my God, Ric Flair is amazing’. That was something I wanted to bring into Rosemary in my own way, in my own application of the process. Throwing myself in and making anything I was given into my own and the best I could possibly do with it, even if I didn’t particularly like part of it, if I committed to it and made it my own, it was going to work. [x]

anonymous asked:

You made it to a discourse flag blog discourseflags(.)tumblr(.)com/post/162192715684/i-saw-an-exclusionist-message-thomas-sanders-with

oh my god…what does me telling thomas sanders to pee his pants have to do with ace discourse

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 3

And we did it again, amigos! 

  1. “My sock is missing.”
  2. “I must say it can be rather therapeutic”
  3. “Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
  4. “You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
  5. “What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
  6. “I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
  7. “If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
  8. “What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
  9. “I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
  10. “I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
  11. “You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
  12. “I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
  13. “What is this, a concert for ants???”
  14. “I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
  15. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
  16. “When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
  17. “The wolves eat tonight.”
  18. “Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
  19. "When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
  20. “Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
  21. “Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
  22. “How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
  23. “I think I misplaced my right hand”
  24. “I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
  25. “Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
  26. “Have your eyes always been that colour?”
  27. “I’m going to fight the sun!”
  28. “You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
  29. “I’m not into that kinda thing.”
  30. “Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
  31. “I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
  32. “Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
  33. “Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
  34. “What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
  35. “What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
  36. “Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
  37. “Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
  38. “This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
  39. “Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
  40. “ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
  41. “Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
  42. “Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
  43. “Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
  44. “Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
  45. “Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
  46. “Wait. You’re aroused?”
  47. “Why would that surprise you?”
  48. “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  49. “okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
  50. “I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
  51. “I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
  52. "Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
  53. “how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
  54. “…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
  55. “For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
  56. “Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
  57. “Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
  58. “_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
  59. “What the heck happened while I was at the store?
  60. "What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
  61. “Despreate times call for cows.”
  62. “Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
  63. “You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
  64. “Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
  65. “Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
  66. “Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
  67. “Dude, no.”
  68. “I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
  69. “I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
  70. “I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
  71. “Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
  72. “So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
  73. “dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
  74. “Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
  75. “What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
  76. “WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
  77. “PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
  78. “PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
  79. “What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
  80. “Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
  81. “You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
  82. “Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
  83. “Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
  84. “So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
  85. “Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
  86. “Tell me why,  exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
  87. “Look, I’m not a liar, alright?  And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me.  So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now.  And maybe a million dollars.”
  88. “Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
  89. “Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
  90. “Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
  91. “Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
  92. “Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
  93. “This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
  94. “So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
  95. “I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
  96. “Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
  97. “Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
  98. “I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
  99. “Every time you speak I literally die a little”
  100. “One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”

“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)

Demigod Child

As a DM I play 5e, and I tend to play fast and loose, often introducing different mechanics not in the book for monsters and NPCs. My players were in the middle of what was essentially a war zone, and decided to send off one character’s adopted kid to escape while they went to fight. This child wasn’t a fighter, and their only skill (as I described it) was that they were “Very fast and good at dodging”. So, the players decided to give the kid some tools.
One was a halfling with a spare set of armor (good size for an elf kid), another had a poison handaxe, one had a spare sword, and the paladin (usually the resident goofy joke character) gave such an awesome and powerful good-luck you-can-do-it we-believe-in-you speech that I gave the kid a point of inspiration. I was actually getting amused by the fact that they were doing so much for this NPC child who I fully intended to be alright, but eventually the kid was ready to be sent off.

DM (me): So this kid is decked out in humorously deadly gear now, you gonna send them off?
Monk: Yeah. I uh, I kneel down—"Just find my horse Breka and ride off to that one town until we can find you again, okay?“
DM: Uh, Sunny nods and looks really confident with themselves. They’re just gonna turn to set out towards that horse, they know where it is.
Ranger (speaking for the first time in a long bit): I wanna cast a buff on Sunny.
DM: You… oh. Okay, what’s it do?
Ranger: It uh, it adds to their base Dexterity score, [about 7] points, and it lasts for awhile so they have a lot of time to get away.
DM: It… what? That’s a spell?!
Ranger: Yeah, it’s a spell.
Barbarian (sitting next to her and leaning over): Yep, it’s a thing, I’m looking at it right now.
DM: I… okay, you… you do that. Then the kid runs off to find the horse, and… oh my god. Guys, what have you done.
Monk: What? What happened?
DM: …So because Sunny is a child and a small target, I decided to give them a special mechanic. When they’re attacked, they can choose to either just let their AC handle it—which you just boosted with that armor—or they can try and dodge the attack. And instead of AC, they… they contest the roll with Dexterity. They already had a base Dex of 17.
Group: *pause for a long moment before they begin laughing*
DM: Guys, you just made this kid basically unkillable! You just—they’re a demigod, now, this little elf kid scampers off to fight Thor or something, and Thor can’t land a hit! You—the kid is immortal! This kid has become a diety!
Monk: Protect my child! Not even god could hurt them now! God child!!
Group: *begin chanting “God child”*
DM: I—oh my god their initiative mod is insane now too, I—I think this kid just ascends into the heavens. I can’t believe you’ve done this.

this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion.  i’ve divided it up into two categories  ( light  &  dark )  based on the themes.  some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions.  please be cautious before continuing on!!

L I G H T

‘  at night i dream of you.  ’
‘  don’t give up yet.  you still have time to fix things.  ’
‘  falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack.  ’
‘  i am still so weak when it comes to you.  ’
‘  i can’t believe i let myself let you down.  ’
‘  i don’t care where we go when we die,  as long as i’m with you.  ’
‘  i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late.  ’
‘  i feel so warm  &  safe when you talk to me.  maybe i could love you if you’d let me.  ’
‘  i finally let the right people in  &  i have never felt so loved.  ’
‘  i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone.  ’
‘  i lived in your permafrost for twenty years  &  then you looked at me  &  i felt the warmth of spring.  ’
‘  i once wished you’d leave me alone,  but i take it back.  ’
‘  i want to be able to love someone else,  but you stretch your arms  &  spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else.  ’
‘  i want to believe that we got it right this time.  ’
‘  i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely.  ’
‘  i would travel across the world to be by your side,  because as long as you are with me,  anywhere is a perfect place to me.  ’
‘  it took me awhile to realize it myself,  but you are not what other people say you are.  ’
‘  it’s not that i really need you,  but life would be pretty boring without you around.  there’s no one i would rather be with.  ’
‘  i’d like to stay like this for awhile.  ’
‘  life  &  death don’t have to be so boring,  let’s make both an adventure.  ’
‘  life imitates art,  they say.  i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke.  ’
‘  live your life so that when you die,  souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales.  ’
‘  make your exes jealous  &  your past self proud.  ’
‘  maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on.  ’
‘  never get caught falling harder.  they’ll never let you back up.  ’
‘  please don’t go.  ’
‘  some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it  &  succumb.  ’
‘  sometimes,  you’ll find it hard to keep going,  but you always will.  ’
‘  the desire i feel for you is that same itching,  insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction.  ’
‘  the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad.  ’
‘  there is absolutely nothing  &  no one who can stop me.  ’
‘  there is no route of losing you that is without pain.  ’
‘  there’s still room for adventure  &  there is no one i’d rather have by my side.  ’
‘  things didn’t turn out the way i planned,  but i’m alright with that.  ’
‘  we could be really incredible together,  you know?  ’
‘  you are beautiful  &  vibrant  &  confident.  you are light  &  laughter incarnate  &  every fiber of your being screams freedom  &  joy.  when i am with you,  i am truly happy.  ’
‘  you are starlight incarnate,  from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think.  blessed are any to be loved by you.  ’
‘  you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you.  ’
‘  you call me yours  &  i have no idea what that even means to you.  ’
‘  you remind me of bubblegum  &  sweets;  soft  &  pink  &  warm.  you are strong in the gentlest way.  you are so stubbornly kind.  i wish i could be like that.  ’
‘  you still visit me while i sleep sometimes.  your fingers trace my spine  &  i listen to you breathe.  please stop haunting me.  ’
‘  ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you.  ’

D A R K

‘  a thousand empty bottles  &  fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day.  ’
‘  everyone else has moved on,  but i am still here.  ’
‘  everything about you screams danger.  ’
‘  everything is worthless to you  &  you,  in turn,  became worthless.  ’
‘  for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress.  ’
‘  freedom is really hard to get used to.  ’
‘  how could you do this to me?  how fucking could you?  ’
‘  i am becoming everything we always dreamed of  &  i am leaving you behind.  ’
‘  i buried you so well that you might as well have died.  ’
‘  i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead  &  not the monster you became.  ’
‘  i can’t look at you.  not now,  not ever.  ’
‘  i don’t ask how you’ve been.  what’s the point?  you’d lie anyways.  ’
‘  i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest.  ’
‘  i haunted this house first.  there is no room for you here.  ’
‘  i have a right to be upset.  i loved them too, you know.  ’
‘  i just want it to end.  i want it to all go away.  i want to go away.  ’
‘  i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing,  but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous.  ’
‘  i saw your face today  &  didn’t feel anything.  i am free.  ’
‘  i tried to save you,  but you didn’t want to be saved.  you just wanted someone to suffer with you.  ’
‘  it’s almost as if you were never here.  ’
‘  it’s unhealthy to do these things,  you tell me.  you say it’s time to stop smoking,  time to stop gambling,  &  dammit,  i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you.  i sure hope you’re right,  darling.  ’
‘  i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind  ’
‘  i’m not really scared to die.  i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone.  ’
‘  i’m not the person you left behind anymore.  there’s no one here to miss.  ’
‘  i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive.  ’
‘  i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals  &  ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you.  ’
‘  i’ve never been completely satisfied.  i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death.  ’
‘  no motive other than pleasure,  my dear.  ’
‘  one day i’ll go or you will.  either way,  it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself.  ’
‘  our dreams  &  promises decay along with you.  ’
‘  the leaves change,  but nothing else does.  ’
‘  the only difference between avoiding  &  leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you.  ’
‘  there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you.  ’
‘  there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage.  ’
‘  things aren’t going as i hoped.  maybe if i die,  i can start over again?  better luck next time.  ’
‘  this is not something to be proud of.  this is a tragedy.  ’
‘  trying to get rid of me?  oh honey,  you’ll have to try much harder than that.  ’
‘  trying to get under my skin?  you’re nothing more than a pesky itch.  ’
‘  unlike you,  i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger.  ’
‘  weeping is for gods  &  martyrs,  we cannot afford such luxuries.  ’
‘  would you even miss me?  ’
‘  you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart.  ’
‘  you complain nonstop about being unloved  &  alone,  i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true.  ’
‘  you don’t know what it’s like.  ’
‘  you made this so fucking easy for me.  ’
‘  you should see me as a threat.  i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you.  i am a walking threat.  ’
‘  you think i’m already gone,  but i’m still fighting.  ’
‘  you think i’m dead,  but i’m just dying.  ’
‘  you were never an addiction,  you were a fucking disease.  ’
‘  you wouldn’t dare cross me.  i am god  &  you are the soil beneath my feet.  ’
‘  your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity.  ’
‘  your fingers are so cold  &  bruised,  but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference.  ’
‘  your hair is tied in a noose  &  your fingernails are razor blades,  your lips are poison  &  i will gratefully kiss them.  ’
‘  your hatred has a body count  &  we will not forget.  ’
‘  your loss,  not mine.  ’
‘  you’re a sick fuck.  you know that?  ’
‘  you’re not gentle with me  &  i would never ask you to be.  ’
‘  you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore,  it’s a pit.   ’


SKAM S04E07 Clip 6 - Fucking over your friends

VILDE: He’ll break up with me..

EVA: No, Vilde, he won’t.

VILDE: Yes, he will!

CHRIS: He won’t do that..

EVA: Vilde, there are some douchebags who have done this and it’s not your fault. Someone did this to you.

NOORA: It’s not your fault.

EVA: It’s going to be fine. You’re just very, very sad now.

SANA: What happened?

EVA: Someone made ellevillevillde 2 and posted lots of shit about Vilde. It’s really bad.

CHRIS: Yeah..

NOORA: Oh my God..

CHRIS: It’ll be fine.. Just..

Keep reading

King of Memes

Or, how Tony Found Out About Bucky’s Blog. 


Tony couldn’t seep. Sometimes he managed a few hours if he was tired enough, so usually he went to the gym and worked out until he was exhausted. Tonight, though, he found the gym already occupied: Barnes, with his hair tied up, working steadily at the heavy bag. Normally Tony would make an awkward comment and leave him to it, but instead he just heads for the opposite side of the gym. After setting up at one of the far treadmills, Tony worked his way to a easy run. Barnes was laying his fists rhythmically into the bag, and the quiet thumping was sort of strangely soothing. Between the running and the thumping, Tony slipped into a near-trancelike state.

 And then Barnes let out an ungodly howl, drew back his left fist, and slammed it straight through the heavy bag with a roar of, “DIE A THOUSAND BURNING DEATHS!”

Tony fell off the treadmill, scrambled to his feet, and booked it to the elevator.


kingofmemes posted:

holy shit you guys there was a spider on my punching bag !!! thanks to my many years of combat experience & martial arts training things are okay now

Posted at 4:47 AM, 37294 notes


Keep reading

libbyangelofthelord  asked:

Steve and Bucky seeing what people call gangsters today and talk about the Irish and Italian mafia when they were growing up and how they got some money during hard times for doing some runs for the mafia

“Huh.”  Steve looks over to Bucky where he sits curled up in a deep, cozy papasan chair. “I don’t think we qualify anymore, Buck.”

Bucky hummed, cheeks stuffed full of popcorn.  

“I’m sorry, what?” Sam leaned forward in his seat. “You don’t qualify as what anymore?”  The anticipation on his face was incredible.

Bucky shrugged.  “’Snothin’. Steve n’I just did odd jobs back in the day.  Had to make ends meet, you know how it is.” 

Clint narrowed his eyes.  “Wait.  Waitwaitwait. Odd jobs.” He looked at the screen to the rolling credits of the movie they’d just watched and back to Steve and Bucky.  “Oh my God.  Is that your way of saying you were Old-Timey Gangsters?”

It was Steve’s turn to shrug.  “Not really.  Sort of. –I mean.  Officially, legally.  Illegally.  Yeah.”

Oh my God.”  Steve was pretty sure Sam was going to have a heart attack. “Why did I not know this?!”

Bucky wriggled around so he could face Sam better.  “It was prohibition for us.  People were still drinkin’.  Steve needed medicine and an honest job didn’t pay as much as we needed. So.”  He shrugged.

“So I managed logistics and Bucky did the literal heavy lifting. Not really that big a deal.” 

Clint was grinning a mile wide.  “This is so much better than I could imagine.  Steve, you had mob connections.”  

“Have.”

Bucky hummed.  

What?!”  Sam squeaked.  

Steve made a defenseless gesture.  “Families like that have long memories.  They know I’m alive.”  He nodded towards the bar.  “You think I buy my liquor?”

Bucky grinned.  “You always did ingratiate yourself.” He looked at Sam.  “He was their best-selling supplier Brooklyn had.  They owe him; he helped keep them in business long enough for for prohibition to end and for them to make real money.”  Bucky held up his glass and let Dum-E cart it over to the bar, smiling wickedly.  “Another whiskey.”  

anonymous asked:

it's 02:15 am I have school tomorrow but I just went through all your voltron headcanons tag and I'm kajdjsjdjskndnsnsnsnndndjsjdjdjdn thank you so much they're amazing oh my god

i’m finally what i’ve aspired to be all my life: a bad influence

  • lance: “[gasps in spanish]” keith: “did you just say ‘gasps in spanish’ out loud”
  • coran doesn’t really get why lance keeps putting expired food goo on his face but i mean whatever makes him happy i guess
    • he’s mostly just excited someone likes the goo
  • *allura voice* “wait you mean humans can actually ‘pull a muscle’?? i thought pidge just made that up as an excuse to get out of training”
  • pidge judges lance for getting tricked by pretty girls but. like. lowkey if a robot ever asked her to follow it…..
  • hunk: “okay. stay calm. stay calm” keith: “i am calm??” hunk: “i’m talking to myself”
  • hunk teaches allura those elementary school road trip songs
    • he gets to the song that never ends which. causes some confusion
    • “but how do i know when to stop singing??” “well you kinda just go until you get bored”
    • but allura’s so!!! jazzed!!!! to be doing earth things that she can go for hours without getting bored
    • the team eventually votes to ban the song from the castle
  • shiro: “lance, can i talk to you?” lance: “oooh, someone’s in trouble. and it’s me. i don’t know why i did that.”

“So, Mom and Dad are gone for the night, so I thought I’d make you dinner!” My sister squealed excitedly. She was too cute for words when she came up with her brother/sister bonding ideas.

“That sounds really great. What are you going to make?” My eyes wandered her body as I waited for her answer. I could never get enough of my little sister.

“Chicken Stir Fry. One of your favorites!” She winked at me. I nodded, telling her how much I’d love her to cook me dinner, and she giggled and ran off to her room.

Twenty minutes later she returned. My eyes locked on her immediately. Her jeans were gone, but what remained were a very cute, very tight pair of panties. She wore a plain white t-shirt that clung to her skin. I could see how hard her nipples were underneath. And finally, thigh-high socks. She knows all my weaknesses by now. She walked by me towards the kitchen, giving me a sly glance and a wink.

She grabbed the small apron off the wall, tying it around herself. All it did was put more focus on her plump little ass. As she made her way through the kitchen, gathering ingredients and turning on the stove, all I could do was watch as her perfectly round bottom bounced with every step. I started to rub my cock through my jeans as I let my eyes wander. She glanced over to me occasionally, seeing the state she put me in, and smiling before returning her focus to the preparation of dinner.

I watched her as she cut the chicken, then placed the pieces in the hot frying pan. The sizzling chicken was enough to cover the sound of my footsteps as I snuck up behind her. I put my hand on her shoulder, startling her for a moment. “Hey! The kitchen is for chefs only! Get out of her” She mocked, but I didn’t leave. I brushed her hair off her shoulder, exposing her neck. I leaned down and pressed my lips against the sensitive skin. She moaned and closed her eyes, absentmindedly stirring the chicken. As I planted wet kisses all over her neck, one of her arms reached up, wrapping itself around my head. “Oh god that’s good…” she groaned as she ran her fingers through my hair. The hand holding the spatula slowed the more I kissed her, too distracted to keep stirring. And when my left hand crawled up her belly, under her shirt, and grasped one of her breasts, it fell from her hand, landing noisily on the floor. “Fuck…” she muttered as my hand groped her perky breast.

My right hand was rubbing her lower back, then slid it down, under the back of the panties. She gasped as my finger made its way down her crack, between her glorious cheeks. “Where do you want it…” I whispered into her ears. She bit her lower lip and moaned something under her breath. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you.” I teased my finger against her puckered little hole.

“In my ass. Please, fuck my ass.” I pushed inside, which made her slap her hand down on the counter, supporting herself up as my finger invaded her asshole. “Oh god, fuck me!” She breathed. I started pumping my finger in and out of her ass, still kissing her neck and groping her breast, pinching and twisting her nipple. I saw her hand slide under her panties, and she started furiously rubbing her clit as I fingered her ass. “Oh god, you couldn’t have waited till after dinner?”

“No.” I said simply. “Cum for me.” My little sisters body began to shutter, and legs shaking. I put my arm around her waist, holding her up but still pumping my finger in her ass as she rubbed her pussy. She moaned in my arms, drooling as her orgasm spread through her body like a wild fire. Her thighs quivered and her ass squeezed around my finger as filth slipped from her mouth. “Shit, fuck… Fuck my ass, please!”

When she finally came down and was able to stand up on her own again, she turned to me, legs still shaking and unsteady. She smiled weakly at me and hugged me.

As I held my little sister in my arms, my nose picked up something that, in our lust haze, we hadn’t noticed until now. We both looked at the frying pan at the same time, and sighed. “We burned the chicken…” I said apologetically. “Sorry, sis.”

She just smiled. “It’s OK. We can just order out tonight.” She grabbed the pan, and set it down in the sink, and turned off the stove top. Grabbing the phone off the wall and handing it to me, she said “Here, you call. I’m thinking pizza. And while we wait for them to get here…” she reached her hand to the bulge in my jeans, rubbing it and licking her lips.

I just hope he payed for it. It was his fault after all. ;)

So like, imagine an AU where Trevelyan, Lavellan, Adaar and Cadash never actually made it to the Conclave. They all got spectacularly waylaid – by each other – on the way there and ended up forming a clump of grumpy, teeth-gritted comradeship to survive the rather hostile road there because idk about you, but a Dalish elf, a Tal-Vashoth Qunari, a Carta dwarf and the 39th son of the 40th cousin twice removed from the royal family of the Free Marches would make the most fantastic, oddball adventuring party ever.

And it’s just like…yeah, I literally dreamed this last night so here, have some potential dialogue lines.

-

Adaar, very clearly a virgin: Oh yeah, I’ve had sex. I’ve had all the sex.
Cadash: Pffft. The only thing you’ve been bangin’ are the pots and pans–
Lavellan: Keep your dick away from our cooking utensils or so help me.

-

Trevelyan: Nobody here appreciates fine dining like I do.
Cadash: Yeah well, shit’s an acquired taste, as you would know.

-

Cadash: Just a quick question. Where did you get your admirable sense of humor from? The spite is just…riveting.
Lavellan: It is homegrown on a history of slaughter and slavery from the shem. I’m glad you liked it.
Trevelyan: Of course the dwarf would.
Lavellan: The dwarf has good tastes.

-

Adaar: How did your thought process go from ‘oh god what a huge demon on fire’ to ‘I’m going to whack it with my sword and hope that it dies’?
Trevelyan: Look, mate. My enemies were on fire once and they died when I whacked them hard enough too.
Cadash: It’s too bad he’s a human. He would’ve made the perfect kind of Carta.
Lavellan: Yes, the odor is identical to yours.
(pause)
Adaar: You marked him?
Trevelyan: WHAT?! MARK ME WITH WHAT– OH MAKER–
Cadash: I rubbed my dwarfy little hands all over him while he slept, yup.
Lavellan: Creators, cleanse me from the evils my ears have borne audience to.

-

Cadash: Is it true Templars would sell an arm and a leg for a mouthful of lyrium?
Lavellan: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but that’s rude.
Trevelyan: It certainly is! And it’s more accurate that they would sell their mothers, anyway.
Adaar: Andraste burning on the stakes wasn’t enough to clean you of your sins, I see.

-

Lavellan: You have no discomfort, traveling alongside a Dalish mage?
Trevelyan: Nope. I was born uncomfortable, anyway.

-

Cadash: Hey, we can lure [the bandits] down this tunnel.
Adaar: So all of us except for you can get stuck down there?
Cadash: Oh ye of little faith!
Trevelyan: Even if the Maker descended right now, haloed in everlasting lights with Andraste by His side and tell me to trust you, I wouldn’t do it.

  • Lucifer: Gonna start an apocalypse, gonna meet my son
  • *Double doors fly open, slamming against the walls*
  • Jack: What's up Daddy-O? Want some candy? How bout some whiskey? I looove humans so much, angels need to learn to be forgiving ya know? Oh, oh, I watched Brokeback Mountain last night and let me tell you-
  • Lucifer: *Sneering at the other angels* What the fuck have you idiots done to my son?
  • Balthazar: Made him awesome
  • Gabriel: Introduced him to television
  • Samandriel: Let him have a heart
  • Gadreel: Taught him to be a badass, but also forgiving
  • Castiel: Taught him drama and love
  • Lucifer: I'll. kill. you all!
  • Jack: Shut up dickbutt! God, you're so whiney. My son loves humans wahhh! Daddy doesn't love me waah. Boring
  • Gabriel: Good boy
Transference (M) – Chapter 01

cr. [X]

Summary: During a routine visit to the local bakery, you stumble upon an intriguing business card and figure, what the hell. The business arrangement becomes…mutually beneficial. Y’all know where this is going.

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 2,061

Warning: Tantric!Hoseok, therapist/client relationship, discussion of BDSM, sex work, profanity.

A/N: This work is a byproduct of about 6 months of insomnia and 60-hour work weeks, which resulted in a series of recurring dreams about Jung Hoseok which were…*fans self*

Chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04| 05

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Theatre Kid AUs

-that stage kiss WAS NOT SCRIPTED WTF
- I’m the stage manager and you’re the cocky lead who won’t SHUT UP backstage PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU
-for closing night bets you slipped me tongue during our stage kiss what the fuck do I do
-we’re not playing the romantic leads but everyone ships our characters and they keep making us take pictures together in costume (I kind of love it)
-we’re in the chorus together and you never know what the notes are so you have to stand impossibly close to me to listen and it just makes me mess up and I SWEAR TO GOD ARE YOU DOING THAT ON PURPOSE
-everyone in the show has to wear makeup I swear I will wrestle you into this chair if I have to
-oh my god you’re doing my makeup and you’re so close and I can’t breathe
-I may have learned your romantic lead’s part and then attempted to take them out the night of the show
-we made out in the light booth
-this is the first time I’ve seen you in costume and holy fuck how do you look so good in that

anonymous asked:

Hi! May I request Red and Blue texting their paladins about confessing to each other? Like Blue's all supportive and telling Lance, "You're amazing. Of course he likes you." And Red's all "Just do it! Oh my god, do it and stop with the pining!" (PS: You're amazing. Thank you for this blog.)

(ok i kind of changed how you wanted red to react but i hope you still like this 💜 )

RED AND BLUE ARE IN LOVE IT IS CANON LMAO 

(damn this is a long one but i hope it’s kind of what you were looking for :) )

EDIT: i made keith’s pining playlist because i’ve lost control of my life lmfao

SKAM S04E08 Clip 2 - Sorry

NOORA: Yeah, but I’m wondering if someone like planned it or..

NOORA: Yes, I can see that.

VILDE: Of course! With World Web Wide*. What if that happened to one of you? Oh my God, it’d destroy you. Especially you! It’d ruin your whole reputation.

NOORA: Think about just taking a picture..

EVA: It doesn’t mean that! It just means you forgot to take off the tag.

SANA: You guys?

EVA: Everyone! Ingrid answered. Uhm.. (In Oslo accent): We were sure Vilde made saranors2. Again, sorry. We seriously feel so bad. If we have ruined anything between her and Magnus, we’re soooo sorry, but it was Isak who started everything. You should me mad at him, it’s so important that we stand together as a bus.

NOORA: I just thinks it’s so weird that Isak would make a hate account on Sara. Like.. Why?

EVA: He’s probably pissed at her for some reason. I don’t know what’s going on in Isak’s head, but I actually thought he’d changed. Apparently now. I’m really disappointed.

VILDE: What are you writing?

EVA: You can stand together, we’re out. We won’t be on a bus with people who hate.

CHRIS: We’re without a bus again, then.

EVA: She’s saying..

CHRIS: I know about a cheap van we can buy.

VEA: “Hello! We have to talk before you drop out of the bus.” What is there to talk about? If you make a hate account, I don’t want to be friends with you. There’s nothing to talk about! Don’t you agree? People are totally crazy!

VILDE: I think it has something to do with that Trump being the president.

CHRIS: Hey! We thought we’d all chip in for this for Eva’s birthday. Isn’t it cool? It’s six litres! You’re in, right?

SANA: You know that saranors2 account? It was me.

CHRIS: Wow.

SANA: Do you think Eva will forgive me?

CHRIS: Do you need to tell?

SANA: Of course I have to tell. She can’t go around hating on Isak.

CHRIS: But that’s.. Hate disappears. It’s gone tomorrow.

[*World Wide Web]

Things Draco has definitely said at some point
  • “Harry, if you don’t stop molesting me with your eyes I’m going to throw you out of a second story window”
  • “If one more person mentions my hair I swear to god I’m going to commit first degree murder in front of like a hundred witnesses”
  • “That shirt is atrocious and I am ashamed to even know of its existence”
  • “What the fuck made you think that was okay on any level?”
  • “I hate you all”
  • “No, you plebeian, I do not want one of your germ-infested free samples they’ve probably been on that tray for years anyway”
  • “Oh god it touched me I’m going to have to cut off that foot now”
  • “I’m not a cat and the next person to compare me to one will find out what it feels like to have my entire foot up their ass”
  • “Coffee is god’s second most important gift to mankind, with the first being me, of course. Harry, stop laughing”
  • “I can’t tell if that’s a picture of a barf stain or your dog”
  • “Why would you ever”
  • “This conversation has officially bored me to tears, so I’m going to go do something more entertaining, like watch grass grow. Draco out.”
  • Ed: [Points a gun at Oswald] I am not letting you get away this time.
  • Oswald: [Kicks the gun out of Ed hand and kicks Ed to the ground]
  • Oswald: [Picks up the gun] that makes two of us
  • Oswald: [Fires the gun]
  • Oswald: [Looks at gun] what the hell?
  • Ed: OH MY GOD!!! YOU REALLY WANTED TO SHOOT ME!! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL ME!!
  • Oswald: [Looks inside gun] BLANKS??? YOU HAVE BEEN CHASING ME AROUND FOR 2 DAYS STRAIGHT WITH A GUN FULL OF BLANKS??!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??
  • Ed: WELL I WASNT ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL YOU!!
  • Oswald: [Looks confused as fuck] WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE'NT ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL ME???
  • Ed: I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST PLAYING A GAME WHERE I CHASE YOU AROUND THE CITY THAN YOU CHASE ME AROUND THE CITY PRETENDING WE WANT TO KILL EACH OTHER OH MY GOD YOU REALLY WANTED ME TO DIE
  • Oswald: WHAT IN GODS NAME MADE YOU THINK I KNEW WE WERE PLAYING A GAME??!!
  • Ed: I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING A GOOD ACTOR!!!
bad | 01

 He was the cliché bad boy. He was the guy you couldn’t stand. He was the handsome, hot kid who made girls go weak in the knees. He was a brat. You had never liked him one bit, but you had also never gotten involved with anything concerning him. Until one day, when you were in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Originally posted by thesoshisone

MEMBER: jeon jungkook x reader

GENRE: romance, smutish, fluff

WORDS: 2 506

WARNINGS: badboy!jungkook, cussing, mature

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07coming soon

A/N: if people like this, I’ll make another part. it won’t be a long series, though. this will probably be cliché af. but please, pretty pretty pretty please tell me what you think. THANKS.

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