WHO’S IN THE MOOD FOR DEPRESSING FIRST WAR THINGS?
The only reason Remus stopped trusting Sirius was because Sirius stopped trusting him and the attitude that brought out. Sirius stopped sharing theories and plans and stories about the war that could help them. Sirius kept every little thing a secret. Sirius covered up even the most trivial recon missions. Sirius started locking up his files and working with a closed door and getting pissed when Remus forgot to knock.
This is around the time Wolfsbane Potion was introduced to the world. Imagine Remus volunteering as some test subject to this new remedy. He tells himself that it’s because he’d be more useful on missions where he had to run with other packs if he could keep his mind during the full moon and that he’d have a bigger chance of survival. When he starts taking it even on months where he wasn’t being called on by the Order, he has to face the fact that he’s only taking it because he’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t need Sirius nor Padfoot anymore. Even on full moons.
Their routine becomes halfhearted. Like how they still take turns making breakfast, but they barely talk during meals, and they’re fine with leaving the table even when the other isn’t finished yet. They still brush their teeth together even though their sink is tiny but it never ends with them laughing as they’re trying to push each other out of the way or in water fights anymore. They still visit the Potters together but this time they hardly leave each other’s side to spend most of the visit with Harry because they don’t trust the other to be in that house without giving away their location.
Sometimes, they forget that they’re in a middle of a war. It’s rare, and short-lived but it’s the best moments of that last year before Azkaban. It’s when Remus wakes up in the middle of the night to find that Sirius has arrived and snuggled up against him and he just holds him and falls asleep smiling and is too sleepy and groggy to think about how he probably just came from a mission. It’s when Remus sleeps in and Sirius is too exhausted to remember that Remus had another secret mission last night so he just whips him up breakfast and brings it to him in bed before waking him up with a kiss. It’s when Lily leaves Harry with them and they’re so excited to be with the little guy that they don’t think about how Lily is too busy because of Order missions and they just stay in with hot chocolate and with the telly on as they argue (if making halfhearted insults and laughing together and nudging each other and cuddling up in the sofa with Harry between them counts as arguing) about Harry’s first word. It’s when their favorite classic rock song comes up on the radio and it’s so muggle that they don’t think about the war and Sirius gets up and dramatically extends his hand to Remus and Remus just rolls his eyes, smiling to himself and they start slow dancing to it and laughing about how offbeat they are but Sirius is burying his face in Remus’s chest and Remus is resting his chin atop Sirius’s head and it’s all so perfect - at least, until the song ends.
When they sleep together, most of the times, it’s out of angst and vulnerability and the pain of having to come to terms with how close they need to be with each other. They fuck with their eyes fixed onto each other and it breaks their hearts to see what they see in each other’s gazes. Every kiss is frantic and needy and desperate. When they finish, they sleep facing away from each other, curled up and tear-stained.