Note-to-self

I think it’s so strange that we often spend time with others that ends up being so insignificant. You have dinner together and no one has anything to say to each other. Maybe you’re not interested, or maybe you just don’t ask. You don’t get to know each other better. There are very few people I feel so close to that profound and ’important’ conversations are even made possible. But maybe it’s just me – I am always so quiet, too. I don’t just ask people I don’t know very well how they’ve been doing. I don’t try to talk to people that don’t speak the same language as I do, although I know that they are probably so nice and would be happy about the interest. I don’t tell people that I just finished one of my favourite books and had to cry during several passages that morning, because it moved me so much. I am not courageous. I stay in line with the reactions I can predict, I stay in my comfort zone.

While sitting in the car and waiting for the rain to stop one day, someone walks by completely soaked, and I think about how my dad would have asked him if he could drive him home. I admire such kindness so much, I want to be just like him, but I don’t take risks. I am afraid that people won’t accept my help, which would make me feel bad. And so I don’t do it, which also makes me feel bad. I want to be ME so much more. I don’t want to be dependent on other people’s reactions. I want to do my own thing, even if I feel insecure. And I don’t want to stay quiet so often when instead, just by reaching out, I could maybe make a conversation, someone else’s day, or a shared moment more meaningful.

Being comfortable in your own skin is sometimes a battle with yourself. And it may take time to truly love your body, and to realize that you have so much to offer the world. But it will be okay and you will eventually learn to accept yourself.

There is sweetness in this world. There is pain and more shades of gray than my long palms can hold - but there’s also sweetness. Look for these precious moments for nourishment. Life is a giver, breathing your requests like Spring. Even with drunken hearts and worldly hangovers, the way summer mornings make love to our bodies make it all worth the nausea.. I would like to stay afloat here - the air is light and surreal. Not dramatic, just subtly soft and alive in it’s own art~
I want to know the colors of gentleness. This is medicine. I want to know every shape union comes in, because my illusions of separateness only hurt my own Knowing. I will fall into this moment, completely, unafraid of death. There lies all Life. All of me.

Please please please do not wait up all night for a guy to respond nor should you stay up all night talking to him. He is not worth it. You, your health, academics, work, and sleep come before anyone or anything else. Please, do this for yourself.

I think the most devastating thing that happens when you have your heart broken, or when you lose somebody that you loved, or you lose a friend, is that you start to regret letting people in. You start regretting trusting people. And you think “God, I’m so stupid” “I’m so foolish”, “Why would I let that person in my life?” “Why did I trust them?”. But I want to let you know something right now: Letting people in, and trusting people, and being vulnerable enough to do those things is NEVER stupid, it’s brave. So I don’t want you to ever regret that.
— 

Taylor Swift

Daily reminder that letting people in and being vulnerable is never stupid, even when those people let you down.

sometimes your heart will hurt. sometimes your smile will ache. sometimes your light will dim. sometimes your spirit will break. sometimes your entire world will come crashing down with no warning, and no signs.. but no matter how destroyed you feel - you have to be willing to dig deep inside of yourself to find some ambition to get you back right. you have to look out for you. you have to let go. you have to place your focus primarily on YOU. nothing about losing what’s familiar feels good.. but uncomfortable places can be beautiful. growth is beautiful. you are beautiful. you shouldn’t have to wait around and pray for someone to love you. you should love you. you should let go - because nothing worth holding onto will ever destroy you. and holding on is destroying you. trying to love someone into loving you - is destroying you. let go because you have to get a hold of you. you have to retrace your steps and figure out where you let YOU go. you have to take time to yourself to reflect on when and where you lost yourself. you have to let go of what no longer is - and accept what may have never been.. then you have to pick yourself back up. you have to release any negativity clouding your mind and you have to rid yourself of hopeful feelings. cleanse your soul. listen to your intuition. learn yourself. let go of any bad habits you’ve picked up along your journey. and start over. no matter how bad or how much it hurts.. let go and start over. holding on is destroying you.
—  Reyna Biddy
8 things to give up

1. Self rejection
2. Negative self talk
3. Criticizing others
4. Being a people pleaser
5. Fear of failure
6. Holding onto grudges
7. Procrastination
8. Expecting perfection