Not-So-Silent Night

Request from anon: Levi and his female s/o sleeping together, cuddling tightly and comfy until levi hears her snoring in a cute soft way but he thinks it’s really cute and he teases her about it the next morning.


“Ah.” Levi sighed quietly as he snuggled up behind you. After a long night of pointless paperwork, he was more than ready to cuddle up beside you and drift off to sleep.

However, as he placed his arm over your waist and molded his frame around you, he heard a faint noise.

“Hmm? You say something, babe?” Awaiting your response, he listened carefully as you inhaled, snoring quietly as you did so.

A smile crept on to his lips as he chuckled softly to himself, shaking his head before placing his lips to your temple gently. Closing his eyes, he couldn’t help but listen to the quiet sound of your snoring as he quickly drifted off to sleep.

“Mm, I’m still so tired.” You threw you arms up over you head as you sat up, yawning loudly.

“Tch, you’re tired? At least I didn’t keep you up with my snoring, brat.” His lips turned up in a smirk as he leaned over tom place a chaste kiss on your lips.

“What?” Mortified, you hoped desperately that you had heard him wrong.

“You heard me. You snore. It’s over. I know now and I don’t know if I can get past it. This might be it for us.”

You smacked his chest playfully as his lips cracked into a smile.

“You’re not funny.” A pout upon your lips, you stood up and began to walk away, but his strong hands were around your waist before you could step away and you were quickly pulled back into his lap.

“I’m only kidding. I think it’s sort of cute.” He pressed his lips to your cheek as he held you tight in his arms and you folded your arms over his in response.

“You’re a jerk.” Smiling now, you leaned your head back to rest it in the crook of his neck as he smoothed your hair.

“And you snore. I guess we’re even.” With a playful wink, he lifted your chin and pressed his lips to yours once more.

Dirty Jokes Headcanon:

(Batboys + Bruce x Reader)

Requested: yes, by a fantastic anon

Request: Hi! If it’s possible could you do headcannons of Bruce and the Batboys with a significant other who is super close and super open with their family. And literally can not stop making dirty jokes with their fam. Lord my family are so embarrassing but so loving and I wouldn’t change that for anything.

Warning/s: smutty language 


  • He is really surprised to know how…creative your family can be
  • Laughs hard at the jokes
  • Some are funny
  • Others are very sexual
  • “What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck”
  • *hysterical laughter all around* *Bruce there like ???? “yeah totally”*
  • He loves you no matter what


  • He is a little cinnamon roll
  • Even though he can get dirty his child-like personality can’t handle all the dirt
  • A lot of jokes because of his name
  • “What is the difference between “ooooooh"and “aaaaaaah”? About three inches”
  • “(y/n)!! NOOOO”
  • *runs away with his ears covered”
  • You can’t help but laugh


  • Let’s be honest, he jokes with you
  • “Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they’re 100% off”
  • “What’s one of the worst things about giving a man a blow job? The view”
  • Trying to one up each other
  • It’s always a tie
  • You’re both equally dirty 


  • Tim just… I don’t have any words to describe this boy
  • He’s surprisingly good at dirty jokes and all
  • But you are still better
  • You caught him looking them up on the Internet
  • Whispering this like “What do you say we make this a Not-so-Silent Night?” in his ears
  • That blush thooo!!!!


  • No
  • Just, no
  • You might think that he’d be all like “tt. I don’t care”
  • But no
  • He actually gets really flustered at the jokes and runs to his room or the Batcave or takes Titus out for a walk to calm down
  • His face gets beat red and he starts breathing heavily
  • Once tried saying one back to you
  • It didn’t go well
  • “Legs…fish…blondes…”
  • “What?”
  • *blushing* “Yes” *walks away*
  • You know when you cross the line
  • So you try to minimize the dirty jokes
Mistletoe (Pietro x Reader)

Author’s Note: Hey guys! So I’ve gotten a burst of creativity and thanks to a prompt made by @witterprompts, and came up with this! I hope you guys enjoy!

Summary: At an Avengers holiday party, Wanda and Natasha try and convince you to fess up your feelings for Pietro.

Other Characters: Wanda, Natasha, and Clint (briefly mentioned)

Warnings: Fluff, mention of a nasty break up, implied smut

Word Count: 980

Originally posted by maybelline

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  • Interviewer: Strangest thing in your car?
  • Andy: My car's really clean. I'm a clean-freak so I don't have anything in my car.
  • Interviewer: Do you think that's why you're single?
  • Andy: No. I'm single for other reasons.
  • Pete: (laughing)
  • Interviewer: What other reasons?
  • Andy: 'Cause I wanna be single!
  • Interviewer: Oh, okay.
  • Andy: I think I really turned that question around.
  • Pete: Yeah you did great, my son.
Pick Up Lines - Christmas Edition

NSFW/Adult Topics…. 

  1. Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.
  2. Is your name Jingle Bells, cause you look like you go all the way
  3. Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?
  4. If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?
  5. Shouldn’t you be on top of the tree, Angel?
  6. You know I would love to show you the toys my elves make for adults.
  7. How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?
  8. Wanna meet Santa’s little helper?
  9. What do you say we make this a Not-so-Silent Night?
  10. Believe me if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows!
  11. Screw the nice list, I’ve got you on my “nice and naughty list!
  12. That’s not a candy cane in my pocket. I’m just glad to see you!
  13. My best toys run on batteries
  14. Hey Cutie ever do it in a sleigh?
  15. He may have a nice car but I have a fast sleigh
  16. I know its not Christmas, but Santa’s lap is always ready.
  17. Santa’s lap isn’t the only place wishes come true.
  18. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
  19. Interested in seeing the “North Pole”?
  20. If you jingle my bells ill promise you a white Christmas
  21. I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.
Ultimate reunion


Fluff, love, reunion, protection, conversion

Fandom: Divergent

Request: “ Can you do an Eric imagine where he thinks the reader/ his girlfriend is dead but they aren’t and then a super fluffy reunion?”

Word count: 702

gif is not mine.

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So last night as I was going to sleep I was thinking about the similarities between Tuuri Hotakainen and Miles Vorkosigan, as one does

And I realized that if Tuuri=Miles then Ensi=Piotr

And then there was nothing for it but to work out an entire Vorkosigan Saga AU for SSSS

Ensi, of course, like Piotr, was involved in every major conflict of the previous century, terror of the Cetagandans, that’s her.  Naturally she can’t have been a count, but in this AU I figure first Juha and then Onni inherited the countship pretty young.  So Dowager Countess Ensi was the one in charge, everyone just accepted it, desperate times and anyway if you didn’t like it you kept quiet about it or Ensi’s Vorfemme knife would be the last thing you saw.

The only person known to defy Ensi and live is Anne-Mari, when she refused to slit Tuuri’s throat when she was born.  Not sure what sort of mutation Tuuri has in this scenario.

Anyway, that’s the Vorhotakainens, but what about the rest of the main cast?  I figure in this AU they should each be from a different planet in keeping with the whole international nature of canon.

So you’ve got Haut Lady Reynir, you can’t get much more sheltered than that.  Plus, look at his hair.  In your heart you know it to be true.

Emil should come from somewhere sophisticated, technologically advanced though maybe not quite as technologically advanced as Cetaganda, smugly convinced of their superiority to everywhere else …. so, Beta Colony.  And as long as we’re introducing gender changes into this AU, I could totally get behind Honorable Herm Emil.  Either way, I just want art of Emil in a sarong with Betan earrings.  Breasts optional.

Now, ideally I would want to make Sigrun Barrayaran, but I can’t, because Vorhotakainens.  So I was thinking, Marilcan?  Escobarran?  But then it occurred to me–who wouldn’t want to see Sigrun with a plasma arc in one hand, a nerve disrupter in the other, and a knife in each of the other two?  So yeah.  Quaddie Sigrun.

And Mikkel was such a troll that they kicked him of off Athos for the sake of peace and quiet.  “Go …. find us some immigrants or something,” they said.  “Don’t come back till you’ve got lots.  Bye!”   And then the entire planet breathed a sigh of relief.

monsta x-mas pickup lines

1/25 Days of Monsta X-Mas!

i got this idea from one of my favorite scenario blogs, @igot-scenarios ! tbh, kayla and her blog is what inspired me to open this one. i will be posting holiday themed scenarios from now until chirstmas (since i missed yesterday keep your eyes open for another post today)! anyways, i hope you like it. i thought it was such a cute idea. (kayla i hope you don’t mind me using it, if you do let me know!)

shownu: what’s an angel like you doing here and not sitting on top of the tree? a syrupy sweet line for our bashful leader. he’d say this with one of his awkwardly cute smiles, the kind where his lips curve up and his eyes become almost non-existent. he would also probably get very embarrassed and shy. it would be a christmas miracle for him to muster up the courage to say this in the first place.

wonho: how about we make this a “not-so-silent” night? i could TOTALLY picture wonho saying this with a stupid ass grin on his face, thinking he’s so clever. he would murmur this into you ear and wrap his arm around your waist. he’d also probably bite his lips or something because he knows it would drive any heterosexual girl crazy.

minhyuk: it looks like black ice isn’t the only thing i’m falling for this year. he’d walk up to you all suave and drop this velvety smooth pick up line on you, leaving you dumbfounded. he’d flash you a cheeky smile while he’s at it and probably add, “be careful, that was really smooth and i don’t want you to fall.”

kihyun: don’t be alarmed if a big man in a red suit picks you up and throws you into a bag because i asked for you for christmas this year. this cutie would blurt this out randomly with a completely serious face. but, after seeing your reaction he’d be embarrassed and do one of those laughs where he blows a raspberry and covers his face with his hands. oh, and don’t forget the eye dimples!

jooheon: can you hold my hands for a second? i usually warm them by the fireplace but you’re way hotter. a charisma filled line for our charisma filled rapper! but, if you just laughed and brushed him off, he’d grab your hands and do a 360 degree personality flip by using his grossly adorable aegyo on you. complete with his signature “goo-goo-gaa-gaa”, dimples, pouting, and everything.

hyungwon: if you were a tree you’d be an evergreen because i bet you look this good all year round. i can picture hyungwon saying this with one of his gorgeous wide smiles. he would then pat your head or stroke your hair or do something that would just make your heart swell and your knees weak af.

i.m: i didn’t realize i was a snowman until you came by and melted my heart. he would say this while closing his eyes and clutching both hands over his chest. he’d open one eye to peek at you and your reaction before laughing hysterically and patting himself on the back for being so smart, despite you telling him a million times that it was a lame pickup line.

  • Interviewer: What was the first thing you did this morning?
  • Joe: I went to my daughter's room and it smelt like poop and I asked her if she poo-pooed and she said "no...". She had a ton of poop in her diaper. So I cleaned that out.
  • Interviewer: (To Patrick) What was the first thing you did this morning?
  • Patrick: I pooped in his daughter's room, and then left! I'm kidding. I went and got coffee.