Elizabeth Barrett Browning goes up to the counter. The barista begins to speak to her in perfect meter, asking what she’d like to drink. Not missing a beat, she responds:
“How I take my coffee? Let me count the ways.
With cream and sugar, syrups, foam, milk - light.
You never reach the bottom with a trenta’s height,
For the ends of frappuccinos ne’er have Grace.
I take it in the morning with the rays
Of that great sun, and drink ‘till full daylight.
I take it freely, as men strive for Right;
I take it purely, as they turn from Praise.
I take it with Passion put to use
In Tazo teas, and with my childhood’s faith.
I take it rapidly and never lose
A single drop, — I take it with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all baristas!—and, if God choose,
I would drink coffee daily until death.”
Moments later, barista and customer join hands and run off to Italy together. This turns out not to be a great career move for the barista, because he can’t find a single Starbucks anywhere.