Night-Wedding

Beverly [Holding Eddie’s hand over her stomach so he can feel the baby kick]: Sorry this is taking so long, they kicked for everyone else

Ben: it’s hard for the little guy to perform under pressure

Richie: Top ten things Ben said on his wedding night

Eddie: Woah! It was small but I think I felt something!

Richie: Top ten things Beverly said on her wedding night

[Beverly laughs]

Ben: Stop laughing at it, Bev!

Everyone: Top ten things Ben said on his wedding night!

YES JAMMF. LOCK THAT DOOR. DINNA WANT ANYONE INTERRUPTING YOUR WEDDING NIGHT OR ENGLISH BREAKFAST

tho now I’m crying for Rupert, Angus, and Murtagh 😢😢😢

thencrtherngirl  asked:

I want a baby.

Send “I Want a Baby” to See How Tyrion Reacts || Selectively Accepting || @thencrtherngirl

Did she know, how much of an effect those words had on him? His poor heart, nearly giving out on him, beating furiously against his ribs in what was seemingly an effort to escape - his eyes wide as he tried to absorb what she had just said. This was awkward, to say the least. A baby?

Sansa was neither innocently young nor simpleminded; she surely knew how babies came about, and that they didn’t simply spring up from streams or appear unbidden in cellars. She had made it abundantly clear on their wedding night that she held no desire for him, as he’d expected; he had no grudge for that, but did not expect her feelings on the matter to change anytime soon, or indeed at all. 

Tyrion’s tongue felt thick and dry in his mouth as he swallowed, attempting to look slightly more composed than he felt.

“Forgive me, my lady, but… perhaps you should give this a little more thought before jumping into anything too hasty. Sometimes… sometimes we think we want something, but once we get it we realize we never wanted it to begin with. You don’t want this, Sansa.”

Not with me, his brain supplied, although he did not give voice to it. With fingers that would perhaps have slightly trembled had he a moment to think further about all this, he reached for Sansa’s hand, skin brushing alongside hers ever so gently. 

“Is it the companionship you seek?” Careful to keep his tone level, Tyrion wondered if it would perhaps be best to buy her a puppy. He was a perfectly good source of companionship himself, although he didn’t think she would be particularly interested in spending more time with her arranged husband than strictly required.

There was also the chance that the child could take after its father - that is, come out a little monster.

My Beloved is Mine and I am His: 13x02 and Song of Solomon

One of the first things I wrote when I was brand new to the fandom was a short fic with Castiel reading and re-enacting sections from the Song of Songs to Dean. At the time, I thought it was too cheesy and trite to fit within the realm of Supernatural, and I deleted it in a bout of frustration. I am regretting that today like you wouldn’t believe.

I’m a bit of a bible nerd. I took a lot of theology and religion classes in my undergrad. That was nearly a decade ago though, so my current knowledge is a bit shaky. Here’s what I can recall about Song of Solomon that may or may not inform your reading of 13x02 and SPN in general.

A disclaimer: I am sick and drug addled, so please forgive any incoherent rambling. There is a lot of irrelevant gibberish, so I’ve tried to highlight the bits relevant to SPN.

To begin!

Solomon is the heir of King David (whom you may recall had a passionate same-sex relationship with Jonathan.) Solomon’s reign is idealized, much like David’s was, and it was under Solomon that the First Temple was built. Solomon is famous for his wisdom and his large concubine of women. Notably, he settled a dispute between two women who were fighting over a child. He offered to cut it in half, revealing the true mother who could not bring herself to see the child hurt. This bears resemblance to Jack’s situation right now, torn between two fathers.

Song of Solomon (also known as Song of Songs, or the Canticles) is often attributed to Solomon because he is mentioned. However, the text is dated much later, and certain Persian words and influences in the text suggest a post-exilic era as the earliest possible date. Some scholars date it even later.

Song of Solomon is part of the collection in the Hebrew Bible known as The Writings (or the Kethuvim). It’s the third major division in the Hebrew Bible, and one of the last to be adopted into canon. It’s a bit of a catch all category that contains vastly diverse content including poetic works (Psalms, Song of Songs), and wisdom literature (Proverbs, Job, Ecclesiastes), to name a few.

Most of these writings (including Song of Songs) date to the post-exilic era. That is, after the Babylonian conquest, and during Persian rule. The nation of Judah perished in the fires that were set to Solomon’s temple. Post-exile, Judea was experiencing a theological crisis in the face of the apparent absence of Yahweh, or God. David’s dynasty has collapsed, and we see theological despair reflected in writings like Job and Ecclesiastes that ponder the problem of evil, the absence of God, and undeserved suffering. Song of Solomon, and other writings like it, were written at a time when things felt hopeless and there were fears that God has abandoned his people. It is oddly fitting then, that Jack should open to this particular part of the bible. 

The Kethuvim mark a shift in religious thought. Previous writings centred on an independent kingdom involved in international politics. After the fall of the temple, we see an exiled, diasporic religion now led by priests instead of divinely appointed kings. Religious leaders and writers had to adjust and re-envision their scriptural teachings. Gone was the simplistic thesis that equated prosperity with religious obedience and misery with sin. The authors of the books known as The Writings were questioning conventional scripture of the time and creatively refocusing their theology.

Persian rule also introduced new religious ideas, namely Zoroastrianism, which came to influence later Judeo-Christian ideas. Zoroastrianism viewed the world as dualistic, ruled by two opposing powers of good (light) and evil (dark) and had hierarchies of angels and demons. Until this time, most biblical literature did not give name or ranks to angels, nor did they depict satan as an actual autonomous figure. We have Zoroastrianism to thank for that, and its influence on biblical writings can start to be felt around the post-exile period (i.e. the time during which Song of Solomon was written). The book of Daniel, for example, names the angel Gabriel, and the Book of Tobit names the demon Asmodeus. (In Tobit, Asmodeus is a jealous demon who kills each successive husband of Sarah on her wedding night and is later exorcised. He is someone who keeps lovers apart and keeps them from consummating their love.)

Songs of Songs is essentially a collection of erotic love poems. The book defies any easy interpretation or classification, and it stands out in stark contrast to the rest of biblical canon. It’s a completely unabashed, uninhibited celebration of sex, with little evidence to suggest that the lovers are married. They do not live together, and yearn intensely for one another when apart. It’s the subject of numerous feminist readings, as it’s one of few books of the bible to give a voice to women’s thoughts and feelings. Here, those are romantic and erotic feelings.

Don’t believe me? Read this:

My beloved thrust his hand into the opening,
and my inmost being yearned for him.
I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
upon the handles of the bolt.
(Song of Solomon 5: 4-5)

This is some raunchy stuff for the bible! And all of this is sharply contrasted with the sexual ethos elsewhere in the bible which imposes harsh penalties for sexual misconduct, and places great emphasis on the institution of marriage. Deuteronomy (a book of the bible about sexual and social control) calls for the death penalty in many cases

There was understandably some debate as to whether this particular bit of writing warranted inclusion in the biblical canon of scripture. Rabbi Akiba was a key figure in the development of the Hebrew canon. While he argued strongly against the inclusion of certain books of the Apocrypha, he advocated for the Song of Songs, calling it the Holy of Holies. Its sanctity was preserved by interpreting it as an allegory for the love between Yahweh and Israel, and later by Christians as the love between Christ and the Church. Interestingly, God is not mentioned once in the entire book. (The only other book of the Bible where God is not mentioned even once is Esther.)

And yet, this book was called the Holiest of Holies. Love is championed here above all else.

I really don’t think we’ve seen the last of Chuck. Someone (I’m sorry, I can’t remember who!) pointed out the rainbow glare that happened in 13x01 when Dean was praying as a sign of God’s promise. (Edit: I’m an idiot. I reblogged the damn thing and it was just a couple posts down. It was @gneisscastiel who made the beautiful post about lens flares and pointed out the rainbow as God’s promise.)  The inclusion of Song of Solomon in 13x02, besides being a blatant callout to Dean and Cas, suggests this is also about God and his people. I’d also like to suggest that Song of Solomon is a book that asks us to think broadly about canon. What constitutes canon? How is it formed? And I do mean canon here in the sense not just of biblical canon, but of fandom canon. Who decides what canon is? Is there room in canon for outliers like the Song of Solomon? The answer, as the show has just demonstrated, should be a resounding yes.

Onto the destiel side of things, which I’m sure has been discussed already. Song of Solomon contains some of the most beautiful poetry in the Bible. It is full of similes and references to nature (and arguably Eden/Paradise). It is deeply rural and pastoral, with an appreciation of agriculture, nature, and animal life. The multiple reference to sheep in 13x02 were no coincidence, I’m sure. Castiel has long been associated with natural, rural things: flowers, bees, goats, fish, etc. (If the Void is depicted as a garden and Cas has been spending his time under apple trees, I’m going to lose my freaking mind.) Is he being associated with sheep now? As someone who has been led by God, other angels, duty, Dean, Jack… perhaps this is time for Cas to choose a direction for himself. Sheep and lambs in the bible are also frequently marked for sacrifice. They represent symbolic innocence, and in the New Testament, Christ is called the “Lamb of God.” I definitely think Cas is being set up as a Christ-like figure with his death and anticipated resurrection. If 13x02 made anything clear, it’s that Cas is the answer the whatever problem faces Dean, Sam, and Jack alike.  

Lamentations might have been a more appropriate choice for the episode. It’s also a book of poetry, but one that evokes pain and loss. But they chose instead to give us the book that celebrates love and hope amidst despair. That’s a choice that feel very deliberate, and makes me cautiously optimistic for Dean and Cas.

 In closing, here are some passages from Song of Solomon, and the ones I feel are most closely tied to a destiel narrative.


“You have ravished my heart with a glance of your eyes.”
(Song of Solomon 4:9)

“Set me a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm…”  
(Song of Solomon 8:6)

“… For love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame.”
(Song of Solomon 8:6)


“I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not.” (Song of Solomon 3:2)

“My beloved is mine and I am his.” 
(Song of Solomon 2:16)

  • [Remus with his hand on Lily's baby bump.]
  • Lily: Sorry this is taking so long, he kicked before everybody else.
  • James: It's hard for the little guy to perform under pressure.
  • Sirius: Top ten things James said on his wedding night.
  • Remus: Woah! it was small but I think I felt something.
  • Sirius: Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night.
  • [Lily giggles.]
  • James: Stop laughing at it!
  • Sirius: Top ten things James said on his wedding night.
3

The Last Duel in France — The Defferre vs. Ribiere Duel of 1967,

You would think that dueling was an outdated ritual consigned to the 19th century, something that no longer had a place in modern world. However, well into the 20th century official duels were taking place, one of the last between French politicians Gaston Defferre and Rene Ribiere in 1967.  Yes, at the same time the Vietnam War was raging, rock and roll was taking the world by storm, and men were exploring space, two Frenchmen decided to settle their differences with a good old fashioned duel.

Defferre and Ribiere had always been longtime political rivals, however the incident which led to honorable combat was a heated debate at the French National Assembly.  During the Assembly, Defferre was constantly interrupted by Rebiere while giving a speech. Finally Defferre lost his cool and shouted “shut up, you idiot!” Offended Ribiere demanded Defferre withdraw the insult, however Defferre refused. As a result Ribiere challenged Defferre to a duel.

On the 21st of April, 1967 the two men met at the private residence of Neuilly-sur-Seine to conduct the duel, which was to be fought with epees. The next day Ribiere was to married, and Defferre claimed that the he intended to aim for the crotch in order ot ruid Ribiere’s wedding night. The duel lasted approximately four minutes, with Defferre wounding Ribierre twice on the arm. After the second wound the duel was stopped, and Defferre declared winner.  

The Defferre Ribiere duel would be the last time in history blood was officially shed in a gentlemanly duel in France. Unlike most duels throughout history, the Defferre Ribiere duel is special in that it was one of the few to be caught on film


Mistborn | 01

Kim Taehyung | Comedy | Fluff | Angst | arrangedmarriage!au | dragon!au 

❝You’ve been promised to Taehyung since you were seven and he’s hated you since. Nothing could possibly change that fact, not when you’ve all but stolen his freedom by simply existing. Or so he thought.❞

warnings: this is horribly historically inaccurate. pls. don’t read if you like know shit because you’re just in for a wild ride. also. this is like, borderline sucky because its rushed and im lazy but yah 


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insemination wars, part i (m.)

;pairing — yoongi/reader

;warnings — language | car sex | oral sex | porn with plot | unprotected sex | mentions of pregnancy, obviously | alcohol use | yoongi being sappy | typical marital bickering

;summary — getting pregnant isn’t an easy feat, especially when balancing work and a stubborn husband. a chronological compilation that highlights the trial and error of good old-fashioned baby making

;word count — 5k

;a/n — very loosely inspired by that one Friends episode

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@forever-wedd

Some Things Are Meant to Be

NurseyDex, 7100 words, Rated Teen, AU, Fake Relationship, Meet Cute, Wedding, Fluff (here on AO3)


“You want another one?” Will yelled, and Chris made some sort of loud, affirmative noise from the living room.

Will took a second beer from the fridge, balancing both in one hand while he grabbed a container of guac with the other. He slammed the fridge door shut with his hip but misjudged the necessary force, and several papers affixed to the front floated to the ground.

“Fuck,” he muttered. He set everything on the counter and crouched down, picking up the notice about his rent going up, his reminder card for his dentist appointment yesterday, and—shit.

Will plopped down on his ass, staring down in horror at the piece of heavy cardstock in his hand. Goddamn, he can’t believe that he forgot.

“Hey, what happened to that—shit. What’s wrong? What’s that?”

Will looked up at Chris, who circled the breakfast bar and sat down in front of him. He vaguely waved the paper. “An invitation. To my ex’s wedding. It’s…it was hidden on my fridge. I forgot about it.”

“Do you still love her or something? Is this an existential crisis type of situation?”

Will rolled his eyes. “No, definitely not. But I said I was bringing someone, back when I got the invitation, and I totally forgot. It’s on Saturday.”

“And you don’t wanna go alone?”

Will made a face. “Not after I RSVP’d with a plus-one. She’s still an ex, you know? Not that you would know anything about that,” he added dryly, and Chris grinned.

“You’re just jealous of me and Cait.”

“True,” Will murmured. He stared down at the invitation and sighed. “I guess I could text her and pretend to be sick or something.”

“No, you can’t do that!” Chris plucked the invitation from his hand. “Just pretend to be dating someone and bring them.”

Will lifted his eyebrows at him. “Uh, that’s not an actual thing that people do.”

“You don’t know that!” Chris protested, and Will snorted.

“Oh, yeah? And where exactly am I supposed to find a fake boyfriend?”

Chris grinned. “So I have this friend from college.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Yeah, and I bet he’ll do it. He’d totally be down for something like this. Here, I’ll text him right now,” he said, raising his voice over the sound of Will’s seemingly-fruitless protests. He dug his phone out of his back pocket and spoke slowly as he typed. “Hey dude, you wanna pretend to be the boyfriend of my friend from work for a wedding? Saturday night.”

Will groaned, bracing his elbows on his knees as he buried his head in his hands. “Chris, you can’t just—”

“He said yes,” Chris reported, staring down at his phone, and Will’s jaw dropped.

“Are you serious?”

He scooted around to sit next to Chris, who helpfully tilted his phone so Will could see the message. Sure. He cute?

Very, Chris wrote back, and Will grimaced. “Don’t—don’t oversell it, jeez.”

“You’re super hot, Will, deal with it.”

“Is he cute?”

“Very,” Chris repeated, and Will snorted. “I’m giving him your number. His name’s Derek, by the way.”

Will sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I have a feeling that I’m going to regret this.”

“Worst case scenario, you’ll have a great story to tell.” Chris got to his feet and held a hand out to Will to haul him up. “Grab those beers, third period’s about to start.”


Hey, sugarplum.

I don’t think I could keep a straight face if someone called me sugarplum in public.

Ok, strike that one from the list. Lovebug?

Just my name is fine. Which is Will.

And this whole thing was Chris’s idea, btw.

Oh, I have no doubt.

I just wanted to feign illness.

But this will be way more fun!

Yeah? You pretend to be people’s boyfriend often?

Nah, you’re popping my cherry.

Honeybear.

Ok, what did I say about that.

This is gonna be fun. So where’s this wedding? Saturday, right?

Yeah. Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Ooh nice. Dress code?

Suit, no tux. Should we meet up beforehand?

You know that random bar/bakery @ Union/Franklin? Wanna meet there?

Great. 6:30?

Awesome. See you then, studmuffin.

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