I’m a new dad, I’m a black dad, I’m a tired dad, I love this little girl, and these are my new father chronicles. Feel free to laugh at me and share my stories!

The Fraud of the New “Family-Friendly” Work

Netflix just announced it’s offering paid leave to new mothers and fathers for the first year after the birth or adoption of a child. Other high-tech firms are close behind.

Some big law firms are also getting into the act. Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe is offering 22 paid weeks off for both male and female attorneys.

Even Wall Street is taking baby steps in the direction of family-friendly work. Goldman Sachs just doubled paid parental leave to four weeks

All this should be welcome news. Millennials now constitute the largest segment of the American work force. Many are just forming families, so the new family-friendly policies seem ideally timed.

But before we celebrate the dawn of a new era, keep two basic truths in mind.

First, these new policies apply only to a tiny group considered “talent” – highly educated and in high demand.

They’re getting whatever perks firms can throw at them in order to recruit and keep them.

“Netflix’s continued success hinges on us competing for and keeping the most talented individuals in their field,” writes Tawni Cranz, Netflix’s chief talent officer.

That Neflix has a “chief talent officer” tells you a lot.

Netflix’s new policy doesn’t apply to all Netflix employees, by the way. Those in Netflix’s DVD division aren’t covered. They’re not “talent.”

They’re like the vast majority of American workers – considered easily replaceable.

Employers treat replaceable workers as costs to be cut, not as assets to be developed.

Replaceable workers almost never get paid family leave, they get a few paid sick days, and barely any vacation time.

If such replaceables are eligible for 12 weeks of family leave it’s only because the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 (which I am proud to have implemented when labor secretary under Bill Clinton) requires it.

But Family and Medical leave time doesn’t come with pay – which is why only 40 percent of eligible workers can afford to use it. And it doesn’t cover companies or franchisees with fewer than 50 employees.

Almost all other advanced nations provide three or four months paid leave – to fathers as well as mothers. Plus paid sick leave, generous vacation time, and limits on how many work hours employers can demand.  

The second thing to know about the new family-friendly work policies is that relatively few talented millennials are taking advantage of them.

They can’t take the time.

One of my former Berkeley students who’s now at a tech firm across the Bay told me he’s working fifteen-hour days.

Another, who’s at a Washington law firm, said she’s on call 24-7. Emails often arrive past midnight, followed by text messages asking why the emails haven’t been answered.

These young men won’t take paternity leave and these young women won’t even get pregnant – because it looks bad.

Forget work-life balance. It’s work-as-life.

A recent New York Times story about Amazon reports that when young workers hit the wall from the unrelenting pace, they’re told to climb it.  

Why do the talented millennials work so hard?

Partly because being promoted – getting more equity, running a division, making partner – promises such vast rewards. Vaster rewards than any generation before them has ever been offered.  

Also, you’re either on the fast track or you’re on a dead-end road.

“I’ve got to show total dedication,” one of my former students explained. “It’s all or nothing.”

Which is why millennial men – who research shows have more egalitarian attitudes about family and gender roles than their predecessors – are nonetheless failing to live up to their values once they hit the treadmills.

It’s also why women on such high-powered career tracks are delaying or ultimately giving up on being mothers. 

Or they’re giving up on the fast track.

After the collapse of 2000, the share of women working in high tech dropped sharply. And although tech recovered, female participation is still 6 percent lower than in 1998.

If they’re lucky, women on the fast track can afford to buy their way to motherhood. Marissa Mayer, appointed Yahoo’s CEO while six months pregnant, was back at her desk two weeks later.

It’s possible for such women to have it all – to “lean in” as Sheryl Sandberg puts it – only because they have enough resources for 24-hour childcare, car service for the kids and nannies, and all the extra help needed.

I’m delighted Netflix and other high-powered firms are offering family-friendly work.

But I take most of it with a grain of silicon. So should you. 


{Requested by anon :3}

It was another miserable morning, you were getting ready for school and as you were checking yourself in the mirror, you flinched your bedroom door slammed open behind you. The wall behind the door already had a major hole thanks to all the slamming caused by your mom.
“(Y/N)! Would you hurry the fuck up?! Youre so fucking slow.” She yelled.
You rolled your eyes and continued brushing your hair. It took you less than a second to realize that what you just did was the biggest mistake of your life.
Your mother’s fingernails were digging inside your scalp, which of course hurt like a bitch as she almost ripped off your hair pulling you towards her.
“Ugh…” you muttered as she roughly turned you to face her.
“You really want to try that little attitude with me again?” She questioned, giving you the most deadly stare of your life.

You looked down, and you didnt say anything at all, no words were spoken or whispered by you. All you did was shake your head.
“Thats what I thought. Now hurry your ass up.” She sternly ordered and finally let go of your head walking out of your room.
The pain was a little too much to handle, her nails felt so much like knives, you would not be surprised if she left deep cuts on the back of your head. You were used to this type of treatment though, every single day you went through it so it was really no surprise at all. Your parents were pretty much abusive, ever since you were little your mother would beat you and put you down emotionally so you never felt good about yourself. Your father didnt help the situation either, all he did was neglect you and always acted like if you arent even his daughter. He would avoid you as best as he could. Your life was a living hell thanks to them, and to make it worse, there was no escape.

You left the house before your mom could strike you again and were now on your way to school. When you reached there you opened up your locker and grabbed a mirror, the back of your head was burning, you held the mirror in front of you and saw the reflection of your back side on the mirror that was attatched to your door.
You spread your hair away with one hand and as you suspected, you had short but painful scratches.
“Fuck…” you whispered because you noticed some dry blood on two of them. As you saw your best friend approaching you put away your mirror and slammed your locker shut.
“Hey (Y/N).” She greeted happily. You faked a smile and greeted her as well.
“Hey Sarah.”

“What were looking at just now?”
“Oh um..just trying to see if my roots are becomming dark…” you lied.
“But you dont have your hair dy-”
“How you been?” You asked cutting her off.
“Oh Ive been good you?” She questioned back. You sighed, if only you could say you have been good too, but you would only be lying to yourself. But one thing that brightened up your day though, was Andy comming to visit you. You and Andy have been such great friends ever since you met him at a BVB meet and greet after the concert your cousin took you to for your birthday last year. You never lost touch with him no matter how far away he is sometimes. Andy always acted like your big brother, but most of the time, he acted like your father. But thats what you loved the most about him, since your parents were assholes. Of course Andy never knew about your homelife and you felt bad for never telling him, since you pretty much talk to him about everything.
“Well Im gonna be good.” You finally say.
After those words were spoken the bell rang for your first class.

Later on afterschool, you came out the exit you usually took to walk home. For first time in all day a huge smile spread across your face when you saw a tall familiar rock star man waiting for you.
“Andy!!” You shouted happily running to him. He glanced at you and smiled as well, opening his arms wide as you ran to him. “Hey kiddo!” He yelled, giving you a very tight hug.
“Oh my gosh I missed you so much where have you been?”
“All around the world.” He replied laughing a little.
You did as well and hugged him once more. “Well the important thing is that youre back.”
He ruffled your hair, “Im glad to be back. Come on lets do something fun.”
“Awesome!” You exclaimed all excited.

The entire day was just paradise, Andy had taken you to eat all the ice cream you wanted, took you shopping, and even made you a rock star bear at build a bear. It was the happiest time youve had in, well, forever.
“Thank you so much for today Andy. I had a lot of fun.”
“Aww anything for you kiddo.” He tells you. You both reached your front door, you could already hear your parent’s voices inside, you were really in for it, they werent exactly notified that you would be out the entire day.
“I’ll see you when I see you. Bye.” You said.
“Hold on (Y/N). I wanna see your place.”
“Uuuh no you do me..”
“Why is that?”
“Its a huge mess and it would be embarrasing to have a guest in a very messy house.”
He laughed and shook his head, “(Y/N) Im known for trashing houses its fine.”
“No…” you gave him a sort of warning expression. He became a little concerned when he saw that look, he could kind of see the fear in your eyes.

As soon as you saw him worrying you shook it off and just laughed nervously.
“Like I said I’ll see you when I see you.”
After that you gave him a quick hug and quickly went inside your house.
You sneaked off inside your bedroom since your parents were in the living room and didnt hear you come in.
You hid your stuff as fast as you could, even the teddy bear.
“Where the hell have you been?” Questioned your mother. Shivers went down your spine as you felt her behind you. Slowly you turned around and faced her evilness. “I was out with a friend..”
“Is that so?”
“Yes…Im being honest.” You assured her.
Suddenly you felt the back of her hand fly speed across your face.
“You will not sneak out without my fucking permission am I clear?”
“Like if you even give a shit…” you muttered, which earned you another back hand to the face. “You want another?!”
You quickly shook your head, your cheek was throbbing, you could already feel the bruise forming on it.
“Good..” was all she mumbled as she walked out the door.

Tears began making their way down your face. You sat down on your bed and cried yourself to sleep in a fetal position. You honeslty did not want this miserable life anymore, you wanted to escape and run away. Everyday was like a day in prison, horrible.
You let the tears flow until they made you sleepy and drift off to dreamland.
The next morning, you covered up your bruised cheek as best as you could, luckily it wasnt noticiable, so nobody would suspect a thing.
Your mother once again slammed the door of your room open.
“Good news, your father got a job in Florida so we’ll be moving there next week.”
Your heart skipped beats as soon as you heard the words “moving”
You turned and gave your mother the deadly eye. “What the hell do you mean we’re moving?!”
“Are you that stupid that you dont know what moving means?!”
“We cant move!! I have friends here! I dont wanna leave this state!!” You shouted.
“Oh shut the fuck up and stop whining! Like if your friends will be so sad about you leaving. Get over yourself and stop crying!” After that was said she stormed out of the room.

You couldnt stop the tears from falling down your face once more.
The first person that popped in your head was Andy. Even though he could be all around the world, he lived in this state and in your area, how were you supposed to spend time with him now.
You were never going to see him again, and that was something that your mind could not comprehend. You didnt want to lose Andy, he meant everything to you. He was the only reason for you smiling, and now, you were going to be miserable ALL the time.

It was Sunday, and you were packing up for your new home in Florida. Your parents werent home so Andy was finally able to come in your house. As he was helping you pack up, you picked up the bear he made for you. Your eyes becomming watery. He pulled you into his arms and hugged you tight, his big hand rubbing your back.
“Dont be sad (Y/N)…”
“How can I not be? I dont want to move I want to stay here…”
“It wont be so bad, youll make new friends and new memories with your mom and dad.”
You shook your head, “What good is making memories if their filled with pain and suffering?”
Andy backed off for a moment and looked at you very concerned crossing his arms over his chest. “Why do you say that (Y/N)?”
You realized that you gave it all away.
“No reason..” you quickly muttered and continued packing. Andy grabbed your hands and held them as he squated down to face you.
“(Y/N)…whats going on?” He asked.
“I told you its nothing…”
“It is not nothing and you know that.. sweetheart you can tell me anything you know that dont you?” He gently says removing the hair away from your face.

You nodded slowly, “Tell me whats happening..” he whispered.
you started to cry but you calmed yourself before you explained everything. “My parents….they….they…”
“They what honey?”
“They neglect me…and they beat me everyday….”
You grinded your teeth together and roughly wiped away the makeup from your cheek. Andy was completely horrified to see that, he didnt know what to say.
“You see this?” You asked pointing a trembling finger to your cheek. “This was done by my mom and also this..”
You tell him, demonstrating the ugly scars on the back of your head.
His eyes became watery and held you close. “I am so sorry you have to go through this…no wonder you never let me in your house now I understand…”

“Yeah..” was all you whispered. But you immediately became scared when you heard, “What the hell?!!”
The two of you turned around and Andy got raging pissed at the sight of your parents at the door.
“So youre her parents….”
“Who the hell are you?!” Your dad demanded. “None of your fucking business, now tell me have fun beating your daughter?”
Your mother became pissed as she looked at you, “You little bitch…you told him?…”
“Hey!! Dont look at her! And dont you dare call her a bitch you fucking scumbag!!” Andy shouted.
“Fuck off!! (Y/N) get your ass over here we gotta go!” Your dad ordered. You walked over but Andy stopped you in your tracks which made you surprise.
He shook his head, “No..she’s not going anywhere with you…”
“What?!” Exclaimed your mother.
“(Y/N) grab whats left of your things. Youre comming with me.”
You did as you were told and after that he pulled you out the front door.

Your mom stood in front and blocked your way “Youre not going anywhere with my daughter!!”
“Move!!” Andy shouted making her flinch and move away. Your father went and faced him, “Who the hell do you think you are talking to my wife like that?!”
“You move it too old man..” Andy warned through clentched teeth.
“Or else what?!” Your father challenged. Andy’s response was a hard full forced punch to the face, he quickly backed away with a painful jaw.
You went inside his car, and just looked out the window. As he drove off you saw your mom shouting at you by your dad’s side. And that was the last time you ever saw your parents.

Weeks had passed since the day you finally became free. And you couldnt of been more happier in your entire life. Living with Andy was the best thing in the world.
As you were cleaning around the house as a sign of your gratitude for him taking you in. Andy came home with a huge smile on his face which didnt go unnoticed.
“Whats with the major happy face?” You asked giggling.
“I have some great news.” He said.
“Really? What is it?”
“What do you think of me (Y/N)? Like how do I treat you?”
It took you less than a second to reply,
“Like the dad Ive never had.”
He nodded and laughed a little, “Im very happy to hear that…because now I can really be your dad…”
Your eyes widend, was he saying what you were thinking?
“What are you saying Andy?” You asked.
“I adopted you this morning. Youre officially my daughter (Y/N)…” your eyes filled with tears with joy as you jumped into his arms and he swung you around.
“Oh my gosh I cant believe this…” you gasped covering your mouth.
“Thank you Andy…” you added.
He pressed a kiss on your head and smiled. “You know it would be nice if you started calling me dad…”
Another joy filled tear ran down your face as you grinned and said…
“Thank you….dad…”

(Here come the tears :,])


Dedicated to supporters and baby vacations. Oh, one more thing: my daughter is the stank face / side eye queen. This is what happened when I tried to put a smile on her face.


When does my life truly begin? When my daughter’s asleep.


Demi and Harley were sleeping when it was about that time…finally. Not to mention that a crib appeared and trapped, Harley in and Demi wasn’t able to birth the babies…Smh then Demi left (in which I thought she was going off to work while in labor) and she never returned home. So Harley was just there waiting and waiting…until he received a phone call from, Demi.

But O.K! he was at the house waiting for you at the doe!…Smh But Congrats on the twins though. It runs in the family :) Anyway after returning home, Raquel met, Harley out side and hugged him. I think she missed him for the two turned three days he was gone. It was cute to witness.

Do new fathers have lower testosterone than single men?

Evolutionary biology maintains that males with more testosterone tend to be more sexually desirable, since the hormone selects for certain come-hither traits, such as facial symmetry and bulked-up musculature. Therefore, as potentially fitter mate prospects, it makes sense that those testosterone-rich fellows settled down [source: Lende]. Meanwhile, the fatherhood-prompted dip in testosterone production may represent an evolved mechanism for preening hunter-gatherer males into caregivers. In other words, by tamping down on the aggression-sparking and sex drive-revving chemical that is testosterone, the male body essentially settles itself down to help raise the kids, with heightened protective and care-giving instincts [source: Lende].

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