Part of me wants to get a good career, get married and have kids when I’m older and the other part wants to travel around the world and never settle in one place for too long

she is awake.
her eyes do not remember how to shut. for six months her mind has searched for the peace which had come frequently and now never settled. the hurry with which the sunlight scurried away hitched her breath. she awaited the inevitable silence, and finally, it overtook her. infused with shades of blue and black, her every fiber shook with expectation of what was to come. tonight, only the stars offer their company. tonight,
she is still.
—  // reversal

Beautiful things happen when you achieve self love. Stop worrying about loving someone more than yourself or having someone else love you more than you. You’ll never settle & you’ll feel full of life when you focus on your own happiness.

#dailylemonaide #inspiration #motivation #positivity #change #focus #inspire #happiness #100happydays #optimistic #success #strength #encouragement #keepgoing #love #happy #joy #wisdom #quotes #instaquote #selflove #intuition #positive #future #meditation #spirituality

March 28th 2015

Its so exhausting having you so close or not at all. Just stay as far away as possible. I’m so fucking tired of being your sometimes. You’ve never been settled with just me. Stop fucking telling me you want to be my friend and that you’ll always be there for me when you can’t even look me in the fucking eyes. Please stop building me up just to burn me down again. I just want to be happy and you gave me a feeling so god damn close to that. I can’t breathe right now. It’s like you took all the life out of me within minutes and you are just holding it in the palm of your hand tossing it up and barley catching it. Stop fucking sugarcoating you wanting me in your life. I feel like sometimes you like seeing me suffer. I can’t wait to look at you and feel fucking nothing. Im so sorry that i cannot be what you hoped for. Somebody who can make you breathe and feel good. More importantly im so fucking sorry you couldn’t see how badly i tried. I don’t want you to hate me though. I don’t want you to leave forever. I want you to keep coming back and keep telling me you want me when i know you don’t. I don’t think we see the same things when we look at each other. We look up at the stars and see so many different things and its beautiful yet so sad. It’s okay that you look at me and see a friend. In fact that makes me feel okay. But how could you call me a friend when you can erase me from your entire life in the blink of an eye? How could you consider me to want to stick around? I’m so weak when it comes to you and at this point im fucking done. Im tired of letting you in to hurt me over and over. It’s my fault. How could i trust you to be my friend if i come to you with sad eyes and thoughts of ending it all for good and all you have to say is nothing at all. Then you come back around and tell me you just didn’t know what to say. One day you will wish you had said something. Or will you? Just please don’t go for good. If I can’t love you as a lover i’ll love you as a friend. The saddest part is this started with me wanting you as far away from me as possible and ended with wanting you to stay.

A message i could never send to you


What are you looking for?

Someone that makes me laugh to the point of almost peeing my pants. Cuddles just because he looked at me and couldn’t stand not feeling my skin against his. Company when I’m cooking because he just wants to be close to me. Vulnerability, telling me silly things about his past, how his ex broke him, how his mother frustrates him more than anyone else. That glimmer in his eyes when he says something he knows I’ll find offensive but hilarious. I live for moments like those and I’ll never settle for anything less.

But I’m not really looking. I don’t need to. I’ve found it.

I’m in love with the notion that I can “re-imagine” my life’s visions; essentially I can dream a New dream. This knowledge proves powerful in that I never have to settle, no matter how late in the game I can begin again!!!!!!!! Sometimes the best turns in life are U-turns!!!! #meditations #healing #NewLifeCanBegin #Christian #Muslim #Buddhist #Jewish #Pagan #metaphysical #love #life #suicide #depression #lowselfesteem #LifeOutLoud #LOL #prayer #Surrender #GOD #Jesus #praise #praisebreak #breakthrough by donteau_jaeel

My style changes so much, it seems like I can never settle with just one style because I keep experimenting.  I think it’ll get in the way when I try to establish myself as an artist in the future D: