I wish there was some way for us to go back and undo the past. But there wasn’t. There was nothing we could do. So I just stayed silent and trying to telepathically communicate how sorry I was about what had happened. And I thought of all the grief and sadness and fucked up suffering in the world, and it made me want to escape. I wished with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically… disappear.
—  Mysterious Skin (2004)

anonymous asked:

Prompt for Freddie (The Take)/Neil (Mysterious Skin): "I was fucked long before you even laid a finger on me." Thank you!!!



Neil felt him before he even saw him.

He had come to London to get away from his past, from his life, from the mistakes he had made and the problems that seem to repeat themselves. He thought a change of scenery, a whole new country, a fresh start would be the way to go. Yet somehow, Neil found himself in the same situations he did before only now they had an accent.

He had a steady job, but it wasn’t enough to pay the insane amount that it cost to live in London. His mom could only send so much and soon he became too embarrassed to keep asking her for money. So he fell back into the old ways and started turning tricks again. But even that wasn’t making the money he needed and out of pure desperation, he began to find bars where a lot of criminals and hustlers hung out in. It was dangerous and he wasn’t naive to think it wasn’t. But when he started turning tricks there, he got one hundred pounds off the first john and he averaged between that and fifty so he braced himself for the worse and hoped for the best.

That night, something felt different. It seem to hang in the air and the sounds and conversations seem to quiet down. It was like the calm before a storm and Neil looked around, trying to figure what or who seem to cause the change in the bar. He leaned against the counter, doing his best to look enticing while he scanned the scene and that’s when he felt it. It sent prickles up the back of his neck and down his spine and he felt the weight of someone’s glare on him though he couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from.

Neil turned towards the bar again and lit a cigarette and when he ordered a pint, across the bar, he saw who was staring at him. His gaze was heavy on Neil, determined and hot. His eyes seemed glassy and he smoked a cigarette held up by ring covered fingers. Neil knew a john when he saw it and he smiled his sweet smile hoping to get a client for the night. The man across the bar exhaled slowly, his lips full and thick, parted as clouds of smoke left his mouth. His eyes never left Neil’s and when they finally did trail down, Neil felt it as if he had his hands on him already. He shivered again and he began to take off his leather jacket to show off a bit.

It seemed to work when the man came around from the other side of the bar and stood next to Neil. He gestured for his drink to where he was and he pulled Neil’s ashtray over to him to stub his cigarette out. He didn’t even look at Neil when he spoke.

“What’s the likes of you doin here, boy?”

His voice was gravel rubbing against velvet and Neil smirked a bit.

“Nothing. Just having myself a drink.”

“Mmm…I know what you do.”

“Do you?”

The man nodded as he reached into his coat pockets, getting his cigarettes out and removing one from the pack.

“Didn’t think you were a Yank though.”

“Does it matter?”

The man grinned and laughed a bit, shaking his head as Neil offered him a light. When he reached up to remove it from his mouth, Neil saw a wedding band. At least it looked like a wedding band, it was hard to tell with all the rings on his fingers. Either way, Neil wasn’t surprised. He had, had married men before.

“How much?”

“Fifty for a blow, hundred for a ride.”

The man scoffed, a cloud of smoke leaving his mouth.

“You worth that much?”

“You damn right I am.”

Neil arched his back a bit, feeling the man’s gaze on him again, heavy and hot. When Neil met his eyes again, the man took another drag from his cigarette and said,

“Alright. Let’s go then.”

They turned to leave, Neil grabbing his jacket and he felt the man’s hand on his lower back, firm and secure. It made Neil shiver a little.

“What should I call you?” Neil asked.

“Just Freddie. If you’re worth your price, you can call me a lot more afterwards. And you?”


Freddie nodded and guided Neil out of the bar.


You don’t have to tell me, I was infatuated with him too once. But I know all Neil’s secrets and there’s shit there you don’t even want to know about. Trust me. Once I’m gone, you’ll be all Neil has and you have to understand one thing. Where normal people have a heart, Neil McCormick has a bottomless black hole. And if you don’t watch out, you can fall in and get lost forever. | This Guy Named Joseph 50/infinity

“I thought of all the grief and sadness and fucked up suffering in the world, and it made me want to escape. I wished with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind. Rise like two angels in the night and magically disappear.”

Mysterious Skin (2004) dir. Gregg Araki