NOT OKAY

If I don’t get my pre release copy of mgsv this weekend - I’ll probably be checking out for the next week. I’m avoiding any spoilers until I beat the game x.x. So you may not hear from me until I beat it. That could be awhile since I’m working full time and then some now -.-. I will really only have time to play on the weekends and a couple hours at night on weekdays q.q

You asked me how I was doing
and I wanted to spill out all of my pain
to you.
I wanted to say,
I’m really not doing well at all, I hardly sleep,
and
The smallest things make me cry because I’m balanced right on the edge
But all I said was
I’m okay and the sad thing was that you believed me.
—  h r., we went from strangers to best friends to lovers to strangers

First of all, I. AM. NOT. OKAY.

“Cry for Help,” has destroyed me right out of the gate.

Sardonyx is one of my favorite fusions now, but it feels so tainted in a way.

My poor lost and defective Pearl…she clearly crossed a big line today.
Garnet is a Fusion. She considers fusion to be sacred and beautiful, but because of Pearls deception, the fusion of Sardonyx was tainted.

Amethyst wants to be strong and that was clear tonight, but I don’t think that’s the reason Pearl wanted to fuse.
I think Pearl really missed having that deep connection with someone she cared for so much.

Ruby and Sapphire remain a fusion because they complete one another. I think Pearl feels lost and incomplete and that’s why she wants to be together with Garnet as Sardonyx.

Pearl is breaking down. She has clung to Garnet in a lot of episodes. Displayed when she would grab her arm. I think this started after Rose left. Garnet is an old friend. Older than Amethyst.
Poor misguided, clingy, Pearl.

What she did was wrong…and it broke my heart a little, but at the same time, I can see a lot of people relating to her in a way.
Amethyst can certainly relate.

I want to be that girl in who every amazing boy is falling in love.
I want to be attractive and liked by other people.
I want to be skinny and I want to fit in everything I want to wear.
My dreams.