My-Identity

anonymous asked:

I'm genderfluid and I just got a boyfriend who's straight-ish. we were together over a year ago too and he admitted to me that back then he didn't really accept my gender identification, he did say however that this time he really will respect it only it's a process, which it was for me too to accept it so I get, but do you have any advice on how to make it easier for others to be comfortable with my gender identity?

As someone who also had issues coming out to a straight partner in the past, I cannot stress this enough:

There is a difference between someone who still loves you because you’re still you, and someone who still loves you because you’ve still got their preferred body parts.

Yes, there are nonbinary lesbians and nonbinary gay men; they’re beautiful and I love them so, so much. But there’s a difference between identifying that way, and having a gender association imposed on you by someone who doesn’t respect your identity.

Like, boning down on a gross dude who shrugs and says, “You’re basically a girl, so as long as you don’t expect this to come up ever again, I guess it’s chill,” isn’t being accepted. It’s being silenced, and you can’t let someone hurt you like that.

I think a lot of the time, when you aren’t going to be presenting differently or changing your name or medically transitioning, what people want to know is how, if at all, this changes things. So if he wants to understand and this relationship is worth salvaging, it would probably be helpful for everyone if you sat down and said, “I need you to use these pronouns,” or, “I need you to call me your partner instead of your girlfriend,” or whatever it is you need him to do for you.

Make sure the conversations are about HE can make YOU more comfortable, and don’t let him pressure you to subdue yourself. If he, for example, gets upset when you present more masculine, or becomes uncomfortable when you remind him that he isn’t dating a woman, those are some pretty massive red flags that he was hoping you’d just acquiesce to whatever role he’d previously carved out for you or that this would blow over.

anonymous asked:

you're probably one of those black girls that hates Camila and thinks the sun shines out of Normani's ass. just cuz she's she's black doesn't mean she's good, and she shaded tf out of C and pushed her out.

OH you’re one of the racist C stans? alright

*Cracks knuckles* 

Okay lemme tell you something here, Normani is a full fucking package, she dances better than all five of them combined, she’s got THE widest range in the group and the 2nd most control over her voice behind Ally, she’s got the most stage presence, the only reason anyone gravitated toward C was because there wasn’t a single line in a single song she wasn’t squealing all over. No, Mani’s not good just because she’s black, she’s good because she’s good. And MY racial identity has NOTHING to do with my not liking these first two songs. I just don’t, and guess the fuck what? I’m allowed. Not everybody’s gonna be up C’s ass like that, but good job on making Camilizers look like trash, sweetie. Also, are we still on that, haven’t y’all shit on Normani’s blackness enough behind that stupid shit? Quirky and cute isn’t shade, C was the one calling folks niggers and shit to her friends, why don’t you complain about that actual bullying instead of pinning her departure/broken friendships on the girls.

And I actually prefer Lauren to Normani, thanks. Though that doesn’t mean everything I just said wasn’t 100% facts.

don’t reblog thanks

it always. blows my mind when people say they just elect to keep politics out of their personal relationships with other people (relations they have to maintain with family members or colleagues/other people they can’t help interacting with non-withstanding). like… as a trans/nonstraight/nonwhite person my identity is and always kinda has been inherently political in itself and it is so frustrating when people whose lives aren’t heavily influenced by those things try and tell me i should do the same, or act like they’re a bigger person for not letting other people’s opinions get in the way of their relationship with them. sigh

Homies! My sister comes home from Spain this week for a few days before she moves, and I thought it’d be cool to make a video with her talking about my transition and her thoughts on my trans identity. She’s missed a lot of my transition due to her being away at college and traveling in her free time, so we haven’t had a whole lot of time to talk about what my trans-ness means to her. That being said, if you have any questions you’d like to submit for either of us on the topic (or straying slighting from it), PLEASE send it as an ask or reply to this post!!

anonymous asked:

I'm a trans guy, pre t. I've posted to blogs, asking if I pass or not, and they tell me I do. But, when I go to work, customers always misgender me. My hair is short, my name is a more masculine name, etc. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong that people misgender me-- it's ripping me up inside. I just don't know what to do--

I’m dealing with the same thing at work bud. Talk to your management and maybe put your pronouns on your name tag? or ask if there is a different position where you aren’t around customers as much? I talked to my doctor about gender identity specific counselors to help me deal with it - kyra

i feel the need to defend my kin stuff so people don’t send me nasty messages because i’m always convinced people are gonna. i’ve mentioned it to two therapist and they both agree it’s a helpful thing even if it’s considered socially weird. helps my bpd ass have a sense of identity, helps my bpd frequently disassociating ass have a grounding technique. it’s not like it runs my life and it’s not something i have conversations about with people i work with or anything like that.

it’s really not harmful it’s just kind of weird to people.

anonymous asked:

oh hey, ive been following your main for like two years, and i cant help but notice that a year ago u id as a femme, how did the transition occur? im a young lesbian and i feel like this might clear out on some things about my own identity.

i guess if i’m being honest, a lot of ways i identified during my teen years was coupled with a TON of internalized lesbophobia

back when i was a young “””straight””” teen, i was comfortable with the way i presented (non-femme), but only because i thought i was “allowed” to be that way because “”being straight”” “”allowed”” that kind of presentation because “dating a guy made it inherently femme” (idk, i talked myself into some REAL convoluted shit back then to explain away the gay)

when i finally came to grips with the truth of my Big Gay Ass during the upper years of highschool, it kind of pushed me into a “femme overdrive” - a part of me thought if i was “non straight” i absolutely could not be “non femme” as well, and during this period i REFUSED to call myself a lesbian, but would use words that implied a more ambiguous sense of “non-het”, i was presenting aggressively more “femme” to try and “cancel out” the gayer i realized i was

it was only in the past couple of years it kind of dawned on me that:
a) i’m a lesbian
b) i’m nb
c) i’m butch
d) none of that is shameful, wrong, or demands explanation

after an ERA of forcing myself to act or dress certain ways because i was afraid or in denial, i think i’m ready to let myself be whoever i am

I am so tired of being constantly anxious about my future, and my health, and people around me. I am so tired of feeling like my soul has dried, that there’s no ink for me to write with. I am so tired of going to sleep as if I was not going to wake up, of hoping I won’t dream so I don’t have to be conscious for a second more than I have to. I am tired of feeling like none of my complains are valid, as if I wasn’t unhappy enough to deserve help, but at the same time dreading nothing more than getting it. I am tired of seeing my identity fade away like snow under the sun. I am tired of whispering at the void, hoping no one will hear, but fearing the silence. I am tired.

wildlygeekydinosaur  asked:

what pronouns do you go by and what is your gender identity. What about your favorite genre of music? favorite color? and how old are you? (i like sending asks) - mod hooper

I’m 14, I listen mainly to alternative, punk, and classic rock, my favorite colors are blue, black, and white. She/her and they/them are both fine for me! My gender identity is generally just ? What is gender ? So I usually say nb or quoigender.
Thank you for the great asks!
-Mod Hooper🐡❤️

anonymous asked:

Hi, I just wanted to say that as a very white Latina (of Cuban and Central American descent), I can't say I've experienced discrimination for my skin color, but I have definitely had my identity questioned by fellow Latinos and Americans. My blue eyes/blonde hair have certainly raised eyebrows, but I think that any Latina/o that doesn't fit the stereotype, whether they are Afro-Latino, Japanese, Lebanese etc. can certainly relate to identity erasure plus a level of racism I will never experience

I mean if they say “Oh you’re latino? I would have never guessed” that’s one thing but if they say “You’re lying, you can’t possibly be latino.” then that’s discrimination. Also the latter has happened to my girlfriend.

But yeah, racism doesn’t just exist among white people! Who knew?

Honestly i’ve been feeling like i’m gonna puke for like 20 minutes now this is terrible like i know no one’s obligated to do anything for me and it’s mostly just that I built this perfect idea of what pride was gonna be like that included all my friends and like he has valid-ish reasons for not wanting to go but it was just supposed to be so important to me and realizing that my friends don’t realize just how much of a big deal it is is really shitty like it’s not even that he doesn’t want to go it’s that he can casually brush off an invitation to an event that involves me taking years to realize my identity and then more years of silently wishing I was there and now I finally want to go and share it with my friends and his response is just “lol my dad would freak and I’m uncomfortable with nudity” like fuck you idk where this rant is going but i’m upset

anonymous asked:

Hey so I’m in an orchestra and at concerts the girls have to wear dresses and the guys suits. I feel terrible wearing a dress but I can’t wear a suit because then everyone would know I’m trans, which I don’t want. I don’t dare to or want to come out until I’m entirely sure about my identity, and even then I’m not sure I want to. I don’t think the people there will be very accepting. Any advice?

You should just try and stay safe as best you can.
Even if you can’t wear the suit, would it be possible for you to wear something masculine under your uniform, some boxer briefs or something? That could be gender reaffirming for you.

Do any followers have any suggestions?

i have a lot of trouble articulating this to my therapist but like. on this blog i often talk about my inability to trust men and also about my lesbian identity and i’ve talked about trauma a bit and i feel like those are all interlinked? maybe not that one necessarily caused the others but i do wonder (not in a hating myself, internalised lesbophobia way though) if past trauma caused me to mistrust men, and identify as a lesbian as a result. like ofc i’d like to think that i would be a lesbian even if That didn’t happen to me but i can’t ignore that it happened and that it might’ve played a part in shaping how i am today

s/o to aces with libido

s/o to aces with kinks

s/o to aces with fantasies

s/o to aces who experience sensual attraction

s/o to aces who like to be sensually intimate with their partners

s/o to aces who like to be sexually intimate with their partners

s/o to aces who aren’t “perfect” asexuals, you are still valid and you are all ace af