I'm genderfluid and I just got a boyfriend who's straight-ish. we were together over a year ago too and he admitted to me that back then he didn't really accept my gender identification, he did say however that this time he really will respect it only it's a process, which it was for me too to accept it so I get, but do you have any advice on how to make it easier for others to be comfortable with my gender identity?
As someone who also had issues coming out to a straight partner in the past, I cannot stress this enough:
There is a difference between someone who still loves you because you’re still you, and someone who still loves you because you’ve still got their preferred body parts.
Yes, there are nonbinary lesbians and nonbinary gay men; they’re beautiful and I love them so, so much. But there’s a difference between identifying that way, and having a gender association imposed on you by someone who doesn’t respect your identity.
Like, boning down on a gross dude who shrugs and says, “You’re basically a girl, so as long as you don’t expect this to come up ever again, I guess it’s chill,” isn’t being accepted. It’s being silenced, and you can’t let someone hurt you like that.
I think a lot of the time, when you aren’t going to be presenting differently or changing your name or medically transitioning, what people want to know is how, if at all, this changes things. So if he wants to understand and this relationship is worth salvaging, it would probably be helpful for everyone if you sat down and said, “I need you to use these pronouns,” or, “I need you to call me your partner instead of your girlfriend,” or whatever it is you need him to do for you.
Make sure the conversations are about HE can make YOU more comfortable, and don’t let him pressure you to subdue yourself. If he, for example, gets upset when you present more masculine, or becomes uncomfortable when you remind him that he isn’t dating a woman, those are some pretty massive red flags that he was hoping you’d just acquiesce to whatever role he’d previously carved out for you or that this would blow over.