Her leg was shaking as her hands were laced together resting on her knee. Flashbacks of Erudite playing in her mind. She could feel the room getting small with each thought. How did she end up here? And what were their plans for her?
Blue hated this so much. She’d wanted to go back on it ever since the first second she stopped letting Lance in. He looked like he’d cry. That made her want to cry, too.
But that had nothing on right now. It was in the middle of the night, two or three am in Earth time- Lance’s time.
He walked up carefully to her, looking her in the eye for two seconds at most, “Hey, Blue…. Look, I know you don’t want me, but I need to know. Please tell me why you gave me up.”
She’d wanted to. She’d wanted to reach out to her boy, to say, But I do want you. And it’s killing me that I can’t let you come back to me right now. And it’s killing me that it’s hurting you. But she didn’t. She couldn’t.
He continues, “Please, Blue… I want to know why you gave me up. I need to know why I’m not worthy of you. Am I even worthy of Voltron anymore?” His voice cracked, forcing the lion’s heart to follow suit. You are more than worthy. If anything I am unworthy of you. I didn’t want to, Lance, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.
He’d whispered, “Why can’t I ever be good enough? Why am I always just a fill-in? Why can’t I ever be more than just an extra wheel?!” Blue hated this with every fiber of her being. She didn’t want to push him out. But she had to, for Voltron. Fight now, all she wanted to do was tell the world Fuck Voltron.
He’d dropped to his knees now, shoulders shaking. Little splash noises hit the ground. Blue felt her hypothetical stomach drop the second she’d realized what they were. Tears.
But God, how it hurt her when he sobbed, “Why did you even bring me here?! If you were just going to… to ditch me like that, why did you bring me here at all?!”
I’m sorry, Lance, I’m so sorry. I want you to pilot me, but you can’t. Not right now. I love you so much, but I can’t.
He’d sobbed, “I’m not even meant to be on this team! I want to go home, where I’m wanted!”My baby, you are wanted, I’m so, so sorry I can’t tell you and none of us want you to leave. You’re meant to be here, Lance. Please know that.
A whispered voice of, “Lance?” The former Red Paladin had walked over, Lance frantically wiping his eyes. He’d realized it was too late, just letting tears fall.
Lance whispered, “Keith. I just… why doesn’t Blue love me anymore?!” He latched onto the other’s neck, sobbing. I love you so so much Lance, my baby, my raindrop. She felt bad using that nickname. She felt she didn’t deserve it with how she was forced to treat Lance.
Keith had whispered back, “I don’t know, Lance… I’m sorry. I’m sure she has a reason.” Keith had glared up at her. He loved Lance a great deal, she could tell that by his normally fiery and passionate gaze becoming a cold and unforgiving glare.
After Keith had gotten Lance back to his room, probably to sleep, he’d returned. He had the same stony and cold look in his eyes. He was angry that she’d hurt him. Angry at her. She was angry at herself, too.
He told her, “You hurt him. A lot. I don’t understand why you aren’t fixing it. He’s doubting his place on the team because of you.” I know, and I hate it. I can do nothing.
Keith continued, “I don’t know what came over you, but freezing him out like that has made him so insecure. He doesn’t even think he deserves to be called a Paladin. All because you couldn’t spare two fucking sentences to tell him otherwise.” I wanted to. Go, how I wanted to.
She wasn’t angry at him. In all honesty, under all the sadness and guilt plaguing her, she was glad Lance had him.
“I just don’t get it. He was so devoted to you. I mentioned you once outside his door, and he made sure to tell me that you two were very happy together and that you were his lion only. He loved you-still does-and you don’t even care enough to tell him he’s important?!”
“Why don’t you get it, Blue?! I know how it feels to be abandoned like that. It kills you. It makes you feel like you don’t deserve the ground you walk on, the air you breath. It makes you feel so alone, even if you’re in a room packed with people. You’re hurting him so much, Blue. Do you even care enough to fix it?”
She did care. So, so much. She’d be killed for her Paladin without thinking twice. He was her baby. She loved him with everything.
“He thinks you hate him. I know that isn’t totally true. Because if it were, you wouldn’t deserve to be a lion. I try to tell him he’s important and wanted and loved, but he doesn’t listen. He thinks that just cause we’re dating I’m lying to make him feel better. He talks so highly of you.”
I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve him. I’m horrible and awful and I shouldn’t have ever agreed to Black’s plan. I’m going to strangle her. He doesn’t deserve something like me.
He’d finished off with, “You’d think that after all that’s happened, you’d know that mistakes of this scale last a lifetime, and do irreversible damage.” After, he stormed out, leaving her to her thoughts. She was pushing the other lions out at all costs right now.
I hate this so much, and I’ll make it up to you as soon as I can. As soon as Shiro comes back, you’ll come back to me, and I’ll tell you everything.
She felt awful. She hurt her baby. Made him feel like he doesn’t belong. Made him think she hated him.
I’m so incredibly sorry, Lance. I can’t… I can’t let our connections come back, or I won’t be able to take it away again. I just hope Red will comfort you. Please don’t hate me, Lance. Please remember all the times I’ve told you how great you are.
I hate this so much, and I’ll make it up to you as soon as I can. As soon as Shiro comes back, you'lll come back to me, and I’ll tell you everything. Every single word about how great you are. Maybe then you’ll know why I did this. Please don’t hate me.