So I feel like i’m at a point in my life where i can share these pictures and put them out there and not feel bad about it; i can’t lie to myself and pretend that the first 15 years of my life never happened, because they did. Looking back at the person i was, i’m not ashamed. My life is where it is because of that person i used to be, even if i was unhappy. If things had been different, I wouldn’t have the life I have now, which, i must add, is not perfect, but its pretty good. Here we have pictures of me from the end of my 8th grade year to today (end of 11th grade) Hopefully my transformation could help some people and give them hope, or just give people an insight to how different life becomes once you come out as trans*
8th Grade Year; Often thought about the possibility of being trans but pushed it out of my head for fear of what that would bring. I had really low self esteem issues because of bullying in elementary, but after i got this haircut i felt a little better. The year before, I had tried to kill myself. Even though it was over a year before this picture was taken, I still hadn’t fully recovered. Something kept me going this whole time, and I’m glad it did.
Summer before 9th grade year; Got highlights! :’-) After my extremely uncomfortable 8th grade prom and my tragic poofy black dress.
9th grade year; Dyed my hair completely blonde.
9th grade; At this point I knew I wasn’t 100% female and it scared me to be honest. I tried my best to rule out the possibility I was trans, so I tried to convince myself to settle for androgyny.
9th grade; managed to convince my mom to let me cut my hair off. I took this photo right after. Even though I had eyeliner on in the picture, I fell in love with how masculine I looked and used this picture for my profile on every website.
9th grade; dyed my hair back to brown. The first time I dyed it, I somehow managed to get my original hair color and had a breakdown. I didn’t know why I was so upset about it but after I dyed it to dark brown I felt a lot better.
9th grade; Still not sure how to go about the androgynous thing. I told people that any pronouns were fine but obviously only got refered to as ‘she’. I just tried my best not to think about gender and just try to not look hideous.
9th grade; Got a pixie cut and tried the androgyny thing again. After much deliberation, I decided to ask my mom if I could wear a suit to my friend’s sweet sixteen. After lots of back and forth argueing, i managed to get her to say yes. Here I am trying on a blazer and feeling really confident for the first time in a long time.
My friend’s sister said I wasn’t allowed to show up in a suit to their sweet sixteen. However, my friend told me to do it anyway, so i did. My mom however told me that I /had/ to wear eyeliner and lipstick if i wore a suit, so i did. Besides this, though, I still felt like I was finally getting somewhere in terms of gender identity.
Summer before 10th grade; I was fighting a lot of internal battles at this time. I knew i wasnt androgynous. I wasn’t female. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I couldnt ignore the fact that every time I heard my birthname or ‘she’ it hurt me. I’m not sure what I would have done if I didn’t have my best friend with me :’-) (Isn’t she cute? I was totally crushing on her but didn’t know it yet~)
Summer before 10th grade, stopped wearing eyeliner and doubled up on sports bras. When I finally accepted the fact that I was trans, I tried my best to lose all the femininity I had.
Summer before 10th grade year; Got another haircut! I told my friends to use male pronouns with me for the first time. It felt so right, that I no longer had doubts in my mind. I knew that I didn’t want to live as female, so I decided to tell my mom the August before 10th grade year.
Beginning of 10th grade year; After coming out to my mom, I asked my best friend to be my girlfriend. Although a lot of things seemed to be going right, I became very anxious and depressed. I was put on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication and was doing okay, although in this point of my life I began cutting myself for the first time. It was a hard and stressful time in my life, probably because of the changes going on around me. I had horrible dysphoria, and coming out to my teachers and classmates wasn’t easy.
10th grade; Dyed my hair pink while i was more comfortable with myself. It didn’t last long because I didn’t like all the negative attention, but I actually really did like it.
End of 10th grade; Prom with my gf!! It was the first time I got fitted for a tux and it was just really great all around.
End of 10th grade year; went pastel purple! I also started using editing apps, lmao. I was digging the hair (should have kept it, tbh)
Summer before 11th grade; went to trans camp. Met awesome people and felt really good for the first time in a while. I was diagnosed with PCOS and started developing really bad acne, which sucked, but I lived with it.
(For all those who didn’t believe that I had white hair!!!)
Aaaand a collection of 11th grade pics!
And most recently, here I am 2 weeks on T, happier than i’ve ever been. I’m still with my girlfriend and we just hit 1 year 7 months~ How time flies, huh? ;v;
I know this was long but I really wanted to post this, partly to pick myself up and see the progress I’ve made. Here’s to proving that it really does get better. #thisiswhattranslookslike
You can mock. You can troll. You can criticize. You can call me a child, a loser, whatever you want.
You may be tired of me talking about him. You may be sick of seeing
him. You may prefer if I moved on to things you can understand better,
things a man my age would look better off enjoying, for my image or
Well, TOO BAD.
I’ve been through hell in my life
and God, in His incomprehensible Grace, has allowed this character to
remain in my world and get me through some extremely tough times. Often
times, his existence is my silver lining.
He’s been an important part of my life and a small part of my survival in this world, and he’s not going anywhere.
Sonic is part of my life, and like him or not, the Hedgehog’s staying. Deal with it.