why is everyone so disappointed to learn my immortal was a troll fic? i’m glad to hear it. just the amount of craftsmanship put into this awful, awful parody. it’s beautiful. a masterpiece. a modern legend. and as an added plus, i no longer have to live with the fear that poking fun at the fic could be hurting someone’s actual feelings, who in this case would be a teenage girl just trying to write some self insert fic and getting yelled at by the ugliest parts of the web. instead, i just get to laugh at this awesome parody that is actually genuinely hilarious and charming, with the full knowledge that it’s meant to be laughed at! like, just how much better does that make the whole thing? to me, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT BETTER.
why is My Immortal the biggest goddamn mystery on the internet? why is the author behind this more of a cryptid than Tommy Wiseau? why are there so many conspiracies about this one bad fanfic? i need a 17 page essay with annotated citations on this nonsense
Given that I think “My Immortal” is a troll (with the reason generally being that author Tara references both Marty McFly and TOM BOMBADIL), I just reread it and I’m astounded by the effort put into it.
The spelling and grammar gets steadily worse over the course of the story, messing up simple words and even the main character’s name (variations on Ebony include Enoby, Enony, Eboby, and my favorite Enopby). The author gives frequent shoutouts in the A/N at the beginning of each chapter to someone called Raven, who she considers a friend and apparently functions as a beta. In chapter 16, Tara severs ties with Raven, expels/murders Raven’s character Willow, and changes Ebony’s full name to Ebony Dark’ness Dementia TARA Way. It’s suggested that they fought because Tara stole Raven’s poster of Gerard Way. By chapter 17, they appear to have made up and Willow is brought back with no further explanation.
The plot, of course, is just insane, but the story was obviously being read; Tara begins each chapter furiously ranting about “flamerz” leaving bad reviews, terribly misspelled. At one point, Ebony was referred to as a Mary Sue and she immediately tried to shut that down, citing “Satanism” and “depression” as flaws. She held each new chapter hostage, demanding a certain number (usually 5) good reviews before she would update. Assuming the spelling and grammar mistakes were intentional, the natural progression of them getting worse and worse is incredible. The difference between Tara’s A/Ns and Raven’s edited text is also astounding, although chapter 16, during their supposed rift, is not noticeably more poorly written than the chapters immediately preceding and following it.
The misspellings of character names and general slipups get worse and worse to the point that once, “Enopby” is referred to as “Tara”, and at another point, “TaEnby”, further to emphasize that Ebony is, in fact, the most obvious self insert in the history of literature. The reference to Marty McFly (he appears at the end of chapter 35 to spirit Ebony into the future) confounds me; Tara does not seem like she’d been aware of pop culture enough to have seen “Back to the Future”, given that she describes “The Nightmare Before Christmas” as this serious, depressing, Adult movie. She’s young enough to consider “he put his thingy into my tool” an accurate description of sex. Further, she references Tom Bombadil, a character in “Lord of the Rings” who I believe just shows up and sings for a while and is strongly implied to be God and then disappears, not really relevant to anything. He’s not even in the movies. Would Tara Gilesbie have read “Lord of the Rings” when she admits she’s never read the Harry Potter books?
Read through that lens (that this was an elaborate hoax), can you believe the rest of it was so organically terrible? Even now, 10+ years after the fact, no one can agree on whether this story is a troll, and until anyone finds out who Tara Gilesbie really is, it’s going to be impossible to know for sure. This is just crazy to me.
I’m five foot nine. My hair is long and it’s dark brown. I wear leather a great deal, high boots always, and sometimes glove-soft vests and even leather skirts now and then, and I wear lace, especially when I can find the kind I like: intricate, very old-fashioned lace, snow white. I have light skin that tans easily, large breasts, and long legs. And though I don’t feel beautiful and never have, I know that I am. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be a trainer at The Club.
–Exit to Eden by Anne Rice (aka Rampling), 1985
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
Hi my name is Lime Green Jared Leto Joker Banksy and I have short green hair (that’s how I got my name) and icy blue eyes that are like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like marilyn manson (AN: if you don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I have pale white skin. I’m also a criminal and go to an asylum called Arkum in GOTHam. I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I love hot topic and buy all my clothes from there. Today I was wearing a purple leather jacket and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, and black eyeliner. I even hav black teeth. I have lots of goffick tattoos with skullz and other goffick symbols.I was walking outside arkum. It was snowing and raining, so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. Batman stared at me. I put up my middle finger at him.
Hi my name is Steven Grant Nomad No Chill Rogers and I have long brown hair and a beard that I think is an adequate disguise and and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot
of people tell me I look like Captain America (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m a vigilante (in case you couldn’t
tell) and I wear mostly black. For example today I was wearing black armor that definitely didn’t used to have a star on it, black gloves, and
black combat boots. I was lurking in the shadows. A lot of Children of Thanos stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
I’m not sure why people are surprised that Rose Christo is a good author considering that she just confirmed that My Immortal is a troll fic. Do you not realize the level of talent one needs to have to write something that bad purposefully? I never could. Your grasp on the English language and the common literary tropes needs to be excellent to turn them inside out like that and I, for one, I’m glad that I have my winter break reading list already.
I feel like finding out the identity of the “My Immortal” author, and the fact that it was, in fact, a troll fic is one of those moments similar to when the cat finally got a cheeseburger and Leo finally won an Oscar.
It closes an Internet chapter, and it’s a bittersweet moment.
harmony vs romione vs dramione – it was getting UGLY out there (hell, it’s STILL ugly out there)
constant idealization of draco and constant demonization of ron – which led to the creation of the “draco in leather pants” and “ron the death eater” tropes. (you still see this, of course, but i think we’re getting better)
my immortal dramatic readings EVERYWHERE
my immortal still being on fanfiction.net
actual fanart of my immortal
soooo many youtube music videos for the creator’s otp
“harry potter chatroom” videos on youtube where the premise was that each character had a laptop and was in an online chatroom for some reason. usually each character got their own music that played in the background while they “typed,” and they all looked like this:
i wish i was kidding
i may have been obsessed with these when i was nine
so many fanvids of draco with “untitled” by simple plan (aka “how could this happen to meeeeeeeeeeeee i made my mistaaaaaaaakes”)
fanfics where voldemort had a daughter (and it was ALWAYS a daughter. pre-cursed child, mind you.)
people actually liking snape
pretty blatantly ignoring the fact that electricity doesn’t work at hogwarts in fanfictions
THE RISE OF DRARRY
drapple (draco + green apples. not joking.)
that fanfic that was a lemon of the giant squid and the hogwarts castle… i can’t be the only one that read it out of sheer morbid curiosity
jily fanfics that gave lily two OC friends that would be paired off with sirius and remus
no muggleborn slytherins, ever
fanmade potter puppet pal videos – some of them were quite good, but most weren’t
bashing viktor krum, cho chang, lavender brown, fleur delacour, and the entire weasley family for no reason
fics where people “switched houses”
people actually shipping snily
you could always tell the author’s opinion of draco malfoy based on whether they called him “malfoy” or “draco” in their narration
fanvids of “you belong with me” for every ship imaginable
the trio ALWAYS being white in fanart
fics where hermione randomly got hot over the summer
sorting yourself into slytherin to be “edgy”
or because you had a crush on tom felton
pairing hermione with literally every male character. ron, harry, draco, cedric, fred and george (sometimes both at once), lucius, snape, voldemort, neville, dean, seamus… if they interacted in canon (or even if they didn’t), they were shipped
“transfer student” OCs to explain why they haven’t been there for the past five years
not many same-gender pairings apart from wolfstar and drarry
harmony fanfics making ginny an “evil bitchy slut” and ron a drunken rapist so harry and hermione can find comfort in each other’s arms
people placing literal bets with actual money on who would die in the last book
which led to a bit of an issue for people who had bet on harry, as no one was sure whether or not it actually counted since he didn’t stay dead
my immortal predicting that harry would turn out to be a horcrux
people flipping the fuck out when their otps got sunk in the epilogue and swearing off the series forever
everyone having a crush on oliver wood (to be fair this one is completely understandable)
school play fanfics, usually with the purpose of getting their otp to kiss on stage (i am 1000% convinced jk rowling had “tales of beedle the bard” mention that theatrical productions are banned at hogwarts specifically to get people to knock it off)
“american exchange student” OCs
a girl ends up in harry’s (or draco’s) dorm for some reason – either bc she’s pulling a mulan or because of a mistake no one bothered to fix
lots of fanfics of the otp banging bc “i don’t want to die a virgin”
“101 ways to annoy lord voldemort” lists
calling voldemort “moldyshorts”
fanfics of the characters somehow reading the harry potter books and reacting to them (these were all taken down bc of copyright)
leaving peter out of marauders fanart and fanfic (i understand the urge but come on he was a marauder it’s what made his betrayal so tragic)
fred/george fanfic (my eyes, they bleed)
fred and george (but mostly fred) being the school heartthrobs
think of any two characters. any two. there is a fanfiction somewhere that ships them. (this is still true, of course – in a fandom this massive, it’s inevitable)
if you spoiled THAT DEATH from the sixth book, and someone murdered you for it, it was your fault
same with THAT DEATH from the fifth book. and a certain few THOSE DEATHS from the seventh.
cedric dying was old news within like a month though.
the divide between people who had gotten into the series late (or, sometimes, because of the movies) and people who had been there since (almost) the beginning
people refusing to go online until they’d finished reading the seventh book for fear of spoilers (i am SO glad i didn’t have tumblr back then)
people actually saying they wanted to join the death eaters
every character was either good or evil. no in between as far as the fandom was concerned.
everyone’s icon looking like this for some reason
dramione fanfics where he calls her mudblood AFTER THEY START DATING??? AND SHE PUTS UP WITH IT????
dramione fics where hermione heals him with her love
making ginny out to be the school bicycle and basically burning her at the stake for going on dates
fics where the head boy and girl get their own separate room??? for some reason???
VAMPIRE AUS (usually harry and/or draco)
dumbledore either being 100% heroic or satan
hermione’s parents always being named “dan and emma”
fics where hermione turns out to be adopted and a pureblood all along!
harry switching to the dark side for some reason??
the harry potter fandom has ALWAYS been wild
it’s the same shit as always, the details are just different