Mr-Ostrich

demo-ness  asked:

the triplets getting (or trying to get) Dipper to chaperone a field trip

Mr. Terrance was in a pickle.

He really, really needed a chaperone for the class field trip to the petting zoo (he was not going to be the only adult attempting to wrangle 25 second graders around baby animals.)

But Mrs. Nguyen was sick with the bug that had been making its way around town, Ms. Blubs couldn’t take off of work on such short notice, and Mr and Mr Erickson were out of town on a business trip.

Sighing, Mr. Terrance called the one family he swore never to ask.

——

Mabel had spent the last two days puking her guts out, but she still sounded relatively well on the phone.

“Hello?”

Mabel listened to her children’s teacher’s tale of woe and short handedness, all the while hoping she wouldn’t Ralph while she was actually on the phone.

“And if I can’t get a chaperone, I’ll have to cancel the trip,” he concluded.

Mabel was out, Henry was out since all of his coworkers were sick as well and he had to cover for them, Stan was scheduled to go to a rare book sale in Corvallis that day….

Mabel’s eyes drifted over to her brother, currently roughhousing with Hank and Acacia on the floor while Willow cheered on.

“I can’t but their uncle could…”

——-

Three days, and a deal involving eight candy bars and four beers later, Dipper showed up at Gravity Falls Elementary with the kids.

Henry dropped them off on his way to work-no blipping today- but Dipper still had Willow on his shoulders and Willow and Hank’s hands in his like usual.

Henry watched his children and his brother walk into the school.

He had bet Mabel and Stan $20 dollars that the trip would last three hours (of a scheduled four) before it all went to hell. Stan had $40 riding on Dipper lasting thirty minutes, and Mabel had bet $25 and homemade ice cream on her brother lasting the whole time.

There was one thing he was certain about, and it was that Mr. Terrance would probably not call them again for future trips after today.

——

Twenty Minutes In

Mr. Terrance had already been informed that the triplet’s uncle…Dipper? What an odd name for a grown man. But yes, Mrs. Pines had told him that Dipper lived in with them and “is really close to the kids, like he’s Dad number two, yanno?”

It was the only reason he could think of as to why Mr. Pines was very…very protective of the kids.

“Mr. Pines, I know you want to sit near your nieces and nephews-”

“Niblings,” Mr. Pines corrected, and his voice was odd as well, almost as if it was lacking a depth it usually had.

“Er, yes, niblings. But I could really use you in the back of the bus to keep an eye on the kids there.”

Mr. Pines had a look on his face like he had bitten into a rotten egg, but then Willow yanked on his sweater (which was obviously made by Mrs. Pines and read “World’s Okayest Uncle”).

He knelt down to his niece’s eye level in the bus seat.

“What’s up Little Fighter?” (what an odd nickname).

“Uncle Dipper, we’ll be okay. I promise,” Willow said solemnly. Next to her, wedged in the seat because they refused to split up, Hank and Acacia nodded.

Dipper looked at Willow for a long moment,and then held out a pinky. Willow enjoined her pinky with his and smiled.

Mr. Pines got up and looked at Mr. Terrance. “Okay, where do you need me?”

One Hour In

Marin Short’s Home For Fun Animals was off of a country road between Gravity Falls and Bend, so it took some time for the bus to get there.

And Mr. Pines…had actually been great with the kids once he had stepped away from watching the triplets like a hawk. He had even pulled a kazoo out of seemingly thin air and led the kids on a twenty minute rendition of “The Wheels on the Bus” which, while almost destroying Mr. Terrance’s eardrums, had kept the class harmlessly entertained.

Now they were off the bus and on the farm and there was Miss Short coming out to say hello and there was…

Every animal in eyeshot looking at them.

Silently.

Unwaveringly.

Not a cow or llama or alpaca or ostrich that Mr. Terrance could see even blinked.

They all were just….staring.

(Behind Mr. Terrance’s back, Hank tugged on his Uncle’s sweater. Dipper made a motion with his hand and-)

One minute they had been staring like they wanted to eat the kid’s livers, the next the animals had gone back to doing…animal things.

Internally, Mr. Terrance added this to his list of “The Weirdest Stuff I’ve Seen Since the Transcendence.”

Externally he shouted, “Okay kids, let’s go say hi to Miss Short!”

One Hour Ten Minutes In

The first enclosure Miss Short lead them to was the sheep pen.

Within a matter of seconds the kids were all running around, screaming, and trying their best to create as much chaos as humanly possible.

Mr. Terrance looked with wide white eyes for his back up only to see…

Mr. Pines was sitting on the ground in a corner of the pen. On his lap and cuddled up next to him were about seven or eight lambs. Their mothers stood placidly by, seemingly not caring that this strange thing was softly crooning at and petting their babies.

And, after watching for a moment, Mr. Terrance realized that Dipper had somehow organized the kids as well. One of the triplets would grab a classmate, they would pet the lambs for a minute or two, and then another triplet and classmate would come up and the first pair would run off again.

The ability Mr. Pines had to wrangle small children freaked Mr. Terrance out more than the fact that all the sheep seemed to love Dipper.

One Hour Thirty Minutes In

Mr. Pines couldn’t get within thirty feet of the ponies without them raring up, neighing furiously, and rolling their eyes frantically.

Miss Short gave Mr. Pines a suspicious look at that point, and Mr. Terrance suggested that Dipper get lunch ready, which he gladly did.

Two Hours Ten Minutes In

Every class, Mr. Terrance had found in his ten years of teaching, had That One Kid. Sometimes That Kid was the class bully, other times That Kid was the poor kid who smelled like cheese or the odd kid that was really fascinated with Canadian Geese.

This year That One Kid was the class bully, whose name was Corey Ferens. Mr. Terrence always got on to Corey whenever he caught him picking on the others students but well, he didn’t have eyes in the back of his head and he couldn’t be everywhere at once.

While sack lunches were being passed out, he noticed Corey start to wander over towards Willow, who was the quietest of his students (in contrast to her sister, the loudest). But before he could do anything, Mary had spilled juice all over her and her seatmates and he had to clean them up.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Corey reach out to Willow’s hair.

Before he could turn fully however, Mr. Pines came seemingly out of nowhere and put a hand on Corey’s shoulder.

Mr. Terrence had to look away at that point because Mary somehow managed to spill orange juice again but Corey looked particularly pale and wan the rest of the day.

Two Hours Forty Five Minutes In

“Mr. Pines, I could really use your help!”

Behind him he heard, “IN A SECOND͖ͅ!”

Mr. Terrence looked back from trying to corral seven overly excited children away from the two pigs making a piglet to see Mr. Pines…

Mr. Terrence finally lost his cool.

“STOP STARING AT THE GOAT AND COME OVER HERE!”

Dipper made a waving motion with his hand, never once breaking eye contact with the goat.

“No just give me another second; I need to prove this goat wrong, he knows what he did.”

“THAT MAKES NO SENSE!”

The goat headbutted Dipper.

Two Hours Twelve Minutes In

One minute Mr. Terrance was trying to keep his now entire class from learning how piglets were made, the next minute he could have sworn he saw Dipper stomp his foot and then

the fences to all the pens disappeared.

Everyone-human, alpaca, sheep, goat, pony, cow, llama, tortoise, camel, griffin- looked at each other in confusion for a minute.

Then complete and utter chaos broke out: animals were chasing students who were chasing animals, Miss Short was having a break down, piglets kept on being made and in the middle of it all….

There was Dipper Pines, a nasty grin on his face.

Mr. Terrance swore then and there to never ask the Pines to chaperone again.

Also to get a fifth of vodka on the way home.

(Henry and Mabel ended up splitting the pot, and Hank gave a great lecture at dinner that night about how piglets are made).

sexybaldwinrebloggedasutorimrs-ostrichSource:

mrs-ostrich:

Okay but imagine person A of your otp picking up sleepy person B and carrying them to bed and person B just snuggles their face into person A’s shoulder you know on second thought don’t imagine that

#i can 100000% guarantee cecil exasperatedly carries a snoozing carlos away from his lab/study room Hehe, yeah I like that idea.