Moegi Kazamatsuri

2

So, a ship between Naruto’s brother, Konohamaru, and Hinata’s sister, Hanabi, could actually become a thing soon. A crack ship, many of us had headcanons of, could actually become canon now.

NaruHina might actually soon get a sister ship.

You better sail on that KonoHana ship, while the fandom’s innocent, fresh and new. JUST LOOK AT THIS PURE SHIP.

And also look who seems jealous and annoyed.

It doesn’t matter how many years pass; I’m eternally bitter with the way Naruto’s female characters were treated.

I’m not even speaking about the lack of women in positions of power (which is a general issue in the Anime/Manga culture) and how they [the gals] rarely win fights, mostly condescending to the side-kick position or losing, or needing help of the male characters. There are legendary fights, of course, such as Sakura and Chiyo versus Sasori and Konan against Tobi, and there are brilliant moments were they make amazing attacks or movements (Sakura punching Kaguya, Hinata confronting Pain to save Naruto’s dumb ass, Temari blowing a lovely shit of off Madara, Tenten using that crazy weapon on the Edo Tensei people, Tsunade beating the shit of a lot of stupid dudes, Mei nailing Sasuke’s emo-self, etc.). I am talking about wasted potential and the fact that they were wronged.

First of all, with the exception of Sakura, Tenten and low-key Ino, they all became housewives. There is nothing wrong with being one, my mom was one during my entire childhood and early teens, but what the fuck?

Are you bitches telling me that Temari, the Kazekage’s right hand, commander (?) or some important shit like that of the whole ninja army and one of the greatest kunoichi of her time, a woman made of iron and storm became a house-fucking-wife???? No, no, no, no, no, baby. Are you telling me that motherfucking Yamanaka Ino, a talented as fuck kunoichi, a master of her family’s jutsu (if I am not mistaken) and daughter of one of the most proeminent figures in the T&I Force, also a capable medic-nin, should be resigned to taking care of her flower shop (which she basically manages on her own, Sai probably helps with only a few things since he has another job)??? Nay, sir. I don’t accept it! And my baby, Hinata?? She became a succeful woman by her own hard efforts! Her Byakugan has the longest vision of her clan (if I am not mistaken), she became a master of her clan’s Gentle Fist, created her own goddam jutsu, is the kunoichi with the best taijutsu in Konoha and is Hamura’s heir, the Byakugan princess, and this must mean shit, because, c'mon… She is like, with the rest of her clan, the only person in their world that most resemble the original Goddess? And she became a housewife! Like, fuck the Caged Bird Seal and everything she fought for! I mean, she wished for a rematch with Hiashi and Neji (canon) but fuck that! “”“”“”“She gOT WHAt shE alWayS WANted.”“”“”“”. And Tenten!!!@&&@!!!!!!!!!! Jesus, she is a weapon master, dreamt of being legendary, had perfect aim, can make a spoon look and function like a sword and is one of the few alive shinobi in this world that knows some serious shit about the Sealing Arts, one of the hardest and most mysterious ways of the shinobi and she is only a frustrated weapon seller??? WHy?? And my woman Sakura, smart than you, than Einstein and the Pope, great doctor, ONE OF THE BEST!, has herculean strenght, can do some serious taijutsu, posses amazing chakra control + Byakugō seal and big dick energy. All of that thrown in the TRASH CAN! She raised her daughter fucking alone! She’s tied to a shitty husband! And I will ignore that Kishimoto interview where he said that Sakura chased Sasuke through the world, and pissed him so fucking much till he agreed to fuck her. No! NO! This is not my queen Sakura, she doesn’t need to stalk some dude that seriously needs some time alone and pester him untill he agrees to date her. This is not her!

I am not even talking about Tsunade, Karui, Mei, Kurenai, Anko, Shizune, Samui, Karin, Hanabi, Moegi, Mikoto and all of the other ladies. It is a fact that Kishimoto created a whole bunch of characters that we can relate to and love. But it’s also a fact that he gave them shit!

Why did Kushina never became Hokage? Why Sakura is never treated right and is not the head of the hospital? Why Ino did never became Morino Ibiki or Anko’s pupil and followed her father’s footsteps? Why Tenten never had a chance to shine, maybe becoming a legendary Hunter nin, a legendary swordswoman and that shit or even a legendary sealer? Why Temari left her brilliant career, maybe as the head ambassador of Suna in Konoha or in the field? Alright, Hinata never liked to fight, but why didn’t she partake in politics? Or even becoming a S-class tracking kunoichi, which she was capable of? Why didn’t Karin engage in some badass career, such as saving kids from awful lives like the one she had?

Why did they ended up like this? Seriously?

I don’t care what canon says, in my heart, they will always be the great kunoichi we know they are. Fuck shitty marriages (Hinata and Sakura), fuck being depicted as lonely, frustrated or some shit like that (Tenten, Mei, Kurenai and Anko), or just fuck with not having the life they could have (Ino, Shizune and Tsunade). Fuck this kind of men and their disrespect to us, girls and women, who look up to these characters and their dreams, because they are us, being them kunoichi, goddesses, soldiers, aliens, soul reapers or merely humans. They deserve best.

(P.S.: Praised be Team Hanabi, the first all-female team of Naruto, and the only thing I like about Boruto.)

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2

Moegi & Konohamaru

Boruto - episode 68

So let’s recap. Chocho made herself thin using the Akimichi family jutsu so that she could seduce the actor of her favorite soap opera, Romeo and Juliet But With Ninjas) (never mind that she’s like 12 and he’s an adult). Then Team 7 and Team…10? I forget.  Anyway, they are guarding the studio because someone made death threats and then someone attacked the studio and that’s pretty much it.

So at the start of the episode, I forgot this happened. The guy playing Ninja Romeo (who is definitely evil) wants to substitute Chocho as an extra because one of the actresses was injured during the attack. And it’s a kissing scene (again, never mind that Chocho is 12).

Anyway, cut to the makeup and dressing room, where Chocho’s wearing a dress and Sarada’s like “You look like an actress” and Chocho’s like “When you’re a lady like me, you look good in anything.”

And Sarada’s like “I heard you were in a kissing scene with Ninja Romeo.”

And Chocho’s like, “He asked me so I can’t say no, it’s just what I get for being too perfect.”

Then Sarada leaves and Chocho puts on chap stick, because that’s what 12 year olds do when they’re about to make out with grown men in front of a camera…that came out wrong…is there a right way to phrase this situation?

Anyway, then opening music.

Seems like Chocho has stage-fright. Shikadai notes that she looks nervous and Inojin is like "She shed her courage when she shed her weight.”

Then Ninja Romeo shows and and is like, “Relax. Everything will be ok. Just be yourself” and then he smiles and has a tooth sparkle.

Why is Ninja Romeo in a kissing scene with a girl that’s not Ninja Juliet?

Anyway, then the scene starts filming, but before  the dirty deed can be done, Inojin comments that it doesn’t seem like true love so the director decides to cut the scene. Gold star for Inojin and director guy.

Anyway, cut to the outside where Moegi and Konohamaru are investigating the hole that the attacker made when he attacked the studio. They deliver some exposition and say that the mission is too much for the genin to handle (which is laughable, because they are main characters so they are head and shoulders above even the most elite filler villains).

Anyway, then Ninja Romeo and Ninja Juliet are filming a scene. Then the director says cut and Ninja Juliet is critiquing his performance but he’s too busy flirting with Chocho who is, again, 12 years old.

If this guy isn’t evil he’s still a creep.

Seems like Ninja Juliet is planning to leave the show.

Then cut to the food table. Boruto and Sarada are chowing down, but Chocho isn’t because she thinks she’s in love with Ninja Romeo.

Then Ninja Romeo shows up and flirts some more. I’m glad this guy is just a filler villain.

Anyway, cut to Moegi and Konohamaru, who are tracking the attacker guy from before. They give more exposition and conclude that it was an inside job.

Then Ninja Romeo goes out to the gates of the studio to greet his fangirls, but they tear the gate down and swarm him, as fangirls are wont to do.

Inojin and Shikadai try to hold back the crowd as Chocho and Ninja Romeo escape. They hide in a convenient box that’s big enough for two and has a small window in it and happens to be in the alley for some reason.

Then Ninja Romeo starts to put the moves on Chocho (TWELVE YEARS OLD) but Sarada shows up to tell them that the fangirls have been dealt with.

Then cut back to the studio. It seems that Chocho is upset because Sarada forestalled her prospective make-out session with Ninja Romeo.

Then Ninja Romeo wants to rehearse a scene with Chocho. It’s a proposal scene that has a kiss in it.

Then they are about to kiss, but Mitsuki shows up. Ninja Juliet wants the dress that Chocho is wearing for the rehearsal.

Chocho gets mad and tries to punch Mitsuki but he dodges and is all like, “You’re dangerous. In all sorts of ways, really.”

Then Ninja Juliet shows up and notices that Chocho is wearing her dress but Ninja Romeo takes her into the other room to explain.

And he’s like, “Stop interfering. You’re a bitch in real life even though your character is nice, unlike Chocho, who is nice all the time.”

Then Ninja Juliet’s like, “That’s surprising, I thought you only liked girls based on how they looked, unlike your character in the show.”

Then Ninja Romeo’s like, “I always take into account how people are on the inside and that’s why I’m leading Chocho on for some reason.”

Then cut back to Chocho still trying to attack Mitsuki.

Then Shikadai restrains her with the shadow pin jutsu but Chocho is so mad that she reverts back to being fat and the dress that she’s wearing is torn to shreds.

Luckily Sarada was quick to throw her a coat before anything untoward is shown.

Then Ninja Juliet shows up and gets mad over the dress and then Ninja Romeo shows up and asks if she’s making a scene and both of them ask where Chocho is, even though she’s right there, because they for some reason don’t recognize her when she’s not thin.

Then Ninja Romeo says that he doesn’t like fat girls.

Evil, creep and a jerk. A winning combo. SHIPPERS ASSEMBLE! UNLEASH UPON HIM ALL OF YOUR UNENDING HATRED!!!!

Then cut to the forest where the attacker guy from before is looking at pictures of Ninja Romeo and Ninja Juliet.

Then end of the episode.

Chocho needs to punch the shit out of Tomaru with that super attack move that Choji used to defeat whatshisface back in Part 1 of Naruto . Aim for the face or the crotch. Or both.