Season 5B was a rough one. I had wanted the show to zoom through the plotline. I will not even mention the ladies name, Jessie, but eventually Rick started to see his chocolate in the sunshine, and all those feelings from the road came back to him. He looked her up and down like, Yes my queen. Whatever you say my queen. You rule this kingdom, my queen.” And MIchonne was looking all goddess like because the sunlight was at it’s highest and she had her vivacious glow. I loved this scene.
I was like, Yes ma’am miss Pam. My ship is still standing, they are still strong(my Antwan Fisher moment).
“Colonel, you need to start reading what you’re signing before you sign it.”
Roy looked over at Riza and wondered what he had done now. Last time it was an ‘accident’ on his part where he didn’t order enough tickets to the military ball and had to add her as his +1. Accident, pure accident. Then there was the time he signed a contract to read fairy tales on the Sunday morning kid’s radio talk show at 6 am. That was awful, even if the rating were through the roof. “Did I buy more flowers for the Armstrong’s fund raiser again?””
“You did what?” Riza asked.
“Nothing.” He said and paused as she gripped her clipboard in frustration. “What did I do? It’s not like a signed a declaration of war or anything, Lieutenant.”
“Close to it.” She said and turned the clipboard around so he could see what the offending document was.
“Fullmetal’s military application?” Roy snorted and let an amused smile cross his face. “What? Did I get his height wrong or something?”
Riza leaned close and whispered. “This is an official military document. What you put down…”
“Seriously?” Roy interrupted and waved her off. “Is he going to get me court-martialed for putting him in the wrong category of midget?”
Riza wanted to smack him and for once she actually did. He winced as the clipboard hit him in the shoulder. “You idiot, you signed as his legal guardian.”
“Oh…” Roy remembered something that looked like it required some kind of authoritative signature on that form. He wasn’t about to let some triumph like finding a talent alchemist slip through his fingers because the kid was underage and orphaned. “Well he was 12. I mean, the military doesn’t have really high standards regarding child labor but at least they want to cover their asses…”
“You signed a legally binding document stating you are Ed’s guardian.” Riza tried to swing the clipboard again but his hand caught it before he could get hit once more. “Colonel, in the eyes of the law you adopted him!”
“There are no documents in the records other than this….” She waved the form in front of his eyes, “And the military puts it’s own documentation above all other. You, a Lieutenant Colonel, hold more authority than the city hall in Resenbool because you are a representative of the government. So this little signature here is all it took for human resources to list you as their guardian and it is as official as it gets.”
“What?” Roy felt his voice squeak. It hadn’t done that since puberty.
“I found out about this because HR sent me the benefits forms and wanted to know why your dependent is not on your policy and is racking up medical expenses on his own.” Riza flipped a few pages on her clipboard. “Also, they would like to know if you want to list Edward as your beneficiary on your life insurance policy.”
“Roy Mustang, I left you alone for one damned afternoon and you adopted a twelve year old while in the process of getting him certified as a State Alchemist and employed by the Military.” She huffed. “This is exactly why I wouldn’t let you have the puppy.”
“Shit!” He flipped through the paperwork and sure enough, human resources had Ed listed as his adopted son.
“The worst part about this is…” She waited until he looked up at her with those worried eyes of his that made her want to pet him and let him curl up on her lap. “You didn’t adopt Alphonse and he is going to be hurt.”
“It was an accident!” Roy whispered. “I’ll burn the damned records hall down to get rid of these records.”
“What about Pam in HR?” Riza asked.
“I really don’t think she’s ready for parenthood.”
“She’s the one who is working this case file.” Riza said and watched him sink into his chair. “You can’t undo this, Colonel. Not without admitting you falsified a document and at that point you put yourself and Ed in jeopardy.”
Roy tapped his fingers on the desk and thought about the predicament. Would anyone really miss Pam? He could pay her off, fake her death and send her away while burning the paper trail to a crisp…..
“Hey boss.” Jean Havoc took a long drag on his cigarette and enjoyed every bit of it. He could see Mustang’s stress level slowly inching to the red-line, but this was too damned sweet an opportunity to let go. He walked over to the window and puffed away, casually parting the blinds with his fingers and looking outside. “Oh, look who’s coming to check in with ‘Dad’.”
Roy turned to him with a look of disbelief. Havoc knew? How did Havoc know!? PAM! DAMMIT! That’s who he took out last night?
“You are going to have to confess it to Ed.” Riza said and put the clipboard down in front of him. “Tell him, that you have a son.”
Roy heard Havoc stifling a laugh.
“And soon to be son as soon as the paperwork clears.” Riza said and she could see his panic start. “Because Al’s adoption will take more work since he’s not military. That is why it didn’t happen at the same time but you are working on it. That is what you are going to tell those boys.”
“Riza….” Roy whispered but he knew Havoc could hear it. The desperation. The plea. The slip up as he called her by her first name…
“Well….” Havoc let the blinds snap shut and let his words linger in the air as he enjoyed his cigarette for as long as possible. Then he blew smoke over the desk to cover his smile. “The boys are going to need a Mom. I mean, look at the lengths they went to last time to get their Mom back and God knows you’re horrible with kids, Colonel. Maybe you should take Hughes’s advice and get a wife. Hawkeye, I mean Riza, is really good with them.”
Riza’s head snapped up as Havoc made his way out of the office with a casual wave.
The phone began to ring and grabbed it, mind everywhere but in the present. Then he heard him: Hughes.
He heard that joy, that pitch he got in his voice when he just had something he could use against his best friend. That excited tone that preceded a rant about the happiness of marriage or kids. So he did the only rational thing, he slammed the phone down and stood up. “I’m ordering an execution.”
“You can’t do that.” Riza said. “Even if it’s your own.”
“Pam in HR is leaking military secrets and this is proof.” Roy pointed to the clipboard and saw Riza’s unwavering look of disapproval. He slowly sunk back into his seat and frowned. “If I apologize profusely and beg you to help, will you?”
“I’ll think about it.” She said and heard the door to the main office open and Ed’s voice as he greeted the rest of the team.
I'm so embarrassed right now I'm sorry as a collective whole the time squad fandom is bombarding you with questions. We admire you and Dave so much and we're just glad to have the opportunity to share our love for the show with you guys. And thanks for having a good sense of humor about some of these asks, much appreciated.
I love and miss Time Squad every day. I miss working with Dave and really miss hearing Rob, Pam and Mark read my words. Hopefully the fans can let CN know somehow and we can all get back to it. Go time*