Just Survive Somehow
Summary: takes places after 7x01; Carl comforts reader after she has a nightmare about the lineup.
A/n: idk if I like this bc I’ve had a version of this that I’ve been trying to write but I had some major writers block over the weekend & I wanted to have something to upload so sorry if it’s not my best but I tried lol
He had taken everything from you. Your freedom, your stuff, your friends. You didn’t know how you were supposed to go on. You just lost one of the only people who acted even remotely close to a father to you, and you didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have to do it. He didn’t have to kill them. Why did he do this? Why did he take away one of the few good things you had left? Because he could. Because he knew there wouldn’t be any consequences. Because he knew that no one would stop him or do anything about it. Because no one can touch him. Not with that bat held tight in his hands.
You sat silently on the floor outside Carl’s bedroom, holding your knees to your chest, staring straight ahead. You didn’t cry anymore, you couldn’t. There were no tears left in you to cry. You didn’t feel anything anymore, you just felt numb. You barely even noticed when Carl came and sat next to you.
“I’m sorry you had to see it,” he sulked. You looked at him, your eyes still puffy from days before. “I’m not,” you stated before you turned away and looked straight again. You saw him tilt his head down from the corner of your eye.
You sat there in silence for a while, just reliving that night in your head. Over and over again. You could hear the sounds of the bat hitting their heads; their last words, before they fell to the ground. Finally, you couldn’t handle it anymore and you began to sob. You couldn’t control yourself as you slammed your first against the floor in anger and despair and let your legs slide down in front of you. Carl quickly leaned over and wrapped his arms around you, where you would stay for the next hour. He held you close and you rested your head on his shoulder until you stopped crying. You didn’t know how long you’d sat there before Carl spoke.
“Come on. You should get some rest,” he insisted, grabbing your hand. Slowly, you stood from the floor and followed behind him into his room, his hand still holding yours.
Once in his room, he let go of your hand and handed you some clothes to sleep in. You grabbed them, barely forming a smile to say thanks, and went into his bathroom to take a shower.
You watched the water flow from the faucet and began to undress. Once the water was at a comfortable temperature you stepped in the shower. All you could was stand there. You couldn’t think straight to even wash your hair. You just stood there, letting the water hit your back and slowly trickle down the drain. After a few minutes something switched and everything hit you at once. You slowly slid down the shower wall, tears streaming down your cheeks. You didn’t know how much longer you could go on. All you could think about was how you would never be able to listen to another one of Glenn’s stories or hear another one of Abraham’s jokes. You’d never even hear their voices again.
Eventually, you pulled yourself together the best you could and turned off the water. You quickly dried off and put on the clothes Carl gave to you: a t-shirt and some pajama pants. After you were dressed, you wiped the steamy dew off the bathroom mirror and looked at yourself. You looked as bad as you felt. Your eyes were swollen even more now and the part of your eyes that were supposed to be white were now pink from all your crying. You stared at your reflection wondering who you even were anymore. How you could continue living while they were in the ground because of one man who decided their fate for them.
You turned out the bathroom light and wobbled out to his bed, still not being able to fully function. He had the covers already open for you to climb in, which you did without hesitation.
The two of you didn’t speak as you laid there just staring at the ceiling, afraid to fall asleep. You knew as soon as you closed your eyes you’d see it all over again. You stayed awake for hours until you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore. You drifted off to sleep but woke up screaming a few minutes later.
You dreamt of them. You dreamt you were right next to them when the bat hit, their blood splattering onto you.
“Eeny…meeny…miney…moe..,” you heard his voice ringing in your sleep.
First it was Abraham. Negan swung the bat so hard it made a dent in Abrahams head. But he didn’t let it take him down. Not yet. He still kneeled upright in the dirt, ready to take another hit. And he did.
Negan swung again, this time making Abraham falter. He leaned forward, using his hands to hold up his body before he was struck again. But Abraham had a few last words for Negan before he went out.
“Suck…my…nuts,” he forced out, blood seeping from his head. With that he was hit one more time but Negan didn’t stop. He kept hitting and bashing until there was nothing left.
Then he moved on to Glenn. You saw Negan swing the bat knocking Glenn’s eyeball out of its socket. Him spitting out blood before telling Maggie that he’d find her. But it didn’t stop there.
Negan swung again. This time Glenn fell to the ground. But he just kept swinging. And swinging. Over and over. Until there was nothing left but mush. When it was over, you sat there in awe, looking at their bodies, almost headless from how much had been smashed by his bat. You looked down at your hands to see only red.
“No…no..no!,” you sobbed.
“No! No…you can’t…no!”, you yelled, waking Carl up. He reached over and shook you to snap you out of your dream. You finally stopped yelling when he woke you up, hot tears trailing down you face. Carl held you in his arms again, whispering quietly as you sobbed. “Shhhh,” he said softly as he brushed his hand along your head. “It’s okay. It was just a dream, y/n.”
When the tears stopped coming you sat in silence once more, not knowing how to make the pain in your heart go away.
“What are we gonna do?,” you asked him, completely defeated. You buried your head in his shoulder as he continued to hold you close to him on his bed.
After a moment of silence he replied, “Just survive somehow.”