Before I start I’d like to link to bae’s drabble that I took inspiration from. Again, your drabble still breaks my heart and I’m writing this with tears in my eyes. But better than no feelings at all, ne?
How long did she stand there already, grabbing the bars tightly? Ten minutes? Fifteen? Soi Fon, Tessai, Ururu, Jinta and Yuushiro waited at the shouten, just like she forced them to. She never liked anyone accompanying her when she walked there. It wasn’t far from the shoten. Maybe twenty minutes. But it always felt like an eternity. Her walk would get slower the closer she got. She knew it took a lot to enter this place. Always again. Her composure - no matter how much she forced herself to keep it - felt non-existent whenever she reached the gate.
The fence around it - the bars - made it all look so dull. And when it rained, the turbid fog that emanated from it just wrapped every tombstone into a thick layer of more sadness and grief. Today was such a day. The weather forecast told her it would rain, but it was late august and still quite warm outside. She didn’t much care about the weather because she left with nothing else but flowers. Had she ever asked him what his favourite flowers were when he was still there? She could only assume that whatever flower she’d picked in the past, to decorate his grave with, would have been flowers he liked to see standing in the shoten. And she regretted not having accentuated their place more like that.
She didn’t want to step through the gate. She never did. It was like stepping into something surreal. A different world. A world, that didn’t — that SHOULDN’T exist. But the people exiting the gate and smiling at her warmly brought her back to reality and she had to understand that it was - indeed - reality. She breathed deeply - her hands trembled - like always. Then, her legs moved through the big steely gate. It was heartbreaking how easily she knew where to find his place. She moved there with some mild determination, without getting distracted. There, beneath a big maple tree, it was. But even before she was all there, her tears had already started to stain the grass many feet away.
An old woman watched her, - eyes and gesture expressing that she’s had a good life, probably spent many years with her beloved husband and it was quite a shock to see such a young woman here. Compassionately she turned her head away to leave Yoruichi to herself. A gesture of courtesy. Stepping nearer, the writing carved in stone got clearer. “The sun shines brighter, because you were here. We miss you. We love you.” Sometimes she thought they should have picked a different line. Something that would show that there lies a scientist, a hobbyist, a genius, a leading man, an authority, a…
“Hello Kisuke.” she sniffed quietly. No, it wasn’t even the right way to say hi. She should have said hey darling, hi sweetheart, hey precious… something to tease him with. Something that she would have whispered into his ear while wrapping her arms around him on a rainy and cloudy day like that. “It’s me, Yo-” Silly, he knows it’s you. He always had.
“….” What should she say? She stared down at this headstone that had no spirit energy, nothing to make her get familiar with this place. She was just numb inside. No, not numb. The pain was greater than that. Ever since it happened, Yoruichi has never been the same again. Tessai and the others witness it every single day. What would you do, Kisuke? Yoruichi stopped eating for a while and lost a lot of weight. You would probably try to smile, still. She locked herself up in their bedroom and lay for many days, wrapped in his coat, staining it with her tears until she thought it had lost its scent - his scent - and it broke her heart anew. You wouldn’t let this be a reason to cry, would you? She had to get out again and face the others. It was hard. So damn hard.
Slowly she sank to her knees, placing the roses of crimson red in front of the little plateau, made to place flowers onto. Her fingers brushed over his intitials afterwards. Golden letters for a golden man. She insisted it would be like that. They had a little argument about it but eventually they decided Yoruichi may choose the design. The stone should be green and not grey. For a brief moment a smirk appeared on her lips at the imagination of this. How peculiar it would seem during Halloween. And memories returned … How they’d celebrate Halloween together. “I…”
Her head dropped. Damp hair covering her eyes as her tears made no difference - the ground was wet anyway. “…miss you so much!” She bit her lip as her sobbing got a bit louder and she clenched her fists. And even if she knew it was just a placebo to compensate her grief, Yoruichi’s voice kept quivering. She just was never as composed as him. What would he have done? What would he have said? Her lips kept shaking, her tears kept falling. “Today is the day we got to know each other, do you remember? *sniff* It is the 25th of August. So I thought *sniff* I thought I’d leave you this too.” Grabbing into her cleavage she took out a piece of bark. Naturally carrying it there since she took no bags with her. “It’s from the tree, Kisuke. Our tree. I went to the soul society to get it. I left my lip-print on it. At least I tried. And I wrote a little message on the back of it. It smudged a little because of the rain. But *sniff* can I read it to you?”
As if she waited for an answer, she paused and closed her eyes. The lump in her throat just wouldn’t want to leave. Holding that little piece of wood she whispered “You give me this one thought to keep, - you are with me still, I do not sleep. You are a thousand winds that blow, you are the diamond glints that snow, you …” she wiped her eyes as the writing turned blurry “…you are my sunlight on ripened grain, you are the gentle autumn rain.” Lifting her face she closed her eyes and let the rain kiss her cheeks. “When I awaken in the morning hush, you are the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. You are … the soft stars that shine at night. When I think of us I know it’s true,…
…I’ve lost my life together with you…” She fell quiet and put the bark on the plateau as well. Resting for several minutes longer without saying a word. Yoruichi didn’t know what else she could add. It wouldn’t change anything. She wouldn’t hear his voice again. She could only keep living in memory of what had been. As surreal as it was. I’ve never written you a poem in all my life… Kisuke…