Maguuma Jungle - Metrica Province - Voloxian Passage
Asuran Local #1: Dad, can I go with my friends to see the survivor camp?
Asuran Local #2: No. You’d just be in the way. Those people were badly injured in the explosion.
Asuran Local #1: But, I heard it was a carnival of grotesquerie and deformity!
Asuran Local #2: Not nice. I said no.
Asuran Local #3: Kid after my own heart.

Maguuma Jungle - Metrica Province - Voloxian Passage
The Karmic Thaumometer
Female Trader: Don’t go near the reactor without the Opticalium’s Karmic Thaumometer!
Male Trader: Never again wonder if you’re getting a lethal dose of magiphysical energy!
Female Trader: What do we do if someone actually tries to buy one? The prototype’s not finished!
Male Trader: Relax. Just tell everyone we’re all sold out and take a deposit.
Female Trader: The Karmic Thaumometer! If you hear it click, get out quick!
The Kinetic Phase Transitionater
Female Trader: We need a product to go with this name: Hydrone’s Kinetic Phase Transitionater!
Male Trader: It’s got a ring to it! All it needs now is a slogan. Well, and a product to back it up.
Female Trader: Turns squishy swampland into solid ground, and back again with the flip of a switch! 
Male Trader: Pursued by krait and hylek? With the KPT, you don’t have to sink, or swim!
Female Trader: No self-respecting genius would lead a krewe into the marsh without one!
The Tropospheric Galvanator
Male Trader: Tired of going hungry? Sick of being surprised by marsh predators?
Female Trader: Hostile monsters and delicious fish all go belly-up with the Tropospheric Galvanator! The natural power of lightning “pacifies” the local fauna and makes harvesting a breeze!
Male Trader: Do you think we’ll ever sell any of these things?
Female Trader: We better not. The test model killed three people, and they weren’t even using it.

Old Golems in the Ring

written by Analyst Tokki

Metrica Province (1328, Zephyr.81) - Golems are as integral to our way of life as gates and colleges. Last year alone, the industry was estimated to be worth upwards of hundreds of millions, with economists estimating the market to expand in the coming years with the expanding war in the Maguuma Wastes; making it one of Tyria’s fastest growing  and most valuable industries; and its not hard to see why. 

Out of factories and labs in the heart of Metrica Province and across the Hinterlabs, young Golemancers set on proving their worth churn out new models promising faster, smarter, and stronger specifications, where they find roles in defense, automation, custodianship, commerce, research - whether it be right here in Rata Sum, or in the Risen infested fields of Orr. But what happens to last year’s greatest and flashiest model, when the inevitably superior model drops in the market?

One proposal is to re-purpose them for competitive golem battles, as espoused by 21-year old Captain Ehmot, who has recently launched a tournament right here in Metrica Province out of recycled golem parts, dubbed Golem Wars, which in its first night drew ten participants, and a sizable audience. Winners take home winnings in gold, and earn credits towards improvements to their current golem platform - the honor this week going to Golemancers Khoddi,General Mulgra, and Sylvari Crow, after hours of intense socket-to-socket combat.

“When I was very young, my journeys led me to Rata Sum. I witnessed the joys of watching your dear progeny’s eyes light up at these electrifying battles of ingenuity and mettle. I felt the flush of pride from the victorious krewes, and the sting of defeat from those who lost. And the desire to become better. Stronger. Braver” he recounts to me, as we discussed his vision, his hopes for Golem Wars, and his motivation for organizing the event. 

While golem battles are hardly new to Metrica, and indeed Asurakind - with several rings across the province, and the notable and regular fights at Soren Draa - observers and sport enthusiasts have noted Golem Wars sets itself apart by involving mainly individual participants rather than entire krewes, which paired with its requirement to use recycled golem parts, challenges participants in their ability to improve upon existing and set parts - emphasizing the “work with what you have” mentality that stands as a stark contrast with the big budget, expensive, and often krewe-scale philosophy of more established golem battle fights.

This unorthodox format comes from a similarly unorthodox source; unlike most 21-year olds, Captain Ehmot is not enrolled in college, nor has he graduated - in fact, he freely admits “little knowledge of how the contraptions work” - for Ehmot is in fact Sylvari.  

Despite this, he espouses nothing but determination and confidence in his work ethics, an attitude which reflects the hard work and perseverance he brought in making his vision a reality, as he recalls days spent picking through abandoned camps meticulously picking out golem parts and identifying components. When asked what drives him, the humble Sylvari merely explains that he is “making my living and giving back to the community”.

Naturally, this Sylvari’s refreshing outlook has made him an approachable figure, but he is not without his political grace; when pressed regarding the significance of the event to the magic-conservationism and savings movement, and whether his fascinating contribution to ectology conservation could be attributed to his Sylvariness, Ehmot stated that while his intention “was not necessarily to make a statement for any sort of movement-”, he quickly added that he found “waste of any kind quite abhorrent. Whether that comes from my, err… ‘heritage’ or not, as you put it, I cannot say. A problem is a problem, regardless of race or ethnicity, and it is a responsibility for us all to be mindful of our actions”

Ehmot’s Golem Wars are set to continue in the following weeks. Care for the latest? Follow MM-Sports for the latest, hottest, and most ear riveting details!