Mature-man

Day One Hundred and Nine

-A young boy yielding a pool noodle thrice his height shouted the word “penis.” He may be only three, but he is well on his way to becoming as mature a man as any.

-A child passing by Starbucks remarked, “Hot chocolate? Like in Polar Express?” I hope that their innocence and enthusiasm are never dampened and that their exposure to liquid goodness goes beyond disturbingly-animated movies.

-I have become something of an attraction to possessed children today. Throughout my shift, upwards of two infants have twisted themselves around 270 degrees in their seat to maintain eye contact with me. I am unsure how best to utilize my legion of demonic toddlers, but I am certain they will come in handy.

-Four twelve year-old girls spent the better part of an hour sprinting throughout the store, and the better part of another hour sitting in a single cart at the front. This gaggle of gals had a large bag of water and a complete lack of supervision. This has potential to be a devastating combination as any of us have seen.

-A nine year-old busted out a surprisingly sick drum solo. With nothing more than a plastic stick, she gave my life a sense of drama which I can only hope to live up to.

-A man left his bag behind. I began to shout after him. A woman behind me chimed in, echoing my calls in a soft whisper. My attempts were not enough. Thankfully, the sound level it took to get his attention was precisely one whisper above a shout, so once again partner and I have triumphed.

-A clean-shaven neckbeard spent his evening compulsively and sporadically dabbing to entertain his friends. Sadly, his attempts at being impressive were entirely in vain, as he was behind them the entire time, and he was dabbing.

  • Before the new comic, people: *headcanon cute shy genji* *headcanon sweet adorable genji* *headcanon childish charm genji* *headcanon peaceful gentle genji*
  • After the new comic, people: *headcanon sexy dangerous genji* *headcanon raspy deep voice genji* *headcanon bad boy genji* *headcanon tall dark handsome genji*
I crave him.

His mature hands touching my body.
His warm breath brushing my neck.
Pushed against a wall.
Alone. Only with him.
No one who could stop us.
I can’t think about anything else.
The craving gets stronger with every minute.

Potion No. 9

pairing: daveed x reader

requests: could you do Daveed X younger reader, where reader is like 18-20 and they start dating and the reader’s parents get really weirded out over the age difference?

summary: it’s time for daveed to meet reader’s parents. that’s it that’s really all i’ve got.

warnings: swearing, smut, semi-public/public sex, D/s, daddy kink, light bondage, praise kink

word count: 4,320

a/n: title is part of title of a sandra bullock movie but i used it as lyrics from lotus flower bomb by wale, which i recommend u start to play during the sexy time at the end ok. i know it’s barely still valentine’s day but I WROTE THIS all in one day it’s been a wild ride. i wanted to get this up ASAP but i’m messy and wanted to write one more sex scene i’m sorry buds but i hope you enjoy it anyway!!!!!!!!!!


“Are you ready, babe?” You peer into the mirror, adjusting the clasp on your necklace. The small heart-shaped garnet glints in the light and your heart flutters, remembering Daveed gifting it to you just this morning.

“Just a second,” he shouts from his bedroom. “I can’t get this fucking tie on straight!”

You snicker, tucking your lipstick into your small clutch. “Come out here and I’ll do it for you.”

Daveed grunts and shuffles out into the living room with his suit jacket draped over one arm and a sour look on his face.

“Why are you pouting?” You ask, fingers deftly untying the crooked knot and starting over again.

“I’m too old to not know how to tie my own tie,” he huffs, shoving one hand into the pockets of his dress pants.

Keep reading

BTS CHAT: Yoongi, Namjoon and Jin prepare to confess to Y/N but they are shocked to run into each other in her backyard at night.
  • Namjoon crouches in the bush outside Y/N's window.
  • NAMJOON: (Deep breath) I can do this.
  • SUGA: Do what?
  • Suga pops out over Namjoon's shoulder.
  • NAMJOON: AHH!
  • Suga covers Namjoon's mouth.
  • SUGA: Will you shut up? Unless of course you want to alert the whole neighborhood that you're crouching in a girl's backyard at 12 am.
  • NAMJOON: What are you doing here?
  • SUGA: I saw you leave the house with your guitar, so I followed you.
  • NAMJOON: Well go back home.
  • SUGA: Not until you tell me what your plan is.
  • NAMJOON: What plan?
  • SUGA: Your plan to impress Y/N.
  • NAMJOON: I'll tell you after it works.
  • SUGA: (Shrugs) Fine, then I guess you I won't tell you mine.
  • ...
  • NAMJOON: Wait, what?
  • Suga opens up a bag and inside are chocolate, flowers and a mini speaker.
  • NAMJOON: What the hell man? Are you serious?
  • SUGA: Yup.
  • Suga walks out into the open and presses play on the song; First Love. Suga holds the speaker above his head and flowers in the other hand.
  • JIN: What the hell is going on here?!
  • Jin walks into the backyard with a picnic basket and a gigantic teddy bear.
  • Namjoon comes out of the bushes.
  • NAMJOON: Are you serious? Is following me just thing you guys do now?
  • SUGA: Well by the looks of it, it's that and liking the same girl.
  • JIN: You guys like Y/N?
  • NAMJOON: Yeah. Pretty much.
  • SUGA: No, I just like to take late night strolls into people's backyards. And sometimes, I like to buy myself roses.
  • JIN: AHHH!
  • NAMJOON: (Concerned) What is it?
  • JIN: Oh, just my back hurts from when you stabbed me!
  • SUGA: Was that supposed to be funny? Cuz it wasn't.
  • JIN: You'll know when I'm being funny Yoongi.
  • SUGA: Will I?
  • JIN: Both of you leave now!
  • NAMJOON: No way! I got here first!
  • SUGA: Actually, I got here first. Y/N brought me to her house before she even met you two.
  • JIN: Well I was born first.
  • SUGA: Speaking of that, I don't think Y/N would be into a 'mature' man.
  • JIN: Good thing I'm not mature then!
  • NAMJOON: I don't think that worked the way you wanted it to.
  • JIN: Shut up and leave. I didn't cook all this food for Y/N for you guys to ruin things.
  • SUGA: Fine. Leave the food here and I'll make sure Y/N and I don't let it go to waste.
  • JIN: Sometimes I really don't like you.
  • NAMJOON: I learnt how to play the guitar for her. Do you know how hard it is to strum with no pick?!
  • JIMIN: SHHH!
  • Namjoon, Jin and Suga look up at Y/N's window to see Jimin shirtless and poking his head out.
  • JIMIN: You guys are so loud. Y/N is trying to sleep.
  • SUGA: What the fuck?!