Pistachio and Lemon Drizzle Cake: There’s only one way to eat a drizzle cake, and Mary’s no newcomer to such things. Here, an incredibly rare sighting of a front-bite in the wild is accompanied but all the requisite accessories. As is customary, Mary is delving into that drizzle dripping in gems, stones, and a hot polish. There’s only one word to describe this bite: opulence.


Consequences of binge-watching GBBO include:

• getting a bit wine drunk
• eyeing up contestants’ style and texting your bestie like ‘yo, I think I need to add some serious grandma sweater swag to my wardrobe’
• becoming determined to master all manner of pastry and breads
• saying goodbye to that idea you had about low-card dieting
• saying hello to your nonna’s old focaccia bread recipe
• deciding which gentlemen contestants you’d bring home based on their baking style (I’m looking at you, Selasi *wink*)
• getting really hungry
• judging your food as if you’re MARY Berry and Paul Hollywood
• a lingering question as to whether Paul was born with that last name, or whether he took it to seem really cool


First episode of Bake Off and the contestants have already learned to use booze to appease Mary Berry