Sometimes when I cry,
I start to cry harder simply because I am crying,
Or I cry because I know that in the world
Somewhere there are little girls wearing tutus and singing Christmas songs,
Or because Sarah McLachlan comes onto my TV
And tells me about the cats and the dogs that don’t have homes.
Fuck you, Sarah McLachlan.
I cry because on the internet there are pictures of pigs wearing rain boots,
And there are pictures of Sharpei puppies that look like rolled up towels,
The internet is great.
Sometimes I cry when cheese is really good,
Or when I’ve made onions. That’s just human.
I cry because they call me fat even though I am fat,
Because most of the time a word is just a word,
Until it is not just a word, it is a weapon.
I cry because there is death.
I cry because people die and maybe the last thing they thought of was their children,
And I cry because I don’t have children yet.
I cry when there is no end, and I cry because there is an end,
And I cry because you love me so well.
Because I used to cry alone,
Because I wanted to die,
And then I cry harder because your shoulder is so soft,
Because the sunset is so beautiful on the Connecticut River,
I cry because I am scared I am losing my mind,
Or because I’m on meds,
Or I’m crying because I forgot my meds,
Or I’m crying for the fact… maybe I’m not actually myself.
Or I’m crying because I AM myself and that doesn’t feel like enough.