Marvin stood at the end of the bridge corridor. He was not in fact a particularly small robot.
His silver body gleamed in the dusty sunbeams and shook with the continual barrage which
the building was still undergoing. He did, however, look pitifully small as the gigantic black tank rolled to a halt in front of him. The tank examined him with a probe. The probe withdrew.
Marvin stood there. “Out of my way little robot,” growled the tank. “I’m afraid,” said Marvin, “that I’ve been left here to stop you.” The probe extended again for a quick recheck. It withdrew again. “You? Stop me?” roared the tank. “Go on!” “No, really I have,” said Marvin simply.
“What are you armed with?” roared the tank in disbelief. “Guess,” said Marvin.
The tank’s engines rumbled, its gears ground. Molecule-sized electronic relays
deep in its micro-brain flipped backwards and forwards in consternation.
“Guess?” said the tank. (…)
“Yes, go on,” said Marvin to the huge battle machine, “you’ll never guess.”
“Errmmm …” said the machine, vibrating with unaccustomed thought, “laser beams?”
Marvin shook his head solemnly.“No,” muttered the machine in its deep guttural rumble,
“Too obvious. Anti-matter ray?” it hazarded. “Far too obvious,” admonished Marvin.
“Yes,” grumbled the machine, somewhat abashed, “Er … how about an electron ram?”
This was new to Marvin. “What’s that?” he said. “One of these,” said the machine with enthusiasm. From its turret emerged a sharp prong which spat a single lethal blaze of light.
Behind Marvin a wall roared and collapsed as a heap of dust. The dust billowed briefly, then settled. “No,” said Marvin, “not one of those.” “Good though, isn’t it?” “Very good,” agreed Marvin.
“I know,” said the Frogstar battle machine, after another moment’s consideration, “you must have one of those new Xanthic Re-Structron Destabilized Zenon Emitters!” “Nice, aren’t they?” said Marvin. “That’s what you’ve got?” said the machine in considerable awe.
“No,” said Marvin. “Oh,” said the machine, disappointed, “then it must be …”“You’re thinking along the wrong lines,” said Marvin, “You’re failing to take into account something fairly basic in the relationship between men and robots.” “Er, I know,” said the battle machine, “is it …” it tailed off into thought again. “Just think,” urged Marvin, “they left me, an ordinary, menial robot, to stop you, a gigantic heavy-duty battle machine, whilst they ran off to save themselves.
What do you think they would leave me with?”
“Oooh, er,” muttered the machine in alarm, “something pretty damn devastating I should expect.” “Expect!” said Marvin, “oh yes, expect. I’ll tell you what they gave me to protect myself with shall I?” “Yes, alright,” said the battle machine, bracing itself. “Nothing,” said Marvin. There was a dangerous pause. “Nothing?” roared the battle machine. “Nothing at all,” intoned Marvin dismally, “not an electronic sausage.” The machine heaved about with fury. “Well, doesn’t that just take the biscuit!” it roared, “Nothing, eh? Just don’t think, do they?” “And me,” said Marvin in a soft low voice, “with this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.” “Makes you spit, doesn’t it?” “Yes,” agreed Marvin with feeling. “Hell that makes me angry,” bellowed the machine, “think I’ll smash that wall down!” The electron ram stabbed out another searing blaze of light and took out the wall next to the machine. “How do you think I feel?” said Marvin bitterly. “Just ran off and left you, did they?” the machine thundered. “Yes,” said Marvin. “I think I’ll shoot down their bloody ceiling as well!” raged the tank. It took out the ceiling of the bridge. “That’s very impressive,” murmured Marvin. “You ain’t seeing nothing yet,” promised the machine, “I can take out this floor too, no trouble!"It took out the floor, too. "Hell’s bells!” the machine roared as it plummeted fifteen storeys and smashed itself to bits on the ground below.
“What a depressingly stupid machine,” said Marvin and trudged away.
Douglas Adams, Restaurant at the End of the Universe
I thought it would be fun to do some Steven Universe crossovers with some other awesome space operas! Steven Universe is some of the best Sci-fi on television right now, after all XD
I decided to start with the Hitchhiker’s Guide, since I finally got around to finishing the series recently. I guess Sardonyx should really have an extra head if she’s trying to be Zaphod, but sometimes you gotta make compromises. She’s not nearly badly dressed enough either…
Jason walked into the dining pavilion just in time to see Nico and Will in the middle of a heated kiss.
Jason cleared his throat, startling Nico and causing him to practically shove Will into a nearby table in his attempts to get away.
“Umm…I..I gotta… I’m just going to…. BYE!!!” Nico stuttered, his cheeks reddening, before running past Jason and away from the pavilion.
Jason advanced toward Will, who looked quite intimidated. Jason looked angry, and when he was angry, he struck fear in the hearts of Amazons. He grabbed Will’s shoulder and spun him around, slamming him gracelessly into a wall.
“Listen.” Jason growled. “Nico is one of the sweetest people I’ve met, once you get past the tough exterior. He’s a gay kid who lived most of his life in the 30s. His mother and sister died. He wasn’t accepted in the places he belongs because of his parentage. And if you hurt him, in any way, I cannot be blamed for what happens to you.”
“Do you understand?” Jason shouted, his voice echoing around the empty pavilion, as he pushed Will against the wall for emphasis.
“Yes!” Will managed to squeak. “I get it! I understand!”
Jason released Will slowly with suspicion written all over his face.
He turned on his heel and left the dining pavilion, secretly pleased with his performance, leaving Will alone in the empty pavilion nursing his hurt shoulder.
It was small things then, spending a bit longer out by the beach, in the sun, but Annabeth just chalked it up to him being the son of the sea god.
But it soon became obvious that Percy was addicted to tanning.
“10 more minutes!” at the beach turned into 2 hours. They couldn’t get THAT apartment because it didn’t have a balcony!
“For the last time!! No, Percy, I’m not taking you to the nude beach so you can get rid of your tan lines!!”
The others started to notice, too.
“Dude,” Jason started, “Shouldn’t you be wearing sunscreen? You’ve been out for hours, you’re going to burn, bad.”
“Percy?” Hazel’s worried voice cut through. “I’ve heard you can get cancer from that sort of stuff! Come on, cover up, we can have you getting sick!” She then proceeded to try to cover him with various items, much to his protests.
“I agree with Hazel” Frank said.
“Of course you do.” Percy grumbled.
“Look man,” Leo began, “I’m the ultimate tanning mix! I’m Mexican and Greek, but I still put on sunscreen because cancer is SCARY!!”
Percy just glared at them. Then he put in his earbuds, closed his eyes, and ignored them.
A few weeks later, he was sitting outside, when something different happened.
First, he got a throbbing headache and he couldn’t breath properly. His heart was racing. He tried to tell Annabeth who was sitting next to him, but all that came out was “Annnnnnbe.” Then, he blacked out.
He woke up in a hospital bed, with Annabeth stroking his head. It was nice. He wanted to just stay there forever. He let out a contented moan and she stopped.
“Percy?? Percy?????? Are you awake??” she called in a worried tone.
“mmm.” was his only response.
“Oh my gods!!! You passed out of heat stroke. You need to stop with all that tanning!! You could have died!!”
This argument was definitely not finished, but now was not the time to fight. He hummed his agreement, leaned into her hand, and promptly fell asleep.
What are a few books you'd recommend someone read? That you really like? I'd like some new books to read and I figured I'd ask you?
oh boy, you’ve really opened pandoras box now, because i have a lot
here we go, I’m going by genre:
The Barsoom Series (also known as the John Carter books) by Edgar Rice Burroughs. There are eleven books in the series, but they’re really short. This shit is gonna be 100 years old in two years, but it still holds up. Attractive, sarcastic motherfucker goes to mars, meets aliens, action happens. Has badass warrior ladies, which was huge for that time period. If you’ve seen the movie, you kinda know the gist of it, but holy crap the movie is shit compared to the books.
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Technically six books, but Adams died before he could write the sixth so Eoin Colfer stepped in and wrote it. World gets blown up to make a hyperspace bypass, the last man alive and a cast of ridiculous characters end up traversing the universe together. Marvin the depressed robot is the greatest character you will ever meet. This series is fucking insane. It’ll make you fall to the floor gasping for air one minute, and the next it’ll fuck your mind so bad you need to stare at a wall for an hour. Everything is connected. And I do mean fucking everything. Some of the best comedy I’ve ever read.
Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton. It’s Jurassic Park, you know what the fuck it’s about. But the book is a lot different and a shit ton more intense than the movie. I had nightmares about this shit. It’s great.
Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor. Three books, but they’re pretty damn long. Holy fucking shit, this series. It’s one of those things that no matter how many times you try to explain it, you just can’t. It’s one of the most beautifully written and brilliantly imagined series I’ve ever read. The characters feel alive, the magic feels real, and the tears you’ll shed are definitely gonna be real. If you like mythical creatures, mystery, magic, paradoxes, and some of the most gorgeous writing you’ll ever read, this is the book for you.
Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Stand alone book. The most absurdly amazing book you’ll ever read. Basically, an angel who sucks at being an angel and a demon who sucks at being a demon like the world the way it is, so they decide to sabotage armageddon. But somebody has misplaced the antichrist. It’s fucking hilarious, very clever, riddled with Queen songs, and just when you think it can’t get any more insane, it does. Holy shit it does.
The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini. Four books in the series. Dragons. Magic. An evil ruler that has to be defeated. All the classic fantasy you could possibly want, written beautifully.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan. Five books in the series. Modern day Greek Mythos. Fucking hilarious first person narration given from one of our many demigods, Percy Jackson. The chapter titles are a gift to this world, shit like “I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher.” Good gods, do yourself a favor and read this.
The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher. Fifteen books so far, not stopping any time soon. This series has it all. Humor, heartbreak, magic, amazing villains, mystery in Chicago. The main character is the most wisecracking wizard to ever exist, I’ve fallen off the bed laughing several times due to the narration alone. The world is amazingly well developed, the characters are perfect, the writing is hilarious, but also incredibly fucking sad when it needs to be. I can’t say too much without giving away spoilers, but if you’re willing to start this monster of a series, it’s absolutely worth your time.
The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Claire. Six books. This series is very well written, the shadow world is amazingly well developed, it’s funny, heartbreaking, badass, and a really entertaining read. Plus, a couple gay and bisexual main characters. Very angelic based, most of the main characters are nephilim, keeping ‘order’ in the shadow world, which doesn’t bode well for the other magical creatures that exist. Revolts happen, and wars break out, causing several cases of severely questioned morals, so if you like that sort of thing, this series is definitely up your alley. Magnus Bane is a gift to humanity.
The SPI Files by Lisa Shearin. Two books so far. Very similar to the Dresden Files, magic wise. The main character is a tiny, hilarious, adorable, blonde, tequila drinking, powdered-donut loving Seer in a supernatural agency full of badasses. Very funny, the one liners in these books are legendary. It’s a very unknown series, but it’s really good, and I’d really love to see more people read it.
These are just off the top of my head, so there are plenty more I didnt think of just now…
go read! and I’m sorry for probably ruining your life!