C: I think marriage benefits men more than women. I’ve read about men leaving their sick wives or the wife worrying about leaving the kids w/her husband cause he refuses to look after the house. That don’t seem worth it to me. Now if he’s rich and can afford children then I would probably do it otherwise what’s the point lol? I want security and since men are “wired” to be fuckboys then I better get something out of it. Some may say I’m a gold digger which is cool cause it’s true 😂 idgaf.
OKAY SO SAME SEX MARRIAGE IS LEGAL IN BARCELONA (WHERE YURI AND VICTOR WILL BE NEXT EP) AND YURI SAID HE’D GIVE HIM SOMETHING ROUND AND GOLDEN?? AND THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE IN A CHURCH???? MARRIAGE NEXT EPISODE LET’S GO
I want to bring back marriage criticism; it feels like everyone, even feminists, now thinks that marriage is a good thing for women as a class and it’s not, but you don’t read about this on feminist sites. Women in het marriages are less happy and more likely to initiate a breakup than women in unmarried het relationships. Women are also more likely to stay unmarried after divorce, but men are very likely to remarry. As much as individual marriages may be happy, we need to acknowledge these data and the uncomfortable, patriarchal history of het marriage. (Even weddings: the bride’s father “gives her away” (ew); the garter thing is gross and demeaning; the bouquet toss implies that every woman wants the same thing, and a thing (marriage) that is not likely to make her happy at that.) We need to stay critical of these things and revive intense criticism even of uncomfortable topics like this.
Californian Kathy Murray says she saved her marriage by giving up trying to control her husband. Despite considering herself a feminist, she follows - and now teaches others - the approach of a controversial book called The Surrendered Wife, which tells women to stop nagging their partners and start treating them with more respect.
This is such a great read, and Kathy Murray is absolutely the kind of feminist that I completely support.
This is not the situation I thought I would be in.
When I said that I wanted to put in a woodstove I did not think that I would be the only one to stack the wood, to bring it inside, to come home to a cold house every night and have to make every single fire, every single day.
The thing about making a fire is that it is a little work, the stacking and the lugging and the newspaper and the blowing gently on the new flame. If you’ve got good dry kindling it takes in no time, and the heat is instant. Slowly, the dry warmth pushes out the cold; it wraps around you like a feathered comforter; it draws you near so that your toes are on the wool rug and your fingers are hovering over the radiating heat and you’re safe and warm.
My evenings start cold, with work, but they always end up rich and warm and soothing.
This is not the situation I thought I would be in, but I have spent much of my life preparing for it. I know how to do these things; I do them well. I know the commitment and time and technique they require. Sometimes it exhausts me, but when you run marathons exhausting no longer represents something that should not be. It represents hard work, and dedication, and achievement.
This is not the situation I thought I would be in, but when I dig down deep and look inside I see that there is something so lovely in there; in this. I finally understand the meaning and immeasurable importance of freedom.
The biggest fear is marrying someone you never met - someone you’ve spoken to, you’ve spoken about, you’ve married - but someone you’ve never met. All is well when you first meet - when families meet, when the marriage contract is signed & then you realize you don’t know who this person is ; this verbally abuse individual, this pathological liar, this fraud. & it’s not that you haven’t gotten to know them enough, it’s not that you didn’t ask the right questions. It’s not you. So how do you make sure you’ve married the right person. How do you make sure you know who you’re marrying. How do you use the fear you have to make you more aware?
What are your goals? What are you working towards? How badly do you want these goals? Are you willing to work extra hard for what you want?
If we can apply the aforementioned questions to our daily lives (school, work, business, etc), why can we not apply them to our relationships? Being connected with your significant other, your families, your friends, your children, etc can and should also be worked on.
Let’s take a step back, what if you are not in a relationship but you want one? Well, then, that is your goal and you must work towards your goal. Ask to be set up, use online dating, do things outside of your comfort zone (move to another city to find someone who fits your way of thinking if you have to- I did!). No one is going to come to your house asking to date you. You have to go out and search for what you want. You work for all other aspects of your life, why would you not work for this particular aspect of it? And let me tell you, the work doesn’t stop when you are in a relationship.
If you want to have a successful marriage, you must work hard at it. It must be a clear and conscious goal set from the beginning. It is hard work, like exponentially harder than maintaining any other relationship. It’s all on you. Work to make it work.