What if the reason Wilford can’t remember anything is because Dark messed with his memories?
What if he saw his only friend slowly losing his mind to madness and he couldn’t, he just couldn’t, not after Mark, not after Selene, not after you. So he manipulated him. Even though his heart hurt and filled with guilt, he made William forget their friends, who Dark was, and himself. Because he just couldn’t watch his only remaining friend slip away, so he changed him. And even though he’s not William anymore, at least he’s still alive… right?
That post about people making sure they don’t ONLY use their friends to vent negativity to has SO many shitty responses, some people called it “problematic”.
And it’s like… It’s not saying don’t be sad, it’s not saying don’t vent… It’s saying don’t ONLY use those people for that purpose? That they are people too and if all you literally EVER do is say negative shit to them and can’t make time to see how they are or say a single nice thing to them… Then they will start to feel negative about you?
It’s not “mean” or “problematic”, if anything it doesn’t go far enough. If that is the way you treat someone then you are using them and, like, fucking stop?
Just because someone is supportive doesn’t mean you should exploit that. Stay aware of your behavior, that doesn’t mean “pretend to be happy when you’re not” or “don’t go to your friend for support”, but it means be AWARE. Ask yourself questions.
-Did you say hello to your friend?
-Did you ask them how they were?
-Have you sent them a cute image, link or interesting article that reminds you of them or think they would be interested in?
-Have you let them know they are valued?
-Have you been observing if they seem tired or distressed by your conversations?
If you can’t say yes top at least one of these then stop, give your friend a break. It is ok to need support and I’m glad people have friends with massive capabilities, but they are still people and still friends.
If being told to appreciate your friend and not ONLY use them as a venting resource is “problematic” then you probably need to investigate the way you treat your friends.
it’s time to shut down the lie that children who don’t grow up being hit, humiliated, and scared into obedience will grow up into spoiled, entitled, selfish monsters. there is zero truth to that. children grown in a healthy and nurturing environment will get a chance to grow up healthy. children who are raised by monsters who try to pretend that abuse is for the child’s sake and that the child would become a monster if not abused will be stripped of their health and will be denied an actual start in life and will be forced to fight for survival. I’ve had enough of abusers pretending they’re helping the child while they’re just taking and taking more and more away from them and leaving them permanently traumatized and emotionally injured. Don’t let them get away with it.
abusers are afraid of the world where they’re not able to abuse to freely, they’re afraid of the world where their abuse will be called out and condemned, where there will be consequences for their actions, where others will see what they’re doing and stand on the victim’s side, where they’re considered weak, disgusting, hateful and a burden on society they know they are.
that’s why they’re trying to normalize abuse, trying to convince everyone victims deserved it for being “weak” or a list of other bullshit reasons. they’re scared of being recognized for who they are. they’re scared of being discovered. they’re scared of having to look themselves in the mirror and admit to what they’ve done. they’re scared of what they have to pay.
i see the word manipulation get thrown around a lot in the bpd community and while thats understandable i just wanted to give you all a small reminder
things that ARE manipulation are things like
never accepting responsibility for hurting others
guilt tripping others to get what you want
harassing others for not agreeing with you
intentionally diminishing other’s problems/difficulties by comparing them to your own
using other’s insecurities against them
things that are NOT manipulation include
expressing negative emotions to someone when you are hurt or distressed
not expressing emotions for the fear of bothering others
disagreeing with others and explaining your side of things
expressing your needs to those close to you
not socializing due to lack of energy or spoons
unhealthy behaviors (such as bottling things up, ignoring your problems, etc) definitely make situations harder and are things that need to be worked on asap, but unhealthy behaviors are not automatically manipulative just because someone has bpd
throwing around the wrong words can be extremely counter productive in this community, especially when there is already so much stigma and misunderstanding surrounding this disorder (not to mention that carelessly calling people manipulative and/or abusive for small things can end up devaluing what abuse and manipulation really mean)
TL;DR: do your research and get to know the actual meaning of strong words before using them
- words like ‘manipulation’ or ‘abuse’ are not for you to take lightly and use against people you just disagree or have a problem with
abuser, trying their hardest to guilt trip me:
Yeah it's all my fault isn't it! I'm the true evil! I'm the worst person alive! I was the one who did *something they really did* and it's all my fault that you did *something you reacted with to their abuse*! I should be sent to hell for everything I do! I only want others to live in misery! Everything is my fault!
so finally throwing in some truth into the mix are we
parents not only lie to their children a lot, but the entire foundation of
their relationship with children is based on lies.
about who they are. They lie about who the children are. They tell lies about
what the world is like. They lie about what you’re responsible for, and what
you have no control over. They lie to make you feel guilty. They lie about
their feelings. They lie about their intentions. They lie about what you
deserved. They lie about what happened. They lie about what they said. They lie
about what others said. They lie about how they think and act and most of the
words coming out of their mouths are manipulative lies. Ones that will make you
feel like they’re in the absolute right to do whatever they feel like doing,
like they have the right to dictate your identity, the right to punish you, the
right to “show you your place”. They lie about how much they’re
capable of, they lie about what hurts and doesn’t hurt them, they lie about how
much they care, and they lie about loving you.
raised in abusive environment means having all of your perceptions based on a
tangle of lies, and only painstakingly unwrapping every single one thruout your
whole life will help you gain more proper idea of what is true and what isn’t,
but abusive parents make even uncovering the truth ultimately terrifying,
because they make it seem like if what they’re saying to you is a lie, then the
truth must be much, much worse. Well it isn’t. Their lies are made to get you
where they want you. To make your behaviour convenient and useful to them. To
create an asset out of you. Out of a human being.
parents wont ever forgive if their child lies to them. While they lie to them
their entire life, about everything. They still expect the truth. They still
expect you make it easier for them to read you, to manipulate you, to know
where to push you and what lie to tell to get you to obey, to bow down and to
admit that you’re wrong, you’re guilty, and you’ll do as they say. This isn’t
parenting. This is brainwashing.
I learned from a very young age to make people believe about me exactly what I want them to. I learned how to walk, sit, move, and even eat in a way that makes me seem in complete control of myself and my surroundings, even when I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and out of place. I learned to hide my anxieties and insecurities in a way that everyone thought I was always calm and put together. I also learned how to get people to trust me and tell me everything about them by masterfully displaying those very weaknesses. I’ll share some of my tips tonight, these tips might help you seem in complete control, help you get what you want and even who you want ;)
WHEN YOU’RE ALONE AMONGST A LOT OF PEOPLE
- If you’re alone don’t stress about the fact that you are, don’t worry about looking like a loser because you won’t.
> When you’re alone be sure to keep your posture. ALWAYS TAKE NOTE OF YOUR POSTURE. I cannot stress how important your posture is. Look up how to keep a proper posture.
>Snack slowly and take small bites, small and assured sips of your drink. Not too slow, just measure yourself.
> Learn how to strut. When you walk across the room to sit, to snack, or just anywhere, don’t slack on your walking. Chin up, stare straight ahead, perfect posture, and have a very slight smile. The world is your catwalk, and yes people will be paying attention when you least notice it.
WHEN SOMEONE APPROACHES YOU
- If they’re a close friend you don’t have to worry much about how to talk to them because you know them, but your behavior still matter.
> When talking to them make sure you pay close attention to them and what they’re saying. No extreme reactions, unless they truly said something shocking.
> Smile a lot, let others see that you can be approachable. Also, they’re your close friend you should be smiling anyway.
- If they’re someone you barely know then just breathe in, smile, release your breath slowly and greet them politely.
> Ask then questions about their life you have some knowledge about. Ask about their family, pets, children, partners, work/school, make sure they’re the ones speaking more than you are.
- If they’re a stranger wait until they’re immediately in your personal space to acknowledge them, then meet and greet them only after they have directly addressed you. Keep an easy smile on your face, and when meeting them change your smile according to the impression you want to make (dazzling smile to charm, smirk to seduce, smile politely for anyone else).
> For strangers you don’t know anything about them, ask them about things you are at least somewhat curious about. Ask them about their current standing in terms of job and or studies. Ask them about family and hobbies. Anything you would like to know or need to know to get some info on them.
> Make a lot of eye contact, but not too much, but make sure to keep your attention on them. Make them feel that you care about what they’re saying.
WHEN YOU’RE IN A GROUP
Besides all the other things about posture, eye contact and smiling, when you’re in a group this is where the whole “pay them complete attention” does not apply. In a group make sure to pay attention to everyone speaking, let everyone have a turn at your attention. People who were steamrolled out of a conversation you ease them back in either by giving them your attention and let them speak to you directly, or if you’re feeling bold politely call out the person or people who steamrolled over them by calmly stating “I’m sorry to interrupt but [their name] was speaking, I want to know what they were going to say.” Don’t do that if you don’t feel confident, or if you care about possibly offending others, you should still operate within your comfort zone so that you can portray a genuine look of collected confidence.
NOW YOU’RE IN, HOW TO GET THEM TO TRUST YOU
- This is when you can start showing people bits of your true self. You should have real stories and anecdotes ready for when you get the chance to use them.
- Real stories and anecdotes are crucial because believe it or not people are actually adept at intuitively spotting liars. If the stories and anecdotes are real, with genuine feeling attached to them, they can’t spot any lies because they will be the truth.
- Manipulating people is not about lying, it’s about using the truth to your advantage. Avoid lying and avoid exaggerating, so that everything you say and do is genuine.
- The stories and anecdotes you use must have some connection to the context of the conversation or the person you’re with. Don’t bust out a story of a dying pet when the person you’re with never even had a pet. Don’t talk about how you once failed an exam when the conversation was about this concert he went to with his friends last week. Talk about things in context, and if you have no material for a certain context then don’t stress, you don’t need to have something to say for everything. For every time you talk to them only share one personal story, avoid using more because then that shows too much of you.
- You want to show some humanity, but not too much because you want them to still believe that you’re some ethereal and strong entity that could probably crush them if they cross any lines.
To end, I just want to say that with this post I don’t mean to imply that you need to act this way to be desired, to get what you want, or to be considered amazing. This is not the case at all. However, I know for a fact that some of y'all struggle with confidence and that you wish you knew how to display confidence even when you don’t have it. Well this is a way to fake it until you make it. My blog is about loving yourself, but I know how long and tiresome that process can be. This is just a way to put yourself out there. There’s so much info I still didn’t cover because then the post would be even longer, for any more info just ask me! None of y'all should feel that you HAVE to do what this post says to get people to notice you and like you, I don’t want any of you to compromise yourselves for the sake of people that don’t matter. But I know some of you want this, I found myself looking up a lot of this information way back when before Tumblr had this huge and informed community of wonderful people willing to share their knowledge. I love all of you and I hope I’ve helped some of you in any way.