How do you feel about all the expressions and emotions playing on the faces of Stacey and Julia all through Season 5 episode 12? Sorry my question is rather ambiguous but I just want to hear your thoughts on the latest episodes. :D The longer the better ;)
This episode was everything – a romantic cliche stop-your-lover-from-getting-on-the-plane scene for two amazing, truly inspiring women is something that opened my eyes to why these scenes are so wonderful and heartwarming. I never got these cliche scene before despite its wide usage. But now I finally understand.
When Alex tells Maggie about the staff position. So, Maggie has to basically start over – everything she’s worked up to – a reset sort of when she leaves Hope Zion. She’s accepted that because Sydney was worth it. And yet, Alex tells her – on her last day – that the staff position for obstetrics just opened. This news stops her in her tracks, and well how could it not? I mean…her dream job. She closes her eyes, does that little cute thing she does and finally answers that it doesn’t change a thing. “I’m happy with my decision.” And part of her knows this, but part of her….part of her…wishes she could be split into two to see if it exactly is the right decision because the unknown future of what to come can be daunting but this staff position, it’s safe. It’s here, in Hope Zion, the very foundation where her career, her dream was built, the place where it all started.
Then we get to the scene where Sydney and Maggie walks out of the room and Syd makes a joke. Sydney makes a few jokes, proudness written over her adorable face but Maggie doesn’t react. In fact she wasn’t even listening, her mind was frantically wandering through her choices, her decisions and the unknown reality of her near future, pressured with the ticking clock. She was lost again, confused, questioning if her decision really was worth it. Giving up this amazing opportunity for this relationship…is it worth it? is it the right choice? She alludes this through Kimberly and Dr Storm’s relationship, with how Kimberly was on track to becoming head nurse but then started dating Arnie and disappeared. Then the line about putting his career ahead of hers. Everyone can see, she’s referring this to herself and if that is indeed what she’s doing, if in the end she will regret this decision if things got haywire.
And Sydney’s expression as Maggie goes to change her scrub top – illustrates an suspected inkling to the reflection of their own circumstances. The very thought that hints that Maggie may change her mind suffocated her that it was safer to just not say anything. As confident and forthright, Sydney is at most times, right then, she’s somewhat scared to question it directly. She decides to let her anticipated new life with Maggie override her sceptical mind.
Then Maggie bursts in the call room, and we get a confirmation. She’s scared. She’s scared of leaving the life she’s known behind, of leaving such an opportunity behind, of going after something that may not even last in the end, going after something so unpredictable and intangible, something…like love. But she doesn’t talk about it, instead she has Alex talk about her problems, “your stuff is my stuff” and isn’t that…aren’t they such great friends? And it calms Maggie’s down, clears her mind and in that moment she’s made her decision, she’s going, her wide smile confirms it. And it’s even better now, because with all the information, she decides its worth it, daunting and all. Because Sydney Katz is worth it.
Then Sydney finds out, and her countenance then, is first of confusion, then it’s of realising what Maggie’s past behaviour and absentmindedness meant. And everything starts crashing back, especially that earlier question about Kimberly putting her husband’s career ahead of hers. She confirms that what Maggie was really asking was if putting Sydney’s career ahead of her own was the right decision. And we see a sort of pained look, the feeling of giddiness of leaving to London with the love of her life, that feeling turned to distraught and emptiness when she realises that she couldn’t allow Maggie to give up her life…for Sydney to achieve hers. That’s not what love is.
Oh and when Syd says “Dr Lin, a word’ and sort of misses Maggie when she reaches to touch her was really cute.
Okay so they walk out of the room and Maggie breathes in, because she knows exactly what she was going to be confronted about. And as soon as they’re out Sydney questions her, and she sees it all too clearly on Maggie’s face.
Because Sydney knows – she knows when Maggie’s fibbing and she sees it there when she asks that question. I couldn’t see Maggie’s nose twitch but I’m pretty sure Sydney who’s had her eyes on Maggie since they met could see she was lying or at least hesitant. Because as soon as Maggie answers, she shakes her head in disbelief, disapproval of Maggie’s lie. We, as the audience can see hesitance as well, through the long pause between the question and answer as well as the darting eyes from right to down then back to Sydney. I have a feeling that at this point, Maggie wasn’t entirely sure which was the ‘correct’ choice, if she should leave or stay. And Sydney knows this, and so she lets her go, she makes a decision for her.
“Don’t put me in this position.” Everything’s so heavy and I’m pretty sure she wants to cry because she knows she can’t take this opportunity away from Maggie, she knows that when she says the word, everything will just be a memory. Maggie will just be a memory. But she does it, because that’s the person she is, she’s forthright, she’s blunt and she has a habit of leaving. Because she honestly feels that that’s the best decision, that there will always be something more important to someone else than her, like her family’s decision of shutting their daughter out, as well as Hershel with never wanting anything to do with her again. And who is she to stop them from chasing what they truly want. No one’s ever chosen her, except when it’s academic/medical related. That is what inspires her, what she’s good at, what makes her feel alive and what makes her feel like she belongs. For years, she’s felt like an outcast, but managed to deceive others and herself. One place she could really be herself was with medicine. Also with God too – she tells Hershel she can’t be in their community and be herself at the same time – so her belief in God hasn’t wavered, she’s still religious, she still believes in 1. God and 2. medicine but something has changed, she has. Ahhh, i seem to be so off track right now.
She tells Maggie to not come with her, she tells her to stay and Maggie listens. And Maggie is left there, to once again watch Sydney’s back as she walks away – such a familiar sight and we are left with a despondent expression adorning Maggie. A heart stripped away. How can it not be? Sydney told her she loved her but all she could think about was the contradicting trail Sydney left when she told her to not come with her.
Then the scene with Charlie and Maggie with her being handed the office keys. Oh wow that frozen wide smile (was really cute) but so strained, forced, empty and painful that oh wow she was so so incredibly lost once again. Like she’s trying to convince herself that this is the best thing, that this was the right choice and that she was happy with it. “I’m dealing with a very hard case” . - the first time I watched this I was pretty sure she wasn’t referring to Kimberly. At least she wasn’t just referring to Kimberly. The case of Dr Katz. Then she forgets to takes her new keys and it’s as clear as day that the key to her heart wasn’t that one, but the single person that ironically told her to stay and take the office keys.
“Cava Umbrella” - the look on Sydney’s face as Dr Lin discusses the procedure to stop the blood clot – oh wow it just – wow Sydney, you’re so in love and you can probably listen to her talk like that forever. But just it’s painful is it not – because she’s leaving and who knows if she’ll be able to listen to Maggie ever again?
Then the scene where Syd leaves the operation room, “Hope Zion’s lucky to have you.” Was so agonising, her voice was on the verge of trembling and giving her away. And they both had their mask on – kinda a symbol for them not saying what they really want to say. A goodbye that was way too quick – for both of them – but if they had to say goodbye it would be like that – because it would hurt less. Nothing sentimental, words restrained and hearts bottled up. And again the last shot of Syd here was of Sydney’s back. The usual sight for Maggie.
The time after Syd leaves the OR and when she leaves to the airport – she writes a letter – a letter that is basically a proposal, a letter of committing, a letter of union, a promise. There was no way that Sydney would write that letter and then leave, she wanted – needed Maggie to urge her not to leave. And at the same time Maggie needed Sydney to tell her to leave with her. Funny that. They both wanted, desired the other to tell them, fight for them, and in the end, they both did. But on their own account. Maggie leaves for Sydney and Sydney leaves for Maggie. Despite everything, they gave up everything for each other, how fitting, that such different contrasting characters to start with in S3 would end up with the same conclusion. And for the first time in what feels like forever – we see Maggie happy, and Sydney where she belongs, right with Maggie.
So then, Maggie reaches the airport, looks at the departed flight and that overwrought feeling drops, but that feeling of lost doesn’t sink in, it didn’t have the time to because Sydney comes and that surprised and relieved look on Maggie’s face says it all. This entire scene - just - it’s too precious for words.
And speaking of which how incredibly fitting for Lintz, especially with the stay/leave theme – the airport just wraps everything up and really reinforces the unstoppable force that is the true deep love they have for each other. The airport – a symbol of departure and arrivals much like Sydney. She goes against everything, and risks her job, for Maggie. She stays for Maggie. And Maggie quits her Hope Zion, quits the staff job she’s worked herself towards. She leaves for Sydney.
I don’t know if i answered the question properly, hahah. Thank you for reading up to here. :D Your drawings are always so cute.