Another sad headcanon: The reason Phil is so happy all the time and says stuff like "eaten by a scorpion" instead of "was killed" is because as a young adult/teen he had really bad anger issues (to the point of suicidal thoughts) that mostly revolved around how fucked up the world is, and one of his coping mechanisms is to make up ridiculous backstories on the spot. That's why he can help Dan so much; he understand existentialism through and through
D o u awnat me to live any mro e this is so sad but very plausible i AM SO SAD
send me headcanons!!