MAMAW

I’ll never forget when I was just a small child, and my Mamaw Sheila told me, “Time flies by when you’re having fun.”
I’m not sure why, but it’s something I think about frequently, and it’s something I’ll never forget.
“Mamaw, I’m not ready to go home yet! I feel like I just got here!” I said, with my knees covered in dirt, wiping my forehead from sweat.
“Time flies by when you’re having fun, doesn’t it?” She said smiling.
I miss you, Mamaw.

So we’re out and about in Carrollton today, nothing for too long though. I was at Kroger getting lunch for tomorrow, and my parents (and grand mother)were at Hobby Lobby and the pet store. Well when we get home, my stepdad asks my grandmother “What did you have to get from Hobby Lobby?” She responded" I had to get little baggies for my dope"

That comment made my night.

and I knew my mamaw was going to die.

I knew she wasn’t okay when I walked in her house the day she called and said she wasn’t feeling well. That’s why I couldn’t leave her. I was so afraid to go home because I didn’t think she would be alive the next time I saw her.

She made it ten days in the hospital.

For a couple days, I got hopeful again. I knew she wouldn’t have the quality of life she’d had before, but I was prepared to take care of her.

Then Wednesday night, her urine production was nil. Less than 50mL in almost four hours. Should have been closer than 200. No one ever said the words “renal failure” but I knew it was going to be soon.

Twelve hours later, I held her hand while her heart stopped beating.

I keep replaying all of this in my head and it seems very far away. It seems like it isn’t real. But even the moment I wake up, the first thought I have is that she’s gone. Today is her funeral and today is the last time I will see her.

Today is the worst day of my life.

I had a revelation tonight.

I think I have finally, truly accepted that I am from the South, and I like it here.

I say “y'all” and “ain’t.” I call people “sir” and “ma'am.”

It bothers me when summers aren’t as hot as they should be.

I have a mamaw. :p

Those are only a few things I have come to terms with. It’s all part of a bigger picture though. I’ve been thinking lately about where I want to live later in life and I keep summarily rejecting anything north of the Mason-Dixon line. :p

Really, the only problem I have with the South as a culture is the tendency to be homophobic and racist. I know that is actually a huge problem. But times, they are a-changin’, and there are definitely places you can be where you’ll never encounter something like that. And even when you do, there are people who are normal and nice as well.

It occurred to me that you get whackos anywhere you go. And if I can be somewhere where it’s warmer, cheaper to live, and generally a bit more polite than other places, then why shouldn’t I be content with where I live?

tl;dr - I just realised I actually like Arkansas and I’m okay with that.

Saw my mamaw today for the first time in about 6 years!! 🤗🤗 I saw her for 4 hours and it was still too short. Wondering if I could convince her to stay with or by me in VA 😕

UPDATE ON IVA BETH:

Hey guys! So I had a surprise visit from my favorite goose today! I was at my mamaw’s about to eat lunch and she walked in! Sweet goose and her mom and dad go back to the hospital on Wednesday to start her 4th treatment. After this treatment, she will (hopefully) only have 2 more left!!!!!!!!! Please continue to pray and keep her in your thoughts! If y'all could share this, I’d appreciate it so so much! LETS SEE HOW MANY REBLOGS WE CAN GET FOR IVA B!!!!!!!

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This cutie was hanging around my Mamaw’s cabin on Christmas. I LOVE BATS, so of course, I was quite excited! <3 It was really neat because every single person there was nice to the bat. There were dogs running around so people kept saving the bat from them. I was so surprised that no one shown any aggression towards it… most of the time, people are swatting at them, and scared to death, sometimes even ending in the death of the poor bat. But not here. <3 Everyone should love bats!