UPDATE (OCTOBER 2014) - Since writing this post, I have come to terms with the explicitly abusive nature of my relationship with Luke and speak a little about that here. Luke subsequently wrote a horrible lie-filled post addressing some of mine & Kristina’s allegations (while pointedly ignoring certain others…) that he has since deleted, but my friend Rachel Kiley effectively tears it apart here and a domestic abuse case worker discusses it here. At this point there have been over 20 other YouTubers exposed as abusers and rapists, and a masterpost is available here. Below is my original post.
Let’s start with this - I do not want to write this post. I have tried very hard, in the past several days, to convince myself not to write this post. I have gone to great lengths to keep my private life private, particularly this past year, and the idea of putting intensely personal experiences out there for the judgment and discussion of internet strangers frankly terrifies me. But what’s been surfacing in these online communities this week is bigger than me, and I’ve felt like a coward for remaining silent while too many women I greatly respect & admire have found the courage to put themselves out there and contextualize their negative experiences in the interest of a greater positive outcome. The dialogue happening right now around manipulative & abusive relationships with prominent internet content creators is important, is something I have a unique perspective on, and is something I cannot in good conscience continue to ignore.
After being inspired by the bravery of some really amazing women, most especially Kristina Horner, and encouraged by many friends to come forward with my own messed up story, I’m doing so in the hope that others (most especially the many young girls who follow me) can learn from my mistakes. This is a story I’ve held inside for almost three years now and have suffered a lot of lasting emotional pain from, so I hope, too, that finally sharing it all will provide a kind of cathartic release.
So today is Day One of what is going to be a very involved, but very exciting project.
My band, The Caulden Road, will be completely re-recording my first EP, Taking Leave, and my debut album, Erase This, in their entirety.
The new resulting double album will be called Reimagined, as our vision is to not just re-record the songs as they existed on the original releases, but rather to completely reimagine the songs - writing new music, a few new lyrics - exploring each individual track from a new perspective.
Above is a preview (not the final mix or mastering) of the opening track, “Just A Boy”. We recorded this over the last few weeks as a proof-of-concept, to see if we could, in fact, create something completely new inspired by the old material. And I think we rocked it.
Taking Leave is no longer available from DFTBA, and the original Erase This won’t be reprinted should the most recent printing sell out… so I’m very much looking forward to what is to come out of these new recording sessions.
Hope you guys like the new track! I’ll be sharing a lot more about this project as it evolves from an idea in to a real Thing over the next few months.
Hey y'all. I’m planning on making a video with updates on the YouTube sexual abuse situation. Below is stuff I’ve collected already - I’m posting here first just in case I’ve missed anything. If I have and you know of more info, if you could link me (by replying to this post or hitting up my ask box) that’d be appreciated. Thanks. :)
Luke Conard deleted his tumblr posts about the subject, and is deleting all comments on his videos about anything relating to the situation; has remained (sporadically) on Twitter and Instagram since a few days after the accusations were posted.
Corey Vidal was in a WeezyNews video; was on the ‘Do you needan MCN’ panel at VidCon; will be a special guest at Buffer Festival; has remained active on YouTube, Twitter and Tumblr; (from this post) Despite saying that he’d make a video response to the stories of him being abusive and manipulative, Vidal also hasn’t said anything further at all about the accusations. (Unless you count a super vague reference to 'hurting the people around him’ in a 2.5 hour long video about his own struggles - detailed more in this post.) Edit: Since this post was made, Vidal uploaded a personal vlog detailing his own history of abuse, along with an apology Tumblr post. Further edit: Kerri Shore (author of post concerning an 'unnamed Canadian YouTuber’ back in March) uploaded a video detailing her own experiences with Vidal, which have gone unacknowledged by him in his apologies.
Eddplant posted a song about how his actions made him sad and deleted all negative comments from it (including ones from the victim of his abusive actions); still (sporadically) uses Twitter
It’s weird to think that at the beginning of the year last year i had no idea who any of these people were. Now they’re like a special kind of second family that I’ve never met… wow that sounds a little creepy; I take back the family I’ve never met comment (sounds a little stocker-ish-y) :P .
Set up: You can hear the click of your boots against the sidewalk as you’re strolling through New York with the harsh wind gusts blowing at your face. You shove your hands inside your coat’s insufficient pockets in an attempt to attain a little warmth. You hear clapping coming from an old club you used to go to with your ex-boyfriend, with its authentic look and old wooden door. You needed to get out of the cold, so you decide to hurry inside to an uncomfortably familiar place. You see two guys walking onstage, one tall with a lean figure, and another with an acoustic guitar in his hand. They sit on stools placed in the middle of the stage, and you take your heavy jacket off as the lights dim down. There’s about two hundred people looking up at the two performers, who were putting on a very serious yet professional act. Four hundred eyes were locked on the performers, intrigued in what was coming up next. You made your way across to the bar, ordering your favorite “feel-good” drink and turning your back to the crowd, not wanting to engage in anything social. [Hit play now] The small club is soon filled with a sincere sound, which causes you to spin around immediately, as if your heart was captured by some new and unbreakable force. You didn’t know what it was about the two guys, but you knew that for the time being, you felt as if you were escaping from every problem in your life, and that a page was turned to reveal a new chapter. Four hundred and two eyes now. You wonder if they ever noticed.