Evil Kermit meme (football version)

Neuer: The opponent is controlling the ball at midfield.

Neuer to Neuer: Run over there and snatch it.

Messi: That red coat too glossy.

Messi to Messi: Wear it.

Neymar: The opponent is approaching me.

Neymar to Neymar: Drop to the ground, NOW!

C Ronaldo: *looks at mirror*

C Ronaldo to C Ronaldo: You are the fairest of them all.

Suárez: Shit, the opponent snatched my ball.

Suárez to Suárez: Bite him.

Ramos: The first half has ended and I didn’t get a red card today.

Ramos to Ramos: There’s still second half.

Ibrahimović: I’m fabulous.

Ibrahimović to Ibrahimović: I know right?

Maradona: I can’t reach the ball with my head.

Maradona to Maradona: Use the hand. The hand.

Referee: Wait, is that a foul?

Referee to Referee: *tosses coin*. It’s heads, so nope.

Rooney: Is that alcohol?

Rooney to Rooney: Just drink it.

For us Argentines, “Asados” are organized with family. Mine is every Sunday. But when you travel, your friends are your family. So here, in Barcelona, I organize it with friends, but not every Sunday. During every Asado, everyone has their particular role. I take care of the grills, my butcher as usual prepares the meat for me as we, Argentines, like it. I like cooking. Cooking makes me relax. It helps me think about something other than football. Until last summer, Dani brought his happiness and jokes. Ney chose the music. Luis prepares the mate and Leo plays with the kids.
—  Javier Mascherano