Vampire DEH headcanons


- only half vampire
- Heidi’s human
- she also really good to him like
- “it’s gonna be really sunny today hun so be careful”
- the sun doesn’t kill him
- he’s just extra sensitive to it
- can live off normal food
- good thing too cuz blood skeeves him out
- tiny baby fangs
- hangs upside down in trees
- he can’t actually turn into a bat
- but goddammit he’s gonna try


- born a vampire
- in fact born into upper class vampiric society
- hates being a vampire
- he just wants to see one sunrise
- that’s all he asks for
- only feeds from criminals and bad guys n stuff
- has scars on his palms from purposely holding silver jewelry
- actually really fucking likes garlic
- like yeah it makes him sick
- but it tastes so good
- super good at math
- like a human- er- vampire calculator


- made a sarcastic comment to the wrong person at the wrong time
- some vampires don’t like sarcasm all that much who woulda thunk
- now he’s doomed to the night life
- is actually really violent when he feeds
- like he’ll just rip their whole throat out
- probably wears boat shoes even though he’s never stepped foot on a boat
- that last one had nothing to do with being a vampire
- misses eating Cheetos
- advocates for “vampire rights”
- Evan’s over here like “You’re telling them to burn out the sun, Jared, that’s not vampire rights”
- is probably gonna get everyone killed

- mod jewish center shooter

anonymous asked:

Thank you for tirelessly standing up to those vegans. I have tried being vegan, but it is just not possible. We're not poor, but really, there's days where I'm not sure we could pay our house off if we'd get pricey food. And my brother and mom are ill and all of us have allergies. At least two people in my household would be malnourished as vegans. But then those people come and spout lies and half-truths and I feel so bad... So thanks for staying so calm and factual in the face of their anger.

I’m so sorry about that. A vegan diet can be great for some people, but it’s just not always an option for others, particularly low-income people or those who live in food deserts or people with specific health needs. You don’t deserve to be shamed for your nutritional needs or your inability to access certain foods. 


anonymous asked:

i wanna like sort of sneak out at night and do things. i really want to walk to the nearest whole foods (that's like two towns over) and smell things there, they all smell really good, plus they have a gender neutral bathroom, so its all good there. i wanna live there, honestly.

Anonymous you can’t live inside a whole foods.

Book Review: If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio

Favourite quotes:

“I need language to live, like food - lexemes and morphenes and morsels of meaning nourish me with the knowledge that yes, there is a word for this. Someone else has felt it before”.

“The thing about Shakespeare is, he’s so eloquent… He speaks the unspeakable. He turns grief and triumph and rapture and rage into words, into something we can understand. He renders the whole mystery of humanity comprehensible. <…> You can justify anything if you do it poetically enough”.

“There were seven of us then, seven bright young things with wide precious futures ahead of us, though we saw no farther than the books in front of our faces. We were always surrounded by books and words and poetry, all the fierce passions of the world bound in leather and vellum”.

When I heard that a blogger whom I respected for a long time was writing a book, I immediately put it on my TBR. I knew that it was going to be amazing. I also suspected that it would feature Shakespeare, alcohol and alcohol-induced poetic tragedy a la “The Secret History”.

We have seven “bright young things” - three girls and four boys - who are seniors in a prestigious theater academy somewhere in New England. Our narrator is - you guessed it - unreliable, arguably the least talented of them all, and is going for a recap. Well, to be fair, he is no less talented than the rest of them. Oliver Marks spent ten years in jail. Because the seven became the six one Wicked Halloween night. Something wicked this way comes indeed.

The loss of their leader, their Caesar, shatters the group dynamic. Amidst the brewing love affairs, the stunning productions of Shakespeare’s tragedies and the declining mental health of the members, Oliver pines for his roommate who might be a murderer. Or are they all “villains” in a sense? How blurry can the line get between a classic tragedy and the reality?

Keep reading

the child-sized aliens

I made a reference to this and then I realised most of you probably haven’t heard it? It’s like… a folk tale, I guess? Nowadays it’s usually ‘aliens’, but it used to be ‘fairies’ - either way, it’s about powerful creatures from another world who can take us somewhere, be it space or fairyland, where there’s endless space to live and endless food to eat and marvels the likes of which we’ve never seen. They’re the size of a child that’s not yet one year old, they have hair the colour of earth and autumn leaves, and eyes like sunsets. There’s lots of versions of this as is kinda usual of folk tales but this is the one my grandparents tell.

Whenever these aliens come to a world, they watch it for a while, to see if the people are worthy of joining them on the endless planet. The way that they do this is they find the poorest, most wretched and reviled person in the world, and they trade places with him. This is a red, of course - he’s a garbage-collector and a drunk, he’s just been hit for staggering intoxicated too close to the edge of his neighbourhood, and his own wife won’t let him back in the house while he’s drunk because she’s angry that he spent money on drink when they can’t afford a baby.

In this case, three of the aliens have to trade places with him because it takes three of them, standing on each other’s shoulders, to be as tall as him and to fill his coat. With their magic/technology, the aliens weave themselves a mop of hair and false beard the colour of blood in water, and let the garbage collector rest on their ship while they take his place. 

They go to work as the garbage collector, and they are confused. They are taking away what is foul so that the town is clean and good-smelling, but nobody seems to be grateful. The top-alien tries to talk to the people while they go around picking up the rubbish, but nobody wants to talk to him - he wishes them a good morning, and they are rude to him, they shout or they leave, they tell the aliens they are dirty and they won’t talk to people who are dirty. 

So the aliens finish their work and clean themselves and the false-hair thoroughly, they anoint themselves with oils from their home planet so they smell only of the sweetest flowers, and they dress their disguised form in new clothes woven of shimmering silk so they can go and talk to the people of the town.

The people of the town still won’t speak to them, they still call them dirty. They accuse them of being a thief, because where would a red get such fine clothes? They call the town guards, who demand to see evidence that the aliens have permission to be outside the red district. The aliens are startled, and because they are standing on each other’s shoulders they lose their balance and fall, clutching at the guard as they do. The guards beat them, and the top alien is killed.

Now there are only two aliens, they disguise themselves as an older child, around three years of age. They weave themselves false-hair the colour of wine, and go to work for an undertaker as an apprentice.

As they are travelling to the town, they see a child from the town wandering the roads. The middle-alien, who is now the head, calls out to the child and finds out he is lost. She takes his hand and leads him back to the town, hoping to find his parents.

The guards see the false-red holding the hand of a child, and call her kidnapper and polluter. They attack her with sticks, and the middle-alien is killed.

Now there is only one alien, they can only disguise themselves as a child, less than one year old. They weave themselves false-hair the colour of deepest sunsets and go out into the street, to see who will take pity on this child as they took pity on the child of the town.

No one calls to them, though some shout. No one takes their hand. They are left alone.

When the night draws in, the lone alien returns to her people. The aliens have watched what happened, and there is no argument to be had. The Amentans are not worthy.

In seven or seventy years, the aliens will return. When they return, will we be worthy?

Inedia or breatharianism  is the belief that it is possible for a person to live without consuming food. Breatharians claim that food, and in some cases water, are not necessary for survival, and that humans can be sustained solely by prana, the vital life force in Hinduism. According to Ayurveda, sunlight is one of the main sources of prana, and some practitioners believe that it is possible for a person to survive on sunlight alone. The terms breatharianism or inedia may also refer to this philosophy when it is practiced as a lifestyle in place of the usual diet.

Breatharianism is considered a lethal pseudoscience by scientists and medical professionals, and several adherents of these practices have died from starvation and dehydration. Though it is common knowledge that biological entities require sustenance to survive, breatharianism continues. (Source)

i need poc wizards and witches getting sick of the hogwarts food after so long. there’s only a certain amount of eggs, bacon, and toast they can have for breakfast, and roast beef and potatoes for lunch and dinner for their 7 years of schooling. after about a month of school, they’re all just where’s the goddamn rice??

i need korean witches begging the house elves for some kimchi, and indian wizards craving biryani, and mexican wizards just dreaming for some pozole.

because who can really live without their culture’s food for 7 fucking years?

fish keeper problems

•people ask ‘what’s that smell?’ It’s you. You smell like fish tank. No matter how much perfume/cologne/scented body wash you use. Fish Tank.

• sobbing as you look at your tank “where did this duckweed c o m e f r o m”

•when you see a betta/goldfish 'bowl’

•"hey wanna go out to eat" “sorry can’t. Gotta buy some brine shrimp from the store across town”

•you look at a fish. Your wallet screams in agony. You buy the fish

•"I have room for another fish tank if I just get rid of my bed"

•sleeves constantly damp. Always.

•who are you going to find to take care of your fish when your on vacation. They’re not going to remember the right foods for each fish, and what chemicals and how much to dose, they’re not going to know what plants have to be trimmed. What about the live food. Conclusion: you can never go on vacation

•where is my fish. Oh no he’s d e a d. Oh never mind, he was just doing his best imitation of a floating plant. Asshole.

•missing a water change=anxiety

•spilling the pellets all over the floor

•-spends 2376.98 dollars on fish stuff without batting an eye- oh no, I can’t go to McDonald’s. That’s too expensive.

•fish: varied diet, lots of enrichment you: top ramen you found in the back of your cabinet from approximately 12 years ago, Binge watching Netflix for a straight month

•yeah, I have a betta fish in a ten gallon tank “oh sweaty.. :)) you can keep them in bowls!! What a waste of space!!! Put an -insert completely incompatible species- in there :))))))”

•I have five goldfish in a 125 gallon tank “lol, I have seven in a ten gallon, and one in a vase”

•the urge to punch every chain store retail worker who says that “gold fish are good starter pets!!1!!11! Put it in this 0.2 gallon tank!! Hell! Put it in half a cup of water!!!”

•people who brag that they kept a betta fish alive for “a whole month!”

•algae. Where did all this algae come from??

•your floor is terribly warped from all the water dripping onto it. Your landlord is horrified

•crying for an hour because you spilled an e n t i r e bottle of Flourish

•Prime. Just… Just don’t smell it. Ever.

•getting your friends to smell Prime

•"I want a planted tank!!“ "ALL MY PLANTS ARE DYING”

•you bought twelve shrimp. You never see them again.

•p o n d s n a i l s

•being too sensitive to cull baby snails, getting them their own tank instead

•eating a fish flake. Just once. You just wanted to know what it tasted like

•you will never be satisfied with your tank. Ever.

•retirement fund? More like retimeformorefishtanks fund

•loving each individual fish like your first born child

•you know the difference between all fifty of your neon tetras

•water changes with sand

•-buys adorable chili rasboras- -betta eats them- that was the most expensive snack you’ve ever eaten you idiot

Feel free to add your own

imanmeskiniRamadan is the name of the ninth month in the Islamic calendar and the month of fasting! This means that we don’t eat or drink anything from sunrise until sunset everyday for a whole month. It is a month where it doesn’t matter where in the world you live or how rich or poor you are, the rules are the same for everyone! It’s about getting to know yourself better, and test your patience. It’s about getting a feeling of how people without food live every single day, and it’s about being grateful that you can come home to a dinner every evening, when so many people can’t… It’s a month where it’s time to feed your soul and not your stomach! 🌸💕🙏🏾 So Ramadan Kareem everyone and may we all become the best versions of ourselves ❤️

“broadly satisfied with the status quo”

42.2 million Americans lived in food insecure households

5 people own as much wealth as half the planet combined

For young college graduates, the unemployment rate is currently 5.6 percent (compared with 5.5 percent in 2007), and the underemployment rate is 12.6 percent (compared with 9.6 percent in 2007).

For young high school graduates, the unemployment rate is 17.9 percent (compared with 15.9 percent in 2007), and the underemployment rate is 33.7 percent (compared with 26.8 percent in 2007

Averaged across all occupations, real median hourly wages declined by 4.0 percent from 2009 to 2014.

“Everything is going great for me so obviously there is no problem”