I will never understand this thing that happens with me where I will really not like or just not be able to get into a song or artist or book etc for years.

And then out of nowhere I hear/experience/try reading the song/artist/book again and it’s the exact thing I need in my life at that moment and it’s like seeing god or infinity or something/experiencing a peace and wholeness and connection to the everything.

Right now it’s Sufjan Stevens/Illinoise.

I feel like a chump for not getting into this earlier but after years of this happening I’ve learned not to beat myself up about it because I realize now that you cannot force a revelation.

I don’t want to cover my tracks
And I don’t want you or anyone trying to cover them for me
I want to see every step I’ve taken
Every print I’ve made
Since first stepping foot on this path
That has led me to where I am now
Because now is spectacular
And I am wondrous.
—  d.c.
Expectedly Unexpected

People say I break into tears unexpectedly, but that’s not true. It’s always expected. Every time people talk about him kindly. As if he were the one to be broken down and torn apart. As if he were the one to be reduced to less than nothingness, as if he knew what it was like for someone to break his mobile on his mother’s birthday so he couldn’t call. As if that were the last birthday he was able to celebrate with her. It’s always expected. At the mention of his name or at 4.17 pm on Fridays, I cry. Because sometimes it was easier to cry in the beginning than to hold out until the end. It’s expected. Yet I wish I could live in the unexpectedness that they live in. I would love to take my mobile off military time and see the numbers flashing 3.12 when the sun is out. I would love to ride the underground again. I would love to live in the ‘before’ of my life instead of the ‘after’ of you. I wasn’t unstable and expectedly unexpected then.

Things I Learned In “The Friendzone”

The term ‘friendzone’ wasn’t around when I was in college, but I would have recognized it in an instant. I spent my first two years of college as good friends with two young women that I desperately wanted a romantic relationship with, and got to watch other friends dealing with similar situations. (Occasionally, with the same women that I was chasing.)

I learned some things from those relationships:

  1. Just because she’s your type, doesn’t mean you’re her type.
  2. Just because you want a romantic relationship doesn’t mean she does.
  3. “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” means “I don’t want the relationship you’re looking for, with you, right now.”
  4. Sometimes, the reason she’s single is that she’s waiting for someone who isn’t you.
  5. Your interest in her is not sufficient reason for her to have a relationship with you, just like your interest in a particular company is not sufficient reason for them to give you a job.
  6. It has nothing to do with nice guys vs. jerks. It sometimes has everything to do with soi-disant nice guys being jerks.
  7. It’s okay to want a relationship with someone. It’s okay to want a relationship with someone you’re friends with. It’s not okay to pretend not to want a relationship in order to stay friends with them. If you can’t handle just being friends with her, wish her the best and move on.
  8. There is no ‘friend zone’. There’s just times when you aren’t paying attention to the above list.
Why does everyone assume that because I’m broken I can be fixed? I’m permanently damaged, if it makes you feel uncomfortable then it’s your issue. I have a healthy relationship with death. I don’t aspire to meet it’s acquaintance, but I’m not terrified of it. I’m not a kink for you to explore, I’m not a lost cause, I’m not the person you thought I was when we met. I’ve accepted my fate, it’s time you do as well. I’m okay with being broken, why won’t you let me be it?
—  Permanently Damaged, u.n.

a year ago today i made one of the best decisions in my life yet: moving out.

living on your own is amazing -yeah, at first is tough, and you feel weird and you might feel a bit homesick too- but nothing compares to the feeling of knowing that you are the true owner of your life: you choose what to eat, how to decorate the rooms, you can organise dinner parties, you don’t need to stay at somebody else’s place if you go out at night, etc

during this year that went by extremely fast i learnt a lot about myself and running your own place (which is not easy, but not impossible) so now i can’t really imagine myself going back to the family life routine or living with someone else. i feel i must enjoy the solitude i have to learn even more

so if you’re planning to move out or you have the means but you’re in doubt, DO IT. it’s a fantastic feeling and a way to face life from a different perspective: your own

SO, my friends and I were at a bar tonight, having a few drinks (some of us had more than others) and dinner…and the discussion about intimate kissing scenes was brought up, so I talked about being in Dog Sees God; then our buddy, Mike (who was incredibly drunk at this time), decides he will demonstrate a good kiss on my best friend, Lizzie….and then on me.

A moment later, after trying it both of us, our other friend (also named Josh) says, “You know, Mike, I think you’re straight.” and without hesitation, Mike grabs me and makes out with me in the middle of this dive bar in a sketchy part of Arizona.

In conclusion, I just had my first drunken make out session at a bar. I guess this is something I’ll be checking off my bucket list? He won’t remember a damn thing in the morning, but god knows were never gonna let him live it down.

What happens in Arizona, stays in Arizona.

So I went to Athens to stay a couple of days with my godmother and her family.
We live close to the casino so she proposed to go and have a bit of fun and enjoy the view. (Cablecars gained a rightful place in my list of fears.)
We explored the casino, had some coffee, and headed for the roulette.
I wasn’t into much about gambling but rather see the people’s reaction to losing or winning so I left the table after I lost my fortune, so I could pay attention to more people.
Turns out the both the players and the workers had a mix of bored and tense expression on their faces, not showing emotion of any kind, apart from small talk like you “Man, you got me this time”. Also I experienced the barrier of entry feeling MaRo is talking about because I didn’t know the rules or the etiquette. Overall, it was an interesting experience with big doses of negativity.
About our haul, my godmother wasn’t lucky until I left the table that is. She ended up making 30 Euros! I won my bet only once and lost four times straight for a grand loss of 10 euros 😛. But we left with more money than we got in so that’s a family win!