The Rocky Horror Remake: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
By request, here’s the breakdown of the most unnecessary musical remake since NBC started did Sound of Music Live.
Okay, let’s get comprehensive.
- The first two musical numbers are actually pretty great, which inspired a lot of false hope.
- Ivy Levan sounds amazing, and the intro is a great throwback to the stage version.
- I LOVE THIS BRAD AND JANET. Ryan McCartan plays Brad as a campy, deeply-closeted every man, which is an interpretation that would work for any other version of this show.
- Victoria Justice sounds good too, she’s clearly having fun
- Reeve Carney fucking gets it. He’s Richard O’Brien 2.0. I love his Riff Raff, he gets every note right.
- Annaleigh Ashford gets a lot of credit for playing a Columbia that’s a huge tonal shift from the original take. She’s a depressed rainbow emo fan girl and it works. Also, her improvised line is by far the best thing in this shit show (you’ll know it when you hear it).
- Adam Lambert looks like a chimpanzee. A very skinny chimpanzee some dressed in punk costumes from Build-A-Bear, but he does sound good. Kinda?
- The choreography is great, but having great choreo in Rocky Horror is like having the prettiest set in Our Town. Like, congrats, but you’re really not getting the point of this.
- You have Tim Curry as the Criminologist. I get it- he’s a huge part of the original’s success. But, dude, Tim Curry just had a stroke. It’s a little uncomfortable to see him like this. Let him rest.
- How do you have such a big budget for this and yet it somehow looks cheaper than the deliberately cheap looking D-Movie?
- What even is Ben Vereen at this point? You have one of the greatest dancers in Broadway history in a wheelchair. And on drugs? I can’t explain his performance otherwise.
- Thank God Staz Nair (Rocky) is pretty,
because he’s not much else.Okay, he can sing a little and shake it in board shorts. His acting sucks though.
- Christina Millian (Columbia) is barely in this, and it doesn’t seem like she’s trying. Way to waste one of the most scene-stealing roles. Literally no connection to Riff-Raff or their arc in this movie.
Okay people, take a breath. Beyond here, I skip the bullets and go straight into essay format. You’ve been warned.