Larfs

Pokémon MBTI Chart

Since there’s no 100% correct answer to this here’s my version of the thing. These are broad generalizations and meant to be nothing more than silly fun. For an extra larf and also science, tag with your MBTI type and your favorite Pokémon type(s). (Click for full view.)

Bride of the Mole-Man (for @pluckyredhead)

When the phone rings, Foggy has to dig through a carpet of paper to find the source of the noise. “Hah, found you! I mean, yeah? I mean. Nelson and Murdock, how can I help you?”

“Uh.” says Matt.

“Oh God I know that tone of voice,” says Foggy, sitting heavily in his chair. “What’s happened? You sound like you’re at the bottom of a well.”

“Yeah. I am.”

Foggy puts his forehead down on the desk. “For real?”

“Frankly, I’m surprised I’m getting signal. I’m in the sewers…”

Blindly, one-handedly, Foggy gropes for the bulk-sized bottle of Tums in his desk drawer. “Of course you are.”

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A guide to fighting in parking lots

Denny’s:

- It’s common courtesy to share some pancakes immediately following the resolution of the fight. Loser buys.

- Never challenge an employee unless you are 100% certain that you will win

- Fights cannot take place during high traffic hours - 11pm to 4am is suggested, 1 am is the best

Target:

- Fights may take a parkour turn, utilizing the red balls and anything else as tables, shields, etc

- Hiding in nearby stores in the plaza is considered foul play

- Shopping carts may be used as weapons - be careful of pedestrians

Wal-Mart:

- Fights may be taken indoors but are limited to the sports equipment and technology aisles

- You may use any object available as a weapon

- Be careful of shoppers, they WILL trample you.

- Anyone wearing camo has an immediate power level increase

- Must fight in traditional Wal-Mart battle attire, namely larfe shirts, sweatpants, camo jackets, etc.

McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, etc.

- A rap battle must take place before physical fighting begins

- Food cannot be used as weapons

- Fighters must share a meal together before fighting

- Fights taking place here will likely attract a crowd. They may be rooting for you, but never trust them. They will betray you

Rebrand the World!

I read an article about how fantastic it is that Steven Spielberg was brought on to direct “Ready Player One” because he was the only person who could unite the world’s most powerful brands, allowing the characters to talk about popular media and make cultural references and, you know… speak like modern human beings.

(Artwork above by Noah Whippie)

If you don’t have Spielberg’s clout and money, making a film seems like a legal minefield.  In a world where corporations own trademarks on things like architecture, public landmarks, and words, what does one do when shooting a post apocalyptic movie set in Los Angeles; a city that marketing barfed all over?

The Answer: Rebrand the World!

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3

George Harrison outside his newly purchased bungalow, Kinfauns, Esher, 17 July 1964. George and Pattie lived here until moving to Friar Park in early 1970. 

Photos © Mirrorpix

The following is a fan story, relayed via a letter, of two girls who met George at Kinfauns:

“[T]he letter-writer’s pen pal went to visit… dare I gasp it… GEORGE!
And away we go.
‘I have this pen pal who lives in Herts, England and to make a long story short, she and her friend (both Beatle lovers) went to Surrey (aaah… just the sound of the place there he B-r-e-a-t-h-e-s!) for the day to see if they could find J.G. and R’s homes. Well, neither John or Ringo were home. However, they did manage to see Zak with his nanny.
‘So on they walked to Esher (EEEK! They’re closer!) They had a hard time finding the place, but suddenly there it was. A huge wall! It was George’s home, and the electric gate was OPEN!
‘They tried peeking around and saw HIMw walking around near the window. (Oh, that sweet bouncin’ walk.) Anywindow, they waited around outside and this man (Indian) came out in a car. He said that George had bought some Persien (spelling) rugs from him and he showed them the signed check!
‘After he left, Pattie came racing out (in a car). They realized that this was their chance to talk to him without anyone around. So they walked in and went toward the door. (They had made him a cat and mouse out of black felt and wanted him to have them.)
‘As they neared the door, they saw him scowl at them. Suddenly, before they kocked, the door burst open and THERE HE WAS! (OH DIE!)
‘He wasn’t mad at all. He was larfing and grinning all over the place. His hair was very long and dark and sort of fluffy. He had on white pants and a blue-and-white striped shirt. The shirt was all open at the neck and his adams-apple was sooo sexy.
‘I’ll try and relate the conversation which followed…
G.- ‘We’ve got something for you!’
George- ‘What’s this? Let’s see.’
K.- ‘It’s a cat, but we forgot its tail.’
At this point, G. smelled something coming from the house and asked if George had been using Dettol.
George - ‘Yeah, the cat’s been _______ all over the carpet again.’ (No, he didn’t say what you’re thinking.)
All of them laughed and then they asked for his autograph. When he said ‘sure, luvs,’ they asked for an autograph for me, too.
‘They talked a bit more and then left. They sent me the autograph and some gravel and leaves from his house. I think I must have been in shock for hours! I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t think I was being murdered the way I as spazing around the house!’
Well, I can’t say I blame her for spazing around. I’m afraid to even think of what I’d do if I received something like that in the mail. (In other words, re-get out the Dettol, whatever that is.).” - Shirley Poston in her column “For Girls Only,” KRLA Beat, 14 January 1967

“I wonder if I could get one of the outfits those horror guys are wearing…”

“WHY WOULD YA EVEN ASK THAT?!”

“Because of reasons. But I could dress as you Bendy. I mean, I have a suit for it.”

“That’d probably be safer…”

Getting hella tired of the drama in this community and that’s without even being involved in it. 

To all of you drama-llamas, shit-stirrers, emotional blackmailers and people with exceedingly easily offended sensibilities  :

  1. Grow the fuck up. Just… do it.
  2. Start assuming responsibility and fault if it’s yours.
  3. See about getting a life outside your simblr, it certainly helps with all of the following points. 
  4. Grow a thicker skin, nobody’s gonna wear gloves with you irl, so why should the internet be any different?
  5. If you can’t handle the shits & giggles fron anon hate, just turn it off. IT’S THAT FUCKIN’ EASY.
  6. Learn to see shit from another’s perspective, the Earth does not gravitate around you, you self absorbed POS.
  7. Just because something isn’t your cup of tea, doesn’t mean you should be publicly shitting in said cup of tea. That’s disgusting, you sick fuck.
  8. Rationalize before you speak or act, because you’re not seven and see no 1 & 2.
  9. Originality is dead. Originality has been dead for a few centuries now. What we have nowadays is derivative creations. So stop thinking you’re the fuckin’ messiah because you did something and X did another something that looks sort of, kind of, maybe-in-an-alternate-universe close enough like yours. (This does not, evidently, apply to unashamed theft. They used to cut hands off thieves, ah, the gool ole’ days)
  10. And for cheesus’ sake, stop taking everything so seriously. It’s the fuckin’ internet, ffs.
  11. Fuck the people who aren’t your kind of people. But don’t fuckin call them out simply for the fact that they’re not your people. They’re somebody else’s, if they’re not yours, and they don’t give a shit about your petty insecurities and your trolling hard-ons. See no 1.
  12. Chillax. Enjoy your game. Just play in your little sandbox and be zen and have a larf with people you relate to and people you can connect with. At the end of the day this is supposed to be about a hobby, a fuckin hobby, which inherently means something you and other people like to do. Stop giving yourself a fuckin headache man, it’s not worth it.

Originally posted by heckyeahreactiongifs

John Lennon reads his poem The Wumberlog
From his book A Spaniard In The Works
BBC Tonight programme 18 June 1965

The Wumberlog
(Or The Magic Dog)
by John Lennon (1940-1980)

Whilst all the tow was sleepy
Crept a little boy from bed
To fained the wondrous peoble
Wot lived when they were dead.

He packed a little voucher
For his dinner ‘neath a tree.
‘Perhumps a tiny dwarf or two
Would share abite with me?

'Perchamp I’ll see the Wumberlog
The highly feathered crow,
The larfing leaping Harristweed
And good old Uncle Joe.’

He packed he very trunkase,
Clean sockers for a week,
His book and denzil for his notes,
Then out the windy creep.

He met him friendly magic dog,
All black and curlew too,
Wot flew him fast in second class
To do wot he must do.

'I’ll leave you now sir,’ said the dog,
'But just before I go
I must advise you,’ said his friend
'This boat to careflee row.’

'I thank you kindly friendly pal,
I will,’ and so he did,
And floated down towards the land
Where all the secrets hid.