Hi I'm a bi male who's attracted to cis-gendered people but idk because most of the trans/ non-binary people I see are REALLY hot, would that just make me pan or...?
trans people are not necessarily outside of the gender binary. you can identify as bi as long as you are attracted to two or more genders (trans is not a gender). alternatively, if you feel like you’re attracted to every gender (trans is not a gender) then you can identify as pan. you could also possibly identify as poly. it all depends on your preferences and the genders (trans is NOT A GENDER) you are attracted to.
she is the sunlight your dreary existence craves, but her vibrance is blinding. every glimpse of her is too bright for your undeserving eyes. her pure radiance pains you, but you would gladly burn for her.
i really want to have something Canon about teddy lupin i want a long ass essay about teddy like something official by jk But jesus i don’t know if i can trust her anymore? i mean i don’t know i have mixed feelings but i just wish we had more much more about teddy
On this episode of stuff I have packed away because I literally have no space for them….
I’m packing Harlock and Roxas up too because my desk is just… a mess ugh. I hate this room. I hate having nice friends who buy me these things and I CAN;t FUCKING SHOW OFF THE THINGS THESE FRIENDS BUY ME….
Like I hate it. It’s not like LOOK AT MY STUFF, it’s “look how much I mean to my friends, I want the thing showing to show I appreciate them thinking of me…!!!”
One shot : You’re Harry’s best friend who happens to be hopelessly in love with him. He doesn’t know, though and is dating Kendall Jenner. Until he shows up at your door.
I hope you guys will like this one shot! I feel a little bad because it’s again Kendall’s name I’m using, but it really is simply because of her’s and Harry’s past relationship. As always, requests and feedback are welcome.
Picture is not mine. It’s a gift from tumblr.
A loud sigh escaped my mouth and I hung my head low in exhaustion, my face hidden behind my sweaty palms. I felt as if all the responsibilities I had been trying to somehow balance on my shoulders over the past weeks came crumbling down like a wall of bricks, burying me. The familiar sound of my ringtone interrupted my thoughts and seeing the name flashing on the screen stopped any tears from spilling over. My shaking fingers hastily slid over the phone screen and I eagerly pressed the device to my ear, desperate to hear the warmth of his voice.
“Harry! You have no idea how relieved I am that you’re calling.”
“M'glad to hear your voice, too, babe,” Harry answered, no hint of a smile in his voice. He sounded oddly quiet and collected, not at all like the cheerful best friend he normally was.
“Are you alright?” I asked and pushed some of the books sprawled out in front of me away. There wasn’t much I would finish today anyway, especially not if Harry was unwell.
Ever since we had first bumped into each other it hadn’t taken more than one coffee to forge a strong bond between us. I always had his back and he had mine, protecting and supporting each other without questioning it. We often stayed at each other’s places for several days at once, trying to make the most of it given that the hectics of our daily lives didn’t allow us to spend too much time together. All of this remained merely platonic to him. I however, foolish as I was, had to fall so deeply in love with him I couldn’t even see the surface anymore.
“M'fine,” Harry hummed.
I didn’t quite buy his promise by the still rather void tone in his voice.
“You don’t sound like it, love,” I murmured, “what’s bugging you?”
I heard him take in a deep breath on the other side of the line, as if he needed to prepare for what he wanted to say next. When he spoke again his voice was much more tense.
“You know how Kendall and I have been going out and stuff, right?”
I coughed as a lump crawled up my throat and swallowed hard before forcing out a small, “Yes.” My mind was already racing and torturing me with endless scenarios of what exactly he was implying by saying “stuff”.
When Harry had first brought Kendall around, I had already built a biased opinion on her. Her family’s public oriented life wasn’t something I could understand and never would it have come to my mind that Harry somehow could. Privacy was one of his top priorities. Meeting Kendall in person however had been different than expected and after two drinks with her I had to admit that she and Harry did fit together. She knew when to laugh, asked me questions about my much less eventful life than hers was and even hugged me when saying goodbye. And of course, she was of striking beauty. One look at her and it was clear how she was Harry’s match in every sense of the word. After leaving them to climb into their taxi together and to head to his place I was overcome by sadness. Never had I confessed my feelings for Harry to him and now came the regret. I had noticed him observe me throughout the night, proving further how important it was to him that his friends liked her. A clear sign that their relationship was to be taken serious.
“I hope everything’s fine between the two of you,” I mumbled, hoping he’d believe the small lie.
“Not quite,” Harry replied, “we aren’t working out like I thought we would. And I feel so confused.” he broke off and I just knew he was shaking his head in lack of understanding.
“Is it because you’re apart too much?”
“No, I don’t think so,” he answered quickly, “Our houses aren’t too far apart from each other’s and now that I’m on my break I often fly out to see her. I’d say we spend 4 out of 7 days per week with each other.”
I tried to ignore the sting in my chest upon that information.
“If time isn’t the problem, then what is?” I asked.
So far in the year of us being close we’d only had two arguments and in both situations it was about me being upset because he wasn’t around. Harry didn’t answer my question but paused to think of his next words, picking them carefully like he always did.
“She’s just not been acting the way the way she did when I met her. Not a day goes by where she doesn’t question me about my whereabouts or who it is that I am texting or calling. Kendall complains about everything I do and claims I’m distracted. Sometimes she even says she thinks it’s because of you. That you and I are dating. Can you believe that?”
“Crazy,” I laughed dryly. “What does she say when you ask her about her doubts?”
“Either that it’s nothing, she doesn’t want to talk about it or she refuses to answer me altogether. Shit like ‘you know exactly what this is about’, too.”
Harry cleared his throat and took a deep breath, “Aside from missing you like crazy, I called to ask for advice on what I should do.”
“I couldn’t possibly tell you. I only know half about your relationship or how your feelings for her are,” I protested. I knew full well I could never stay objective and so any advice I would give him wouldn’t be an honest one. “All I could do is tell you to listen to your instincts. As they’re usually pretty good.”
“So you wouldn’t advise me to break up with her?” he asked me, sounding almost shy. I cleared my throat, searching for words. He was unbelievable. Why did he have to ask me, the girl who loved him more than his girlfriend ever could, whether or not he should be single again?
“No, I wouldn’t,” I whispered timidly, choosing to push my selfishness aside.
“Would you break up with her had just told you that I think it would be for the best?”
“Probably, yeah,” he answered. “But I’ll think it through one more time then.”
I wanted to die.
“You should do that,” I encouraged, mentally slapping myself. “You have to take care of yourself, though. I don’t want you to let it get too close to your heart.”
Harry sighed and I grinned when he mumbled something under his breath.
“What was that, H?”
“I miss you,” he repeated quietly.
“I miss you, too, Harry,” I admitted, “A lot.”
The faint noise of his laugh was enough to make my stomach flutter. My breathing picked up and I pictured him sitting there with a smile on his face because he had me advising him. After years of supporting his career I was glad to be able to be there for him privately as well.
“You should come visit me,” I spoke abruptly.
“Think about it. You’ve never met my family before and it would give you a break from everything! Here in my hometown you would be safe from media attention and you could think about what to do next with Kendall,” I rambled, unable to contain what I truly wanted any longer. Him by my side and away from his model to maybe, finally, see me the way I saw him.
“Visit?” he asked, surprise evident in his tone, “I-I can’t- Y/N, I miss you. I do, really, but I don’t think I can leave just like that. Kendall would throw a fit and I can’t just leave in the middle of all this without talking properly to her. I’m sorry-”
I swallowed hard and tried to breath through the stinging feeling in my chest.
“I understand that,” I interrupted him quickly. “Figuring out your relationship comes first. As it should.”
“No,” Harry disagreed, his voice sounded urgent, “Don’t say it like that. You know I would never put anyone or anything before you.”
The corner of my mouth twitched into a smile.
“Are you in LA?” I asked.
“I am. Why?”
“I just want you to know that there’s a door to my house that is always wide open for you. Metaphorically speaking, not literally. That’d be weird otherwise.”
He exhaled loudly and cleared his throat.
“You really are the best friend I have.”
My heart swelled and I felt glad that he couldn’t see my burning cheeks.
“Right back at you. Please take good care of yourself, okay?”
“I’ll try. You do too, yeah?”
And with that we ended the phone call. That Harry hadn’t jumped onto my offer of him to come here began to hurt a little, but it wasn’t like I had expected anything else. The fact that he still wanted to be a good boyfriend to a woman he knew didn’t appreciate it, made me love him even more.
It had been little over two weeks since I’d spoked to Harry and there had been absolute radio silence since. My family left town for the weekend and I had decided to use the quiet home to catch up on some of the work I had still left to do. On one evening however I didn’t feel like it at all. Although the story I was reading had me clinging to every word, I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at the phone to check for a message from Harry every once in a while. The hope hadn’t died down yet. The sound of the doorbell straddled me. It was 10:30 pm and the sky outside had turned dark hours ago. A nervous feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. I’ve definitely watched too many horror films. Hesitantly I got up and walked to the door where I peeked through the window next to it. A movement in the dark made me jump but my heart instantly squeezed when I recognized the person waiting outside. I quickly unlocked the door and stepped out. The breath was knocked right out of me. The surprise of seeing him and how beautiful he was didn’t didn’t distract me from how exhausted he looked.
“Hi,” he murmured, a faint smile on his face.
Within a second I had thrown myself at him and secured my arms around his neck while his wrapped tightly around my waist, holding me close to his chest.
“I can’t believe you came! I missed you so much,” I gushed.
After three months of being apart, I finally had him in front of me. Finally held him again. His body was warm and his shoulders strong under my touch. My hands found his hair and I exhaled happily upon finally being able to play with his soft curls again. I couldn’t swipe the smile off my face and enjoyed being able to breath him in again. Three months apart and he felt as familiar as if he’d never been gone.
“I hope it’s okay,” Harry mumbled into my hair. “You said I could visit and I…I just-” he broke off and pulled away from me before coughing heavily.
I gently patted his back in an effort to calm him. “Did your flannels not protect you from the threat that is the common cold? You should know better given how much time you spent in the oh so cold LA.”
A faint smile danced on his lips at my jokingly cooing voice, as he shook his head and with a final cough relaxed again.
“More likely in Ireland. I was visiting Niall last week.”
He came closer again and widen his arms to me. My heart jumped at the cocky half smile he had dancing on his cheeks and I gladly stepped into his arms, attaching mine once more around his shoulders. He squeezed my waist and I in return pressed a kiss to his warm cheek.
“That’s lovely,” I mumbled, “And it’s more than okay that you’re here, Harry. You’re always welcome.”
Harry hummed and nuzzled his face into my neck. I giggled quietly and shrieked when he bit down.
“I’ve missed this.”
“Me too,” he whispered and exhaled a long breath.
Though I loved having Harry this close, it was this exact kind of behavior that had me close to loosing my mind. Having him embrace and holding on to me like this felt as if he needed me as desperately as I did him. And that wasn’t the case. He had Kendall.
Humming upon feeling his lips against the skin of my neck, I whispered gently: “How did everything go?”
He shrugged and released me slowly only leaving his hands to rest on my shoulders. From this close I could see the glossiness of his eyes and how sore the skin around his eyes and his cheeks was. I carefully brushed the back of my hand over the redness, hissing at how tender it felt.
“It went fine,” he muttered. “Kendall and I are over.”
Relief, mixed with worry for my friend flooded me and I felt like crying when he looked at me with what I interpreted as sadness in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I know how much she meant to you.”
Though I didn’t. Selfish as I was I had never asked him a lot about Kendall and was a little taken aback by the emotion in his eyes.
He shook his head, smiling a little. “That’s not what’s going on right now, Y/N.”
“Then what is?” I asked, confused by his words.
Harry shrugged and took my hand. “I’ll tell you later.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “You seem so upset. This isn’t fair. No one as kind and good as you should feel like this.”
Harry shook his head once more and leaned forward to press a quick kiss to my cheek. “I’m alright, love. You worry more than you have to.”
My eyes narrowed as I observed his face. “I still don’t buy it, but let’s go inside, okay? I don’t want you to actually get sick.”
Ten minutes later Harry sat in my kitchen and watched me make tea for us both while he recollected the invents of the past weeks. He told me that Kendall hadn’t been surprised when he told her that he thought a break up would be for the best and that they were on good terms still.
“But I figured I’m gonna give her some space before calling or texting her again. To cool off a bit.”
“So it was you who ended things and not her?” I asked, a frown forming on my forehead.
Harry smiled when he noticed and tilted his head. “Does that surprise you?”
“I mean,” I began carefully, “if you’re happier like this I’m all for it of course, but I just didn’t expect it. Over the phone you sounded like you were sad about her creating distance between the two of you. I thought you loved her.”
At that he shook his head and cleared his throat.
“Absolutely not. I liked her, but I could have never been in love with her. And neither did she love me. We were friends feeling like we somehow owed it to each other to at least try to be more, but she mistrusted me so quickly and always jumped on every article of me cheating on her. She read the worst shit about me and always believed every prejudice.”
I snorted at that. “Well that’s rich coming from her. God knows how much crap is being said about her on a daily basis and you never let that change a thing about how you felt for her. She couldn’t even give the same to you? That’s plain shitty of her.”
I shook my head, anger flooding through my body. Harry was so much more than what people made him out to be over the media and to know that his girlfriend didn’t appreciate him enough to see that, disappointed me. I was in the middle of turning to get mugs for our tea when I felt two arms wrap around me from behind. A small gasp escaped my lips when Harry stepped closer to press his chest against my back.
“Don’t frown, darling,” he mumbled and pressed his lips against my temple, “It’s all good now.”
I reached down and gently caressed his hands that were resting against my stomach.
“I just hate it when people treat you like that. You’re the kindest man I know and I wish you’d get some of what you give back sometimes. Especially from people you care about a lot.”
He only hummed and nuzzled his head into my neck where he kissed my skin. His hold on me tightened and I leaned my head further back so I could feel his short hair against my cheek.
“Is it true that you love me?”
My entire body froze and my heart beat so fast I could’ve sworn it would burst at any second.
“W-what?” I whispered. My body twisted and I tried to shrug his hold off but he only tightened his arms.
“Niall told me,” Harry murmured quietly, pulling me back closer against his chest. “He said you have for ages. You told him that you were too afraid to tell me. Is that true?”
“Niall he-” I cleared my throat, my mind desperate to catch up on what was going on. I shrugged again and this time Harry loosened his hold and allowed me to move away. My mind tried to think of a story I could sell him that would somehow keep me from loosing my best friend. All because I couldn’t keep my emotions at bay.
“You’re why I broke up with Kendall,” Harry said calmly.
I looked up to meet his shy gaze. When he knew he had my attention he continued:
“Y/N, I couldn’t force myself to try to fix this relationship. It wasn’t working out and it really began to mess with my head.”
I shook my head and willed myself not to cry in front of him.
“So you travled to Ireland where Niall gave you the perfect solution.”
I took a deep breath and Harry frowned at my words.
“Go get the girl who’s easy and wouldn’t mind being your rebound,” I spat, anger replacing my hurt and betrayal. I couldn’t even decide at whom I was more angry. Niall or Harry. “Well, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but I am not a rebound for you and how even dare you think that! Using my feelings for you against me like this?!”
Harry moved quickly when the first sob shook me and took my hands in his. His sincere eyes met my teary ones and he reached his hands up to brush my cheeks. “That’s not what’s going on here, Y/N. Calm breaths, darling and let me explain.”
I nodded, still slightly dazed and he smiled in relief.
“You are the most important person in my life, Y/N. You have been for what feels like forever now. But I didn’t think you felt the same so I didn’t say anything and threw myself into this relationship with Kendall, because honestly, I got lonely.”
He breathed heavily and moved his hands to my waist, holding me less than an arms reach away.
“And I was so unhappy in this relationship with her, because all I wanted is you. You never left my mind, not once and every minute I was with her, I wished it was you instead.”
I pulled a face at that. The situations he might have been in with her while thinking of me came to my mind. Reading my thoughts he chuckled a bit.
“Yeah, in those situations, too.”
“Oh, good god Harry!” I scolded and he laughed, grasping my hands when I tried to push him away. He cleared his throat and coughed.
“When I called you, I hoped you’d say something to indicate that you felt the same. When you didn’t, I decided to travel to Niall for advise and to clear my head. But before that I broke off with her. Niall didn’t tell me anything about your feelings for me while I was still with Kendall, I swear. I broke up because I felt too guilty for lying to Kendall like this and not because I knew there was a possibility that you’d let me have you.”
I swallowed hard, my heart pounding in my chest.
“This is…” I began, taking a deep breath, “a lot.”
“I know,” Harry replied, a cocky smile playing on his lips.
I shoved him back. “Don’t grin at me like that!”
“Why?” he laughed and took hold of my waist again. The warmth of his hands instantly relaxed me as he moved his hands to rest beneath my shirt so he could touch my skin. “I feel such a relief now. Having this out in the open, you know?”
My kitchen felt awfully small though I knew this conversation wouldn’t be half as bearable if it was with anyone else. I pried Harry’s hands from me and moved a few steps away again. His worried gaze followed me.
“Aren’t you happy?”
“I am,” I reassured him, not liking the scared undertone his words had, “But I’m a little overwhelmed, Harry. It wasn’t like I chose to tell you about how I feel. I wasn’t ready. You basically forced it out of me.”
“Just tell me what you feel,” he proposed.
When I didn’t answer he sighed and slowly stepped closer to me. "Y/N, I love you.“ His voice was soft and his eyes were almost pleading. "Please. You do too, just say it.”
I looked up at him, searching for words before deciding to follow his lead and to just put everything out in the open. After all, he claimed it felt good.
“Of course, I do, Harry. I’ve loved you for longer than I’ll ever admit. Do you need me to spell it out each day for you now?”
He shrugged. “Wouldn’t complain.”
“Stop being cheeky, Harry, you really caught me completely off guard here. My mind is having trouble wrapping my head around all of what you just told me.”
“Okay, I’m sorry,” Harry said and held up his hands, “I shouldn’t have pushed you like this.”
I fiddled with my fingers and hesitated before speaking up again. Having Harry confess his feelings for me had been everything I ever wanted, but now that it had happened I didn’t feel as happy as I had expected to be. Seeing Harry with Kendall had somehow changed the way I saw him. I never saw him as a celebrity, but watching him show off his model girlfriend had shifted my view and now I saw how awfully different we were. He was an attractive and rich artist while I looked terrible plain and boring by his side.
“I just don’t know what we should do now,” I confessed, “Our lives are so different, Harry. Where would I fit in?”
“Right here with me, by my side. Like you always did,” Harry assured and I didn’t fight him when his hands reached for my hips. “Y/N, I love you. I’ll make sure that whatever it is that worries you, won’t ever be a threat to us, alright? M'gonna make you happy, Y/N. Please let me.”
His warm fingers gently massaged mine and his green eyes searched for some sign of consent to what he was proposing. I knew that I wanted this. He was who I wanted for years now and I knew that my need for him would never lessen or disappear.
“Y/N,” Harry begged softly, “Trust me on this.”
I sighed, moved forward and touched my hand to his cheek. I gently scratched the skin before reaching up to comb his soft hair. My lips moved to his, hesitantly at first but eager when I felt him kiss me back. I whined when he pulled away and he chuckled.
“S'that mean you wanna be my girlfriend?”
I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Yes.”
Hope you enjoyed this! Requests and Feedback are welcome!
You know what I HATE. When someone does a favor for you, but like, obnoxiously. Like maybe they volunteer to help you with something and then come unprepared and complain about it and are generally rude but if you say anything they pull the “but I’m doing this for YOU” card