LOTS AND LOTS OF THERAPY

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      I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more.

Physical Therapy Update September 16th 1911+103

Walked a few hundred feet today, stood for an hour, and biked for forty five minutes. Also snuck in a core workout this morning.

My abs are slowly getting stronger and when I was walking today it felt like my right leg was carrying some of my weight without relying on the leg brace.

I have finally watch GG:AYITL and i have a lot of feelings part 1 (spoilers)

There were amazing parts, there were amazingly bad parts. There were sad parts, there were happy parts. Moments i wanted to last forever and moments i just wanted to end. Emotional rollercoaster it was. The need to vent is real. 

The bits i did not like:

1.    We needed far less Logan. The affair storyline was disgusting. Did Rory  not learn from her past?! She chose to be the other woman again?! I lost ALL respect for Rory. And that breaks my heart. And Logan is the WORST kind of guy. Feeding her just enough to give her hope but never commiting at all. Confusing her and making her rely on him. If Amy wanted Logan in it she could have done their story differently and much better (but I guess she needed it for the pregnacy). If it had to happen it should have been a 2 episode maybe 3 max and it should have ended with Rory basically telling him to fuck off. “Thanks for being there when I was at my lowest but I don’t need you to be my emotional crutch when I’m down anymore. I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need to waste her time with an almost married man. I can’t keep being the other woman. Bye Logan. Forever.” Not ending with them crying because they can’t be together because he has to marry some French woman. (Also the Logan that we know would have told his family to fuck off if he was being forced into something he didn’t want to do). 

2.    Lorelai should have called Rory out on her shit. Ok she’s not a kid anymore but that doesn’t mean you stop being a parent. Guide Rory. Help her realise that what she is doing is wrong. That she shouldn’t debase herself to being that other woman. She just let it slide. And it genuinely shocked me. Especially when she gets so mad about Rory writing a book about them.

3.    And that’s another thing. Why did Lorelai get mad over the book? It didn’t quite compute with me. It’s essentially a love letter from Rory about their bond and she loves attention! It didn’t fit for me, just created unnecessary drama so they wernt taking and Lorelai could go on her hike.

4.    The musical was too long. I get it; it was supposed to highlight the craziness and quirkiness of the town. It went on to long. It should have been a short couple of minute skit. It took up to much time which could have been used to show much more valuable storylines. It would have been really cute if it was much shorter.

5.    Not enough Miss Patty and Babette. But especially Miss Patty.

6.    What was with the whole pool and fat guy bit? (Did anyone else notice the gap in the side of his speedos) it was weird and not funny.

7.    Rory and Lanes friendship was basically non-existent. I get that they won’t have seen each other a huge amount but my god it was barely there.

8.    Paris and Doyle getting divorced. What was the point in breaking them up if it was just for a few funny stressed out Paris moments? Breaking them up was not necessary for that. I love them together. I need to know if they got back together.

9.    Lorelai was horrible to Emily. She’s lost her husband for crying out loud. What WAS that at the funeral? I am completely on Emily’s side. I know they have a difficult relationship but seriously Lorelai be a bit kinder to your lost, heartbroken, lonely mother.

10.  What was the point in the therapy? Was it just there for a “funny” bit for the musical and to cause friction between Luke and Lorelai?

11.  The Luke and Lorelai drama was unnecessary and felt very repetitive. They have been together 9 years and they haven’t talked about any of this?! Bullshit

12.  The way Rory treated Paul was disgusting. What was the point of him at all? Just made Rory come across as an AWFUL person. And so unlike the Rory we know. I think it was supposed to be funny. And it would have been if it had been kept to the first episode and it had just been Luke and Lorelai forgetting about him. But Rory forgetting about him like that?! In the words of Emily Gilmore: bullshit. And cheating on him like that?! I thought Rory had more self-respect.

13.  I did not care for Rory at all really in these episodes. She had her good moments but she also came across as incredibly self-centred and cruel. She was rude to the thirty something group. (Which she is part of, don’t be so high and mighty Rory). She expected everyone in the journalism world to fall at her feet because she went to Yale and wrote one article that was published by the New York something. Then she is rude to the website that did want her. It was Providence all over again.

14.  It may not be her fault that she’s pregnant, but my god it’s completely on her that she slept with Logan. No feeling sorry for yourself that you are in that situation.

15.  So unbelievably mad that these are the final 4 words. Rory was supposed to go out and conquer the world, or at least become a good journalist; living out in the big world, away from the small town life.it was made clear I felt in the original series that she as bigger than that. Meant to do more.  I’m amazed that Amy wanted to end it with essentially sentencing Rory to the same life her mum had. I thought the whole point was Rory was supposed to go off and have the life her mum didn’t have. And those were the final four words she wanted to end the original series with?! When Rory would have been much young?! I expected a lot more from feminist, female power Amy (this is not a dig at single mums, what Lorelai did was incredible and one of the hardest, bravest things to do. I just think cant believe that Amy wanted to make this a full circle story. Baffles me).

16.  Hated The Life and Death Brigade bit. It was one of those moments that just felt forced and shoehorned in to get as many characters back as possible. And it surprised me that Rory was even still friends with them. I truly thought that was done and dusted, meant to be left to her time at Uni. (I’m English) like the musical it wasted valuable story telling time. The life and death brigade basically had more screen time than Jess. Wrong on so many levels. 

17.  Small thing but I didn’t like that they showed Mr Kim. Just putting that out there! I liked the running joke of him not being seen.

18.  Why couldn’t she be having Jess’ baby. They could have been hooking up secretly. If she HAD to be pregnant there were so man better ways Amy could have done it.

19.  And finally Jess. Poor, undervalued, but all round amazing person Jess. Where do I begin?! I thought you loved Jess Amy?! It certainly didn’t seem that way in this revival. Yes you couldn’t get much filming tie with Milo. That’s fine. But my god you could have done more with what time you had. We needed ONE LINE about his career. Has he written more books? Have they been successful? That could have been so easily slipped in to the beautiful literati scene in summer. “Hey do how’s the life of being a bestselling author suiting you? I loved you last book. When are you bringing out another?” any of that would have been fine. And 1 second of time.  he was so supportive, encouraging and inspiring to Rory in that scene I had to pause and have a little freak out because it made my literati heart sing. They were friends who supported each other. It was what we had all hoped for. And then you go and throw it all under the bus. An awkward squeal jump and a one sided longing look is all we got after that. No evolution of the character, no insight into his life at all. It was the worst possible ending I could have envisioned for Jess. And the show in general. I wanted Rory to end up with Jess obviously. I didn’t even need it to be obvious, just a couple of moments to show there was still something there, a final look and them maybe both admitting to Luke and Lorelai separately that there might be some feelings there. I could have coped with her ending up with Logan if that’s what Amy chose (although not after the affair) but the one thing I could not cope with and now have to is Jess still in love with Rory while she is indifferent to him. It is cruel on so many levels. I need him to be happy. If that’s without Rory then so be it but for the love of all that is good in the world don’t keep him in love with her. But she did and he is. Fuck me I’m heartbroken. That last look through the window will haunt me for the rest of my life. And now she’s fucking pregnant with Logan’s baby (no words) if Amy wants them to end up together in a Luke Lorelai situation then that’s the fucking worst. Jess bringing up Logan’s kid?! Not sure he would like that and he would definitely hate Logan being round all the time and I’m sure Logan would hate Jess bringing up his kid. It’s straight out of all the fanfictions I avoid because it’s my worst case scenario for them ending up together. Rory doesn’t deserve Jess. His love is too pure and her heart is too fickle. How could Amy do such injustice to a character she claims she loves so much?! 

My Literati heart is at war with itself. On the one hand its going there’s still a chance! He loves her, he could edit her book, he could be the Luke to her Lorelai and baby Rory, they can still live happily ever after. And on the other hand its telling Jess to run and never look back, she doesn’t deserve your heart, save it for someone who does. Jess is my favourite character. I just need him to be happy.

21. I got so excited about that longing look until i saw how much time there was left and then saw the ending and now that longing look is just painful.

20.  The Jess and Luke scenes were amazing. But WHY THE FUCK WAS JESS NOT AT THE WEDDING?!!! That will baffle me to the day I die. They woke Lane up but not Jess?! Fuck actor schedules. He should have been there. And why didn’t he stay at the dinner?! It’s common sense. Luke knows he struggles with Liz and T.J. so why would he make him stay there when there is an empty apartment ready for him?! Every fanfiction I have ever red has him stay at the apartment; no one ever makes him stay at his mums. I thought you knew these characters Amy. Apparently I was mistaken. 

21.  I needed closure. I did not get this. I am very upset about that.

Useful Tips for People with Borderline Personality Disorder: People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) usually exhibit behaviors, feelings and thoughts in drastic forms. Try these things to help you manage impulsive behavior and extreme thinking when dealing with BPD. Slowing down impulsiveness & Cooling down extreme thoughts:

  • When a question or comment upsets you, wait at least five seconds before responding and repeat “calm down” in your mind several times first.

  • When you feel a strong impulse, remind yourself that taking action at those times usually results in bad outcomes.

  • Discuss with your therapist any new, big plans you might have for your life before taking action.

  • Practice breathing exercises often.

  • When you have a hot thought, ask yourself how a friend or family member may look at the same issue differently.

  • When your thoughts are strong and extreme, ask yourself how you may view the triggering event six months down the road and notice the difference.

  • Remember that extreme words and phrases such as always, never, can’t stand it, awful, and horrible are almost always inaccurate. Try to find the shades of gray.

Today marks 9 months since I was admitted into Havenwyck Psychiatric Hospital. I was cutting every night, thinking about suicide every single day, drinking myself to death, smoking so much weed I was almost never sober, and popping so many pills I didn’t even know what I was taking half the time and I didn’t care. That’s the thing. I didn’t care. I didn’t care about myself. Not one bit. But, after 9 months of a lot of therapy, many different medications, and a lot of cognitive changes, I’m a lot better. I mean I obviously have my bad days, but who doesn’t? I realized that it was just a really fucking shitty patch in my life, and that it wasn’t a bad life all together. It gets better. It takes hard work, but it really does. Hang on and I promise you, it will get better. Just stay strong

help me afford therapy!!

hi my name is fen/trey, and im a 16 year old who really really needs therapy. i need “regular therapy” as well as gender therapy so that my insurance will let me get top surgery when the time comes. my mom is losing her job soon. we don’t know when she’ll be able to get a new one or what that would pay. i need therapy. ive relapsed after nearly 3 years and i can feel myself getting worse. my insurance is shit. even after insurance takes money off of therapy sessions, i still need to pay for gas to get there and to make up for the time off work to go to therapy. i also need money for my name change and testosterone supplies/prescriptions. i have a paypal and a cash.me set up. if you could reblog or donate at least $1, i’d be so grateful. thank you for reading this, please reblog if you can!!

CASH.ME - PAYPAL